Conquering Cancer

Through Faith In Christ

In all these things (including cancer)...
we are more than conquerors.
Romans 8:37
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Pearls




PEARLS: 12/18/18

REAL: (Concerning Jesus) declared to be the Son of God with power, according to the spirit of holiness, by the resurrection from the dead: Rom. 1:4

CULTURED: I have a great need for Christ; I have a great Christ for my need. Charles Spurgeon

:) Q: How did they send the turkey through the mail?

A: Bird class!


PEARLS: 12/17/18

REAL: But Ahaz said, I will not ask, neither will I tempt the LORD. And he said, Hear ye now, O house of David; Is it a small thing for you to weary men, but will ye weary my God also? Isa. 7:12-13

CULTURED: If we cannot claim to live sinless lives, then the only thing that can keep us from despairing before a holy God is that we have an Advocate in heaven and He pleads our case not on the basis of our perfection but of His propitiation. John Piper

:) Q: What is blue and goes ding dong?

A: An Avon lady at the North Pole!


PEARLS: 12/16/18

REAL: A third angel followed them and said in a loud voice: "If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives its mark on their forehead or on their hand, Rev. 14:9

CULTURED: In speaking of worship, you first need to know who you are worshipping. Anonymous

:) Q: Who was the drummer in the Thanksgiving band?

A: The turkey, because he had the drumsticks!





PEARLS: 12/15/18

REAL: What'd you go out in the desert to see? Luke 7:24b

CULTURED: Jesus is the Lion of Judah (Rev. 5:5) and the Lamb of God (Rev. 5:6) – He was lionhearted and lamblike, strong and meek, tough and tender. aggressive and responsive, bold and brokenhearted. He sets the pattern for manhood. John Piper

:) Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?

A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!


PEARLS: 12/14/18

REAL: Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice. Philippians 4:4

CULTURED: Jesus is moved to happiness every time He sees that you appreciate what He has done for you. Ole Hallesby

:) Q: What kind of car did the Pilgrim drive?

A: A Plymouth!


PEARLS: 12/13/18

REAL: I'll give you back you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes. Zephaniah 3:20

CULTURED: I don't care where it is, what part of the world it's in, if we have a praise church we'll have successful Christianity. Dwight L. Moody


:) Q: What type of key is not good for opening doors?

A: A Tur-key!


PEARLS: 12/12/18

REAL: And this is the promise that he made to us—eternal life. 1 John 2:25

CULTURED: Knowing that God is faithful, it really helps me to not be captivated by worry. But knowing that He will do what He has said, He will cause it to happen, whatever He has promised, and then it causes me to be less involved in worrying about a situation.

Josh McDowell

:) Q: Why do students always do so poorly after Thanksgiving?

A: Because everything gets marked down after the holidays!


PEARLS: 12/11/18

REAL: Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image. Genesis 9:6

CULTURED: "I do not believe the promises of the Declaration of Independence are just for the strong, the independent, the healthy. They are for everyone-including unborn children. George Bush

:) Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

A: Because then it would be a foot!


PEARLS: 12/10/18

REAL: Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10

CULTURED: So many things-nay every real thing-is good if only it will be humble and ordinate. C.S. Lewis


:) Q: Why did pilgrims' pants always fall down?

A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat!





PEARLS: 12/9/18

REAL: The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, Revelation 4:10


CULTURED: For the Christian, worship is co-extensive with life. Life is already an expression of worship. Ravi Zacharias

:) Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?

A: To get his teeth crowned!



PEARLS: 12/8/18


REAL: Prepare the way of the Lord. Luke 3:4b

CULTURED: God does more than hear our words. He reads our hearts. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Smile :) Dean Martin wanted an ocean front home. "A house on the rocks with water on the side!"


PEARLS: 12/718

REAL: In all my prayers for you I pray with joy. Philippians 1:4

CULTURED: True prayer is measured by weight, not by length. A single groan before God may have more fullness of prayer in it than a fine oration of great length. C. H. Spurgeon

:) Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?

A: The G


PEARLS: 12/6/18

REAL:I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Gal. 2:20

CULTURED: We owed a debt we couldn't pay; Jesus paid a debt He didn't owe. UNKNOWN

:) When your down by the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray!


PEARLS: 12/5/18

REAL: God cannot tell lies! And so His promises and vows are two things that can never be changed. We have run to God for safety. Now His promises should greatly encourage us to take hold of the hope that is right in front of us. Heb. 6:18

CULTURED: Nothing can tend so much to humble us before the mercy and justice of God as the consideration of His benefits and our own sins. Let us, then, consider what He has done for us, and what we have done against Him. St. Francis of Assisi

:) What do you call a kid whose afraid of Santa?

Claus-trophobic!


PEARLS: 12/4/18

REAL: This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50

CULTURED: The best praying man is the man who is most believingly familiar with the promises of God. Charles Spurgeon

:) How does the gingerbread boy make his bed?

With a cookie sheet!


PEARLS: 12/3/18

REAL: But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.

CULTURED: I tell you that Christ came as a servant of the Jews to show that God has kept the promises He made to their famous ancestors. Rom. 15:8a


:) Q: What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?

A: Keep your shirt on!


PEARLS: 12/2/18

REAL: And thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report that God is in you of a truth. 1Cor. 14:25

CULTURED: The worship of God is always a response to the Word of God. Scripture wonderfully directs and enriches our worship.

Author: John Stott

:) Q: What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

A: Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?


PEARLS: 12/1/18

REAL: I tell you if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out!" Luke 19:40

CULTURED: We need to discover all over again that worship is natural to the Christian, as it was to the godly Israelites who wrote the psalms, and that the habit of celebrating the greatness and graciousness of God yields an endless flow of thankfulness, joy, and zeal. J.I. Packer


:) Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?

A: I think I'm coming down with something!




PEARLS: 11/30/18

REAL: Night and day we pray more earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith. 1 Thessalonians 3:10



CULTURED: Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. Abraham Lincoln

:) Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

A: Because he was sitting on the deck!


PEARLS: 11/29/18

REAL: The days are coming... Jeremiah 33:14a

CULTURED: The United States is falling away from the very things that had made it what it was. What it is becoming is something to be feared. Adam Bradford

:) Q: Why was the belt arrested?

A: Because it held up some pants!


PEARLS: 11/28/18

REAL: The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

CULTURED: Gather the riches of God's promises. Nobody can take away from you those texts from the Bible which you have learned by heart.Corrie Ten Boom

:) Q: Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?

A: So he could loaf around!





PEARLS: 11/27/18

REAL: I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33

CULTURED: When the believer is faced with a decision regarding a questionable matter, he should never proceed unless he has complete peace about it. If there is nothing wrong with it, then God is able to give complete peace. Curtis Hutson

:) Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?

A: Stick with me and we will go places!



PEARLS: 11/26/18



REAL: And the beast was captured, and with it the false prophet who in its presence[a] had done the signs by which he deceived those who had received the mark of the beast and those who worshiped its image. These two were thrown alive into the lake of fire that burns with sulfur. Rev. 19:20

CULTURED: The more you trust in the arm of the flesh, the less you're going to see of the POWER of GOD. Paul Washer

:) Q: What part of the car is the laziest?

A: The wheels, because they are always tired!




PEARLS: 11/25/18



REAL: And again, when He bringeth in the first-begotten into the world, He saith, And let all the angels of God worship Him. Heb. 1:6



CULTURED: We may be truly said to worship God, though we lack perfection; but we cannot be said to worship Him if we lack sincerity. Stephen Charnock



:) Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because it was framed!


PEARLS: 11/24/18

REAL: Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. Mark 13:33

CULTURED: We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon. Jimmy Carter

:) Q: Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?

A: They had just finished a March of 31 days.



PEARLS: 11/23/18

REAL: Build yourself up in your most holy faith and pray... Jude 20

CULTURED: Talking to men for God is a great thing, but talking to God for men is greater still." E.M. Bounds

:) Q: Which hand is it better to write with?

A: Neither, it's best to write with a pen!



PEARLS: 11/22/18

REAL: O Give thanks unto the Lord for He is good and His love (mercy) endures forever. Psalm 136:1

CULTURED: It is only with gratitude that life becomes rich!" –Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Q: We're you long in the hospital?

A: No, I was the same size I am now!


PEARLS: 11/21/18

REAL: In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:4

CULTURED: Nothing is impossible for the people of God who trust in the power of God to accomplish the will of God. David Platt

:) Q: Why was the broom late?

A: It over swept!


PEARLS: 11/20/18

REAL: The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works. Psalm 145:9

CULTURED: The goodness of God is infinitely more wonderful than we will ever be able to comprehend. Aiden Wilson Tozer

:) Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?

A: So they can fight knights!


PEARLS: 11/19/18

REAL: And he said to her, "Your sins are forgiven. Luke 7:48

CULTURED: A forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the man. " ~ Henry Ward Beecher

:) Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?

A: Someday my prints will come!


PEARLS: 11/18/18

REAL: And again, when He bringeth in the firstbegotten into the world, He saith, And let all the angels of God worship Him. Heb. 1:6

CULTURED: We may be truly said to worship God, though we lack perfection; but we cannot be said to worship Him if we lack sincerity. Stephen Charnock

:) Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because it was framed!



PEARLS: 11/17/18

REAL: I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything-all she had to live on. Mark 12:43-44

CULTURED: The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" Martin Luther King Jr.

:) Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?

A: I'll meet you at the corner!



PEARLS: 11/16/18

REAL: But now He has appeared once and for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of Himself. Hebrews 9:26b

CULTURED: It does matter where you go to church, it does matter where you worship, it does matter where you lift your head, it does matter where you cry out to God. T.D. Jakes

:) Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?

A: Write on!


PEARLS: 11/15/18

REAL: I don't have any bread; only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. 1 Kings 17:12

CULTURED: Faith…involves trusting in the future promises of God and waiting for their fulfillment. R.C. Sproul

:) Q: What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?

A: Lonely!


PEARLS: 11/14/18

REAL: For if I do this voluntarily, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have a stewardship entrusted to me. 1 Corinthians 9:17

CULTURED: He who lays up treasures on earth spends his life backing away from his treasures. To him, death is loss. He who lays up treasures in heaven looks forward to eternity; he's moving daily toward his treasures. To him, death is gain. Randy Alcorn

:) Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?

A: A towel!






PEARLS: 11/13/18

REAL: I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High. Psalm 18:6

CULTURED: Remember who you are. Don't compromise for anyone, for any reason. You are a child of the Almighty God. Live that truth. Lysa Terkeurst

:) Q: What did one toilet say to the other?

A: You look a bit flushed!


PEARLS: 11/12/18

REAL: The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9


CULTURED: Gather the riches of God's promises. Nobody can take away from you those texts from the Bible which you have learned by heart.Corrie Ten Boom

:) Q: Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?

A: So he could loaf around!


PEARLS: 11/11/18

REAL: Hear the word of the LORD, all ye of Judah, that enter in at these gates to worship the LORD. Jer. 7:2b

CULTURED: When we really worship anything, we love not only its clearness but its obscurity. We exult in its very invisibility. G.K. Chesterton

:) Q: Why did the farmer ride his horse to town?

A: It was too heavy to carry!





PEARLS: 11/10/18

REAL: Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matt. 5:12

CULTURED: When you suffer and lose, that does not mean you are being disobedient to God. In fact, it might mean you're right in the centre of His will. The path of obedience is often marked by times of suffering and loss." ~ Chuck Swindoll

:) Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

A: Thar's gold in them thar fills!



PEARLS: 11/10/18

REAL: How great is the Father's love He lavished on us. 1 John 3:1-2

CULTURED: Legalism says God will love us if we change. The Gospel says God will change us because He loves us. Tullian Tchividjian

:) Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?

A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?


PEARLS: 11/9/18

REAL: "...and God will wipe all tears from their eyes." Rev. 7:17b

CULTURED: It's not about finding ways to avoid God's judgment and feeling like a failure if you don't do everything perfectly. It's about fully experiencing God's love and letting it perfect you. Stormie Omartian

:) Q: Why did the tree and the ship go to the dentist?

A: To get a root canal!


PEARLS: 11/8/18



REAL: Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you. 2 Tim. 1:14



CULTURED: Money is so intimately related to the possessor, that we cannot give money without giving ourselves. Unknown



:) Q: What do you call a happy cowboy?

A: A jolly rancher!





PEARLS: 11/7/18

REAL: Christ says "Yes" to all of God's promises. That's why we have Christ to say "Amen" for us to the glory of God. 2 Cor. 1:14

CULTURED: At any moment we can demonstrate our faith by taking action that shows our belief in God's promises! Alisa Hope Wagner

:) (Child's understanding of a Bible section) One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan!


PEARLS: 11/6/18

REAL: God made great and marvelous promises, so that his nature would become part of us. Then we could escape our evil desires and the corrupt influences of this world. 2 Pet. 1:4

CULTURED: God never made a promise that was too good to be true. Dwight L. Moody

:) Q: How did the farmer mend his pants?

A: With cabbage patches!


PEARLS: 11/5/18

REAL: Since you're living on land that once belonged to the Amorites, maybe you'll worship their gods. I won't. My family and I are going to worship and obey the LORD! Joshua 24:15

CULTURED: Every choice you make has an end result. Zig Ziglar

:) (What children said about parts of the Bible) Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines!


PEARLS: 11/4/18

REAL: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and with all your mind and strength [and]... love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:30-31

CULTURED: If you contemplate the Golden Rule, it turns out to be an injunction to live by grace rather than by what you think other people deserve. Deepak Chopra

:) Q: What kind of car does a farmer drive?

A: A cornvertable!



PEARLS: 11/3/18

REAL: When Christ came as High Priest.. Hebrews 9:11a

CULTURED: In his life Christ is an example showing us how to live in his death he is a sacrifice satisfying our sins in his resurrection a conqueror in his ascension a king in his intercession a High Priest. Martin Luther

:) (Children saying how they heard various scripture & repeating it) A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony!


PEARLS: 11/2/18

REAL: Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Deuteronomy 6:9

CULTURED: The absence of [Christian] symbols in our life debases it as much as any government can. Josephin Peladan

:) (Child's interpretation of the Golden Rule) The Golden Rule says do one to others before they do one to you!


PEARLS: 11/1/18

REAL: Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy. 1 Cor. 4:1-2

CULTURED: To be dishonest means that you've gone outside the structure of God's word in making financial decisions: you've cheated another person and, in reality, you've cheated God. Larry Burkett

:) Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

A: The scientists were brainstorming!



PEARLS: 10/31/18

REAL: Be patient like those farmers and don't give up. The Lord will soon be here! James 5:8

CULTURED: He that can have patience [in the Lord] can have what he will. Benjamin Franklin

:) Q: Why did the book join the police?

A: He wanted to go undercover!



PEARLS: 10/30/18

REAL: Your money has rusted, and the rust will be evidence against you, as it burns your body like fire. Yet you keep on storing up wealth in these last days. James 5:3

CULTURED: Do what you love and the money will follow. But love money & nothing will follow. Marsha Sinetar & Anonymous

:) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion!


PEARLS: 10/29/18

REAL: Your money has rusted, and the rust will be evidence against you, as it burns your body like fire. Yet you keep on storing up wealth in these last days. James 5:3

CULTURED: Do what you love and the money will follow. But love money & nothing will follow. Marsha Sinetar & Anonymous

:) Q: Why did the policeman go to the baseball game?

A: He heard someone had stolen a base!


PEARLS: 10/28/18

REAL: Now therefore, I pray thee, pardon my sin, and turn again with me, that I may worship the LORD. 1 Sam. 15:25

CULTURED: Of all the things Christ wants for us, loving Him and focusing our attention on Him are the most important. Charles Stanley

:) The following statements about the Bible were written by children...Joshua fit the battle of Geritol!


PEARLS: 10/27/18

REAL: And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free...If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. John 3:32, 36

CULTURED: God had spoken to His people through His Word. It had humbled them in their sins, but it also had lifted them up to see the grace and mercy of God, and then had directed them into a new life of obedience. Colin S. Smith

:) Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?

A: To the dock!






PEARLS: 10/26/18

REAL: Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law. Rom. 3:28

CULTURED: To the degree we're not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves. [Thus God's justification of us is our comfort] Peter McWilliams

:) Q: Why did Beethoven & Mozart get rid of his chickens?

A: They kept saying Bach, Bach!



PEARLS: 10/25/18

REAL: And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to Him; Rev. 14:6

CULTURED: The more you pray, the less you'll panic. The more you worship, the less you worry. You'll feel more patient and less pressured. Rick Warren

:) Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to her music?

A: Because she broke the record!


PEARLS: 10/24/18

REAL: Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. Prov. 15:17

CULTURED: As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison. Nelson Mandela

:) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart!



PEARLS: 10/23/18

REAL: So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God. Mark 16:19

CULTURED: We fear men so much, because we fear God so little. William Gurnall

:) Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?

A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.


PEARLS: 10/22/18

REAL: How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God. Mark 10:23



CULTURED: If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself. Stephen Colbert


:) Q: What time do you go to the dentist?

A: Tooth-Hurty!






PEARLS: 10/21/18

REAL: And the four and twenty elders, which sat before God on their seats, fell upon their faces, and worshipped God. Revelation 11:16

CULTURED: If we cannot comprehend we can perhaps apprehend, at least enough to adore.Dale Ralph Davis


:) A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering!



PEARLS: 10/20/18

REAL: Let us make every effort therefore, to enter into that rest. Hebrews 4:11



CULTURED: Rest time is not waste time. It is economy to gather fresh strength… It is wisdom to take occasional furlough. In the long run, we shall do more by sometimes doing less. Charles Spurgeon

:) Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?

A: Twister!



PEARLS: 10/18/18

REAL: As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them. Ecclesiastes 5:11


CULTURED: Do not wade far out into the dangerous sea of this world's comfort. Take the good that God provides you, but say of it, "It passeth away;" for, indeed, it is but a temporary supply for a temporary need. Never suffer your goods to become your God. Charles Spurgeon

:) Q: What makes pirates such good singers?

A: They can hit the high Cs!



PEARLS: 10/17/18

REAL: Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him, That glory may dwell in our land. Psalm 85:9



CULTURED: TO fear God, is one of the first and greatest Duties of his rational Creatures. Charles Ingles

:) Q: What makes music on your head?

A: A head band!



PEARLS: 10/16/18

REAL: For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 3:13

CULTURED: Poverty is not God's norm, but neither is lavishness. Larry Burkett

:) Q: What type of music are balloons scared of?

A: Pop music!


PEARLS: 10/15/18

REAL: And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen. John 21:25

CULTURED: When we neglect our Bible study we often feel guilty. When you skip a meal do you feel guilty? No, you feel hungry. The Bible is food for our soul. When we fail to read it we should not feel guilty, we should feel hungry. Guilt is fueled by obligation hunger is fueled by desire. Tyler Edwards

:) Q: What kind of shorts to clouds wear?

A: Thunderwear!


PEARLS: 10/14/18

REAL: And there were certain Greeks among them that came up to worship at the feast: John 12:20

CULTURED: We are never nearer Christ than when we find ourselves lost in a holy amazement at His unspeakable love [in worship]. John Owen

:) Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?

A: She braces herself!


PEARLS: 10/13/18

EAL: Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life? Mark 10:17b

CULTURED: It is just as crazy not to be crazy about Christ as it is to be crazy about anything else. Peter Kreeft

:) Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?

A: A molar bear!



PEARLS: 10/12/18

REAL: But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today...Today if you hear His voice don't harden your hearts. Hebrews 3:13a, 15a

CULTURED: Instruction does much, but encouragement everything. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

:) Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?

A: Fill me in when you get back!


PEARLS: 10/11/18

REAL: Seek the Lord and live...Seek good not evil that you may live...hate evil, love good. Amos 5:6a, 14a, 15a

CULTURED: Let him who walks in darkness and no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. People of Christ

:) Church sign: (not meant to be political) Please turn to the right.

It'll be the right turn!


PEARLS: 10/10/18

REAL: Therefore if I know not the meaning of the voice, I shall be unto him that speaketh a barbarian, and he that speaketh shall be a barbarian unto me. 1Cor. 14:11

CULTURED: Latin is a dead tongue And Romans made songs! Then no one disagree: It delighted them in theory Now it's "the Latin" in me. Ana Claudia

:) In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes!


PEARLS: 10/9/18

REAL: Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. Eccl. 7:3

CULTURED: Since our society equates happiness with youth, we often assume that sorrow, quiet desperation, and hopelessness go hand in hand with getting older. They don't. Emotional pain or numbness are symptoms of living the wrong life, not a long life. Martha Beck

:) A lot of money is tainted -Taint yours and taint mine!





PEARLS: 10/8/18 Why Pearls to begin with?

(The Real Pearl is based on Isaiah 55:11-'My Word will not return void but accomplish the purpose for which I send it.')

REAL: He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit, And he who cares for his master will be honored. Prov.27:18

CULTURED: All of us can learn good stewardship by enacting the following: Spend Less than You Earn, Give Generously, Avoid Debt, Plan for Financial Margin, and Set Long Term Goals. Ron Blue (and give an account daily to God for your spending-Anonymous)

:) Times were tough at the guillotine factory. They were forced to make deep cuts and many heads rolled!


PEARLS: 10/7/18

REAL: Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest. Revelation 14:9

CULTURED: so many today are worshiping in the mountains, big churches, stone and frame buildings. But Jesus teaches that salvation is not in these stone structures--not in the mountains--not in the hills, but in God. William J. Seymour

:) Remember, no matter how far you push the envelope, it will still be stationery!


PEARLS: 10/6/18

REAL: Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:9

CULTURED: As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two. Thomas Adams

:) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana!



PEARLS: 10/5/18

REAL: We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. Hebrews 2:1

CULTURED: If you're sincerely seeking God, God will make His existence evident to you. William Lane Craig

:) Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on ahead!'


PEARLS: 10/4/18

REAL: He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit, And he who cares for his master will be honored. Prov.27:18

CULTURED: All of us can learn good stewardship by enacting the following: Spend Less than You Earn, Give Generously, Avoid Debt, Plan for Financial Margin, and Set Long Term Goals. Ron Blue (and give an account daily to God for your spending-Anonymous)

:) The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered!


PEARLS: 10/3/18

For many are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." Luke 7:47

CULTURED: When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines not only upon you but through you. Anonymous

:) If you don't pay an exorcist, you get repossessed!


PEARLS: 10/1/18

REAL: For he will be great before the Lord. And he must not drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb. Luke 1:15

CULTURED: The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government." – Thomas Jefferson

:) A backward poet writes inverse!



PEARLS: 9/30/18

REAL: Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me. Matt. 15:25

CULTURED: The foundation of true holiness and true Christian worship is the doctrine of the gospel, what we are to believe. So when Christian doctrine is neglected, forsaken, or corrupted, true holiness and worship will also be neglected, forsaken, and corrupted. John Owen

:) Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano?

A: I lava you!


PEARLS: 9/29/18

REAL: Everyone will be salted by fire. Salt is good...Have salt in yourselves and be at peace with one another. Mark 9:50

CULTURED: What! At peace with the Father, and at war with His Children? It cannot be. John Flavel

:) Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?

A: A warm back!


PEARLS: 9/28/18

REAL: The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16b

CULTURED: Don't pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees. Corrie ten Boom

:) Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?

A: It's been nice gnawing you!






PEARLS: 9/27/18

REAL: Bring me 70 of Israel's elders...I'll take of The Spirit on you and put The Spirit on them. Numbers 11:16-17

CULTURED: Without the Holy Spirit we can do nothing. We are like ships without the wind. Charles Spurgeon

:) Q: How can you tell that a tree is a dogwood tree?

A: By its bark!



PEARLS: 9/26/18

REAL: But for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings; and you will go forth and skip about like calves from the stall. Malachi 4:2

CULTURED: The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else. Oswald Chambers

:) Q: Why did the leaf go to the doctor?

A: It was feeling green!


PEARLS: 9/25/18

REAL: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

CULTURED: Forgiving and being forgiven are two names for the same thing. The important thing is that a discord has been resolved." ~ C.S. Lewis

:) Most recent church sign: ATM inside. (Acceptance Trust Forgiveness) No card needed!



PEARLS: 9/24/18

REAL: So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God. Rom. 14:12

CULTURED: He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose. Missionary Jim Elliott

:) A rubber‐band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon

of math disruption!



PEARLS: 9/23/18

REAL: And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship Him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world. Revelation 13:8

CULTURED: Should I worship Him from fear of hell, may I be cast into it. Should I serve Him from desire of gaining heaven, may He keep me out. But should I worship Him from love alone, He reveals Himself to me, that my whole heart may be filled with His love and presence. Sadhu Sundar Singh

:) Q: What is a tree's least favorite month? A: Sep-timber!

Q: What bow can't be tied? A: A rainbow!



PEARLS: 9/22/18

REAL: Whoever welcomes one of these little children welcomes me. Mark 9:37a

CULTURED: (for the unbeliever or we in our fallen nature) God invites. We decline. And because of that single foolhardy decision we spend the rest of our lives 'declining'. Craig D. Lounsbrough

:) Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano?

A: I lava you!



PEARLS: 9/21/18

REAL: Come near to God and He will come near to you. James 4:8

CULTURED: Nearer My God To Thee. Sarah Flower Adams (the same hymn played as the Titanic sank!)

:) She was, only a whisky--‐maker, but he loved her still!


PEARLS: 9/20/18

REAL: ...let me see your vengeance upon them for to you I've committed my cause. Jeremiah 11:20

CULTURED: And now...farewell to kindness, humanity and gratitude. I have substituted myself for Providence in rewarding the good; may the God of vengeance now yield me His place to punish the wicked. Alexandre Dumas,

:) Q: What did the little tree say to the big tree?

A: Leaf me alone!


PEARLS: 9/18/18

REAL: Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the Name. Acts 5:41

CULTURED: If Christ is God, He cannot sin, and if suffering was a sin in and by itself, He could not have suffered and died for us. However, since He took the most horrific death to redeem us, He showed us in fact that suffering and pain have great power. E.A. Bucchianeri

:) Q: How do trees get on the internet?

A: They log in!






PEARLS: 9/18/18

REAL: Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Cor. 9:7

CULTURED: The happiest people on earth are the people who have discovered the joy of giving. Unknown

:) Q: What kind of tree can fit into your hand?

A: A palm tree!



PEARLS: 9/17/18

REAL: "But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment.

CULTURED: You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say. Martin Luther

:) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly,

it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too! (a repeat, nevertheless, a good one!)

PEARLS: 9/16/18



REAL: For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Phil. 3:3



CULTURED: It is one thing for the living water to descend from Christ into the heart, and another thing how--when it has descended--it moves the heart to worship. All power of worship in the soul, is the result of the waters flowing into it, and their flowing back again to God. G.V. Wigram



Smile Dijon vu - the same mustard as before!



PEARLS: 9/15/18

REAL: For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Phil. 3:3

CULTURED: It is one thing for the living water to descend from Christ into the heart, and another thing how--when it has descended--it moves the heart to worship. All power of worship in the soul, is the result of the waters flowing into it, and their flowing back again to God. G.V. Wigram

:) Dijon vu - the same mustard as before!


PEARLS: 9/15/18

REAL: I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief. Mark 9:24b

CULTURED: Fear God and work hard. David Livingstone

:) Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says,' I've lost my electron.'

The

other

says,

'Are

you

sure?'

The

first

replies,

'Yes,

I'm

positive!'


PEARLS: 9/14/18

REAL: It (the tongue) corrupts the whole person. James 3:6

CULTURED: The true test of a man's spirituality is not his ability to speak, as we are apt to think, but rather his ability to bridle his tongue. R. Kent Hughes

:) Dr. You're sick Bill! You have the Righteous Brothers Syndrome!

Bill: How do you mean?

Dr. You've Lost that lovin' feeling!


PEARLS: 9/13/18

REAL: Therefore, I have set my face like flint." Isaiah 50:7

CULTURED: The world tells us to find the power within ourselves. God's Word teaches otherwise. It is the Lord's power that gives the ability to overcome. Dillon Burroughs

:) Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root--‐canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication!


PEARLS: 9/12/18

REAL: From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more. Luke 12:48

CULTURED: The best strategy for giving is a two-fold approach: a basic plan combined with a willingness to consider spontaneous giving when unique opportunities arise. Andy Stanley

:) Q: What did the tree do when the bank closed?

A: It started a new branch!


PEARLS: 9/11/18

REAL: May the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 5:23

CULTURED: I know the resurrection is a fact, and Watergate proved it to me. How? Because 12 men testified they had seen Jesus raised from the dead, then they proclaimed that truth for 40 years, never once denying it. Every one was beaten, tortured, stoned and put in prison. They would not have endured that if it weren't true. Chuck Colson

:) Q: How do hurricanes see?

A: With one eye!


PEARLS: 9/10/18

REAL: Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites...These people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from Me.' Mark 7:6



CULTURED: The Christian must treat his enemy as a brother, and requite his hostility with love. His behavior must be determined not by the way others treat him, but by the treatment he himself receives from Jesus; it has only one source, and that is the will of Jesus. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Where does George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies!



PEARLS: 9/9/18

REAL: And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. Luke 24:52

CULTURED: Lawful worship consists in obedience alone. John Calvin

:) Q: Why did the pine tree get into trouble?

A: Because it was being knotty!



PEARLS: 9/8/18

REAL: "He's done everything well!" Mark 7:37



CULTURED: Grace is a person. And his name is Jesus. Judah Smith,

:) What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons-Jose (Hose-A) and Hose-B? "My name, Jose Jimenez!" (Most people thought he was a comedian)!


PEARLS: 9/7/18

REAL: As believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. James 2:1

CULTURED: If you're black in America, race is a factor in your life.

Start with that assumption. Henry Hampton

:) I thought I saw an eye--‐doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical

Aleutian!


PEARLS: 9/6/18

REAL: Be strong and do not fear; your God will come...He will come to save you. Isaiah 35:4



CULTURED: Our trust of our Heavenly Father is much like when a child leaps into a father's arms at the edge of a swimming pool! Anonymous

:) Would you like to hear the joke about the window?

Aw, you'd see right through it!


PEARLS: 9/5/18

REAL: but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. Philemon 1:14

CULTURED: Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is for goodness. Billy Graham

:) Did you hear the joke about the rope?

Aw, skip it!


PEARLS: 9/4/18

REAL: Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matt. 6:15

CULTURED: "Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ~ Corrie Ten Boom

:) Q: When does a doctor get mad?

A: When he runs out of patients!


PEARLS: 9/3/18

REAL: ...and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 2 Tim. 3:15

CULTURED: Just hold onto a childlike faith. Some of His mysteries are too great to comprehend and need the trust like a child has for a parent. Anonymous

:) Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

A: You can't tuna fish!



PEARLS: 9/2/18

REAL: And there was given me a reed like unto a rod: and the angel stood, saying, Rise, and measure the temple of God, and the altar, and them that worship therein. Revelation 11:1

CULTURE: worship an increased power steals its way into the heart sanctuary, an increased compassion grows in the soul. To worship is to change. Richard J. Foster

:) Q: What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?

A: A moo-sician



PEARLS: 9/1/18

REAL: For from within, out of men's hearts come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, thefts, greed, etc...All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean. Mark 7:21-23

CULTURED: All cruelty springs from weakness. Seneca

:) What do you call a deer that can't see?

No idea? (No-eye-deer)?


PEARLS: 8/31/18

REAL: Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the evil day comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

CULTURED: When we learn how to battle with the sword of the Spirit, with its two edges of the Word and God's Holy Spirit, the enemy will flee before us. Linda Evans Shepherd

:) Q: Why did the girl sit on the ladder to sing?

A: She wanted to reach the high notes!



PEARLS: 8/30/18

REAL: Don't forget what your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Deuteronomy 4:9

CULTURED: Jesus is God's way of refusing to give up his dream for the world. Rob Bell

:) Q: What has forty feet and sings?

A: The school choir!



PEARLS: 8/29/18

REAL: When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

CULTURED: A true genius admits that he/she knows nothing. Albert Einstein

:) Q: What part of the turkey is musical?

A: The drumstick!


PEARLS: 8/28/18

REAL: The children struggled together within her, and she said, "If it is thus, why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the LORD. Genesis 25:22

CULTURED: Part of humility is taking responsibility for my sin and asking forgiveness even when it doesn't feel good. God wants to heal and restore your relationships, but it's not easy. Chip Ingram

:) Q: What happens when the fog disperses in California?

A: UCLA!


PEARLS: 8/27/18

REAL: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

CULTURED: I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him. C.S. Lewis

:) Q: Who does everyone listen to, but no one believes?

A: The weather reporter!



PEARLS: 8/26/18

REAL: Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to Him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship Him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters. Revelation 14:7


CULTURED: A true love of God must begin with a delight in his holiness.Jonathan Edwards

:) Q: How hot is it?

A: It's so hot, when I turned on my lawn sprinkler, all I got was steam!



PEARLS: 8/25/18

REAL: Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites...These people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from Me.' Mark 7:6



CULTURED: The Christian must treat his enemy as a brother, and requite his hostility with love. His behavior must be determined not by the way others treat him, but by the treatment he himself receives from Jesus; it has only one source, and that is the will of Jesus. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Where does George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies!


PEARLS: 8/24/18

REAL: Wives, submit unto your husbands as to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives. Eph. 5:22a, 25a

CULTURED: Only look down on someone when helping them up. ANONYMOUS

:) Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?

A: You're behavior is shocking!



PEARLS: 8/23/18

REAL: Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, He did not make me." Isaiah 29:16



CULTURED: There are those who criticize everything. There are those who appreciate everything because no matter what, they are able to recognize the blessings of God around them, always. Terry Mark

:) The first person to mass produce candies made a mint!


PEARLS: 8/22/18

REAL: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 1 Cor. 13:11

CULTURED: When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.' When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. C.S. Lewis

:) When I was a child, I spake as a child. When I grew up, I put away childish things, and put them away, and put them away, and put them away! Herb Nordmeyer



PEARLS: 8/21/18

REAL: Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. Gen. 2:15

CULTURED: Be wise and attend to obeying. Let Christ manage the providing. Charles Spurgeon

:) Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

A: He was feeling really crumbie!


PEARLS: 8/20/18

REAL: Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. Ephesians 5:21



CULTURED: No woman wants to be in submission to man who will not be submissive to god. t.d. jakes



:) Q: What did on tonsil say to the other tonsil?

A: Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!


PEARLS: 8/18/18

REAL: Then saith he unto me, See thou do it not: for I am thy fellow-servant, and of thy brethren the prophets, and of them which keep the sayings of this Book: worship God. Revelation 22:9

CULTURED: I believe that in public worship we should do well to be bound by no human rules, and constrained by no stereotyped order. Charles Spurgeon

:) Q: Did you hear the one about the germ?

A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around



PEARLS: 8/18/18

REAL: For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. John 6:55

CULTURED: Our human perceptions see bread and wine, but we know through faith that Christ is truly present. Ignatius of Antioch

:) Patient: "Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth!" Dr..."Get out of my light!"


PEARLS: 8/17/18


REAL: Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. Ephesians 5:21

CULTURED:No woman wants to be in subjection to a man who isn't submissive to God. T.A. Jakes

Smile Q: What did on tonsil say to the other tonsil?

A: Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!



PEARLS: 8/16/18

REAL: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Proverbs 9:10a



CULTURED: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the beginning of 'Godly sanity.' Anonymous

:) Q: Can you spell rotted with two letters?

A: DK (decay)



PEARLS: 8/15/18

REAL: Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Psalms 51:5

CULTURED: "The fight for the right to life is not the cause of a special few, but the cause of every man, woman and child who cares not only about his or her own family, but the whole family of man." – Dr. Mildred Jefferson

:) Q: How many months have 28 days? A...All of them!



PEARLS: 8/14/18

REAL: But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 18:21-22

CULTURED: Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude. Martin Luther King

:) Q: What do you call a flying police officer?

A: A helicopter!



PEARLS: 8/13/18

REAL: For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. Matt. 25:39

CULTURED: Abundance isn't God's provision for me to live in luxury. It's his provision for me to help others live. God entrusts me with his money not to build my kingdom on earth, but to build his kingdom in heaven. Randy Alcorn

:) Q: What starts with a P and ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

A: Post Office!



PEARLS: 8/12/18

REAL: But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped Him, Mark 5:6

CULTURED: Worship is our response to the overtures of love from the heart of the Father. Its central reality is found 'in spirit and truth.' It is kindled within us only when the Spirit of God touches our human spirit. Richard J. Foster

:) Q: Does your shirt have holes in it?

A: No, then how did you put it on?



PEARLS: 8/11/18

REAL: I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to me will never go hungry. John 6:35a

CULTURED: Be the one who walks with the Lord. Shellie Palmer

:) When the human cannonball retired they could not find a replacement of the right caliber!



PEARLS: 8/10/18

REAL: and put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:24

CULTURED: True honor is an outflow from a heart that fears God. John Bevere

:) I think there are one to two million baseball fields in the world….but that's just a ballpark number!


PEARLS: 8/9/18

REAL: So he got up, ate and drank. Strengthened by that food he traveled...1 Kings 19:8a

CULTURED: Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else, and give like no one else. Dave Ramsey

:) Marriage is like playing the harp. It looks easy until you try it!



PEARLS: 8/8/18

REAL: The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. Psalm 34:7

CULTURED: It is man's duty to love and to fear God, even without hope of reward or fear of punishment. Maimonides

:) Q: Why are harps like elderly parents? A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.



PEARLS: 8/7/18

REAL: May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Psalm 141:2

CULTURED: Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons, but they are helpless against our prayers. Sidlow Baxter


:) Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play? A. Moving targets are harder to hit!



PEARLS: 8/6/18

REAL: And [the demon]cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. Mark 5:7

CULTURED: Even demons get one right now and then. Anonymous

:) Q: How did the farmer mend his pants?

A: With cabbage patches!



PEARLS: 8/5/18

REAL: And I John saw these things, and heard them. And when I had heard and seen, I fell down to worship before the feet of the angel which shewed me these things. Rev. 22:8

CULTURED: God wants us to worship Him. He doesn't need us, for He couldn't be a self-sufficient God and need anything or anybody, but He wants us. When Adam sinned it was not He who cried, "God, where art Thou?" It was God who cried, "Adam, where art thou?" A.W. Tozer

:) Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

A: The scientists were brainstorming!


PEARLS: 8/4/18

REAL: Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures for eternal life. John 6:26

CULTURED: No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another. Charles Dickens

:) In order to save a few $$ painting the exterior of the church, the council decided to water down the paint to make it go further. A few days after completion, a rain storm came through washing away much of what had been done. During the storm it was said that a loud clap of thunder could be heard followed by these words coming out of the clouds: "REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!" (Submitted by Mark Stoltnow)



PEARLS: 8/3/18

REAL: Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:3

CULTURED: As we pour out our bitterness, God pours in his peace. F.B. Meyer

:) Q: Why did the book join the police?

A: He wanted to go undercover!

PEARLS: 8/2/18

REAL: You've brought us out into the desert to starve this entire assembly to death. Exodus 16:3

CULTURED: Henceforth the majesty of God revere; fear Him, and you have nothing else to fear. Jean Racine

:) Q: When does a cart come before a horse?

A: In the dictionary!


PEARLS: 8/1/18

REAL: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

CULTURED: The right to life is the first among human rights. Pope Francis

:) Q-How does a Romulan frog camophlage itself? A-With a CROAKING device! (submitted by Deb Buch)


PEARLS: 7/31/18

REAL: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

CULTURED: As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on thing and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you.

C.S. Lewis

:) Savings offered inside. No coupons required!


PEARLS: 7/30/18

REAL: You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. Exodus 18:18

CULTURED: The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it. Theodore Roosevelt

:) Dr. Why are you calling me instead of coming in? Patient: I think I have the Bee Gee's syndrome?

Dr. What? Patient: Yes, and that's why I 'Gotta Get a Message to You!'


PEARLS: 7/29/18

REAL: And all the angels stood round about the throne, and about the elders and the four beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God, Revelation 7:11

CULTURED: when he sees something great that calls forth his admiration or his worship. That is the only way worshippers are made. Worship answers to greatness. Tom Wells


:)Q...Where do bees go to the bathroom? A...the BP station 😝



PEARLS: 7/28/18

REAL: Then He climbed into the boat with them and the wind died down. Mark 6:51

CULTURED: Fear God, yes, but don't be afraid of Him. J. A. Spender

:) What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? ...Nothing, just waved!


PEARLS: 7/27/18

REAL: Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to His power that's working in us, to Him be glory...forever and ever, Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

CULTURED: One reason many people never see God working in their lives is because they never hang in long enough for God to show His power. Wayne Stiles

:) Patient...Thanks Doctor.

Dr: For what? I haven't even given you my diagnosis yet!

Patient: For healing me, I'm obviously not sick!

Dr. WRONG! You have Amy Grant's disease!

Patient: What! What's that?

Dr. You...Give thanks with a grateful heart...b4 you even know what u have!



PEARLS: 7/26/18

REAL: I have set my rainbow in the clouds....remember. Genesis 9:13, 16

CULTURED: God holds the entire universe and it's inhabitants with His mighty right hand of righteous. Euginia Herlihy

:) Q: What do you call an underwater spy?

A: James Pond!



PEARLS: 7/25/18

REAL: How great is Your goodness, Which You have stored up for those who fear You, Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You, before the sons of men! Psalm 31:19

CULTURED: The person who fears God seeks to live all of life to the glory of God... All the activities of life should be pursued with the aim of glorifying God. Jerry Bridges

:) Patient: Give God an inch and he might become your Ruler!





PEARLS: 7/24/18

REAL: Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all." Mark 9:35

CULTURED: I am persuaded that love and humility are the highest attainments in the school of Christ and the brightest evidences that He is indeed our Master. John Newton

:) Q: What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?

A: A hole!





PEARLS: 7/23/18

REAL: And when he had taken the five loaves and the two fishes, he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and brake the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before them; and the two fishes divided he among them all. Mark 6:41

CULTURED: It is not the objective proof of God's existence that we want but the experience of God's presence. That is the miracle we are really after, and that is also, I think, the miracle that we really get. Frederick Buechner

:) Q: What do lawyers wear to court?

A: Lawsuits!


PEARLS: Worship the Lord thy God and Him only shalt thou serve. Matt. 4:10

CULTURED: Worship is part of life. It's like breathing. Anon.

:) Q: Where does success come before work?

A: Only in the dictionary!


PEARLS: 7/21/18

REAL: I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old." Psalm 77:11 (ESV)

CULTURED: If worship leaders only worship when they lead, they are not worshippers. They are mere musicians. Bill Johnson

:) Q: What goes up, but never comes down?

A: Your age!



PEARLS: 7/20/18

REAL: Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Mark 6:31b



CULTURED: GOD CANNOT GIVE US A HAPPINESS AND PEACE APART FROM HIMSELF, BECAUSE IT IS NOT THERE. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. C.S. LEWIS

:) Q: The turtle took two chocolates to Texas to teach Thomas to tie his boots. How many T's in that? A: There are 2 T's in THAT!


PEARLS: 7/20/18

REAL: For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the diving wall of hostility Ephesians 2:14



CULTURED: THE FOUNDATION OF THE CHRISTIAN'S PEACE IS EVERLASTING; IT IS WHAT NO TIME, NO CHANGE CAN DESTROY. IT IS COMFORT AND JOY IS A LIVING SPRING IN THE SOUL, A WELL OF WATER SPRINGING UP TO EVERLASTING LIFE. JONATHAN EDWARDS

:) Q: What English word has three consecutive double letters?

A: Bookkeeper



PEARLS: 7/19/18

REAL: Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!" declares the Lord. Jeremiah 23:1

CULTURED: Sometimes it's about knowing people, all of the time, it's about knowing God! Chinonye J. Chidolue

:) Patient...Hey Doc, What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?

DR...A penny! Which reminds me, you have Bing Crosby Syndrome.

Patient: What?!

Dr...That's right, all you think about are pennies..(you guessed it!)...from heaven!"



PEARLS: 7/18/18

REAL: Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41

CULTURED: God shapes the world by prayer. The more prayer there is in the world the better the world will be, the mightier the forces of against evil …" E.M. Bounds

:) Q: What is the center of gravity?

A: The letter V!



PEARLS: 7/17/18

REAL: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. Corinthians 5:17

CULTURED: We're all human, aren't we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." – J.K. Rowling

:) Q: If you were in a race and passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in?

A: 2nd place!



PEARLS: 7/16/18

REAL: He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under His control. Philippians 3:21

CULTURED: Evil is real—but so is God's power and love. Billy Graham

:) Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!


PEARLS: 7/15/18

REAL: Fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed the burnt offering and the fat portions on the altar. And when all the people saw it, they shouted for joy and fell facedown." Leviticus 9:24

CULTURED: Surely that which occupies the total time and energies of heaven must be a fitting pattern for [worship on] earth. Paul E. Billheimer

:) Why can't pigs learn tricks? Because they're pig-headed!





PEARLS: 7/13/18

REAL: For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the diving wall of hostility. Ephesians 2:14

CULTURED: CHRIST DIED. HE LEFT NOT SILVER OR GOLD, BUT SOMETHING FAR BETTER – HIS PEACE! MATTHEW HENRY

:) :) Philosopher: A stranger is a person one has not yet met!

Frank Sinatra: Like strangers in the night? (Do-be-do-be doo!)

PEARLS: 7/12/18



REAL: Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!" declares the Lord. Jeremiah 23:1



CULTURED: We must fear God out of love, not love Him out of fear. Saint Francis de Sales



Smile DR...You sure are a hard nut to crack and diagnose!

Patient: That's because I am a rock. I am an island!


PEARLS: 7/11/18

REAL: But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace. Galatians 1:15

CULTURED: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future. Lord of the Rings Movie

:) Dr. I know what your problem is?

Patient: How? You haven't even heard me nor have you looked at me!

DR. I heard it through the grapevine!


PEARLS: 7/10/18

REAL: Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer! Psalm 4:1

CULTURED: Prayer doesn't change the purpose of God, but prayer can change the action of God. Chuck Smith

:) Exposure to the Son prevents burning!

PEARLS: 7/9/18



REAL: A man's pride shall bring him low: but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.Prov. 29:23



CULTURED: True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Rick Warren



Smile Dr....Don't think less of yourself. Think of yourself less!

Patient: That seems like a strange remedy? What's your understanding of my condition for I came here with a bad cold?

Dr....You have Vanity Syndrome?

Patient: What? What proof do you have?

Dr....Last night at the Cinematographer's shindig...You walked into the party, as though you were walking unto a yacht!..With one eye in the mirror, you watched yourself go by!"



PEARLS: 7/8/18

REAL: "Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples!" Psalm 105:1 (NKJV)

CULTURED: And what greater calamity can fall upon a nation than the loss of worship." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

A: Sue! (and his son Johnny Cash too!)


PEARLS: 7/7/18

REAL: A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.... and began to send them forth by two and two; and gave them power over unclean spirits. Mark 6:4 & 7

CULTURED: We must be global Christians with a global vision because our God is a global God. John R.W. Stott

:) Q...What did the hamburger name his daughter? A... Patty


PEARLS: 7/6/18

REAL: Isn't this the carpenter? Mark 6:3a



CULTURED: Lies sound like facts to those who've been conditioned to mis-recognize the truth.[Jesus] DaShanne Stokes

:) Q: How many books can you put into an empty backpack?

A: One! After that it's not empty!


PEARLS: 7/5/18

REAL: My grace is sufficient for you. 2 Corinthians 12:9



CULTURED: My grace is sufficient for thee. The words soothed her soul like a healing balm. J.E.B. Spredemann

:) Patient: Since I started listening to the Beatles, I givn up all hope!

What's the Beatles have to do with it!

Patient: Well, at first, all my troubles seemed so far away! But now I know they're here to stay!


PEARLS: 7/4/18

REAL: Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom he has chosen as his heritage! Psalm 33:12

CULTURED: Life's [or God's] under no obligation to give us what we expect. Margaret Mitchell

:) Dr. If you want to brighten up your life you need a barrel! Patient: What!? Dr. Yes, roll out the barrel and you'll have a barrel of fun!


PEARLS: 7/3/18

REAL: And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25

CULTURED: To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. C.S. Lewis

:) Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: There was a chicken dance on the other side!





PEARLS: 7/2/18

REAL: The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8

CULTURED: Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next. Elisabeth Elliot

:) Dear Lord, please help me to be the person my dog thinks I am!


Pearls: 7/1/18

REAL: This spake He, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He saith unto him, Follow me. John 21:19

CULTURED: Worship songs can't just be rooted in culture - they won't be deep enough. They have to be rooted in scripture." -Matt Redman

:) Dr. Sally, how come you're crying?

Lady: I''ve been listening to the 4 Seasons!

Dr. Aw, come on! Big girls don't cry!

PEARLS: 6/30/18



REAL: Then the woman knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet, trembling in fear, she told him the whole truth. Mark 5:33b



CULTURED: Men who fear God face life fearlessly. Men who do not fear God end up fearing everything. Richard Halverson



Smile Don't think less of yourself. Think of yourself less!


PEARLS: 6/29/18

REAL: But just as you excel in everything; in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness, and in your love for us, see that you also excel in this grace of giving. 2 Corinthians 8:7

CULTURED: What is outside the system of self-giving is no earth, nor nature, nor 'ordinary life', but simply and solely Hell. Yet even Hell derives from this law such reality as it has. C.S. Lewis

:) Q: What do you call a happy sweet-tasting cowboy?

A: A jolly rancher!


PEARLS: 6/28/18

REAL: "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait upon Him." Lamentations 3:24



CULTURED: Stand still – keep the posture of an upright man, ready for action, expecting further orders, cheerfully and patiently awaiting the directing voice; and it will not be long ere God shall say to you, as distinctly as Moses said it to the people of Israel, "Go forward." Charles Spurgeon

:) Record Fan: She's a Lulu! Non-Music Lover: How do you know? Record Fan: She's singing to Sir with Love!


PEARLS: 6/27/18

REAL: The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer. Psalm 6:9

CULTURED: "The most important thing a born again Christian can do is to pray." Chuck Smith

:) Don't give God orders. Just report for duty!


PEARLS: 6/26/18

REAL: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Gen. 1:1

CULTURED: Science cannot disprove god. Science studies the things that are. The eternal question is who or what made them to be Bangambiki Habyarimana

:) Dr...You have Cole Porter Syndrome

Patient: Just because I read, jump in the river, read the Bible, eat rabbit stew, chew tobacco, use bad language, whistle while you work?

Dr. Yes! Anything goes!


PEARLS: 6/24-25/18

REAL: Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people. 1 Chronicles 16:8

CULTURED: Any man or woman on this earth who is bored and turned off by worship is not ready for heaven. A.W. Tozer

:) Dr. After inspecting your dirty feet, my diagnosis is that you have Tiny Tim Syndome?

Patient: What!

Dr. Yes! You've been tip-toeing iin the tulips!


REAL: When I think of your rules from of old, I take comfort, O LORD. &

When I think on my ways, I turn my feet to your testimonies; Psalm 119:52, 59

CULTURED: Better an empty purse than an empty head. German proverb

:) Q-What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur? A-Jurassic Pork!


PEARLS: 6/23/18

REAL: Then the woman knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet, trembling in fear, she told him the whole truth." Mark 5:33b



CULTURED: To fear is to have more faith in your antagonist than in Christ. Dwight L. Mood

:) When the pro tells you to keep your head down, the real reason is so you can't see him laughing at you!


PEARLS: 6/22/18

REAL: Brothers, sons of the family of Abraham, and those among you who fear God, to us has been sent the message of this salvation." Acts 13:26

CULTURED: We fear circumstances so much because we fear God so little. LeCrae

:) Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?

A: A Bed!


PEARLS: 6/21/18

REAL: Comfort, Comfort ye my people. Isaiah 40:1



CULTURED: Because of the empty tomb, we have peace. Because of His resurrection, we can have peace during even the most troubling of times because we know He is in control of all that happens in the world. Paul Chappel

:) And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


PEARLS: 6/20/18

REAL: Hear a just cause, O LORD; attend to my cry! Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit! Psalm 17:1 (a prayer of David)

CULTURED: If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer. Martin Luther

:) And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


PEARLS: 6/19/18

REAL: And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. Job 2:13

CULTURED: Suffering gives us occasion to examine ourselves, adjust our priorities, reset our sights, and confess our sins. It is a discipline, administered by a loving heavenly Father who "lays the rod on every son whom He acknowledges. Malcolm Muggeridge

:) Q: What breaks when you say it?

A: Silence!



PEARLS: 6/18/18

REAL: Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20:30-31

CULTURED: When God shows up and the unexplainable happens, don't attempt to explain it as something you did. Tell the story of how God has worked through you to change lives by His grace. Dillon Burroughs

:) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either!


PEARLS: 6/17/18

REAL: And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, glorifying God. Luke 5:25

CULTURED: Worship is the correct response to the presence of God. Doug Hanley

:) 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'


PEARLS: 6/16/18

REAL: What shall we say the Kingdom of God is like?...It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all the garden plants. Mark 4:30-31

CULTURED: God did not call me to be successful. He called me to be faithful. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

:) Why did the belt go to jail?

Because he held up a pair of pants!😱



PEARLS: 6/14/18

REAL: I, myself will take a shoot from the very top of a cedar and plant it;" Ezekiel 17:22-24

CULTURED: Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

:) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything!'



PEARLS: 6/12/18

REAL: Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God. Psalms 22:9-10

CULTURED: person is a person no matter how small." – Dr. Seuss

:) You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type!


PEARLS: 6/11/18

REAL: The Lord gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm. Isaiah 26:3

CULTURED: We cannot enjoy peace in this world unless we are ready to yield to the will of God in respect of death. Our times are in His hand, at His sovereign disposal. We must accept that as best. John Owen

:) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road!'



PEARLS: 6/9/18

REAL: When His family heard about this they came to take charge of Him, for they said, "He's out of His mind. Mark 3:21

CULTURED: I am nothing but an imperfect being, who is residing on earth with a perfect God as my guidance and protection. Edmond Mbiaka

:) A smile is a curve that sets everything straight!


PEARLS: 6/8/18

REAL: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16

CULTURED: Continue seeking God with seriousness. Unless He wanted you, you would not be wanting Him. C. S. Lewis

:) If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.


PEARLS: 6/7/18

REAL: And I'll put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and hers; He'll crush your head, and you'll bruise His heel. Genesis 3:15

CULTURED: If you don't want the fruits of sin, stay out of the devil's vineyard. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

:) Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves!


PEARLS: 6/6/18

REAL: Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."~ Isaiah 41:10

CULTURED: I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

:) The reason there are no women football leagues is that 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public!


PEARLS: 6/5/18

REAL: The LORD called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name… And now the LORD says, he who formed me from the womb to be his servant, to bring Jacob back to him; and that Israel might be gathered to him—for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD, and my God has become my strength. Isaiah 49:1,5

CULTURED: It seems to me clear as daylight that abortion would be a crime." – Gandhi

:) Men are like a fine cheese. They start out as milk, and it's up to women to mold them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!


PEARLS: 6/3/18

REAL: And he said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath

CULTURED: God presents the Sabbath rest as a shelter we can enter. (Hebrews 4:1-11)"

― Charles R. Swindoll

:) What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!




PEARLS: 6/2/18

REAL: So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[d] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 2 Cor. 4:16-17

CULTURED: Suffering creates the possibility of growth in holiness, but only to those who, by letting all else go, are open to the training–not by arguing with the Lord about what they did or did not do to deserve punishment, but by praying, "Lord, show me what You have for me in this. Malcolm Muggeridge

:) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.


PEARLS: 6/1/18

REAL: We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

CULTURED: Supposing you eliminated suffering [from the world], what a dreadful place the world would be! because everything that corrects the tendency of man to feel over-important and over-pleased with himself would disappear. He is bad enough now, but he would be absolutely intolerable if he never suffered. Malcolm Muggeridge

:) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'





PEARLS: 5/31/18

REAL: And he (Zechariah-son of Jeroboam) did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, as his fathers had done. He did not depart from the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, which he made Israel to sin. 2 Kings 15:8

CULTURED: He who kneels before God can stand before anyone. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

:) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!


PEARLS: 5/30/18

REAL: So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Gen. 3:6

CULTURED: If you don't want the fruits of sin, stay out of the devil's vineyard. AUTHOR UNKNOWN

:) Tranquilizers only work if you follow the instructions on the bottle - keep away from children!





PEARLS: 5/29/18

REAL: But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Matt. 14:30

CULTURED: Gotta save one more for Jesus! Rick Warren's father

:) "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,

4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."


PEARLS: 5/28/18


REAL: God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. John 4:24

CULTURED: Worship is both a privilege and a command of God. PK

:) A bicycle can't stand alone, it's two tired.


PEARLS: 5/27)18

REAL: "And the twenty-four elders, who were seated on their thrones before God, fell on their faces and worshiped God." Revelation 11:16

CULTURED: Worship of the living and true God is essentially an engagement with Him on the terms that He proposes and in the way that He alone makes possible." -David Peterson

:) When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I don't waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon. Miss Piggy


PEARLS: 5/26/18

REAL: For God so loved the world,[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

CULTURED: If you are out of the fold and away from God, put your name in the words of John 3:16 and say, "Lord, it is I. I'm the cause and reason why Thou didst on earth come to die." That kind of positive, personal faith and a personal Redeemer is what saves you. A.W. Tozer

:) An onion can make people cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. Will Rogers


PEARLS: 5/25/18

REAL: Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd. Acts 2:14

CULTURED: The church's task in the world is to model genuine humanness as a sign and an invitation to those around. N.T. Wright

:) When they first invented the clock... How did they know what time to set it to?


PEARLS: 5/24/18

REAL: Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? Who'll go for us?" And I said, 'Here am I, send me!' Isa. 6:8

CULTURED: If a commission by an earthly king is considered an honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice? David Livingstone

:) What is in the middle of a jellyfish? It's jelly button!


PEARLS: 5/23/18

REAL: Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. John 3:5

CULTURED: To be born again is to live through Jesus, to be mature is to let Jesus live through you! Emmanuel Igunbor

:) Reality is a nice place to visit... But I sure would not want to live there!

REAL: Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? Who'll go for us?" And I said, 'Here am I, send me!' Isa. 6:8


PEARLS: 5/22/18

REAL: this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men. God raised Him up, loosing the pangs of death, because it was not possible for Him to be held by it. Acts 2:23-24

CULTURED: We want to avoid suffering, death, sin, ashes. But we live in a world crushed and broken and torn, a world God Himself visited to redeem. We receive His poured-out life, and being allowed the high privilege of suffering with Him, may then pour ourselves out for others. Elisabeth Elliot

:) Q...Why is the letter 'B' very cold? A...Because it's between AC!


PEARLS: 5/21/18

REAL: And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." Isa. 6:7

CULTURED: Humility raises us not by human arrogance but by divine grace." Augustine

:) I spent the night in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter!


PEARLS: 5/20/18

REAL: Wherefore glorify ye the Lord in the fires, even the name of the Lord God of Israel in the isles of the sea. Isaiah 24:15

CULTURED: Christian worship must contain both the cross and the crown. Sing of majesty, and sing of mercy." -Matt Redman

:) I wrote a song about a tortilla, well actually, it's more of a wrap!


PEARLS: 5/18/18

REAL: In the last days, I will pour out my Spirit on my people. Acts 2:17



CULTURED: The wizard [of Oz] says look inside yourself and find self. God says look inside yourself and find [the Holy Spirit]. The first will get you to Kansas. The latter will get you to heaven. Take your pick. Max Lucado

:) You know you're old if your walker has an airbag!


PEARLS: 5/17/18

REAL: These bones are the whole House of Israel. They say, "Our bones are dried up, our hope is cut off."… "I'm going to open your graves and bring you up. Ezekiel 37:11b & 12b

CULTURED: [The Resurrection] And this is a damnable doctrine. Charles Darwin

:) I have so little money in my bank account that my scenic checks show a ghetto!


PEARLS: 5/16/18

REAL: But I have said these things to you, that when their hour comes you may remember that I told them to you. John 16:4

CULTURED: Remembering is painful, it's difficult,but it can be inspiring and it can give wisdom.- Paul Greengrass

:)The lady said, Robert Redford once asked me out. I was in his room!


PEARLS: 5/15/18

REAL: And they were amazed and astonished, saying, "Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us in his own native language? Acts 2:7

CULTURED: and in the same sense that there is in Christ neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, male nor female, so in Christ there is neither glossolalist nor non-glossolalist. J.I. Packer

:) The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out!


PEARLS: 5/14/18

REAL: The LORD called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name…Isa. 49:1b

CULTURED: If you believe Life is sacred, you must also believe unnecessary killing is sacrilege. Scott Klusendorf

:) ...and so the cheese grater said, "I know it's cheezy, but I feel grate!"


PEARLS: 5/13/18


REAL: My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that You protect them from the Evil One. John 17:15



CULTURED: Prayer is not monologue, but dialogue. God's voice in response to mine is its most essential part. Andrew Murray


:) His beardWas long

And strong and tough

He lost his

Chicken in the rough

Burma Shave!




PEARLS: 5/12/18

REAL: Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.1 John 5:12



CULTURED: If you have the smile of God what does it matter if you have the frown of men? Leonard Ravenhill

:) Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?


PEARLS: 5/11/18

REAL: And they cast lots for them, and the lot fell on Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles. Acts 1:26



CULTURED: Everything's a gamble, love most of all. Tess Gerritsen

:) Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


PEARLS: 5/10/18

REAL: I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours. John 17:9

CULTURED: Yes, worship of the loving God is man's whole reason for existence. A.W. Tozer


:) Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?



PEARLS: 5/9/18

REAL: And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.

1 John 5:11

CULTURED: There is only one way of victory over the bitterness and rage. that comes naturally to us--To will what God wills brings peace. Amy Carmichael

:) Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?...fonix!


PEARLS: 5/8/18

REAL: Therefore it is necessary to choose one of the men who has been with us the whole time Jesus went in and out amongst us. Acts 1:21

CULTURED: When you are convinced that everything that happens is the will of God, what is there to do but wait until God has mercy? Maaza Mengiste


:) Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?


PEARLS: 5/7/18

REAL: You are my friends if you do what I command you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another. John 15:14 & 17

CULTURED: You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family, an' they're still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge 'em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don't. Harper Lee

:) Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?


PEARLS: 5/6/18

REAL: Wherefore glorify ye the Lord in the fires, even the name of the Lord God of Israel in the isles of the sea. Isaiah 24:15

CULTURED: We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit." -A.W. Tozer

:) Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?



PEARLS: 5/5/18

REAL: Let them praise His name with dancing and make music to Him with tambourine and harp. Psalm 149:3

CULTURED: When I worship, I would rather my heart be without words than my words be without heart." -LaMar Boschman

:) Why do pigs wearing Goth clothing never have to worry? Ans. Because Batman promised to always help Goth-ham!


PEARLS: 5/4/18

REAL: My command is this: love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12

CULTURED: Rejoice and thank God in the midst of your storms. For those people who have been through hell and back but continue to have smiles on their faces, they are the examples of God's grace and mercy. Latorria Freeman

:) A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.


PEARLS: 5/3/18

REAL: Everyone who believes Jesus is the Christ is born of God. 1 John 5:1



CULTURED: ...the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is. Ann Voskamp

:) For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened!


PEARLS: 5/2/18

REAL: I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism. Acts 10:34



CULTURED: Auditur et altera pars. (The other side shall be heard as well.) Seneca

:) Born free, taxed to death!


PEARLS: 5/1/18

REAL: you are not lacking in any spiritual gift as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 1:7

CULTURED: if the Lord is not in our gifts and talents and all we think do and say, than it is not real. Anonymous

:) How come abbreviated is such a long word?


PEARLS: 4/30/18

REAL: Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him. Num. 31:17

CULTURED: in our non-sacramental age, in which all sorts of sacrament-substitutes flourish, such as alleged tongues and miracles, millennialist fantasies about Middle Eastern places and politics, "purpose-driven" psycho-babble, and the like, we must hold high the glory of the Gospel, which is "the power [dynamis] of God for salvation'" (Romans 1:16).Professor Kurt Marquardt


:) What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!


PEARLS: 4/29/18

REAL: I am the vine you are the branches. If A Man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from mMe you can do nothing. John 15:5

CULTURED:' We are secure, not because we hold tightly to Jesus, but because He holds tightly to us. R. C. Sproul

:) What is the best thing about duct tape? Ans...It turns "No No No!" into "mmm mmm mmm!"


PEARLS: 4/28/18

REAL: I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. John 15:1-2

CULTURED: He, our divine Redeemer, becomes to us the new sphere of harmony and unity with God and His law, with His life and His holiness. A. T. Pierson

:) Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math!


PEARLS: 4/27/18

REAL: Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

CULTURED: This is not some silly game...This is life and death Angels and demons. Melissa de la Cruz

:) Time is what keeps things from happening all at once!


PEARLS: 4/26/18

REAL: Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1

CULTURED: Never trust a demon. He has a hundred motives for anything he does ... Ninety-nine of them, at least, are malevolent. Neil Gaima

:) Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock!


PEARLS: 4/25/18

REAL: Now the passage of the Scripture that he was reading was this:"Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter and like a lamb before its shearer is silent, so he opens not his mouth. Acts 8:32

CULTURED: No eulogy is due to him who simply does his duty and nothing more. Augustine

:) Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!


PEARLS: 4/24/18

REAL: So he started out and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, Queen of Ethiopia. Acts 8:27

CULTURED: In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculations. The consequences of abandonment never enter into our outlook because our life is taken up in Him. Oswald Chambers

:) What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!


PEARLS: 4/23/18

REAL: So he started out and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, Queen of Ethiopia. Acts 8:27

CULTURED: In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculations. The consequences of abandonment never enter into our outlook because our life is taken up in Him. Oswald Chambers

:) What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!



PEARLS: 4/22/18

REAL: I have come so that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10

CULTURED: The "right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" begins with "life", and "life" begins at conception. A.E. Samaan

:) "See you later, Tater!" "After while meandering Nile!"


PEARLS: 4/21/18

REAL: This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. 1 John 3:16

CULTURED: You shall love your neighbor with your crooked heart, It says so much about love and brokenness -- it's perfect. John Green

:) The nice thing about being forgetful is...by Woody Paige


PEARLS: 4/19/18

REAL: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

CULTURED: We live in a 'me' first world except for those who carry the spirit of Jesus in them. Anon.

:) Move oolong! There's nothing to tea here!


PEARLS: 4/19/18

REAL: Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

CULTURED: In reality, salvation was bought not by Jesus' fist, but by His nail-pierced hands; not by muscle but by love; not by vengeance but by forgiveness; not by force but by sacrifice. A.W. Tozer

:) Why do they call it a TV set when you have only one?

:)





Pearls 4/18/18

REAL: And the priest shall take some of the blood of the trespass offering, and the priest shall put it upon the tip of the right ear of him that is to be cleansed, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot: Lev. 14:14

CULTURED: God gives prosperity only to those who personally know him and are obedient to His will. Sunday Adelaja

:) (picture a donut dunking a basketball)...'Dunkin' donut!


PEARLS: 4/17/18

REAL: For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 2 Peter 1:5-7

CULTURED: If the Lord Jehovah makes us wait[and be diligent], let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him. He is worth waiting for. The waiting itself is beneficial to us: it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission, and endears the blessing when it comes. Charles Spurgeon

:) hy was the marine biologist so happy? Ans...He found his porpoise!


PEARLS: 4/16/18

REAL: Miriam the prophetess, Aaron's sister, took a tambourine, and all the women followed her with tambourines, dancing [worshipping God]. Exodus 15:20

CULTURED: Praising God is contagious; especially for those of us who like to be affected by Him. Shelena Griffiths

:) (picture a lamb) I love ewe!




PEARLS: 4/15/18

REAL: Miriam the prophetess, Aaron's sister, took a tambourine, and all the women followed her with

tambourines, dancing [worshipping God]. Exodus 15:20

CULTURED: Praising God is contagious; especially for those of us who like to be affected by Him. Shelena Griffiths

:) I am the ghost of Christmas present!


PEARLS: 4/14/18

REAL: Then He opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures. Luke 24:45

CULTURED: I fear the signs point to the time of Revelation being upon us. If it is so, then this is only the beginning. Nicholas DeAntonio

:) Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?


PEARLS: 4/13/18

REAL: How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called the children of God! 1 John 3:1

CULTURED: Too much of anything is dangerous unless it's God's Love. Reign

:) Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?


PEARLS: 4/12/18

REAL: You killed the author of life. Acts 3:15a

CULTURED: By fighting off the Jews I am doing the Lord's work. Adolf Hitler

:) Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?


PEARLS: 4/11/18

REAL: and He [Jesus] said to them, "Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance for[b] the forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. Luke 24:46-47

CULTURED: Men who fear God face life fearlessly. Men who do not fear God end up fearing everything. Richard Halverson

:) If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?


PEARLS: 4/10/18

REAL: Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 1John 3:7

CULTURED: But the man who is not afraid to admit everything that he sees to be wrong with himself, and yet recognizes that he may be the object of God's love precisely because of his shortcomings, can begin to be sincere. His sincerity is based on confidence, not in his own illusions about himself, but in the endless, unfailing mercy of God. Thomas Merton

:) If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?


PEARLS: 4/9/18

REAL: Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out. Acts 3:19

CULTURED: No evil dooms us hopelessly except the evil we love, and desire to continue in, and make no effort to escape from. George Eliot,

:) Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?


PEARLS: 4/8/18

REAL: But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. John 4:23

CULTURED: To worship God is to admit that we are entirely contrary to Him, and that He is willing to make us like Himself." -Brother Lawrence



:) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.


PEARLS: 4/7/18

REAL: Put your finger here! John 20:27a

CULTURED: I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness. Mother Teresa

:) What's the difference between a wolf and a flea? A-One prowls the prairie the other prowls the hairy!




PEARLS: 4/6/18

REAL: We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you may also have fellowship with us. 1 John 1:4

CULTURED: Of all the things which wisdom provides to make life entirely happy, such the greatest is the possession of friendship.Epicurus

:) When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/5/18

REAL: All believers were of one heart and mind. Acts 4:32a

CULTURED: I believe that in each generation God has called enough men and women to evangelize all the yet unreached tribes of the earth. It is not God who does not call. It is man who will not respond! Isobel Kuhn

:) I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said, 'On your mark... '" Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/4/18

REAL: My face is red with weeping, and on my eyelids is deep darkness, although there is no violence in my hands, and my prayer is pure. Job 16:16-17

CULTURED: Heavenly Father, help me remember that when I am prayerless I become careless. In Jesus' Name, Amen Tim Hetzner

:) Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing!


PEARLS: 4/3/18

REAL: f I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. John 13:14-15

CULTURED: Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you. Steve Maraboli

:)Since hubby

Tried

That substitute

He's 1/3 man

And 2/3 brute!

Try Burma Shave!


PEARLS: 4/2/18

REAL: I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. Psalm 77:11 (ESV)

CULTURED: The shortest route to deeper and richer worship is a clearer theology. P.D. Manson

:) And now--

Oh, brother

When frisky

With whiskey

Don't drive

'Cause it's

Risky







PEARLS: 4/1/18

REAL: He is not here, for He has risen, as He said. Matt. 28:6a

CULTURED: Without the resurrection, Christianity would be so much wishful thinking, taking its place alongside all other human philosophy and religious speculation. ~ John MacArthur

:) Top 10 Reasons WHY THE EASTER BUNNY BRINGS EGGS

10. Big tax write-off.

9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.

7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.

6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?

2. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year.

1. Because the Energizer Rabbit got the good job.


PEARLS: 3/30/18

REAL: Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Phil.2:5

CULTURED: A test of a Christian's character is what he does after he comes to the blockade in the road and what his attitude is after everything has left him except Jesus. ~ Lester Roloff

:)Leap year's over

You're safe, men

All you cowards

Can shave again

With brushless

Burma Shave!





PEARLS: 3/29/18

REAL: See your King comes to you. Zechariah 9:9

CULTURED: The whole world might not see my struggles and obstacles, but God sees them all, and He never hesitates to come to my rescue. So why wouldn't I praise His Mighty name? Edmond Mbiaka

:) Burma Shave Commercial: Romeo was such a knave...

He did not shave...

with Burma Shave!


PEARLS: 3/28/18

REAL: And at the dedication of the wall of Jerusalem they sought the Levites in all their places, to bring them to Jerusalem to celebrate the dedication with gladness, with thanksgivings and with singing, with cymbals, harps, and lyres. Neh. 12:27

CULTURED: Dedication is writing your name on the bottom of a blank sheet of paper and handling it to the Lord for Him to fill in. Rick Renner

:) Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home!


PEARLS: 3/27/18

REAL: Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God. Psalms 22:9-10

CULTURED: If there were more "Planned Parenthoods,"[institutions]there'd be fewer abortions. T. Rafael Cimino (real plans of God-fearing parents, think about it!)

:) Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet!

ps...For som reason my computer would not 'send' pearls yesterday. Please accept my apology, thank you. Lyle


PEARLS: 3/26/18

REAL: My face is red with weeping, and on my eyelids is deep darkness, although there is no violence in my hands, and my prayer is pure. Job 16:16-17

CULTURED: Heavenly Father, help me remember that when I am prayerless I become careless. In Jesus' Name, Amen Tim Hetzner

:) Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing!


PEARLS: 3/25/18

REAL: Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth. John 9:31

CULTURED: Depend on it, my hearer, you never will go to heaven unless you are prepared to worship Jesus Christ as God." -Charles Spurgeon

:) Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down!


PEARLS: 3/24/18

REAL: For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have Me. Mark 14:7

CULTURED: If your life is Christ, then your death will be only more of Christ, forever. If your life is only Christlessness, then your death will be only more Christlessness, forever. That's not fundamentalism, that's the law of non-contradiction. Peter Kreeft,

:) Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord!


PEARLS: 3/23/18

REAL: And Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, went unto the chief priests, to betray him unto them. And he sought how he might conveniently betray him. Mark 14:10, 11b

CULTURED: For you will certainly carry out God's purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John."

― C.S. Lewis,

:) Ashes to ashes

Forests to dust

Keep Minnesota green

Or we'll go bust!

Burma Shave!


PEARLS: 3/22/18

REAL: Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth. Phil.2:9-10

CULTURED: At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me. There's no greater love than this. You have overcome the grave. Your glory fills this place; You tore the veil, you made a way, when you said that it is done. UNKNOWN

:) You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it!


PEARLS: 3/21/18

REAL: The oracle of the word of the LORD is against the land of Hadrach and Damascus is its resting place. For the LORD has an eye on mankind and on all the tribes of Israel, and on Hamath also, which borders on it, Tyre and Sidon, though they are very wise.

Zech. 9:1-2

CULTURED: I hope that real love and truth [GOD'S] are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world. Charles Dickens

:) Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.


PEARLS: 3/20/18

REAL: So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Heb. 13:6-7

CULTURED: Some day you will read in the papers that D.L. Moody of East Northfield, is dead. Don't you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now; I shall have gone up higher, that is all, out of this old clay tenement into a house that is immortal- a body that death cannot touch, that sin cannot taint; a body fashioned like unto His glorious body. D.L. Moody

:) Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


PEARLS: 3/19/18

REAL: For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was corne to him by the Majestic Glory, "This is my beloved Son,[i] with whom I am well pleased," we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain. 2 Pet. 1:17-18

CULTURED: True worship is when a person, through their person, attains intimacy and friendship with God." -William Temple

:) Dear God, If You let the dinosaur not extinct we would have no country. You did the right thing. Jonathan


PEARLS: 3/18/18

REAL: thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, Heb. 12:17

CULTURED: Worship is the believer's response of all that they are – mind, emotions, will, body – to what God is and says and does. Warren Wiersbe

:) Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation!


PEARLS: 3/17/18

REAL: For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:45

CULTURED: Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be. Oswald Chamber

:) With

A sleek cheek

Pressed to hers

Jeepers! Creepers!

How she purrs!

Burma Shave!



PEARLS: 3/16/18

REAL: In the days of his flesh, Jesus[a] offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Heb. 5:7

CULTURED: No one can say yes to God's ways who has said no to his promises and commandments. Acceptance of the will of God comes in the daily submission under his Word. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds!


PEARLS: 3/15/18

REAL: And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jer. 31:34

CULTURED: All our good is more apparently from God, because we are first naked and wholly without any good, and afterwards enrich with all good. Jonathan Edwards

:) Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruth-less!


PEARLS: 3/14/18

REAL: Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble. Psalm 107:2

CULTURED: I thought I could have leaped from earth to heaven at one spring when I first saw my sins drowned in the Redeemer's blood. Charles Spurgeon

:) Dear God, We read Thos. Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said You did it. He probably stoled your idea. Donna


PEARLS: 3/13/18

REAL: Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. 1 Cor. 8:13

CULTURED: The efforts spent on defending our turf in the culture wars could be better served on loving our neighbor as ourselves. Allen Yeh,

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, I wil give you anything I got except my money and chess set. Raphael


PEARLS: 3/12/18

REAL: Catch the foxes--the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes!" Song of Songs 2:15

CULTURED: The grumbling fox is known by his constant growl and discontent. Anonymous

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce


PEARLS: 3/11/18

REAL: Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. Matt. 20:20

CULTURED: To worship God in truth is to recognize Him for being who He is, and to recognize ourselves for what we are. Brother Lawrence

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this summer. Peter


PEARLS: 3/10/18

REAL: But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, Mark 10:43

CULTURED: Many a humble soul will be amazed to find that the seed it sowed in weakness, in the dust of daily life, has blossomed into immortal flowers under the eye of the Lord. Harriet Beecher Stowe

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel wouldn't kill each so much if they had their own rooms. It works with me and my brother. Larry


PEARLS: 3/9/18

REAL: But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ; Eph. 2:4-5a

CULTURED: Just words of mercy or touches of kindness can take a sad heart into singing Jesus love me John M. Sheehan

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, if we come back as something please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, I hate her. Denise


PEARLS: 3/8/18

REAL: And the people spoke against God and against Moses, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this worthless food." Num. 21:5

CULTURED: goggudsmo, is the Greek word for grumbling: picture the 2,000,000 plus(or whatever the number of the children of Israel were) going through the wilderness chanting... "Goggudsmo, goggudsmo, goggudsmo!" That's grumbling! Anonymous

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, If you watch in church I will show you my new shoes. Mickey D.


PEARLS: 3/7/18

REAL: Let brotherly love continue. Heb. 13:1

CULTURED: When everything goes wrong, it's better to remember someone who is not going to question you or blame you for what you have done. Not even offer some free advice. That's the best thing about God [and His love]. Sheeja Jose

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good there now. Ginny


PEARLS: 3/6/18

REAL: For our God is a consuming fire. Heb. 12:29

CULTURED: No sin which we are capable of committing has ever taken God by surprise for He knew we were just like that. ~ Alan Redpath

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, I bet it is hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are just 4 in our family and I can never do it. Nan


PEARLS: 3/5/18

REAL: If God be glorified in him, God shall also glorify him in himself, and shall straightway glorify him. John 13:32

CULTURED: Most men seem to live for themselves, without much or any regard for thy glory, or for the good of others; and how miserable ere long will those be that sleep in them, for all out happiness consists in loving Thee [God] and being holy as Thou art holy. Arthur Bennett

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, I'm an American. What are You? Robert


PEARLS: 3/4/18

REAL: Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert so the Son of Man must be lifted up that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life. John 3:14-15

CULTURED: Grace isn't just forgiveness, it is forgiveness fueled by surrender. Amy E. Spiegel

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, I think of You sometimes, even when I'm not praying. Elliot


PEARLS: 3/3/18

REAL: But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. Eph. 2:4-5

CULTURED: he most precious gifts you can think of are not ends in themselves. They all lead to God. Ultimately, that is what all His gifts are for. John Piper

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, in Bible times did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer


PEARLS: 3/2/18

REAL: Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food! Numbers 21:5



CULTURED: Where there is no vision, there is no hope. George Washington Carver

:) Letters to God from children: Dear God, I think your stapler is the greatest invention! Ruth M.


PEARLS: 3/1/18

REAL: To them belong the patriarchs, and from their race, according to the flesh, is the Christ, who is God over all, blessed forever. Amen. Rom. 9:5

CULTURED: He was part of a whole, a people scattered over the earth and yet eternally one and indivisible. Wherever a Jew lived, in whatever safety and isolation, he still belonged to his people. Pearl S. Buck

:) A will is a dead giveaway!



PEARLS: 2/28/18

REAL: For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Rom. 8:6

CULTURED: While the Holy Spirit is hidden, He is never, ever absent. David Paul Kirkpatrick

:) A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail!


PEARLS: 2/27/18

REAL: So now it is no longer I who do it[evil or sin], but sin that dwells within me. Rom. 7:17

CULTURED: Embrace in one act the two truths–thine own sin, and God's infinite mercy in Jesus Christ. ~ Alexander MacLaren

:) The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground!

PEARLS: 2/26/18

REAL: I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore. Psalm 86:12

CULTURED: Praising God [and worshipping] is contagious; especially for those of us who like to be affected by Him. Shelena Griffiths

Smile The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered!


PEARLS: 2/25/18

REAL: I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore. Psalm 86:12

CULTURED: Praising God [and worshipping] is contagious; especially for those of us who like to be affected by Him. Shelena Griffiths

:) The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered!


PEARLS: 2/24/18

REAL: Peter answered, "You are the Christ. Mark 8:29b

CULTURED: Our Lord makes human destiny depend on that one thing, Who men say He is, because the revelation of Who Jesus is only given by the Holy Spirit. Oswald Chambers

:) When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds!



PEARLS: 2/23/18

REAL: Because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us. Romans 5:3b-5a

CULTURED: I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains. Anne Frank

:) In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes!



PEARLS: 2/22/18

REAL: This is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. Genesis 17:4

CULTURED: But God doesn't just hang there while we get on with the rest of our week. He's up to a lot of other really cool stuff. Let's follow Him around and be part of it. I'm in! Are you?" Bonnie Lyn Smith

:) A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired!



PEARLS: 2/21/18

REAL: For when they are humbled you say, 'It is because of pride'; but he saves the lowly. Job 22:29

CULTURED: In the midst of a world of light and love, of song and feast and dance, Lucifer could find nothing to think of more interesting than his own prestige. C.S. Lewis

:) If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory!





PEARLS: 2/20/18

REAL: They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and His brothers. Acts 1: 14

CULTURED: The greatest thing anyone can do for God or man is pray." S.D. Gordon

:) Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?


PEARLS: 2/19/18

REAL: But when you pray, go into your closet and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matt. 6:6

CULTURED: Prayer is not learned in a classroom but in the closet." E. M. Bounds

:) If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?


PEARLS: 2/18/18

REAL: That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:6

CULTURED: When one bears suffering faithfully, God is glorified and honored. Billy Graham

:) Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now!


PEARLS: 2/17/18

REAL: The time has come." He said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the Good News. Mark 1:15

CULTURED: I have read the last page of the Bible. It is all going to turn out all right. Billy Graham

:) The guy that fell into the glass making machine made a spectacle of himself!


PEARLS: 2/16/18

REAL: Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights… James 1:17

CULTURED: If there is no scent of Christ's love on someone, then they bear no evidence of true devotion to Christ. Eric Ludy

:) Acupuncture: a jab well done!


PEARLS: 2/15/18

REAL: Then God said, 'Take your son, your only son, Isaac whom you love and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there…" Genesis 22:2

CULTURED: You say to God, "I have never seen you provide for me." God says to you, "You have never trusted Me. Corallie Buchanan

:) When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye!


PEARLS: 2/14/18

REAL: Therefore thus says the Lord GOD: Because you have forgotten me and cast me behind your back, you yourself must bear the consequences of your lewdness and whoring. Ezek. 23:45

CULTURED: Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful. Margaret J. Wheatley

:) Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end!



PEARLS: 2/13/18

REAL: Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Eph. 5:14

CULTURED: ...and the lonely voice of youth cried, 'what is truth?' Johnny Cash

:) He had a photographic memory which was never developed!


PEARLS: 2/12/18

REAL: Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 Cor. 12:10

CULTURED: God's means of delivering us from sin is not by making us stronger and stronger, but by making us weaker and weaker. That is surely rather a peculiar way of victory, you say; but it is the divine way. Anonymous

:) Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards!



PEARLS: 2/11/18

REAL: Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there were so many, yet was not the net broken. John 21:11

CULTURED: I love Minnesota! Ya'll can fish on top of the water. Brad Paisley

:) How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?


PEARLS: 2/10/18

REAL: Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them and a voice came from the cloud, 'This is my Son, whom I love, listen to Him.' Mark 9:7



CULTURED: Not that we would win every game or be wealthy, but that we would be successful in God's eyes if we did the things that glorify Him. Tony Dungy

:) The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent"!


PEARLS: 2/9/18

REAL: We are not like Moses who put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. 2 Corinthians 3:13

CULTURED: Deep rivers run quiet. Haruki Murakam

:) A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!



PEARLS: 2/8/18

REAL: As surely as the Lord lives and you live, I will not leave you. 2 Kings 2:4b

CULTURED: If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

:) The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the

parrot!



PEARLS: 2/7/18

REAL: And as they came down from the mountain, Jesus charged them, saying, Tell the vision to no man, until the Son of man be risen again from the dead.

CULTURED: People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. John C. Maxwell

:) All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet

that rotates clockwise!



PEARLS: 2/6/18

REAL: Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 1 Pet. 5:6

CULTURED: For the believer, humility is honesty about one's greatest flaws to a degree in which he is fearless about truly appearing less righteous than another. Criss Jami

:) Church sign: Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted! [Elmer Fudd]


PEARLS: 2/5/18

REAL: Behold their sitting down, and their rising up; I am their music. Lam. 3:63

CULTURED: Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. Martin Luther

:) Melophobia...the fear of music!


PEARLS: 2/4/18

REAL: And that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy; as it is written, For this cause I will confess to thee among the Gentiles, and sing unto Thy name. Romans 15:9

CULTURED: I don't believe there is one great thing I was made to do in this world. I believe there is one great God I was made to glorify. And there will be many ways, even a million little ways, I will declare his glory with my life. Emily P. Freeman

:) The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second!



PEARLS: 2/3/18

REAL: And He healed many that were sick of divers diseases, and cast out many devils; and suffered not the devils to speak, because they knew Him. Mark 1:34

CULTURED: We are capable of great works through the mighty power of the Holy Spirit. Lailah Gifty Akita

:) Your future self is watching you right now through memories!


PEARLS: 2/2/18



REAL: And this I do for the gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you. 1 Cor. 9:23

CULTURED: The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature. David O. McKay

:) (at a F.P. Forgetful people) Meeting: "Hello, I'm Ken! Crowd response...Hello Larry!


PEARLS: 2/1/18

REAL: He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Isa. 40:29

CULTURED: Trying to do the Lord's work in your own strength is the most confusing, exhausting, and tedious of all work. But when you are filled with the Holy Spirit, then the ministry of Jesus just flows out of you. Corrie Ten Boom

:) Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win!


PEARLS: 1/31/18

REAL:.. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing. Eccl. 3:4-5

CULTURED: There's is always a time for dancing. Anonymous

:) Chorophobia...the fear of dancing!


PEARLS: 1/30/18

REAL: For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing. 1 Pet. 3:17

CULTURED: I tis a blessing we suffer with our daily aches and pains because we suffer with Christ and His glory. Anonymous

:) The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic numbers!


PEARLS: 1/29/18

REAL: You will guide me with your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Psalm 73:24

CULTURED: God will allow you do things by your own knowledge and strength, only to make you aware that all your effort are not sufficient to make it through this life without His divine influence and guidance. Wilson Khashane

:) Church sign: Forbidden fruit makes many jams!


PEARLS: 1/28/18

REAL: The people were amazed at His teaching, because He taught them as one who had authority. Mark 1:22

CULTURED: Our dress, our posture, our actions should all be for the honor and glory of Christ. Billy Graham

:) The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!



PEARLS: 1/27/18

REAL: Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up 1 Corinthians 8:1b

CULTURED: Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. Jane Austen

:) Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.



PEARLS: 1/26/18

REAL: The time is short…those who mourn [should live] as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not… Corinthians 7:29-30


CULTURED: Sometime time flies by to a person and at other times, particularly when we suffer, it crawls like a snail! Anonymous

:) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go!



PEARLS: 1/25/18

REAL: If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the Lord does not take place or come true, that is a message the Lord has not spoken…Do not be afraid of him. Deut. 18:22

CULTURED: Words have power! Especially GOD'S WORD! Anonymous

:) There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away!


PEARLS: 1/24/18

REAL: For what is the hope of the hypocrite, though he hath gained, when God taketh away his soul? Job 27:8

CULTURED: I would rather be known in life as an honest sinner than a lying hypocrite. Anonymous

:) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine!



PEARLS: 1/23/18

REAL: Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

CULTURED: Nothing sets a person so much out of the devil's reach as humility. Jonathan Edwards

:) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target!






PEARLS: 1/22/18

REAL: This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

CULTURED: Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one. Brad Paisley

:) Punctuation at the end of sentences gives sentences 'body language!'


PEARLS: 1/21/18

REAL: Whiles by the experiment of this ministration they glorify God for your professed subjection unto the gospel of Christ, and for your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men; 2 Corinthians 9:13



CULTURED: The more God is glorified the more man is energetic and the more satan is weak. Indonesia 123.

:) The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"!



PEARLS: 1/20/18

REAL: At once they left their nets and followed Him. Mark 1:18

CULTURED: Suffering, then, is the badge of true discipleship. The disciple is not above his master. Following Christ means passio passiva, suffering because we have to suffer. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Church sign: Under the same management for over 6,000 years!


PEARLS: 1/19/18

REAL: The time is short…those who mourn [should live] as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not… Corinthians 7:29-30

CULTURED: The worst threat to man is man himself. Bangambiki Habyarimana

:) Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


PEARLS: 1/18/18

REAL: When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evils ways, He had compassion on them and did not bring upon them the destruction He threatened. Jonah 3:10

CULTURED: God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. He plants his footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm. William Cowper

:) When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?


PEARLS: 1/17/18

REAL: Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men: 2 Cor. 3:2a

CULTURED: We must allow the Word of God to confront us, to disturb our security, to undermine our complacency and to overthrow our patterns of thought and behavior. John R.W. Stott

:) Why do Americans choose from just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?


PEARLS: 1/16/18

REAL: Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; Rom. 4:16a

CULTURED: The fear of the Lord is to honor God and to be broken before Him. Sunday Adelaja

:) Old Farmer's wisdom: The best sermons are lived, not preached!



PEARLS: 1/15/18

REAL: Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin. Rom. 3:20

CULTURED: Sometimes God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves. Joni Eareckson Tada

:) Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?


PEARLS: 1/14/18

REAL: And Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground: and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell before the Lord, worshipping the Lord. 2 Chronicles 20:18

CULTURED: We glorify [worship] God by living lives that honor Him. Billy Graham

:) If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day"! (It does fall on a Tuesday)!


PEARLS: 1/13/18

REAL: And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see. John 1:46

CULTURED: Jesus often appeared to people in Scripture and they did not recognize Him. If we have a relationship with Christ we will recognize Him anywhere because we love Him. Anonymous

:) If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before!



PEARLS: 1/12/18

REAL: [and Jesus said] Verily, verily, I say unto you, Hereafter ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man. John 1:51

CULTURED: Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work. Peter Marshall

:) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be!


PEARLS: 1/11/18

REAL: And the LORD came, and stood, and called as at other times, Samuel, Samuel. Then Samuel answered, Speak; for thy servant heareth. 1 Sam. 3:10

CULTURED: Hearing God is about the very specific issue of what it means to live with guidance in our life. Dallas Willard

:) When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water!





Pearls 1/10/18

REAL: For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Corinthians 6:20

CULTURED: Our voices, our service, and our abilities are to be employed, primarily, for the glory of God. Billy Graham

:) Every shaver

Now can snore

Six more minutes

Than before

By using

BURMA SHAVE!


Pearls 1/9/18

REAL: And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Eph. 4:30

CULTURED: Only God can give us a selfless love for others, as the Holy Spirit changes us from within. This is one reason we must receive Christ, for apart from His Spirit we can never be freed from the chains of selfishness, jealousy, and indifference. Will others see Christ's love in your life today? Billy Graham

:) Church sign! Catsup with Jesus, Lettuce praise & relish Him; 'Cuz He loves me from my head to-ma-toes! :)


Pearls 1/8/18

REAL: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1

CULTURED: The soul can do without everything except the word of God, without which none at all of its wants are provided for. Martin Luther, On Christian Liberty


:) A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig!


Pearls 1/7/18

REAL: And Jesus said unto him, 'Thou hast both seen him, and it is he that talketh with thee.' And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshipped Him. John 9:37-38

CULTURED: When we live holy we will glorify self but when we glorify God we will live holy. Indonesia123

:) Old Farmer's advice: When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty!


Pearls 1/6/18

REAL: And he said unto them, 'How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?' Luke 2:49

CULTURED: Even if God [Jesus] never did another good thing in our lives, we could spend the rest of this life praising Him for what He has already done! Dillon Burroughs

:) Church sign: Honk if you love Jesus, text while driving if you want to meet Him!


Pearls 1/5/18

REAL: Having believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promise of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 1:13b

CULTURED: It is not enough just to read the Bible; it is even just as important to understand it. As to living it- that is accomplished in and through us by the Holy Spirit. R. Alan Woods

:) Your shaving brush

Has had its day

So why not

Shave the modern way

With......................

Burma Shave!


Pearls 1/4/18

REAL: So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and discern between right and wrong. 1 Kings 3:9

CULTURED: Next time you're faced with a choice, do the right thing. It hurts everyone less [including yourself] in the long run. Wendelin Van Draanen

:) Chrurch sign: If you are praying for snow, please stop now!


Pearls 1/3/18

REAL: But in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. Heb. 1:2a

CULTURED: The Bible says that in the last days, there would be false teachers. And, it also says that in the End Times that... there would be an apostasy. David Laurey

:) we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square!



Pearls 1/2/18

REAL: How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, your God reigns. Isaiah 52:7

CULTURED: The littlest feet make the biggest imprints on our hearts! Anonymous

:) French fries weren't invented in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet!


Pearls 1/1/18

REAL: Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men. Matt. 12:31

CULTURED: A church in the land without the Spirit is rather a curse than a blessing. If you have not the Spirit of God. Charles Spurgeon

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests!


Pearls 12/31/17

REAL: And Jesus said unto him, Thou hast both seen him, and it is he that talketh with thee. And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshipped him. John 9:37-38 (KJV)

CULTURED: To love God with our hearts and our minds, let's resolve to glorify [worship] God by not being women who fool others or who are easily fooled ourselves. Avoiding a bad thought day depends on it. Patty Houser

:) CHURCH SIGN: Adam and Eve, the first two people not to read the Apple terms and conditions!


Pearls 12/30/17

REAL: "You now dismiss your servant in peace for mine eyes have seen your salvation." Luke 2:29b-30

CULTURED: We're just like nails. The harder you hit us, the deeper you drive us; and the deeper you drive us, the more peaceful it becomes! Korean Christians

:) Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?


Pearls 12/29/17

REAL: Because you are sons, God sent the spirit of His Son into our hearts; the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba Father.' Galatians 4:6

CULTURED: The touchstone of the Holy Spirit's work in us is the answer to our Lord's question: "Who do men say that the Son of Man is? Oswald Chambers

:) Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?


Pearls 12/28/17

REAL: I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. Isaiah 61:10a

CULTURED: Get in the habit of saying some daily praise to Go; even if it is just for the fact that you're alive to witness a brand new day on earth. Edmond Mbiaka

:) Old Farmer's wisdom: You cannot unsay a cruel word. & Every path has a few puddles!





Pearls 12/27/17

REAL: He (God) sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.

We know that we live in Him and He in us because He has given us His Spirit. 1 John 4:9b, 13



CULTURED: If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them. George Mueller

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear!






Pearls 12/26/17

REAL: But Ahaz said, "I will not ask. I will not put the Lord to the test." Isaiah 10:12



CULTURED: God tests, but he does not tempt. Criss Jami

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) The wind was too strong to wind the sail!

Pearls 12/25/17



REAL: And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. John 1:14



CULTURED: Sola Christus...the only One who is The Word made flesh! Without Him we have/are just alone! Anonymous



:) (Church sign) 'Be the kind of person you're pet thinks you are!'



Pearls 12/24/17



REAL: And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:7



CULTURED: It is impossible to conceive how different things would have turned out if that birth had not happened whenever, wherever, however it didfor millions of people who have lived since, the birth of jesus made possible not just a new way of understanding life but a new way of living it. Frederick Beuchner



Smile If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?


Pearls: 12/23/17

REAL: But before they came together, she Mary) was found to be with child through the Holy Ghost. Matthew 1:18b

CULTURED: A church in the land without the Spirit is rather a curse than a blessing. If you have not the Spirit of God. Charles Spurgeon


:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.


Pearls 12/22/17

REAL: Greetings you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you. Luke 1:28b

CULTURED: Her (Mary's) Son first had to be the Child of the Father in order then to become man and be capable of taking up on his shoulders the burden of a guilty world. Hans Urs von Balthasar

:) Why work up

A wimpy lather

Once you've tried

We're sure

You'd rather

use Burma Shave!


Pearls: 12/20/17

REAL: But Ahaz said, "I will not ask. I will not put the Lord to the test." Isaiah 10:12



CULTURED: God tests, but he does not tempt. Criss Jami

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) The wind was too strong to wind the sail!


Pearls 12/19/17

REAL: How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Song of Sol. 7:1

CULTURED: Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison

:) CHURCH SIGN: Whoever stole our A C units, keep one! It's hot where you're going!


Pearls 12/18/17

REAL: They asked him, "Who are you? Are you Elijah?" "I am not, he said." John 1:21



CULTURED: John (the Baptist) stands as prophets do to this very day, as an unyielding presence unsettling us and leaving us not quite sure of how we feel about him. And yet John seems hard to know, hard to like even though we stand back in admiration of him. We react the same way to most absolute figured. Eugene Kennedy

:)Within this vale

Of toil

And sin

Your head grows bald

But not your chin!

Use...Burma Shave!


Pearls 12/17/17

REAL: Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation. 1 Peter 2:12


CULTURED: Man was created to glorify God. Now, that may encompass other things which God has planned for each man, but essentially, man was created to glorify God. Criss Jami

:) (Church sign) 'Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted! (No, not Elmer Fudd!)



Pearls 12/16/17

REAL: Do not put out the Spirit's fire. 1 Thessalonians 5:19



CULTURED: The wizard [of Oz] says look inside yourself and find self. God says look inside yourself and find [the Holy Spirit]. The first will get you to Kansas. The latter will get you to heaven! Max Lucado

:) Hat and tie

Smart and clean

Space between

Spoiled the scene

He should use...Burma Shave!


Pearls 12/14/17

REAL: In speaking of a new covenant, he makes the first one obsolete. And what is becoming obsolete and growing old is ready to vanish away. Heb. 8:13

CULTURED: The Church expected the Second Coming of Christ immediately. The converts had known a first coming. And then? And then! That was the trouble — the then. He had come, and they adored and believed, they communicated and practiced, and waited. The then lasted, and there seemed to be no farther equivalent Now. Time became the individual and catholic problem. The Church had to become as universal and as durable — as time. Charles Williams


:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Pearls 12/13/17

REAL: We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

CULTURED: It was all in His [Jesus'] hands now - as it had always been. Louis Zamperini

:) Old Farmer's advice: Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway!



Pearls 12/12/17

REAL: We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

CULTURED: It was all in His [Jesus'] hands now - as it had always been. Louis Zamperini

:) Old Farmer's advice: Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway!


Pearls 12/11/17

REAL: Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? 1 Pet. 3:13

CULTURED: The people you rub shoulders with everyday need that kind of challenge. Not prudish. Not preachy. Just cracker jack clean living. Just honest to goodness, bone - deep, non-hypocritical integrity. Chuck Swindoll

:) There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple!


Pearls 12/10/17

REAL: Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. 1 Peter 4:16

CULTURED: We glorify Christ when we live for God—trusting, loving, and obeying Him. Billy Graham

:) A man who passes

On hills and curves

Is not a man

Of iron nerves--

He's SOON HOIRE D'VOIRES (FOR WORMS)!...Burma Shave!




Pearls 12/9/17

REAL:.. Since everything will be destroyed in this way what kind of people ought we be? 2 Peter 3:11

CULTURED: No one has ever become poor by giving [or helping others]. Anne Frank

:) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row....To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow(pig) to sow!


Pearls 12/8/17

REAL: For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. 1Cor. 5:3 & Or, do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? 1 Cor.. 6:2

CULTURED: We are called to judge our neighbor's actions as well as our own, but not our neighbor himself. (Luke 6:37). Anonymous

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) He could lead if he would get the lead out! & The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert!





Pearls 12/7/17

REAL: Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God's kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off. Rom. 11:22

CULTURED: The mystery of grace is the power of God. Lailah Gifty Akita

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum! When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes!


Pearls 12/6/17

REAL: And Jesus said unto him, Thou hast both seen Him, and it is He that talketh with thee. And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshipped Him. John 9:37-38 KJV

CULTURED: If you do not worship God, you worship something, and nine times out of ten it will be yourself. You have a duty to worship God, not because He will be imperfect and unhappy if you do not, but because you will be imperfect and unhappy. Fulton J. Sheen

:) Advice from An Old Farmer 🤣 Keep skunks and bankers at a distance!


Pearls 12/5/17

REAL: "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?" Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me. Matt. 25:44-5

CULTURED: There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. John Holmes

:) Advice from An Old Farmer: It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge!


Pearls 12/4/17

REAL: But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep. 1 Cor. 15:20

CULTURED: Jesus's resurrection is the beginning of God's new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven. That, after all, is what the Lord's Prayer is about. N.T. Wright

:) Advice from An Old Farmer: Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you!



Pearls 12/3/17

REAL: And it was so, when Gideon heard the telling of the dream, and the interpretation thereof, that he worshipped, and returned into the host of Israel, and said, Arise; for the Lord hath delivered into your hand the host of Midian. Judges 7:15

CULTURED: Worship gatherings are not always spectacular, but they are always supernatural. And if a church looks for or works for the spectacular, she may miss the supernatural. Matt Chandler

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) The wind was too strong to wind the sail!


Pearls 12/2/17

REAL: ... tell him, The Lord has need of it… Mark 11:3b

CULTURED: Advice is one of those things it is far more blessed to give than to receive. Carolyn Wells!

:) Old Farmer's advice: If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around!


Pearls 12/1/17

REAL: I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus. 1 Cor. 1:4

CULTURED: Joy is thankfulness, and when we are joyful, that is the best expression of thanks we can offer the Lord, Who delivers us from sorrow and sin. Thaddeus of Vitovnica

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) The buck does funny things when the does are present!


Pearls 11/30/17

REAL: No eye has ever seen any God besides You who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him. Isaiah 64:4

CULTURED: Prophesies of Jesus are sometimes veiled. But God gives us His Spirit to see through the veil. Anonymous

:) They were too close to the door to close it!


Pearls 11/29/17

REAL: I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice. Ezek. 34:16

CULTURED: Don't let past mistakes keep you from seeking God. Billy Graham

:) Advice from An Old Farmer 🤣 Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.



Pearls 11/28/17

REAL: For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Rom. 8:2

CULTURED: It is this spiritual freedom - which cannot be taken away -that makes life meaningful and purposeful. Viktor E. Frankl

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present!


Pearls 11/27/17

REAL: For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Rom. 8:2

CULTURED: It is this spiritual freedom - which cannot be taken away -that makes life meaningful and purposeful. Viktor E. Frankl

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present!





Pearls 11/26/17

REAL:...which He lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of His will, according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ; Eph. 1:8-9

CULTURED: Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.1 Thess. 5:11

:) (Homographs & Heteronyms) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse! & We must polish the Polish furniture!


Pearls 11/25/17

REAL: His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.' Matt. 25:21

CULTURED: Be wise and attend to obeying. Let Christ manage the providing. Charles Haddon Spurgeon

:) Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

(Homographs & Heteronyms) The bandage was wound around the wound! & The farm was used to produce produce!



Pearls 11/24/17

REAL: Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.1 Thess. 5:11

CULTURED: If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give. George Macdonald

:) Advice from An Old Farmer 🤣 Meanness don't jes happen overnight!



Pearls 11/23/17

REAL: give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess. 5:18

CULTURED: Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. W.T. Purkiser

:) I did not object to the object! & The insurance was invalid for the invalid!


Pearls 11/22/17

REAL: These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

CULTURED: Discouraged not by difficulties without, or the anguish of ages within, the heart listens to a secret voice that whispers: "Be not dismayed; in the future lies the Promised Land.

Helen Keller

:) Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled!



Pearls 11/21/17

REAL: O my Strength, I will watch for you, for you, O God, are my fortress. Psalm 59:9 ESV

CULTURED: The Second Coming of Christ is essentially the revealing of the internal sense of the Word. Steve Sanchez

:) What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?


Pearls 11/20/17

REAL: Now I Nebuchadnezzar praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all whose works are truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase. Dan. 4:37 KJV

CULTURED: Yesterday i was clever so He took the glory from me. Today, HE makes me wise so i give the glory to HIM. Anonymous

:) Advice from An Old Farmer 🤣A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor!



Pearls 11/19/17

REAL: And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy: Luke 24:52

CULTURED: If they can worship a weird creature, which is even not existed; why I must not worship a Beautiful One who is already here. M.F. Moonzajer

:) What do you call a male ladybug?


Pearls 11/17/17

REAL: Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh. Matt. 25:13 KJV

CULTURED: The first time [Christ] came to slay sin in men. The second time He will come to slay men in sin. Arthur W. Pink and...Bible teaching about the Second Coming of Christ was thought of as "doomsday" preaching. But not anymore. It is the only ray of hope that shines as an ever brightening beam in a darkening world. Billy Graham

:) Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?



Pearls 11/16/17

REAL: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort oneanother with these words. 1 Thess. 4:17-18 KJV

CULTURED: When it seems as if God is far away, remind yourself that He is near. Nearness is not a matter of geography. God is everywhere. Nearness is likeness. The more we become like the Lord, the nearer He is to us. Warren Wiersbe

:) If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does she become disoriented?


Pearls 11/15/17

REAL: Hate the evil, and love the good; Amos 5:15a KJV

CULTURED: We choose what attitudes we have right now. And it's a continuing choice. John C. Maxwell

:) Advice from An Old Farmer... Life is simpler when you plow around the stump!



Pearls 11/14/17

REAL: And he said, Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, [I] the LORD will make myself known unto him in a vision, [and] will speak unto him in a dream. Num. 12:6

CULTURED: A great leader's courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position. John C. Maxwell

:) If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?


Pearls 11/13/17

REAL: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Phil. 2:3

CULTURED: Jesus Christ is a God whom we approach without pride, and before whom we humble ourselves without despair. Blaise Pascal

:) Definition of politician: As self-serving individual who became filthy rich while on a government salary and claiming to have the interest of the people at heart!


Pearls 11/12/17

REAL: And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live. Ezek. 16:6 KJV

CULTURED: God is always pressing forward with His people. The Ark of the Covenant represents the "Glory and Presence" of God." Pazaria Smith

:) If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


Pearls 11/11/17

REAL: Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matt. 6:34

CULTURED: Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don't worry; God never blinks. Regina Brett

:) Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


Pearls 11/10/17

REAL: Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: 1Pet. 4:12

CULTURED: If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. Regina Brett

:) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Pearls 11/9/17

REAL: You have disciplined me, and I was disciplined, like an untrained calf; bring me back that I may be restored, for you are the LORD my God. Jer. 31:18b

CULTURED: God's discipline has nothing to do with rejection but more to do with refinement. Gary Rohrmayer

:) Experience is a hard teacher because she give you the test first, and the lesson afterwards!


Pearls 11/8/17

REAL: Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Prov. 16:18

CULTURED: There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which everyone loathes when they see it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they're guilty themselves and that's pride. Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind. C.S. Lewis

:) If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?


Pearls 11/7/17

REAL: The LORD is with you while you are with him. If you seek Him, He will be found by you, but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you. 2 Chron. 15:2b

CULTURED: The mystery of seeking God is that HE is the One who finds you. Kingsley Opuwari Manuel

:) People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian". Well nobody's laughing now!


Pearls 11/6/17

REAL: Jesus wept. John 11:35 (shortest vs. in the Bible)

CULTURED: Shall we mourn here deedless forever a shadow-folk mist-haunting dropping vain tears in the thankless sea. J.R.R. Tolkien

:) The man who rows the boat, generally doesn't have time to rock it!


Pearls 11/5/17

REAL: The king's scribes were summoned at that time, in the third month, which is the month of Sivan, on the twenty-third day. And an edict was written, according to all that Mordecai commanded concerning the Jews, to the satraps and the governors and the officials of the provinces from India to Ethiopia, 127 provinces, to each province in its own script and to each people in its own language, and also to the Jews in their script and their language. Esther 8:9 (longest vs. in the Bible)

CULTURED: When God throws something your way, catch it! Chriscinthia Blount

:) We are all manufactures - some make good, others make trouble and still others make excuses!


Pearls 11/4/17

REAL: Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matt. 5:12

CULTURED: First words of friendship..."What! You too!? I thought I was the only one!" C.S.Lewis (taken from PBS series-Vietnam...episode on MIA children speaking of their fathers)

:) If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?


Pearls 11/3/17

REAL: See what kind of love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. 1 John 3:1

CULTURED: Saving us is the greatest and most concrete demonstration of God's love, the definitive display of His grace throughout time and eternity. David Jeremiah

:) If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?


Pearls 11/2/17

REAL: For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and He will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Rev. 7:17

CULTURED: Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Corrie ten Boom

:) If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?


Pearls 11/1/17

REAL: Do you have faith in him that he will return your grain and gather it to your threshing floor? Job 39:12

CULTURED: Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens. J.R.R. Tolkien

:) You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes...Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?


Pearls 10/31/17

REAL: Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Gal. 6:1-2

CULTURED: You will never forgive anyone more than God has already forgiven you. Max Lucado

:)Provide uncommon courtesy because common courtesy is uncommon!


Pearls 10/30/17

REAL: Be thou faithful unto death and I will give thee the crown of life. Rev. 2:10b

CULTURED: Be faithful over successful. Anonymous

:) A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him!


Pearls 10/29/17

REAL: And the people believed: and when they heard that the Lord had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped. Ex. 4:31

CULTURED: True worship comes when we learn to close our eyes and focus only on Him. Joel Balin

:) Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?


Pearls 10/28/17

REAL: Therefore, keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour. Matt.25:13

CULTURED: When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me. Erma Bombeck

:) Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?


Pearls 10/27/17

REAL: For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. Rom. 3:28

CULTURED: Saving faith is an immediate relation to Christ, accepting, receiving, resting upon Him alone, for justification, sanctification, and eternal life by virtue of God's grace. Charles Spurgeon

:) Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?


Pearls 10/26/17

REAL: Then I saw another angel flying directly overhead, with an eternal gospel to proclaim to those who dwell on earth, to every nation and tribe and language and people. And he said with a loud voice, "Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come, and worship him who made heaven and earth, the sea and the springs of water. Rev.14:6-7

CULTURED: Are you proud of yourself tonight that you have insulted a total stranger whose circumstances you know nothing about? Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

:) Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?


Pearls 10/25/17

REAL: Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Prov. 29:18

CULTURED: When I think of vision, I have in mind the ability to see above and beyond the majority [to God]. Chuck Swindoll

:)Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute!


Pearls 10/24/17

REAL: You are wearied with your many counsels; let them stand forth and save you, those who divide the heavens, who gaze at the stars, who at the new moons make known what shall come upon you. Isa. 47:13

CULTURED: I feel that astrology was a tool created by God for us to understand ourselves better and to use as a spiritual tool. Carmen Turner-Schott

:) (picture joke) "Look Mom! They ran out of candy so they gave me kittens!


Pearls 10/24/17

REAL: You are wearied with your many counsels; let them stand forth and save you, those who divide the heavens, who gaze at the stars, who at the new moons make known what shall come upon you. Isa. 47:13

CULTURED: I feel that astrology was a tool created by God for us to understand ourselves better and to use as a spiritual tool. Carmen Turner-Schott

:) A smile happens in a flash, but the memory of it sometimes lasts FOREVER!


Pearls 10/23/17

REAL: In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Rom. 8:26

CULTURED: Prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance, but laying hold of His willingness." Martin Luther...and...The Holy Spirit connects with your prayers when they come from your heart and not just your lips. Tim Hetzner

:) Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?





Pearls 10/22/17

REAL: But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped Him. Mark 5:6



CULTURED: whether High Church worship or low church worship, it still all revolves around jesus Christ and him crucified. PK

Smile The road to success is always under construction!


Pearls 10/21/17

REAL: Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's. Matt.22:21

CULTURED: True obedience without faith is not possible. — Author Unknown

:) One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.


Pearls 10/20/17

REAL: And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. 1Thes.1:7

CULTURED: Destiny waits in the hand of god, shaping the still unshapen. T.S. Eliot

:) A good supervisor is a guy who can step on your toes without messing up your shine!


Pearls 10/19/17

REAL: I am the Lord, there is no God like me…I bring prosperity and create disaster, I, the Lord, do all these things. Isa. 45:6b-7

CULTURED: May the Strength of God Pilots us, May the power of God Preserve us, May the Wisdom of God Instruct us, May the Hand of God Protect us. Nishan Panwar


:) To air is human, but please cut down on the amount of beans you eat.


Pearls 10/18/17

REAL: One man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all these I have not found. Ecc. 7:28b

CULTURED: Where the human knowledge ends, God's wisdom and power begins to manifest in abundance. Gift Gugu Mona

:) To err is human, but to blame it on: spouse, children, parents, siblings, cousins, best friends, friends, not so good friends, bad friends, the cat, (never the dog), the president, the congress, the mayor, the neighbors, is even more so!




Pearls 10/17/17

REAL: For if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. If you do not forgive their trespasses, neither will your Heavenly Father forgive you. Matt. 6:14-15

CULTURED: To be convinced in our hearts that we have forgiveness of sins and peace with God by grace alone is the hardest thing. Martin Luther,

:) To err is human...and to blame it on a computer is even more so!


Pearls 10/16/17

REAL: Man's goings are of the LORD; how can a man then understand his own way? Prov. 20:24

CULTURED: We can only change life in the country and radically reform society by having God's wisdom, strength and authority Sunday Adelaja

:) I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes!


Pearls 10/15/17

REAL: And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord. Gen. 24:26

CULTURED: Only those who obey the word of truth can truly worship God in spirit. Mac Canoza

:) What is the best thing about duct tape? It turns "No No No!" into "mmm mmm mmm!"


Pearls 10/14/17

REAL: For many are called, but few are chosen. Matt. 22:14

CULTURED: Your current circumstances are part of your redemption story He is writing. Evinda Lepins

:) What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?


Pearls 10/13/17

REAL: Come to the wedding banquet. Matt.22:4

CULTURED: When large numbers of people share their joy in common, the happiness of each is greater because each adds fuel to the other's flame. Augustine

:) My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo!


Pearls 10/12/17

REAL: thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Phil. 4:6

CULTURED: A family that prays together, stays together. Anonymous

:) An optimist is someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way!


Pearls 10/11/17

REAL: The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces." Isa.25:8

CULTURED: We are temporarily immortal, until we have fulfilled God's plans for our lives...then we become temporarily mortal, waiting to become permanently immortal at lasT. Israelmore Ayivor

:) My fake plants died cuz I did not pretend to water them!


Pearls 10/10/17



REAL: Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

CULTURED: The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world's joy. Henry Ward Beecher

:)What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhino?

Elephino!!


Pearls 10/9/17

REAL: And I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun. Eccl. 8:15

CULTURED: The very nature of Joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting. C.S. Lewis

:) What do chickens think we taste like?


Pearls 10/8/17

REAL: So the last will be first, and the first last. Matt. 20:16 & Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me. Matt. 15:25

CULTURED: When we worship, we ascend, when we ascend we gain revelation from God. Chuck D. Pierce

:) I'm in therapy now. I used to be in denial, which is a lot cheaper!


PEARLS: 10/7/17

REAL: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING, let your request be made known to God. Phil. 4:6

CULTURED: We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction. H.A. Ironside

:) I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade!"


PEARLS: 10/6/17

REAL: Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money or are you envious because I'm generous? Matt.20:15

CULTURED: The remarkable thing is, we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. Chuck Swindoll

:) I'm a procrastinator. I didn't get my birthmark until I was eight years old!



PEARLS: 10/5/17

REAL: Forgetting what's behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil.3:14

CULTURED: You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore. William Faulkner

:) I've cured myself of smoking in bed. I bought a water bed and filled it with gasoline!



PEARLS: 10/4/17

REAL: What more could have been done for my vineyard than I have done for it? Isa. 5:4a

CULTURED: Jesus said, 'Enter into My rest' and let God do what He does best. R. Alan Woods

:) You know you're getting older when happy hour is a nap!


PEARLS: 10/3/17

REAL: Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope? Job 4:6

CULTURED: Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words and never stops at all. Emily Dickinson

:) Never take a pill that has more side effects than you have symptoms!



PEARLS: 10/2/17

REAL: For the vision [is] yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Habakkuk 2:3

CULTURED: When you have vision it affects your attitude. Your attitude is optimistic rather than pessimistic. Chuck Swindoll

:) Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.


PEARLS: 10/1/17

REAL: Every man shall kiss his lips that giveth a right answer. Prov. 24:26

CULTURED: O God, help me to win, but in thy wisdom if thou willest me not to win, then O God, make me a good loser. Sir Robert Baden-Powell

:) Before you open your mouth to speak, make sure it's an improvement upon the silence!



PEARLS: 9/30/17



REAL: By what authority are you doing these things and who gave You this authority?

Mt.21:23b

CULTURED: Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His lordship. ~ Elisabeth Elliot

:) No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.



PEARLS: 9/29/17



REAL: But in humility, consider others better than yourself. Phil.2:3b

CULTURED: Authority exercised with humility, and obedience accepted with delight are the very lines along which our spirits live. C.S. Lewis

:) A horse may be coaxed to drink or led, but a pencil must be lead!


PEARLS: 9/28/17



REAL: Rid yourselves from all your offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Ezekiel 18:31

CULTURED: Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

:) When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter!"


PEARLS: 9/27/17



REAL: Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks. Psalm 137:9 (Check this for sure...I believe this verse falls under Rom. 11:33...PK)

CULTURED: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr

:) I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost!


PEARLS: 9/26/17



REAL: He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" Mark 4:40



CULTURED: Moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. You can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith. C.S. Lewis

:) I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed!


PEARLS: 9/25/17



REAL: "Consider carefully what you hear," He continued. "With the measure you use, it will be measured to you -- and even more." (Jesus) Mark 4:24

CULTURED: You can read the same Bible verse a dozen times and get a dozen different insights. Tim Hetzner

:) Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce!

PEARLS: 9/24/17

REAL: And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the LORD, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding. Job 28:28

CULTURED: Life does not have to be easy to be wonderful. Anonymous

:) My uncle finally quit smoking. It was a beautiful service!


PEARLS: 9/23/17



REAL: I have sinned; what shall I do unto thee, O thou preserver of men? why hast thou set me as a mark against thee, so that I am a burden to myself? Job 7:20

CULTURED: Confidence that one's impressions are God-given is no guarantee that this is really so, even when they persist and grow stronger through long seasons of prayer. Bible-based wisdom must judge them. J.I. Packer

:) Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot!


PEARLS: 9/22/17

REAL: And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

CULTURED: I challenge you to show me where the saloon has ever helped business, education, church, morals or anything we hold dear. Billy Sunday

:) Don't worry about what people think of you, they don't do it very often!


PEARLS: 9/21/17

REAL: And they stood up in their place, and read in the book of the law of the LORD their God one fourth part of the day; and another fourth part they confessed, and worshipped the LORD their God. Neh. 9:3

CULTURED: If you cut him, (John Bunyan) he'd bleed Scripture! Charles Haddon Spurgeon

:) I'm not a complete idiot - parts of me are missing!




PEARLS: 9/20/17

REAL: A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city. Proverbs 18:19

CULTURED: No man is the wiser for his learning; it may administer matter to work in, or objects to work upon; but wit and wisdom are born with a man. John Selden

:) If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?




PEARLS: 9/19/17

REAL: Endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 2 Timothy 2:3

CULTURED: In spite of sorrow, loss, and pain, our course be onward still; we sow on Burmah's barren plain, we reap on Zion's hill. Adoniram Judson

:) Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys!


PEARLS: 9/18/17

REAL: And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. Mark 9:24

CULTURED: But for my faith in God, I should have been a raving maniac. Mahatma Gandhi

:) A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative!


PEARLS: 9/17/17

REAL: Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.

CULTURED: I can safely say, on the authority of all that is revealed in the Word of God, that any man or woman on this earth who is bored and turned off by worship is not ready for heaven. A.W. Tozer

:) It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to! ~W.C. Fields



PEARLS: 9/16/17

REAL: I tell you the truth, not seven times, but seven times seventy. Matthew 18:22

CULTURED: Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude. Martin Luther King Jr.

:) The toughest thing in business is minding your own!






PEARLS: 9/15/17

REAL: One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. Rom.14:2

CULTURED: What one thinks is right is not always the same as what others think is right; no one can be always right. Roy T. Bennett

:) If you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?


PEARLS: 9/14/17



REAL: You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. Genesis 50:20a

CULTURED: The most important parts of building a family are "God's Love" and "Meaningful Friendships." Phil Mitchell

:) Marriage is the mourning after the knot before!





PEARLS: 9/12/17



REAL: There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace. Proverbs 12:20

CULTURED: If God be our God, He will give us peace in trouble. When there is a storm without, He will make peace within. The world can create trouble in peace, but God can create peace in trouble. Anon.

:) In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action!"


PEARLS: 9/11/17

REAL: Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting!" Then all the people said, "Amen!" and praised the LORD. ! Chron. 16:36



CULTURED: JESUS...JUST PRAISE HIM! Nike

:) A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK: "Blind man driving."


PEARLS: 9/10/17

REAL: And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. Revelation 22: 3(NKJV)

CULTURED: Worship, then, needs to be characterized by hospitality; it needs to be inviting. But at the same time, it should be inviting seekers into the church and its unique story and language. Worship should be an occasion of cross-cultural hospitality. James K.A. Smith

:) At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place!"





PEARLS: 9/9/17

REAL: For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. Matt 18:20

CULTURED: We must cease striving and trust God to provide what He thinks is best and in whatever time He chooses to make it available. But this kind of trusting doesn't come naturally. It's a spiritual crisis of the will in which we must choose to exercise faith. Charles R. Swindoll

:) On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber!"


PEARLS: 9/8/17

REAL: Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. Rom. 13:10

CULTURED: With my lost saints - I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! - and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. Elizabeth Barrett Browning,

:) In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get all fed up with everything!"


PEARLS: 9/7/17

REAL: Then the LORD replied: "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. Habakkuk 2:2

CULTURED: We need a baptism of clear seeing. We desperately need seers who can see through the mist--Christian leaders with prophetic vision. Unless they come soon it will be too late for this generation. And if they do come we will no doubt crucify a few of them in the name of our worldly orthodoxy. A.W. Tozer

:) At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout!"


PEARLS: 9/6/17

REAL: My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Psalm 73:26

CULTURED: Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint. Markus Herz

:) In a Podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels!




PEARLS: 9/5/17

REAL: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over. Luke 6:38

CULTURED: You haven't lived today until you've done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan in the book- Pilgrim's Progress

:) A golf course is a site to be holed!


PEARLS: 9/4/17

REAL: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over. Luke 6:38

CULTURED: You haven't lived today until you've done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan in the book- Pilgrim's Progress

:) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?



PEARLS: 9/3/17

REAL: Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. Hebrews 12: 28

CULTURED: Worship is giving God the best that He has given you. Be careful what you do with the best you have, Whenever you get a blessing from God, give it back to Him as a love gift. Take time to meditate before God and offer the blessing back to Him in a deliberate act of worship.. Oswald Chambers

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe help me find my glasses! They're on top of your head!


PEARLS: 9/2/17

REAL: Go Tell it on the Mountain over the hills and everywhere Go Tell it on the Mountain, that Jesus Christ is born.

CULTURED: We cannot enjoy peace in this world unless we are ready to yield to the will of God in respect of death. Our times are in His hand, at His sovereign disposal. We must accept that as best. John Owen

:) Rented cars are the only true "all terrain vehicle!"


PEARLS: 9/1/17

REAL: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with one another. Rom. 12:18

CULTURED: We cannot enjoy peace in this world unless we are ready to yield to the will of God in respect of death. Our times are in His hand, at His sovereign disposal. We must accept that as best. John Owen

:) Rented cars are the only true "all terrain vehicle!"


PEARLS: 8/31/17

REAL: I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze. Jeremiah 15:20a

CULTURED: When we look at the cross we see the power of God. John Stott


:) Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often!


PEARLS: 8/30/17

REAL: Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Prov. 10:9

CULTURED: Integrity is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; humility grows when we refuse to be prideful; and endurance develops every time you reject the temptation to give up. Rick

Warren

:) In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait!"


PEARLS: 8/29/17

REAL: Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Prov. 10:9

CULTURED: Integrity is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; humility grows when we refuse to be prideful; and endurance develops every time you reject the temptation to give up. Rick Warren

:) In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."


PEARLS: 8/28/17

REAL: But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. Jeremiah 17:7

CULTURED: Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. Mahatma Ghandi

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Roach. Roach who? Roach you a letter, did you get it?


PEARLS: 8/27/17

REAL: The twenty-four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying: "You are worthy, O Lord, To receive glory and honor and power; For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created. Revelation 4: 10-11

CULTURED: In divine worship a certain definite space of time is set aside from working hours and days... and like the space allotted to the temple, is not used, is withdrawn from all merely utilitarian ends. Josef Pieper

:) Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida your sandwich for lunch today!


PEARLS: 8/26/17

REAL: You are the Christ, the Son of the living God. Matt. 16:16

CULTURED: Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right. Max Lucado

:) Knock, knock! Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by!


PEARLS: 8/25/17

REAL: Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1

CULTURED: When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. Joseph Campbell

:) My new health club is so fancy, they have a spiral Stair-Master!


PEARLS: 8/24/17

REAL: Look to the rock from which you were cut and the quarry from where you were hewn. Isa.51:1

CULTURED: The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty. Zig Ziglar

:) If at first you don't succeed... you're doing about average.


PEARLS: 8/23/17

REAL: For my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations. Isa. 56:7b

CULTURED : You can do more than pray after you have prayed; but you can never do more than pray until you have prayed." A.J. Gordon

:) Knock,knock. Who's there? Robin. Robin who? Robin the piggy bank again!


PEARLS: 8/22/17

REAL: Then David said to Gad, "I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the LORD, for his mercy is great; but let me not fall into the hand of man. 2 Sam. 24:14

CULTURED: God be our God, He will give us peace in trouble. When there is a storm without, He will make peace within. The world can create trouble in peace, but God can create peace in trouble. Thomas Watson

:) At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank Heaven for little grills!"



PEARLS: 8/21/17

REAL: Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Psalm 34:8

CULTURED: As long as a man is alive and out of hell, he cannot have any cause to complain. Charles Spurgeon

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up!



PEARLS: 8/20/17

REAL: But when He again brings the firstborn into the world, He says: "Let all the angels of God worship Him. Hebrews 1: 6 (NKJV)

CULTURED: Although we must not seek emotional experiences for their own sake, we must not shun them merely because others misuse them or ignore God's instructions on worship. Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

:) Doughnuts make your brown eyes blue!








PEARLS: 8/19/17

REAL: "Yes Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the Master's table." Matt.15:27

CULTURED: Rejoice and thank God in the midst of your storms. For those people who have been through hell and back but continue to have smiles on their faces, they are the examples of God's grace and mercy. Latorria Freeman

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Etch. Etch who? Bless you!



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PEARLS: 8/18/17

REAL: For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that He may have mercy on them all. Rom.11:32

CULTURED: Our job on earth isn't to criticize, reject, or judge. Our purpose is to offer a helping hand, compassion, and mercy. We are to do unto others as we hope they would do unto us. Dana Arcuri

:) A teacher is a person who used to think he liked children!




PEARLS: 8/17/17

REAL: For my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations. Isa. 56:7b

CULTURED: Prayer is the acid test of devotion." Samuel Chadwick

:) Knock,knock. Who's there? Robin. Robin who? Robin the piggy bank again!


Pearls: 8/16/17

REAL: Then he said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" And Peter answered, "The Christ of God."


Pearls: 8/15/17

CULTURED: I praise God because he not only guides my directions but overrules my mistakes. H Norman Pell

:) Knock, knock.Who's there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business!

REAL: Let seven of his sons be given to us, so that we may hang them before the LORD at Gibeah of Saul, the chosen of the LORD." And the king said, "I will give them." But the king spared Mephibosheth, the son of Saul's son Jonathan. 2 Sam. 21:6-7a

CULTURED: Night and day I pondered until I saw the connection between the justice of God and the statement that 'the just shall live by his faith.' Then I grasped that the justice of God is that righteousness by which through grace and sheer mercy God justifies us through faith. Thereupon I felt myself to be reborn and to have gone through open doors into paradise. Martin Luther

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Cow's go. Cow's go who? Cow's don't go who, they go moo!


Pearls: 8/14/17

REAL: But the vine said to them, 'Shall I leave my wine that cheers God and men and go hold sway over the trees?' Judges 9:13


CULTURED: We have a mission to others--to add to their cheer. This we cannot do unless we have first learned the lesson of cheerfulness in Christ in ourselves. Anonymous

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida sandwich for lunch today!


Pearls: 8/13/17

REAL: Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness. Psalm 29: 2(NKJV)

CULTURED: The great would not think themselves demigods if the little did not worship them. Pierre-Claude-Victor Boiste



:) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband!


Pearls: 8/12/17

REAL: "Lord, if it is You?" Peter replied, "Tell me to come to You on the water!" Matt.14:28

CULTURED: To know the will of God, we need an open Bible and an open map. Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God. William Carey-pioneer missionary to India

:) You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker!





Pearls: 8/11/17

REAL: (that is, to bring Christ down)…(that is, to bring Christ up from the dead) Rom.10:6-7

CULTURED: One may have an abundance of faith in God, but do we trust Him when we don't understand? What good is faith without trust? Danny L. Deaubé

:) If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable!


Pearls: 8/10/17

REAL: Tell me if you think you know all this. Job 38:18b

CULTURED: Though He slay me, yet I will praise Him. When my last tear has fallen I will take up my song again, I will praise His most glorious exalted Name. Jennifer Freitag

:) Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises!"


Pearls: 8/9/17

REAL: Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Rom. 2:3

CULTURED: Sometimes it's easier to be gracious to nonbelievers than to uptight, judgmental Christians. But that just makes you a different kind of judgmental! Tim Hetzner

:) A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS: We will heel you! We will save your sole! We will even dye for you!



Pearls: 8/8/17

REAL: The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life. Prov. 22:4

CULTURED: I marvel at the humility of a God who descends to live inside His flawed creatures, but do I show that same attitude toward people of whom I disapprove? Philip Yancey

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, it's cold out here!




Pearls: 8/7/17

REAL: Does He who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith? Gal. 3:5

CULTURED: Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see. C.S. Lewis



:) Behind every successful man is a surprised woman!


PEARLS: 8/6/17

REAL: . Give to the Lord the glory due His name; bring an offering, and come before Him. Oh, worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness!. 1 Chronicles 16: 29(NKJV)

CULTURED: The great would not think themselves demigods if the little did not worship them. Pierre-Claude-Victor Boiste



:) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband!


PEARLS: 8/5/17



REAL: We have here only five loaves and two fish. Matt.14:17

CULTURED: There is some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. J.R.R. Tolkien

:) I have amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before!






PEARLS: 8/4/17



REAL: Come buy wine and milk, without money and without cost. Isa.55:1b


CULTURED: I had no real communication with anyone at the time, so I was totally dependent on God. And he never failed me. Diet Eman

:) If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?



PEARLS: 8/3/17



REAL: I am the Lord your God. Lev. 18:2 (btw...this verse appears 566times, and add 'Your God'-that appears 112 times)

CULTURED: As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on thing and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you. C.S. Lewis

:) Don't let aging get you down...It's too hard to get back up!


PEARLS: 8/2/17

REAL: And thus the secrets of his heart are revealed; and so, falling down on his face, he will worship God and report that God is truly among you. 1 Corinthians 14: 25

CULTURED: Sometimes I go to God and say, "God, if Thou dost never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship Thee as long as I live and in the ages to come for what Thou hast done already. God's already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million millenniums I couldn't pay Him for what He's done for me. A.W. Tozer

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Two knee. Two knee who? Two-knee fish!







PEARLS: 8/1/17

REAL: For there are three that testify: the Spirit and the water and the blood; and these three agree. 1 John 5:7-8

CULTURED: I believe that every person's individual testimony of Jesus as the Christ comes as a spiritual gift. No one can successfully dispute or challenge it because it is so personal a gift to the one to whom it has been given. James E. Faust

:) On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."


PEARLS: 7/31/17

REAL: For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it for you on the altar to make atonement for your souls, for it is the blood that makes atonement by the life. Lev. 17:11

CULTURED: Teach me to be resigned to thy will, to delight in thy law, to have no will but thine, to believe that everything thou doest is for my good. Arthur Bennett

:) M y girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet!


PEARLS: 7/30/17

REAL: Extol the Lord our God and worship at His footstool! Holy is He! Psalm 99: 5

CULTURED: There were thieves and hypocrites among us, to be sure, and true saints sprinkled here and there, but most were simply good, honest people who worshiped their Creator the best they knew how. We were a family. Donna Chapman Gilbert,

:) 43.53% of all statistics are made up!



PEARLS: 7/29/17

REAL: The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Matthew 13:44

CULTURED: The Kingdom of God is a theocracy. And as it is the only form of government which will redeem and save mankind, it is necessary that every soul should be rightly and thoroughly instructed in regard to its nature and general characteristics. Orson Pratt

:) A SIGN at the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted!"


PEARLS: 7/28/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: If God be for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31b

CULTURED: One man with God is a majority. Brother Andrew

Smile Sign in a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"



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PEARLS: 7/27/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be His people, His treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6


CULTURED: Every single person is sacred. Sacred means special, precious, a treasure of true beauty. That means you. Amy Leigh Mercree

:) Sign on the outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


PEARLS: 7/26/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be His people, His treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6


CULTURED: Every single person is sacred. Sacred means special, precious, a treasure of true beauty. That means you. Amy Leigh Mercree

:) Sign on the outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


PEARLS: 7/25/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: No one is concerned for me … no one cares. Psalm 142:4

CULTURED: If we had a penny for each time God smiled at us, we would all be billionaires. Matshona Dhliwayo and...I want to care like Jesus cares. Anonymous

:) The reason a dog is man's best friend is because he wags his tail instead of his tongue!


PEARLS: 7/24/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. Jonah 2:8


CULTURED: Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. Alexander Pope

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? A herd. A herd who? A herd you were home, so I came over!




PEARLS: 7/23/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: He has put a new song in my mouth— Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord. Psalm 40: 3


CULTURED: This perfect, eternal, Holy exchange Is worship that satisfies both heaven and earth. Amy Layne Litzelman

:) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control!


PEARLS: 7/22/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Let both grow together until harvest. Matthew 13:30

CULTURED: The reason some of us are such poor specimens of Christianity is because we have no Almighty Christ. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment to Jesus Christ. Oswald Chambers

:) You know what I hate? Indian givers...no wait, I take that back!



PEARLS: 7/21/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans.8:18

CULTURED: Sometimes it takes great suffering to pierce the soul and open it up to greatness. Jocelyn Murray

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place we can get something to eat?




PEARLS: 7/20/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Who is like Me? Let him proclaim it." Isaiah.44:7a

CULTURED: Get in the habit of saying some daily praise to God; even if it is just for the fact that you're alive to witness a brand new day on earth. Edmond Mbiaka


:) I'm as confused as a mosquito in a manequin factory!




PEARLS: 7/19/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit. John 3:8

CULTURED: If the wind will not serve, take to the oars while trusting Jesus. Anonymous

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Arfur. Arfur who? Arfur got!


PEARLS: 7/18/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. Psalm 34: 9

CULTURED: God is the Matter of first importance! Can you say that about your current weekly encounter with church? James MacDonald

:) My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes!





PEARLS: 7/17/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matt. 10:38-39



CULTURED: I want you to see persecution and opposition and slander and misunderstanding and disappointment and self-recrimination and weakness and danger as the normal portion of faithful pastoral ministry. John Piper



:) Knock Knock Who's There? Cargo! Cargo who? Car go beep beep!


PEARLS: 7/17/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matt. 10:38-39

CULTURED: I want you to see persecution and opposition and slander and misunderstanding and disappointment and self-recrimination and weakness and danger as the normal portion of faithful pastoral ministry. John Piper

:) Knock Knock Who's There? Cargo! Cargo who? Car go beep beep!


PEARLS: 7/16/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: All Your works shall praise You, O Lord, and Your saints shall bless You Psalm 145: 10

CULTURED: Praising God is contagious; especially for those of us who like to be affected by Him. Shelena Griffiths

:) My wife says when we married, I saved her from a life of prosperity!



PEARLS: 7/15/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace;. Isa.55:10

CULTURED: As we pour out our bitterness, God pours in his peace. F.B. Meyer

:) The ladder of success is difficult to climb with your hands in your pockets!


PEARLS: 7/15/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace;. Isa.55:10

CULTURED: I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.Helen Keller

:) The ladder of success is difficult to climb with your hands in your pockets!



PEARLS: 7/14/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. Rom. 8:12

But now, instead of organs, Christians must use the body to praise God. John Chrysostom


:) Hospitality is the art of making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were!


PEARLS: 7/10/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation. Romans.8:12

CULTURED: They, then, who are destined to die, need not be careful to inquire what death they are to die, but into what place death will usher them. Augustine

:) The Evening News is where they begin with 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't!


PEARLS: 7/10/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: As it is written, "Whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack. 2 Cor. 8:15

CULTURED: I will free your prisoners…Return to your fortress O prisoners of hope. Zech. 9:11-12

[Hope is] Holding fast to dreams,For if dreams die Life is a broken-winged bird, That cannot fly.

Langston Hughes

:) There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away!



PEARLS: 7/4/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. 2 Cor. 7:1

CULTURED: For despite my frequently stubborn resistance to the thought, the single and sole blessing that I can be utterly confident in is found in seeking God alone. Craig D. Lounsbrough

:) Knock, knock.Who's there? King Tut. King Tut who? King Tut-key fried chicken!


PEARLS: 7/3/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. 2 Cor. 7:1

CULTURED: For despite my frequently stubborn resistance to the thought, the single and sole blessing that I can be utterly confident in is found in seeking God alone. Craig D. Lounsbrough

:) Knock, knock.Who's there? King Tut. King Tut who? King Tut-key fried chicken!





PEARLS: 7/2/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: ...worship God. Rev. 19:10b

CULTURED: Let God Himself be the main attraction at church again, and let us be tireless in our insistence that church is for God, about God, through God, and to the glory of His great Son. James MacDonald

:) Knock knock...Who's there? Ears! Ears who? Ears another knock knock joke !


PEARLS: 7/1/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized? Mark 10:38b

CULTURED: A moment with Jesus changed everything. Judah Smith

:) Knock, knock.Who's there? Henrietta. Henrietta who?Henrietta worm that was

in his apple!


PEARLS: 6/30/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code. Rom. 7:6

CULTURED: There is no sinner like a young saint. Aphra Behn

:) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target!



PEARLS: 6/29/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Amen! May the LORD do so. Jer. 5:5b

CULTURED: Wise people say nothing in dangerous times. John Selden

:) They put a new machine in at my gym that provides all my needs. KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers!


PEARLS: 6/28/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: He who has prepared us for this very thing [living in Christ] is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 2 Cor. 5:5

CULTURED: What a broad world to roam in, what a sea to swim in is this God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. A.W. Tozer

:) Who's there? Owls! Owls who? That's right owls hoo!




PEARLS: 6/27/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Cor. 4:6

CULTURED: On Jesus' rock, my life abounds; all other floors are slippery grounds. His love for me, is mercy band; any other love is sinking sand. Israelmore Ayivor

:) Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he'll fix it. There's no need to remind him every six months!


PEARLS: 6/26/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. 2 Cor. 3:3

CULTURED: [Speaking of God's grace], We all die. Not all of us live. Edie Littlefield Sundby

:) I once won an argument with a woman... in this dream I had!


PEARLS: 6/25/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: I will sing a new song to You, O God; on a harp of ten strings I will sing praises to You. Psalm 144: 9

CULTURED: God created us for this: to live our lives in a way that makes him look more like the greatness and the beauty and the infinite worth that he really is. This is what it means to be created in the image of God. John Piper

:) I'm writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don't buy it!


PEARLS: 6/24/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. Matt.10:34b

CULTURED: We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon. James Earl Carter, Jr.

:) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice!


PEARLS: 6/23/17 (Psalm 118:14)



REAL: Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. Romans 7:9

CULTURED: Without a heart transformed by the grace of Christ, we just continue to manage external and internal darkness. Matt Chandler

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place we can get something to eat?




PEARLS: 6/22/17 (Psalm 118:14)



REAL: But the prophet that prophesies peace will be recognized as one truly sent by the Lord only if his prediction comes true. Jeremiah 28:9

CULTURED: It was all in His hands now - as it had always been. Louis Zamperini

:) Knock knock...Who's there? Me! Me who? Wow they were not kidding when they said you got hit in the head!submitted by Annalisse


PEARLS: 6/21/17 (Psalm 118:14)



REAL: Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

CULTURED: Doing the will of God leaves me no time for disputing about His plans. George MacDonald

:) My wife is so skinny, she can tread water in a garden hose!


PEARLS: 6/20/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. 2 Cor. 1:7

CULTURED: No one is ever holy without suffering. Evelyn Waugh,



:) Knock,Knock. Who's there? Iva. Iva who? I've a sore hand from knocking!




PEARLS: 6/19/17 (Psalm 118:14)



REAL: And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. Revelation 22:3

When the music is birthed from a place of worship it carries a spirit of worship. Temi Peters,

:) Who's there? Thistle. Thistle who? Thistle have to hold you until dinner's ready!


PEARLS: 6/18/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: When Jesus saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matt. 9:36

CULTURED: Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary. Oscar Wilde

:) Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down!


PEARLS: 6/17/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. Rom. 6:15

CULTURED: The transformation of a nation is impossible without God's grace. Sunday Adelaja

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Iona. Iona who? Me! 5 Bucks!





PEARLS: 6/16/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Matt. 9:37-38

CULTURED: The Christian is a person who makes it easy for others to believe in God. Robert Murray McCheyne

:) Love is like a rash. It only feels good if you get to scratch it!


PEARLS: 6/15/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: And you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.' These are the words that you shall speak to the people of Israel. Ex. 19:6

CULTURED: For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. Rom. 5:6

Smile Knock, knock Who's there? Ben. Ben who? Ben knocking For 10 minutes!


PEARLS: 6/14/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

CULTURAL: My God give you a rainbow for every storm. Irish Proverb

:) The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn!


PEARLS: 6/13/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: I will sing a new song to You, O God; on a harp of ten strings I will sing praises to You. Psalm 144: 9

CULTURED: Praise and worship is such a powerful device is able to dismantle every shackle and its able to breakdown every wall. Euginia Herlihy

:) [picture of a stork carrying a baby] This gives being saved 'on a wing and a prayer' whole new meaning!




PEARLS: 6/12/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: Go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Matt.28:19

CULTURED: God's command 'Go ye, and preach the gospel to every creature' was the categorical imperative. The question of personal safety was wholly irrelevant. Elisabeth Elliot

:) My mail is a little slow. Last month my flower seeds I ordered came as a bouquet!


PEARLS: 6/11/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. Gen.1:1

CULTURED: All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) Knock Knock! Who's There? Ben! Ben who? Ben knocking on the door all afternoon!


PEARLS: 6/10/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 1 Cor. 1:27-29

CULTURED: Before you open your mouth to speak, make sure it's an improvement upon the silence. Anon.

:) If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?





PEARLS: 6/8/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: To the church of God that is in Corinth [your town 'n your church], to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours. 1 Cor. 1:2

CULTURED: Are we letting the world influence the church more than the church is affecting those in the world?" Betty S. Bender





:) Knock Knock Who's there? Cows go Cows go who? Cows go moo not who!



RLS: 6/8/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: But My righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him. Heb. 10:38

CULTURED:Faith definition: Eyes shut wide open! Anonymous

Knock, knock. Who's there? Claire Claire who? Claire the way, I'm coming through!


PEARLS: 6/7/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: To the church of God that is in Corinth [your town 'n your church], to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours. 1 Cor. 1:2

CULTURED: Are we letting the world influence the church more than the church is affecting those in the world?" Betty S. Bender

:)Knock,knock. Who's there? Xavier! Xavier who? Xavier breath and open the door!


PEARLS: 6/6/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: But My righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.. Heb. 10:38

CULTURED: Faith definition: Eyes shut wide open! Anonymous

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Claire Claire who? Claire the way, I'm coming through!


PEARLS: 6/3/17 (Psalm 118:24)

REAL: I give thanks to Him Who has granted me [the needed] strength and made me able [for this], Christ Jesus our Lord, because He has judged and counted me faithful and trustworthy, appointing me to [this stewardship of] the ministry. 1 Timothy 1: 12

CULTURED: Those blessings are sweetest that are won with prayer and worn with thanks. Thomas Goodwin

:) For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble!


PEARLS: 6/2/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34: 3

CULTURED: The kids (in the Jesus Movement worship) weren't singing for themselves. It seemed like they were singing TO Someone. Greg Laurie

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold enough out here to go ice skating!





PEARLS: 6/2/17 (Psalm 118:24)



REAL: Amazed and perplexed they asked one another, 'what does this mean?' Acts 2:12

CULTURED: The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell. Confucius

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anybody want to let me in?

DEAR PEARL RECEIVER...I must take some time off to find out why these PEARLS aren't being received by everyone. Plus, I am not able on some days to forward them at all! Thank you for your patience. I don't know how long this will take but I shall return when the matter is all cleared up! Thank you, PK




Pearls: 6/1/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: Then the Lord took the Spirit that was on Moses and put the Spirit on the seventy elders. Numbers11:25

CULTURED: The sublimity of wisdom is to do those things living which are to be desired when dying. Jeremy Taylor

:) These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."


Pearls: 5/30/17 (Psalm 118:14)

REAL: For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. 1 Thess. 4:3-5

CULTURED: Euthanasia; it's all about God's will vs. man's will. Anonymous

:) God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!




PEARLS: 5/29/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: For wisdom is a defense, and money is a defense: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it. Eccl. 7:12

CULTURED: He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

:) knock knock...who's there? Andy! Andy who? Andy bit me again owwwwwwwwwwww! submitted by: Ruby




PEARLS: 5/28/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. Psalm 34: 9

CULTURED: God is beautiful. His beauty demands [worship] a response that is shaped that beauty, and that is art. Michael Card

:) We put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed!




PEARLS: 5/27/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: What shall we say then? Is the Law sin? May it never be! On the contrary, I would not have come to know sin except through the Law; for I would not have known about coveting if the Law had not said, "YOU SHALL NOT COVET." Rom. 7:7


CULTURED: In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing. Teddy Roosevelt

:) The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference!



PEARLS: 5/26/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me. John 17:9

CULTURED: Prayer is where the action is. John Wesley

:) Who's there? Radio! Radio who? Radi-o not, here i come!


PEARLS: 5/25/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering as though some strange thing were happening to you. 1Peter 4:17

CULTURED: If Christ is God, He cannot sin, and if suffering was a sin in and by itself, He could not have suffered and died for us. However, since He took the most horrific death to redeem us, He showed us in fact that suffering and pain have great power. E.A. Bucchianeri

:) Some women are terribly hard to please...the rest are impossible!


PEARLS: 5/24/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Heb. 13:7

CULTURED: A stone may sparkle but that doesn't make it a diamond. People may have money but that doesn't make them a success. James Sizoo

:) Knock knock...Who's there? Shelby...Shelby Who? Shelby coming round the mountain when she comes...!

submitted by Catherine Bowdidge


PEARLS: 5/23/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6

CULTURED: God's will. How many times have I heard someone declare their understanding of this thing I find so indefinable? Rae Carson

:) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


PEARLS: 5/22/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" Heb. 13:6

CULTURED: In feature films the director is God; in documentary films God is the director. Alfred Hitchcock

:) Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!


PEARLS: 5/21/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; talk of all His wondrous works! 1 Chronicles 16: 9

CULTURED: Let your life choices tell others of your wonderful God as you walk through life worshiping Him. Elizabeth George

:) If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam!




PEARLS: 5/20/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you. John 14:18

CULTURED: When we are at the worst times of our lives, when we are battling with something, or struggles, whatever it may be, when we are at our highest point as well, when things are going really well, we want somebody to comfort us and be there for us and to say, 'Well done.' That's Jesus! Russell Wilson

:) Knock, knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in it's cold out here.


PEARLS: 5/18/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: As some of your own poets say, 'We are His offspring.'" Acts 17:28



CULTURED: The only way Jesus can be our King is if we allow Him to be our Servant. Stuart Greaves

:) Knock Knock..Who's there? Little old lady...Little old lad who? WOW! I didn't know you can yodel! Melessa South


PEARLS: 5/17/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will James 1:5

CULTURED: May the strength of God pilot us, may the wisdom of God instruct us, may the hand of God protect us, may the word of God direct us. Be always ours this day and for evermore. St. Patrick

:) GOD is like Bounty. . . .He is the quicker picker upper. . can handle the tough jobs. . .and He won't fall apart on you.




PEARLS: 5/16/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Our "God is a consuming fire." Heb.12:39

CULTURED: Whomsoever the last day of his own life finds unprepared, this last day will find unprepared also. Augustine

:) Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!






PEARLS: 5/15/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Heb. 12:3

CULTURED: We live in a world where those things that we never imagine could ever do something, did the best. Jestoni

:) GOD is like the U.S. POST OFFICE...Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination!




PEARLS: 5/14/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Give to the Lord the glory due His name; bring an offering, and come before Him. Oh, worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness!. 1 Chronicles 16: 29

CULTURED: Wonderful music like this was the worst hurt there could be. The whole world was the symphony, and there was not enough of her to listen. Carson McCullers

:) GOD is like Bounty. . . .He is the quicker picker upper. . can handle the tough jobs. . .and He won't fall apart on you!

(extra Pearl) Thought For The Day: "Don'tz be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!


PEARLS: 5/13/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: Jesus said, "I am the way the truth and the life. No man comes unto the Father except through Me. John 14:6

CULTURED: Jesus is God's way of refusing to give up his dream for the world. Rob Bell

Smile Knock, knock. Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday to you!



image



PEARLS: 5/12/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Like new born babies crave pure spiritual milk,…now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. 1 Pet.2:2-3

CULTURED: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. William Ellery Channing

:) I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me!


PEARLS: 5/11/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Then the High Priest asked him, "Are these charges true? To this Stephan replied… Acts 7:1-2a

CULTURED: Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance. Amit Ray





PEARLS: 5/10/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Eccl. 3:1


CULTURED: You were created for a purpose, even if you were conceived by mistake, you are not an accident. - Pastor. E.A Adeboye

:) I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights"!




PEARLS: 5/8/17 (Ps. 118:24)





REAL: As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

CULTURED: If you fail to discover why you are on earth, Satan and men will happily sell theirs to you. Pastor E.A Adeboye

:) I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words!




PEARLS: 5/8/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness? 1 Cor. 4:21

CULTURED: The Christian must treat his enemy as a brother, and requite his hostility with love. His behavior must be determined not by the way others treat him, but by the treatment he himself receives from Jesus; it has only one source, and that is the will of Jesus. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Smile Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!


PEARLS: 5/7/17 (Ps. 118:24)





REAL: But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy; in fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple. Psalm 5: 7

CULTURED: If you do not worship God seven days a week, you do not worship Him on one day a week. There is no such thing known in heaven as Sunday worship unless it is accompanied by Monday worship and Tuesday worship and so on. A.W. Tozer

:) I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now!



PEARLS: 5/5/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Like new born babies crave pure spiritual milk,…now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. 1 Pet.2:2-3

CULTURED: We ought, indeed, to expect occasional obscurity in such a book at the Bible . . . but God's wisdom is a pledge that whatever is necessary for us , and necessary for salvation, is revealed too plainly to be mistaken. William Ellery Channing

:) Why were the Indians able to settle here first? They had reservations.



PEARLS: 5/5/17 (Ps. 118:24)

REAL: Then the High Priest asked him, "Are these charges true? To this Stephan replied…Acts 7:1-2a

CULTURED: We fear men so much, because we fear God so little. William Gurnall

:) Of course I believe in fitness. Right now I'm fittin' this pizza in my mouth!




image


PEARLS: 5/4/17 (Ps. 118:24)





REAL: But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. James 3:17

CULTURED: It's impossible to conquer the Promised Land and be successful in it without God's wisdom. Sunday Adelaja

:) Don't worry about old age. It doesn't last that long!




PEARLS: 5/3/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy; in fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple. Psalm 5: 7

CULTURED: What a Christian portrays in his art is the totality of life. Art is not to be a vehicle for self-conscious evangelism. Christians ought not to be threatened by fantasy and imagination. The Christian is the really free man. He is free to have imagination. Francis A. Schaeffer

:) If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx!



PEARLS: 5/2/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: I am the gate; whoever enters through Me will be saved. John 10:9

CULTURED: Grace is a person. And his name is Jesus. Judah Smith

:) Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 5/1/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. 1 Peter 2:19

CULTURED: We are certainly in a common class with the beasts; every action of animal life is concerned with seeking bodily pleasure and avoiding pain. Augustine

:) I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout Help"!




PEARLS: 4/30/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness. Psalm 29:2

CULTURED: We become like that which we worship. Anonymous

:) I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest!


PEARLS: 4/27/17 (Ps. 118:24)



REAL: With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding. Job 12:12

CULTURED: But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint. Edmund Burke

:) I was really bad at math in school. I can't count how many times I failed it!


PEARLS: 4/26/17



REAL: Now about food sacrificed to idols: we know that 'We all possess knowledge.' But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 1 Cor. 8:1

CULTURED: Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom. Charles Spurgeon

:) My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/25/17



REAL: Shall horses run upon the rock? will one plow there with oxen? for ye have turned judgment into gall, and the fruit of righteousness into hemlock. Amos 6:12

CULTURED: The all-seeing eye of God beheld our deplorable state; infinite pity touched the heart of the Father of mercies; and infinite wisdom laid the plan of our recovery. David Brainerd

:) I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo!


PEARLS: 4/24/17



REAL: He has put a new song in my mouth— Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord. Psalm 40: 3

CULTURED: Therefore, God elected the people of Israel to reveal authentic worship and the pursuit of ultimate wisdom so he could reinstate order to a chaotic world. James Mikołajczyk,

:) Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


PEARLS: 4/23/17



REAL: Jesus said to Thomas,… "Stop doubting and believe. John 20:27b

CULTURED: If you believe what you like in the Gospel, and reject what you don't like, it is not the Gospel you believe, but yourself. Augustine

:) GOD is like DIAL SOAP...Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?




PEARLS: 4/22/17



REAL: Jesus said to Thomas,… "Stop doubting and believe. John 20:27b

If you believe what you like in the Gospel, and reject what you don't like, it is not the Gospel you believe, but yourself. Augustine

:) At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't! Rodney Dangerfield




PEARLS: 4/21/17



REAL: For you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Pet.1:9

CULTURED: One may have n abundance of faith in God, but do we trust Him when we don't understand? What good is faith without trust? Danny L. Deaubé

:) GOD is like Maxwell house. . .Good to the very last drop!


PEARLS: 4/20/17



REAL: We must obey God rather than men. Acts 5:29

CULTURED: Every great person has first learned how to obey, whom to obey, and when to obey. William A. Ward

:) My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/19/17



REAL: Everything the Lord said, He will do. Exodus 24:3b

CULTURED: Whatever you do, He will make good of it. But not the good He had prepared for you if you had obeyed him. C.S. Lewis

:) I'm starting to think I'll never be old enough to know better!


PEARLS: 4/18/17

REAL: Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Rom. 8:33

CULTURED: Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. C.S. Lewis

:) The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it! Rodney Dangerfield


r queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. C.S. Lewis

:) The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it! Rodney Dangerfield




PEARLS: 4/17/17



REAL: Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. Hebrews 12: 28

CULTURED: The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him? Martin Luther King Jr.

:) My father invented the side car mirror. I won't get any royalties because we're not as close as we appear!


PEARLS: 4/16/17



REAL: Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means 'Teacher'). John 20:1

CULTURED: Easter is never deserved. Jan Karon,

:)I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing!




PEARLS: 4/15/17



REAL: Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Col. 3:2-3

CULTURED: I shall pass through this world but once. Any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. Henry Drummond

:) QUOTES FROM 5TH GRADERS: God is like. BAYER ASPIRIN...He works miracles!


PEARLS: 4/14/17



REAL: "At that time," declares the LORD, "I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they will be my people." Jer. 31:1

CULTURED: The style of life is a unity because it has grown out of the difficulties of early life and out of the striving for a goal. Alfred Adler

>:) One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control! Rodney Dangerfield





PEARLS: 4/12/17



REAL: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Eph. 4:32

CULTURED: Okay, Okay, here's how to do relationships - be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, in Christ, also has forgiven you. Chip Ingram

:) When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/11/17



REAL: Hate the evil, and love the good, and establish judgment in the gate: it may be that the LORD God of hosts will be gracious unto the remnant of Joseph. Amos 5:15

CULTURED: Atheists are not the enemy; the real enemy knows Jesus Christ. Satan and all false prophets know very well that Jesus came from heaven, but still reject him. Felix Wantang

:) Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize!


PEARLS: 4/10/17



REAL: Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. James 4:9


CULTURED: A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. — Phyllis Diller

:) I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind!



PEARLS: 4/8/17



REAL: Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Phil. 2:5

CULTURED: A leader's attitude is caught by his followers more quickly than his or her actions. John Maxwell

:) I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/7/17



REAL: Therefore, I have set my face like flint and I know I will not be put to shame. Isa.50:7b

CULTURED: One sure way I can avoid facing myself is by refusing to look into the face of God. Craig D. Lounsbrough

:) I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out!


PEARLS: 4/6/17

REAL: Seek the LORD, All you humble of the earth Who have carried out His ordinances; Seek righteousness, seek humility Perhaps you will be hidden In the day of the LORD'S anger. Zeph. 2:3

CULTURED: Your presence fills every space of a heart that seeks to find; Your love is here to save us and Your name is love defined. Lisa Mischelle Wood

:) My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/5/17



REAL: I love those who love Me; And those who diligently seek Me will find Me. Proverbs 8:17

CULTURED: ...when you seek God, [Godly]success will follow! Mark Batterson

:) No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery!



PEARLS: 4/4/17



REAL: Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. Eccl. 7:3

CULTURED: I'm not going to pay $2000 to straighten the teeth of a kid who never smiles! Erma Bombeck

:) I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it! Rodney Dangerfield


PEARLS: 4/3/17



REAL: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

CULTURED: When the time comes for you to die, you need not be afraid, because death cannot separate you from God's love. Charles Surgeon

:) My family is making me fat. I should stop eating them!


PEARLS: 4/2/17



REAL: Extol the Lord our God and worship at His footstool! Holy is He! Psalm 99: 5

CULTURED: If I worship the fact that I don't worship anything, amongst other things what I'm worshipping is denial. Craig D. Lounsbrough

:) I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!



PEARLS: 4/1/17

REAL: And thus the secrets of his heart are revealed; and so, falling down on his face, he will worship God and report that God is truly among you. 1 Corinthians 14: 25

CULTURED: God wants us to worship Him. He doesn't need us, for He couldn't be a self-sufficient God and need anything or anybody, but He wants us. When Adam sinned it was not He who cried, "God, where art Thou?" It was God who cried, "Adam, where art thou?" A.W. Tozer

:) You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead!



PEARLS: 3/31/17



REAL: Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually. 1 Chron. 16:11

CULTURED: I keenly desire to know God and to keep His ways. Lailah Gifty Akita

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind!




PEARLS: 3/30/17



REAL: To the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. Jude 1:25

CULTURED: Self glory makes life meaningless, glorify God fulfills it. indonesia123

:) I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it! Rodney Dangerfield




PEARLS: 3/29/17

REAL: Even every one that is called by My Name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him. Isa. 43:7

CULTURED: When we live holy we will glorify self but when we glorify God we will live holy. indonesia123

:) Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40!




Pearls 3/28/17



REAL: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Psalm 51:17

CULTURED: Whatever you do, He will make good of it. But not the good He had prepared for you if you had obeyed him."C.S. Lewis

:) You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead!


Pearls 3/27/17



REAL: Behold, I will bring again the shadow of the degrees, which is gone down in the sun dial of Ahaz, ten degrees backward. So the sun returned ten degrees, by which degrees it was gone down. Isa. 38:8

'CULTURED: It is impossible on reasonable grounds to disbelieve miracles. Blaise Pascal

:) Is Google a woman? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions!


Pearls 3/26/17



REAL: I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Rom. 12:1-2

CULTURED: Real worship is that of the heart. Harry Ironside

:) My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear! Rodney Dangerfield


Pearls 3/25/17



REAL: Either this man nor his parents sinned, Jesus said, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3

CULTURED: Give me 100 preachers who fear nothing but sin and desire nothing but God; such alone will shake the gates of hell. John Wesley

:) I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... Rodney Dangerfield




Pearls 3/24/17



REAL: Find out what pleases the Lord. Eph.5:10

CULTURED: Do what you have to do as you must do it, and exert all your noble strength in doing it in so far as it pleases God, and give less attention to the approval or disapproval of men. Ernest Yeboah

:) I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you!


Pearls 3/23/17

REAL: Son of Man, Can these bones live? Ezekiel.37:3

CULTURED: There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein

Smile My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. And I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab! Rodney Dangerfield


Pearls 3/22/17



REAL: Thus saith the LORD, Set thine house in order: for thou shalt die, and not live. Isa. 38:1b

CULTURED: You're born. You suffer. You die. Fortunately, there's a loophole. Billy Graham



:) Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?


Pearls 3/21/17



REAL: But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there. Isa. 13:21

CULTURED: "I stared at him.' You're scared of bunnies?' 'Blah-hah-hah! They're big bullies. Always stealing celery from defenseless satyrs!" Grover Sales

:) I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb! Rodney Dangerfield


Pearls 3/20/17



REAL: I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. It is the Lord who judges me' 1 Corinthians 4:3-4

CULTURED: Win or lose be a good sport and God will be glorified! For it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. Anonymous

:) Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them!






Pearls 3/19/17



REAL: Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. John 4:21-24

CULTURED: For invented gods invariably disappoint those who worship them. John Clellon Holmes

:) A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist!

Pearls 3/16/17



REAL: While we are yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8



CULTURED: God is love. Therefore love. Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination, love. Henry Drummond



Smile What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!




Pearls 3/15/17



REAL: He called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and tested God saying, "Is the Lord among us or not?" Ex.17:7



CULTURED: Only God can turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony, a trial into a triumph, a victim into a victory, a problem into a prayer. Nishan Panwar



Smile I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect!" Rodney Dangerfield




Pearls 3/14/17



REAL: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." James 1:5, 6



CULTURED: Poverty is a condition that resides in the heart . . . not in the wallet. Anon.



Smile Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience!




Pearls 3/13/17



REAL: And He said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Luke 7:50



CULTURED: Faith is simply jumping from heights and believing that the parachute activation button won't disappoint. Seun Ayilara



:) For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened!


Pearls 3/12/17



REAL: Praise the LORD! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Psalms 150:1



CULTURED: Worship is forever. Mac Canoza


Pearls 3/11/17



REAL: For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. John 3:17

CULTURED: There is nothing more important than your eternal salvation. Kirk Cameron

:) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried!


Pearls 3/10/17



REAL: Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. Rom.4:3b

CULTURED: Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free. Shannon L. Alder

:) Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway!


Pearls 3/9/17



REAL: Leave your country, your people, and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. Gen.12:1

CULTURED: Where God guides, God provides. Chuck Smith

:)If you can't convince them, confuse them!


Pearls 3/8/17



REAL: Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint,[a]

but blessed is he who keeps the law.

CULTURED: The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but no vision. Helen Keller

The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. Psalm 145:15

In helping others, we help ourselves. Woodrow Kroll

:) I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back!


Pearls 3/7/17

REAL: Can the rush grow up without mire? can the flag grow without water? Job 8:11

CULTURED: Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom. Charles Spurgeon

:) Born free, taxed to death!




Pearls 3/6/17

REAL: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." James 1:5 , 6

CULTURED: Poverty is a condition that resides in the heart . . . not in the wallet. Anon.

:) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience!



Pearls 3/5/17

REAL: The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Psalms 63:3-4

CULTURED: Remember that churches would be empty ruins without the sinners who transform them into places of life, love and worship. Rev. Kellen Roggenbuck

:) Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math!


Pearls 3/4/17



REAL: Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. Matt.4:1

CULTURED: Riches take wings, comforts vanish, hope withers away, but love stays with us. Love is God. Lew Wallace

:) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!


Pearls 3/3/17



REAL: Consequently, just as the result of the one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. Romans 5:18

CULTURED: Too much of anything is dangerous unless it's God's Love. Reign

:) Time is what keeps things from happening all at once!




Pearls 3/2/17

REAL: I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; He shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel. Gen. 3:15

CULTURED: The world has been loaned to humanity by the universal powers of creation. Bryant McGill

:) You cannot eat me unless you spread me! -Butter




Pearls 3/1/17

REAL: "You will not surely die," the Serpent said." Gen.3:4

CULTURED: We fear circumstances so much because we fear God so little. LeCrae

:) Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!




Pearls 2/28/17

REAL: The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble. Prov. 16:4

CULTURED: Everything that God allows to come our way is always with a purpose. He uses even the greatest error and deepest pain to mold us into a better person. Anonymous

:) When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water!



Pearls 2/27/17

REAL: I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. Psalm 57:2

CULTURED: Perfect goodness can never debate about the end to be attained, and perfect wisdom cannot debate about the means most suited to achieve it. C.S. Lewis

:) What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!




Pearls 2/26/17



REAL: All the earth worships you and sings praises to you; they sing praises to your name. Selah! Psalms 66:4

CULTURED: The end we ought to propose to ourselves is to become, in this life, the most perfect worshippers of God we can possibly be, as we hope to be through all eternity. Brother Lawrence

:) IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got!




Pearls 2/25/17



REAL: But Jesus came and He touched them. Matthew 17:7

CULTURED: Sometimes it's about knowing people, all of the time, it's about knowing God! Chinonye J. Chidolue

:)Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana!




Pearls 2/24/17



REAL: We did not follow cleverly invented stories… but we were eye witnesses of His majesty. 2 Peter 1:16

CULTURED: Evil is real—but so is God's power and love. Billy Graham

:) Did you ever get the feeling the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes! George Goebel




Pearls 2/23/17



REAL: They saw God and they ate and drank. Exodus 24:11

CULTURED: One reason many people never see God working in their lives is because they never hang in long enough for God to show his power. Wayne Stiles

:) Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock!



Pearls 2/21/17



REAL: For the ear tests words as the palate tastes food. Job 34:3

CULTURED: Wherever you go, there you are. Anonymous

:) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!


Pearls 2/20/17



REAL: And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14b

CULTURED: Patience is the companion of wisdom. Augustine

:) Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.




Pearls 2/19/17



REAL: Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker! Psalms 95:6

CULTURED: Sometimes I go to God and say, "God, if Thou dost never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship Thee as long as I live and in the ages to come for what Thou hast done already. God's already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million millenniums I couldn't pay Him for what He's done for me. A.W. Tozer

:) Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air! Jack Benny


Pearls 2/18/17

REAL: We did not follow cleverly invented stories…but we were eye witnesses of His majesty. 2 Peter 1:16

CULTURED: Jesus Christ our Lord surrendered in order that He might win; He destroyed His enemies by dying for them and conquered death by allowing death to conquer Him. A.W. Tozer

:) I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it! Mitch Hedberg




Pearls 2/17/17



REAL: He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Col. 1:13-14

CULTURED: There is a hard law. When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Alan Paton

:) If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets! Mel Brooks










Pearls 2/16/17



REAL: They saw God and they ate and drank. Exodus 24:11

CULTURED:God is perfect in love. God in His love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about. Jerry Bridges

:) Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers!





Pearls 2/15/17



REAL: I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

CULTURED: The Bible implies that if I didn't believe in myself, I really didn't believe in Him. Anonymous

:) No, I'm not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season!


Pearls 2/14/17



REAL: They will be My people, and I will be their faithful and righteous God. Zechariah 8:8

CULTURED: If I can put one touch of rosy sunset into the life of any man or woman, I shall feel that I have worked with God. G.K. Chesterton

:) The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire!


Pearls 2/13/17



REAL: Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Prov. 12:25

CULTURED: The crosses we bear over anxiety concerning the future aren't crosses that come from God. Tim Hetzner

:) I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him! Reid Faylor



Pearls 2/11/17



REAL: Do not murder…anyone angry with his brother will be subject to the judgment.Matt.5:21

CULTURED: Resistance to tyranny is obedience to God. Susan Brownell Anthony Jacob

:) Equations are the devil's sentences. Stephen Colbert


Pearls 2/10/17



REAL:But it is God who makes it grow. 1 Cor.3:6


CULTURED: One man with God is a majority. Brother Andrew



:) Some sad news from Australia … the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today! Johnny Carson


Pearls 2/9/17



REAL: I've set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life. Deut.30:19

CULTURED: For too long the pro-life movement has been shouting conclusions rather than establishing facts. Staying focused on the status of the unborn brings moral clarity to the abortion debate. Scott Klusendorf

:) A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.


Pearls 2/8/17



REAL: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Matthew 6:25

CULTURED: Anxiety is a word of unbelief or unreasoning dread. We have no right to allow it. Full faith in God puts it to rest. Horace Bushnell

:) I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child! Sophia Benoit


Pearls 2/7/17



REAL: Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. Isa. 58:9a

CULTURED: Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. James Stephens

:) I don't know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids! Robert Brault



Pearls 2/6/17



REAL: According to the word that I covenanted with you when ye came out of Egypt, so my spirit remaineth among you: fear ye not. Haggai 2:5

CULTURED: Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out. Karl Augustus Menninger

:) If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets! Mel Brooks


Pearls 2/5/17



REAL: Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. 1 Chron. 16:29b

CUTURED: The happiest man is he who learns from nature the lesson of worship Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it!


Pearls 2/4/17



REAL: In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matt. 5:16

CULTURED: Shine your light and make a positive impact on the world; there is nothing so honorable as helping improve the lives of others. Roy T. Bennett

:) I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me! Fred Allen


Pearls 2/3/17

REAL: For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 1 Cor, 2:2

CULTURED: Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life's problems fall into place of their own accord. J.I. Packer

:) I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: "I heard from this guy who told somebody!" Demetri Martin



Pearls 2/2/17

REAL: Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. Isa. 58:9a

CULTURED: The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else. Oswald Chambers

:) I'm reading a great book about antigravity—I just can't put it down!


Pearls 2/1/17



REAL: They all hold swords, being expert in war: every man hath his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night. Song of Sol. 3:8

CULTURED: Fear [and not of the Lord] is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. Bertrand Russell

:) When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye!


Pearls 1/31/17



REAL: As the time approached for him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem. Luke 9:51

CULTURED: When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers. Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.!


Pearls 1/30/17



REAL: When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?. Psalm 56:3

CULTURED: And I hope they may be motivating and useful for You. People living deeply have no fear of death. Anais Nin

:) A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months!


Pearls 1/29/17



REAL: Psalms 8:1 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.

CULTURED: Two sentiments alone suffice for man, were he to live the age of the rocks - love, and the contemplation of the Deity [in worship]. Isaac Watts

:)I bought some batteries, but they weren't included! Steven Wright


Pearls 1/28/17



REAL: In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matt. 5:16

CULTURED: Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. Charles Spurgeon

:) An aye for an aye makes the whole world pirates! Brandon Specktor


Pearls 1/27/17

REAL: For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 1 Cor, 2:2

CULTURED: Now you sound like Jesus.....That is how Jesus loves. William Paul Young

:) I think I am, therefore, I am. I think! George Carlin


Pearls 1/26/17



REAL: But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isa. 40:31



CULTURED: Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. John Ortberg

:) I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything! Steven Wright


Pearls 1/25/17



REAL: But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isa. 40:31

CULTURED: If the Lord Jehovah makes us wait, let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him. He is worth waiting for. The waiting itself is beneficial to us: it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission, and endears the blessing when it comes. Charles Spurgeon

:) A sign outside a nursery: "It's spring! We're so excited, we wet our plants!"


Pearls 1/24/17



REAL: "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 15:14

CULTURED: A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. C. S. Lewis

:) Clones are people two!


Pearls 1/23/17



REAL: Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 1 Pet. 3:21

CULTURED: Many of us would pray not to die in a car crash before we were baptized, like other people pray to not get sick before their employee benefits kick in. Nadia Bolz-Weber

:) GOD is like SCOTCH TAPE. You can't see Him, but you know He's there.





Pearls 1/22/17



REAL: ...and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. Luke 21:2

CULTURED: Getting what you want is not nearly as important as giving what you have. Tom Krause

:) I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

PEARLS: 1/21/17

REAL: For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Cor. 1:18

It is to the Cross that the Christian is challenged to follow his Master: no path of redemption can make a detour around it. Hans Urs von Balthasar

:) I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant. I believe in myself! Hannibal Burress

PEARLS: 1/20/17...From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Matt. 4:17

No evil dooms us hopelessly except the evil we love, and desire to continue in, and make no effort to escape from. George Eliot

:) I never forget a face—but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx



Pearls 1/19/17

REAL: The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. Isa. 9:2


CULTURED: All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. [nor Jesus!] St Francis Of Assisi

:) I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait." Mitch Hedberg


Pearls 1/18/17

REAL: And Paul said, "John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was to come after him, that is, Jesus." Acts 19:4

CULTURED: Baptism in the Holy Spirit belongs to them that believe and are not of this world. Sunday Adelaja

:) GOD is like GENERAL ELECTRIC...He brings good things to life.



Pearls 1/17/17

REAL: And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on His Name. Acts 22:16

CULTURED: Living in the present moment is the recurring baptism of the soul, forever purifying every new day with a new you. Alaric Hutchinson

:) GOD is like TIDE...He gets the stains out that others leave behind!


Pearls 1/16/17

REAL: [Jesus said],"Remember Lot's wife!" Luke 17:32

CULTURED: Get your eyes off the rear-view mirror and onto the road ahead. God has great things in store for you; that's what the battle in your life is about. Tim Hetzner

:) When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate!



Pearls 1/15/17

REAL: Therefore, honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20

CULTURED: As I worship, my perspective shifts. I focus on His attributes: His goodness, His power, His name, and His mercy. Crises that once overwhelmed me become insignificant in comparison to God's vast power and all-encompassing love for me as His child. Katherine J. Walden

:) Boy, what a bad guy that guy is, that Vladimir Putin. Obama is really getting tough with him. Now he's wearing a much more aggressive shade of beige! David Letterman


Pearls 1/14/17

REAL: Therefore, honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20

CULTURED: As I worship, my perspective shifts. I focus on His attributes: His goodness, His power, His name, and His mercy. Crises that once overwhelmed me become insignificant in comparison to God's vast power and all-encompassing love for me as His child. Katherine J. Walden

:) Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve! David Letterman


Pearls 1/13/17

REAL: He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon the son of John. You shall be called Cephas" (which means Peter). John 1:42

CULTURED: Let it ever be remembered that genuine faith in Christ will ever be productive of good works; for this faith worketh by love, as the apostle says, and love to God always produces obedience to his holy laws.

Adam Clark

:) Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Matt Goldich



Pearls 1/12/17



REAL: Then Samuel said, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.' 1 Samuel 3:10b

CULTURED: The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays. Søren Kierkegaard

:) I won't be shaving this November, in order to raise awareness for how lazy I am! Tim Siedell



1/11/17 Pearls

REAL: Ignore the Word and suffer; honor God's commands and grow rich. Prov. 13:13

CULTURED: You may be the only Bible a person ever reads! Max Lucado

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You grow up thinking that the opening day of deer & pheasant seasons are national holidays!


1/10/17 Pearls

REAL: God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. John 4:24

CULTURED: Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration. John 4:24 MSG (the Message Gospel)

:) With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress!


1/9/17 Pearls

REAL: After three days they found Him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Luke 2:46

The Bible is the greatest of all books; to study it is the noblest of all pursuits; to understand it, the highest of all goals. Charles C. Ryrie



:) He had a photographic memory which was never developed!


PEARLS: 1/8/17



REAL: Having believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promise of the Holy Spirit. Eph. 1:13b

CULTURED: Purpose is what gives life a meaning. Charles H Perkhurst



:) The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered!


PEARLS: 1/7/17



REAL: Nazareth? Can any good come from out of there? Nathaniel asked. John 1:46



CULTURED: The moment God is figured out with nice neat lines and definitions, we are no longer dealing with God. Rob Bell

:) I'm at the age where I can't take anything with a grain of salt! Matt Wohlfard


PEARLS: 1/6/17



REAL: Therefore, honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20

CULTURED: The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. Billy Graham

:) To see a man's true face, look to the 
photos he hasn't posted! Brandon Specktor


PEARLS: 1/5/17



REAL: Nations will come to Your light. Isaiah 60:3a



CULTURED: Just keep asking yourself: What would Jesus not do? Chuck Palahniuk

:) I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college, working for my parents as their daughter! Melanie Reno


PEARLS: 1/4/17



REAL: So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and discern between right and wrong. 1 Kings 3:9



CULTURED: God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how. Henry Ward Beecher

:) A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.


PEARLS: 1/3/17



REAL: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

CULTURED: We can't all be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. Will Rogers

:) Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now!


PEARLS: 1/2/17



REAL: God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. Hebrews 6:10

CULTURED: In matters of equity between man and man, our Savior has taught us to put my neighbor in place of myself, and myself in place of my neighbor. Isaac Watts

:) If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? & What is the sound of no hands texting? Brandon Spektor


PEARLS: 1/1/17



REAL: But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. Psalm 59:16

CULTURED: Depend on it, my hearer, you never will go to heaven unless you are prepared to worship Jesus Christ as God Charles Spurgeon

:) I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, "Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately! Bonnie McFarlane




PEARLS: 12/31/16



REAL: And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb. Luke 2:21

CULTURED: The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that

God will make us good because He loves us. C.S. Lewis

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: As the American flag passes, you are on your feet and have removed your hat, your hand is over your heart, or someone behind you gives you a slap on the head as a reminder to do so!


PEARLS: 12/30/16



REAL: Because you are sons, God sent the spirit of His Son into our hearts; the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba Father.' Galatians 4:6

CULTURED: God loves us too much to indulge our every whim. Max Lucado

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You understand that brakes on silage trucks are considered a

luxury!







PEARLS: 12/29/16

REAL: I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. Isaiah 61:10a

CULTURED: The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. Nicolas Chamfort


:) How to know if you're Lutheran: At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant!

PEARLS: 12/27/16



REAL: Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever. Gen. 3:22



CULTURED: If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right. Jules Renard



:) Sometimes I like to sit my dog down for a performance review, just to remind him who's boss!

PEARLS: 12/26/16

REAL: And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. Luke 2:20

CULTURED: Radical obedience to Christ is not easy... It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world. Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things. But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ. And he is more than enough for us. David Platt

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: The local gas station sells live bait, next to the local jerked beef and homemade jam!



PEARLS: 12/25/16



REAL: And when all the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance of the tent, all the people would rise up and worship, each at his tent door. Ex. 33:10 & And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. Luke 2:17

CULTURED: It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ! For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship. Patrick Henry

:) Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.


PEARLS: 12/24/16



REAL: And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.[ And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

CULTURED: We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon. Jimmy Carter

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

If a road you're driving on has more than 3 curves to a mile.....you are nearing or in the Badlands!


PEARLS: 12/23/16



REAL: In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. Luke 2:1

CULTURED: Yet as I read the birth stories about Jesus I cannot help but conclude that though the world may be tilted toward the rich and powerful, God is tilted toward the underdog. Philip Yancey

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: Football schedules, branding calves and weaning, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set!


PEARLS: 12/22/16



REAL: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1

CULTURED: Be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly. Martin Luther

:) A will is a dead giveaway.


PEARLS: 12/21/16



REAL: But in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. Heb. 1:2a

CULTURED: I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. Mahatma Gandhi



:) A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail!






PEARLS: 12/20/16

REAL: How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news,

who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation,

who says to Zion, "Your God reigns. Isaiah 52:7

CULTURED: God makes his gospel attractive through his people. Gary Rohrmayer

:) When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds!






PEARLS: 12/19/16

REAL: And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad called the altar Ed: for it shall be a witness between us that the Lord is God. Josh. 22:24

CULTURED: Remember that all through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they seem invincible. But in the end, they always fall. Always. Mahatma Gandhi

:) Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

PEARLS: 12/18/16



REAL: Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness. Psalms 29:2



CULTURED: Fruitful and acceptable worship begins before it begins. Alexander MacLaren

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You know that 'combine' is a noun!



PEARLS: 12/17/16



REAL: Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, Acts 3:19

CULTURED: I firmly believe a great many prayers are not answered because we are not willing to forgive someone. D.L. Moody

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You know that 'combine' is a noun.*







PEARLS: 12/16/16



REAL: To the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ, Amen. Romans 16:27

CULTURED: Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him. David Wong

:) Why was Santa's elf depressed? He had low elf esteem!





PEARLS: 12/15/16

REAL: I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be a ruler…your throne will be established forever. 2 Samuel 7:8b, 16b

CULTURED: Isn't it funny how God will let you be at the right place at the right time with the right people to get what you want from the Lord. T.D. Jakes

:) Who makes toy guitars and sings, "Blue Christmas? Elfis.




To the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ, Amen. Romans 16:27

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him. David Wong


Why was Santa's elf depressed? He had low elf esteem.







Greetings you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you. Luke 1:28b

We may not say that we have the answers. Questions of how to conduct oneself as a Christian, or how to serve as a Christian, must be answered by life itself- the life of the individual in his direct responsible relationship to God. Elisabeth Elliot

If Santa rides in a sleigh, what do elves ride in? Mini vans.










PEARLS: 12/14/16

REAL: "And to man He said, 'Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; And to depart from evil is understanding. Job 28:28

CULTURED: Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. Blaise Pascal

:) What do elves have to learn before they can read? The elfabet!











PEARLS: 12/13/16



REAL: And when all our enemies heard of it, all the nations around us were afraid and fell greatly in their own esteem, for they perceived that this work had been accomplished with the help of our God. Neh. 6:16

CULTURED: The mystery of grace is the power of God. ― Lailah Gifty Akita

:) What is a typical elf greeting? "Small world, isn't it?"










PEARLS: 12/12/16

REAL: ...and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matt. 6:4.

CULTURED: Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again. Augustine

:) Between 2 evils I always pick the one I never tried before!




I will pour my Spirit on your descendants, and my blessing on your offspring. Isaiah 44:3

There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage. Martin Luther [God, Holy Spirit, family relationships...it's what faith, life, & Christianity are all about!-PK]

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You know that 'combine' is a noun.





But you shall open your hand to him and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be. Deut. 15:8

That which is called liberality is often merely the vanity of giving. La Rochefoucauld

:) This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say "Get a life" on them. Demetri Martin

Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? Acts 9:6

Do we approach God from a beggar's perspective or as His cherished child? If we have any difficulty seeing Him as our loving Father, we need to ask Him to help us develop a healthy Father/child relationship. David Jeremiah

:) Why does Scrooge love reindeer? Because every buck is deer to him.









FORGIVENESS QUOTES:





PEARLS: 12/11/16

REAL: I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship .Rom. 12:1-2

CULTURED: The more you pray, the less you'll panic. The more you worship, the less you worry. You'll feel more patient and less pressured. Rick Warren

:) The batteries were given out free of charge.


PEARLS: 12/10/16



REAL: When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:4



CULTURED: A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves. Ralph W. SockmaN

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You or someone you know was a 'Beef Queen' or 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair!




PEARLS: 12/9/16

REAL: When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:4

CULTURED: A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves. Ralph W. Sockman

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: You or someone you know was a 'Beef Queen' or 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair!



PEARLS: 12/9/16

REAL: They asked him, "Who are you? Are you Elijah? "I am not," he said. John 1:21

CULTURED: With all due respect for the finger of John the Baptist, the shin of St George most of the holy relics in Christendom pale in importance before the relic of the Holy Blood of Jesus. James Deely

:) What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.












When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:4

A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves. Ralph W. Sockman

:) How to know if you're Lutheran:

You or someone you know was a 'Beef Queen' or 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair.



REAL: Let all things be done decently and in order.1 Cor. 14:40

CULTURED: The apostolic gift to the body of Christ brings order and maturity. Sherry K. White

:)I walked up to a tourist information booth and asked them to tell me about a couple of people who were here last year. Steven Wright

Let us choose what is right; let us know among ourselves what is good. Job 34:4

:) GOD is like SEARS...He has everything.





The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. Prov. 15:3

Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree. G.K. Chesterton



:) General Mills 
is coming out with an organic Twinkie. Isn't that called a sponge? Jay Leno




...and He has chosen you. Isaiah 49:7

Thus, and not otherwise, the world was made. Either something or nothing must depend on individual choices. C.S. Lewis [like God's choice of creating all creation & our faith. :) PK]

:) GOD is like COKE...He's the real thing.


However, each one must live his life in the situation the Lord assigned when God called him. 1 Cor. 7:17 That's how I think of God: infinitely creative and imaginative, waiting to place us in some truly awesome scenarios. Bonnie Lyn Smith

:) We use a really strong sun block when we go to the beach with the kids. It's SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out. Lew Schneider

Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. Heb. 10:17

Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble. Author Unknown

:) I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Adam Joshua Smargon, Newark, Delaware



The mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

The purpose of all wars, is peace. Augustine

:) This may be the wine talking, 
but I really, really, really, really love wine. RobinMcCauley





FORGIVENESS QUOTES:

Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is for goodness. Billy Graham







PEARLS: 12/8/16

REAL: Do not put out the Spirit's fire; 1 Thessalonians 5:19

CULTURED: Holiness, as taught in the Scriptures, is not based upon knowledge on our part. Rather, it is based upon the resurrected Christ in-dwelling us and changing us into His likeness. A.W. Tozer

:) Why are Santa's reindeer always wet? Because they are rain deer.

PEARLS: 12/7/16

REAL: They asked him, "Who are you? Are you Elijah? "I am not," he said. John 1:21

CULTURED:"With all due respect for the finger of John the Baptist, the shin of St George most of the holy relics in Christendom pale in importance before the relic of the Holy Blood of Jesus. James Deely

:) What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.



When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:4

A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves. Ralph W. Sockman

:) How to know if you're Lutheran:

You or someone you know was a 'Beef Queen' or 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair.



REAL: Let all things be done decently and in order.1 Cor. 14:40

CULTURED: The apostolic gift to the body of Christ brings order and maturity. Sherry K. White

:)I walked up to a tourist information booth and asked them to tell me about a couple of people who were here last year. Steven Wright

Let us choose what is right; let us know among ourselves what is good. Job 34:4

:) GOD is like SEARS...He has everything.





The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. Prov. 15:3

Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree. G.K. Chesterton



:) General Mills 
is coming out with an organic Twinkie. Isn't that called a sponge? Jay Leno




...and He has chosen you. Isaiah 49:7

Thus, and not otherwise, the world was made. Either something or nothing must depend on individual choices. C.S. Lewis [like God's choice of creating all creation & our faith. :) PK]

:) GOD is like COKE...He's the real thing.


However, each one must live his life in the situation the Lord assigned when God called him. 1 Cor. 7:17 That's how I think of God: infinitely creative and imaginative, waiting to place us in some truly awesome scenarios. Bonnie Lyn Smith

:) We use a really strong sun block when we go to the beach with the kids. It's SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out. Lew Schneider

Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. Heb. 10:17

Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble. Author Unknown

:) I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Adam Joshua Smargon, Newark, Delaware



The mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

The purpose of all wars, is peace. Augustine

:) This may be the wine talking, 
but I really, really, really, really love wine. RobinMcCauley





FORGIVENESS QUOTES:

Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is for goodness. Billy Graham



PEARLS: 12/7/16

REAL: The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the Good News to the poor. Isaiah 61:1

CULTURED: Every day can be exciting if we see ourselves as God's secret agents, waiting to sprinkle a little salt on all the lives we encounter. Joyce Merceyr Meyer

:) Which reindeer was known for his bad manners? Rude-olph.


PEARLS: 12/6/16

REAL: I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, Deut. 30:19

CULTURED: I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant. Martin Luther King Jr.

:) GOD is like a FORD...He's got a better idea.



PEARLS: 12/5/16

REAL: Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?' Acts 9:6

CULTURED: That's like signing your name to a blank check and s aying, 'Here I am, Lord, do with me as You please. I hope I like what You choose, but even if I don't, I'll do it anyway; Your will be done, not mine.' Tim Hetzner

:) I admit that I live in the past, 
but only because housing is so much cheaper. Matt Wohlfarth


PEARLS: 12/4/16



REAL: Exalt the LORD our God; worship at his footstool! Holy is he! Psalm 99:5

CULTURED: : After learning to love God (worship), learning to love others is the second purpose of your life. Rick Warren


:) If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? What is the sound of no hands texting? To see a man's true face, look to the photos he hasn't posted. Brandon Specktor



PEARLS: 12/3/16



REAL: The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. Luke 2:20

CULTURED: Worship is not a repetitious exercise of rituals and formulas. These create a veil that actually prevents us from enjoying the presence of the Lord. Worship is the heart poured out in gratitude and awe, expressing our appreciation of who He is and what He has done for us by His grace through Jesus Christ. Dave Hunt

:) Do reindeer go to public school? No, they're elf taught


PEARLS: 12/2/16

REAL: So that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we may have hope. Rom. 15:4b

CULTURED: I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary. Charles Spurgeon

:) Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes?)


PEARLS: 12/1/16

REAL: Comfort, Comfort ye my people. Isaiah 40:1

CULTURED: Kind thoughts are rarer than either kind words or deeds. They imply a great deal of thinking about others. This in itself is rare. But they also imply a great deal of thinking about others without the thoughts being criticisms. This is rarer still. Frederick W. Faber

:) I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog and she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"



PEARLS: 11/30/16

REAL: In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, Ephesians 4:26

CULTURED: Uncontrolled anger is like jumping into your car, revving the engine, and discovering too late that the brakes don't work. Tim Hetzner

:) There once was a Shaver from Burma

Who shave-ed his 'sache 'n his sturma,

he looked in the mirr'r,

'n said, "Oh Dear!"

'N said this is known as a 'Perma!'

:) There once was a Warden from Hokie,

who danced with his wife in the pokie!

she turned on a switch,

'n blew up his itch!

'N said this was never a jokie! Anonymous




PEARLS: 11/29/16



REAL: ...Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. 1 Cor. 8:1b



CULTURED: The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty,

character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty. [faith and love being first:)] Zig Ziglar

:) My reality check bounced!


PEARLS: 11/28/16



REAL: See, your King comes to you, gentle…" Matt.21:5



CULTURED: Sometimes it's not the strength but gentleness that cracks the hardest shells. Richard Paul Evans

:) You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. Zach Galifianakis


PEARLS: 11/27/16



REAL: But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. 2 Peter 3:18



CULTURED: For if the Christian, worship is co-extensive with life. Life is already an expression of worship. Ravi Zach Zacharias

:) The 2nd mouse gets the cheese!


PEARLS: 11/26/16



REAL: Our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. Rom.13:11b

cuLTURED: If you're a follower of Jesus but you feel distant from him during this era of your life, if you're having difficulty resting easy in his forgiveness, could it be because you're blatantly refusing to let go of your animosity toward another person. Lee Strobel

:) I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others. Mitch Hedberg



PEARLS: 11/25/16



REAL: They will beat their swords into plowshares. Isaiah 2:4

CULTURED: Those who beat their swords into plowshares will wind up plowing for those who didn't. Thomas Jefferson


Holding doors open for clowns is a nice jester!


PEARLS: 11/24/16



REAL: They will beat their swords into plowshares. Isaiah 2:4

CULTURED: Those who beat their swords into plowshares will wind up plowing for those who didn't. Thomas Jefferson

:) Holding doors open for clowns is a nice jester!



PEARLS: 11/23/16



REAL: And they shall know that I am the LORD their God, that brought them forth out of the land of Egypt, that I may dwell among them: I am the LORD their God. Ex. 29:46

CULTURED: When you are convinced that everything that happens is the will of God, what is there to do but wait until God has mercy? Maaza Mengiste

:) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


PEARLS: 11/22/16



REAL: And your tires shall be upon your heads, and your shoes upon your feet: ye shall not mourn nor weep; but ye shall pine away for your iniquities, and mourn one toward another. Ezek.24:23

CULTURED: With God, all things created are holy and made by Him. Anonymous

:) What happens if you are scared to death twice?!




PEARLS: 11/21/16



REAL: Truly I understand that God shows no partiality. Acts 10:34

CULTURED: God never made anyone black, white, yellow, or red-skinned! He just made different shades of brown. Pastor Edward J. Rutter

:) Went to an air & space museum but there wasn't anything there!


PEARLS: 11/20/16

REAL: And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise. Luke 23:43 (ps..sorry, I know this has been used b4!:) ) PK

CULTURED: Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships. Rick Warren

:) The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 
20 minutes. Julius Sharpe



PEARLS: 11/19/16

REAL: For it pleased the Father that in Him should all fullness dwell; And, having made peace through the blood of His cross, by Him to reconcile all things unto himself; by Him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. Co. 1:19-20

CULTURED: The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion. Mother Teresa

:) This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

Conan O'Brien



PEARLS: 11/18/16

REAL: Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not. Mal. 3:18

CULTURED: Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things. Terry Pratchett

Bifocals are God's way of saying, "Keep your chin up." Comedian Matt Wohlfarth


PEARLS: 11/17/16

REAL: Sin will no longer be your master for you are no longer under the Law but under grace. Rom. 6:14

CULTURED: Sin is the worst task master a person could ever have! Anonymous

:) T.W.A. has announced plans to develop a new type of plane that can fly from New York 
to Tokyo in one hour. Apparently, the engines are powered by human screams!


PEARLS: 11/16/16

REAL: for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted. Luke 18:14

CULTURED: True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. C.S. Lewis

:) When I trace a turkey, it comes out looking exactly like my hand. Conan O'Brien




PEARLS: 11/15/16

REAL: But if anyone loves God, he is known by God. 1 Cor. 8:3

CULTURED: Why do you give up on yourself, When God will never ever give up on you? Nkosinathi Mehlomakulu

:) How do you know if you are Lutheran?...You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Tractor Supply Co.


PEARLS: 11/14/16

REAL: When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near. Luke 21:28

CULTURED: What the situation will be like in the world before the Lord returns, namely, Christ will be despised, and the preachers of the Gospel will be regarded as fools. Martin Luther

:) ChapStick: "You'll misplace it before the tube's empty."


PEARLS: 11/13/16

REAL: And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. [P.T.L!!] Acts 2:21

CULTURED: God wants us to worship Him. He doesn't need us, for He couldn't be a self-sufficient God and need anything or anybody, but He wants us. When Adam sinned it was not He who cried, "God, where art Thou?" It was God who cried, "Adam, where art thou?" A.W. Tozer

:) Bachelor: "I have a bachelorette degree in computers!


PEARLS: 11/12/16

REAL: Keep away from every brother who is idle...If a man shall not work, neither should he eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:6b, 10b

CULTURED: Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. George Washington Carver

:) CliffsNotes: "They're still going to know you didn't read the book."


PEARLS: 11/11/16

REAL: But for you who revere my Name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from their stall. Malachi 4:2

CULTURED: Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet. Thich Nhat Hanh

:) Ritz crackers: "Tiny, edible plates."




PEARLS: 11/10/16

REAL: For the fool speaks folly, and his heart is busy with iniquity, to practice ungodliness, to utter error concerning the Lord. Isa. 32:6a

CULTURED: If you're too busy to have a quiet time with God, you're too busy! Many Christians

:) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


PEARLS: 11/9/16

REAL: I will therefore that men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting1 Timothy 2:8

CULTURED: I have so much to do that I must spend the first three hours each day in prayer.' Ceaseless activity will drain you and leave you vulnerable to Satan's attack. Martin Luther

:) Seven prayerless days make one weak Christian


PEARLS: 11/8/16

REAL: But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. Psalm 130:4

CULTURED: To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. C.S. Lewis

:) I'd rather spend ten minutes rearranging the dishwasher to accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand. shauna


PEARLS: 11/7/16

REAL: When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near. Luke 21:28

CULTURED: Heaven! I'm in heaven! 'N my heart beats every time 'n skips a beat! When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek! Fed Astaire

:) Right now, I'm at work, using the Internet. But in my mind, I'm already at home, using the Internet. Bridger_w


PEARLS: 11/6/16

REAL: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

CULTURED: Worship is not about the posture of your body; worship is about the posture of your heart. Rodney Burton

:) How to know if you grew up in Minnesota, North Dakota, or South Dakota...? You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Tractor Supply Co.


PEARLS: 11/5/16

REAL: Keep away from every brother who is idle...If a man shall not work, neither should he eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:6b, 10b

CULTURED: Human nature is above all things lazy.Harriet Beecher Stowe

:) When it comes to candy bars, the term fun-sized is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being ⅛ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: disappointment-sized. Jimmy Kimmel



PEARLS: 11/4/16

REAL: You will be firmly established and unafraid. For you will forget your suffering, recalling it only as waters that have flowed by. Job 11:15-16

CULTURED: Never grow a wishbone where a backbone ought to be. Anonymous

:) I used to love the candy Nerds, but I stopped eating them when I realized that for me, it was basically cannibalism. Rob O'Reilly



PEARLS: 11/3/16

REAL: Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matt. 5:12

CULTURED: God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas but for scars. Elbert Hubbard

:) GOD is like VO-5 Hair Spray...He holds through all kinds of weather.


PEARLS: 11/2/16

REAL: : See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1a

CULTURED: Riches take wings, comforts vanish, hope withers away, but love stays with us. Love is God. Lew Wallace

:) GOD is like ALLSTATE...You're in good hands with Him.


PEARLS: 11/1/16

REAL: : ...and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Rev. 7:17b

CULTURED: Spiritual pain is when you can't stand another moment not knowing the real truth, and when you finally do know you can't let go. Shannon L. Alder

:) My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers. Sarah Silverman



PEARLS: 10/31/16

REAL: But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. Heb. 5:14

CULTURED: A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most. George Bernard Shaw

:) I Swear! The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I say a bad word, 
I have to put a dollar in the jar, and 
at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a…(delete/expletive) Anonymous





PEARLS: 10/30/16

REAL: Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:15-16

CULTURED: It's easy to [write &]sing the song, but to pray the lyrics from deep within… that's worship! Gangai Victor

:) While you're honoring Movember by not shaving for prostate cancer awareness, I'll be celebrating Doughvember, the pizza month I made up. Anonymous


PEARLS: 10/29/16

REAL: And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32

CULTURED: The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. Flannery O'Connor

:) When the comments turn from "Hey! I really like your beard!" into "Hey! … 
A beard!" it's time to look in the mirror! Ron Babcock



PEARLS: 10/28/16

REAL: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Rom. 3:23-24

CULTURED: Genuine self-acceptance is not derived from the power of positive thinking, mind games or pop psychology. IT IS AN ACT OF FAITH in the God of grace. Brennan Manning

:) Did you hear that they aren't going to make pencils any longer?...they figure they are long enough already. Zane Dubbels


PEARLS: 10/27/16

REAL: Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to Him; for the hour of His judgment is come: and worship Him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters. Rev. 14:7

CULTURED: I am not afraid of what God can do to me. He is already doing it. Bangambiki Habyarimana

:) Pretend to be someone you're not, and receive candy." Quick: 
Halloween or Valentine's Day? Aaron Fullerton


PEARLS: 10/26/16

REAL: For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.1 John 3:20

CULTURED: Give me five minutes with a person's checkbook, and I will tell you where their heart is. Billy Graham

:) How to know if you're Lutheran: ... You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.*


PEARLS: 10/25/16

REAL: Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy. Rev. 22:11

CULTURED: Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth it is a city of freedom. And in freedom, most people find sin. John Green


:) Febreze air fresheners: for people who are like, "Cover a smell instead of cleaning it? Yes, I'm OK with that. Erin ?


PEARLS: 10/24/16

REAL: For I am the Lord, I do not change, but remain faithful to My covenant with you . Mal. 3:6

CULTURED: The spiritual always did exist, always will. It is eternal, it is changeless. Daniel D. Palmer

:) After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, "Be quiet for a little while." His read, "Talk while you have a chance. Carol Burks


PEARLS: 10/21/16

REAL: ... Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Tim. 4:16

CULTURED: Whoever is willing to sacrifice his life for God will always be under His protection. Sunday Adelaja

:) Triscuit is the perfect 
combination of cracker and doormat. Jason Gelles


PEARLS: 10/20/16

REAL: ...if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it. Gen. 4:7b

CULTURED: Temptation usually comes in through a door that has deliberately been left open.Arnold Glasow

:) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


PEARLS: 10/19/16

REAL: He also measured its wall, 144 cubits by human measurement, which is also an angel's measurement. Rev. 21:17

CULTURED: I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. Galileo Galilei

:) The closest I've been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history. PaulyPeligroso




PEARLS: 10/18/16

REAL: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Phil. 4:8

CULTURED: I am nothing but an imperfect being, who is residing on earth with a perfect God as my guidance and protection. Edmond Mbiaka

:) I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I'm like the one thing she can get rid of. Sam Morril


PEARLS: 10/17/16

REAL: Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

CULTURED: A Bible that's falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't. Charles Haddon Spurgeon

:) Just because you can't dance doesn't mean you shouldn't dance. Josh Hara


PEARLS: 10/16/16

REAL: [Zacchaeus] wanted to see who Jesus was but being a short man he could not because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed into a sycamore tree to see Him. Luke 19:3-4

CULTURED: "Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Deiter F. Utchdorf

:) Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. —Norman Ford


PEARLS: 10/15/16

REAL: The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom. 2 Timothy 4:18

CULTURED: Safety comes in our nearness to God, not in our distance from our enemies. Dillon Burroughs

:) I Owe My Life to Justin Bieber……I was in a coma for two years, until a nurse played one of 
his songs on the radio in my room, and I had to wake up to turn it off.



PEARLS: 10/14/16

REAL: The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom. 2 Timothy 4:18

CULTURED: Safety comes in our nearness to God, not in our distance from our enemies. Dillon Burroughs

:) I Owe My Life to Justin Bieber……I was in a coma for two years, until a nurse played one of 
his songs on the radio in my room, and I had to wake up 
to turn it off.



PEARLS: 10/13/16

REAL: Am I my brother's keeper? Genesis 4:9b

CULTURED: Love is commitment; love is a relationship that never gives up. Jerry Falwell

:) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?



PEARLS: 10/12/16

REAL: Brethren, be followers together of Me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. Phil. 3:17

CULTURED: Following Jesus isn't something you can do at night where no one notices. It's a twenty-four-hour-a-day commitment that will interfere with your life. That's not the small print—that's a guarantee. Kyle Idleman

:) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?


PEARLS: 10/11/16

REAL: Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Phil. 4:5

CULTURED: Love each other in moderation. That is the key to long-lasting love. Too fast is as bad as too slow.

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

:) Being a lifeguard is a weird summer job for a kid. Ninety-nine percent of the time, sit and do nothing. One percent of the time, SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE. Jake Weisman


PEARLS: 10/10/16

REAL: For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. Phil. 1:8

CULTURED: Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. Phil. 3:17

:) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


PEARLS: 10/9/16

REAL: Then Jesus told His disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. Luke 18:1

CULTURED: One should never initiate anything that he cannot saturate with prayer. S.D. Gordon

:) If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self? Brandon Spektor





PEARLS: 10/8/16

REAL: Preach the Word; be prepared in season or out of season. 2 Timothy 4:2

CULTURED: The soul can do without everything except the word of God, without which none at all of its wants are provided for. Martin Luther,

:) We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon. Paula Poundstone


PEARLS: 10/7/16

REAL: Then the man said, 'Your name will no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, because you've struggled with God and with men and have overcome. Genesis 32:28

CULTURED: The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience. Leo Tolstoy

:) Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


PEARLS: 10/5/16

REAL: Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. Phil. 3:2

CULTURED: With a hand that was tremblin', I picked up my gun

I aimed it at Shep's faithful head

I just couldn't do it, I wanted to run

And I wished they'd shoot me instead

I went to his side and I sat on the ground

He laid his head on my knee

I stroked the best pal that a man ever found

I cried, so I scarcely could see

Old Sheppie, he knew he was goin' to go

For he reached out and licked at my hand

He looked up at me, just as much as to say

"We're partin' but you understand"

Now Old Shep is gone where the good doggies go

And no more with Old Shep will I roam

But if dogs have a Heaven, there's one thing I know

Old Shep has a wonderful home

Sung by Red Foley & Elvis 'the king' (small K) Presley

:) We're eating 
dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework. Dog mom & .....

:)Why do dogs race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them.

Harry Hill



PEARLS: 10/4/16

REAL: Do everything without complaining or arguing, Philippians 2:14

CULTURED: A bad habit is like a nice soft bed; it's easy to get into and hard to get out of. Anonymous

:) What do I think of 'Nevermore?' Yeah, I'd probably freak out too if
a raven flew into my house! But I'd never give him that name! Maybe "Bye Bye BB! Sean White


PEARLS: 10/3/16



REAL: Surely he scorneth the scorners: but He giveth grace unto the lowly. Prov. 3:34

CULTURED: There, but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford. John Bradford

:) GOD is like HALLMARK CARDS...He cares enough to send His very best. 5th Grader


PEARLS: 10/2/16



REAL: (regarding WORSHIP) I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1-2

CULTURED: The root of all virtue and grace, of all faith and acceptable worship, is that we know that we have nothing but what we receive, and bow in deepest humility to wait upon God for it. Andrew Murray

:) A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. Rich Hall



PEARLS: 10/1/16



REAL: One of them, when he saw he was healed came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus feet and thanked Him-and He was a Samaritan. Luke 17:15-16

CULTURED: Thankfulness creates gratitude which generates contentment that causes peace. Todd Stocker


PEARLS: 9/30/16



REAL: And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; ...and thy God my God. Ruth 1:16

CULTURED: Just as the right relationship with Christ generates a Christian, so the proper relationship with the Holy Spirit breeds a spiritual man. Watchman Nee

:) So what if I can't spell Armageddon? It's not the end of the world. Stewart Francis



PEARLS: 9/28/16



REAL: For in Him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are His offspring.' Acts 17:28

CULTURED: Creativity is intelligence having fun! Albert Einstein

:) NEWSPAPER ITEM-FLASH!!! Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures


PEARLS: 9/27/16



REAL: You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

CULTURED: God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S. Lewis

:) Gillette: "We're just going to keep adding blades."


PEARLS: 9/26/16



REAL: Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Phil. 2:5a

CULTURED: A bad attitude is like a flat tire—until you change it, you're not going to get anywhere. Tim Hetzner

:) A sign said, "Do not allow your dog to chase,injure, or worry wildlife." How is a dog going to "worry" wildlife? Run up to a bird: "Hey, I think you've got something on your beak. It could be a tumor. Andy Kindler


PEARLS: 9/25/16



REAL: So you also, when you've done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We're unworthy servants; we've only done our duty. Luke 17:10

CULTURED: The measure of a man's greatness is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves John Hagee

:) NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.........Chainsaw Massacre all over again!



PEARLS: 9/24/16



REAL: I've believed and am convinced that He's able to guard what I've entrusted to Him for that day. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you-guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit. 2 Timothy 1:13-14

CULTURED: Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free. Shannon L. Alder

:) Seen during a conference: for anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor


PEARLS: 9/23/16



REAL: "See, he's puffed up, his desires are not upright—but the righteous shall live by his faith" Habakkuk 2:4

CULTURED: The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes. Winston S. Churchill

:) ANOTHER NEWS HEADLINE: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?


PEARLS: 9/22/16



REAL: We urge you...to recognize those who labor among you...and to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (excerpts of)

CULTURED: To become a creative thinker, you must value creative thinking. Tim Hetzner

:)NEWS HEADLINE: Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.........HMMMM.


PEARLS: 9/21/16



REAL: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

CULTURED: Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give possesses you. Gide, Andre

:) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


PEARLS: 9/20/16



REAL: Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Matt. 7:24

CULTURED: Get a piece of the rock. Prudential Insurance Company

:) Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.



PEARLS: 9/19/16



REAL: Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another. Proverbs 27:17

CULTURED: The wound is the place where the Light enters you. Jalaluddin Rumi

:) The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.Demetri Martin



PEARLS: 9/18/16



REAL: [Regarding Worship] Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Psalm 31:3

CULTURED: He has forgiven your sins, at the cost of His own dear Son. He has given you His Word, and the priceless privilege of prayer and worship. Billy Graham

:) Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS


PEARLS: 9/17/16



REAL: No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. Luke 16:13

CULTURED: Do what you love and the money will follow. Marsha Sinetar...and...I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love. The Beatles


PEARLS: 9/16/16



REAL: This is good and pleases God who wants all men to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.1 Tim. 2:4



CULTURED: You must concentrate on pleasing God alone, and if He is pleased, you must be pleased. Pio of Pietrelcina

:) Can you cry under water?



PEARLS: 9/15/16



REAL: For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Cor. 4:17-18

CULTURED: The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive. John Green

:) My biggest problem with time travel is: How many days would you pack for? Josh Gondelman


PEARLS: 9/14/16



REAL: 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' Matt. 19:5 (Jesus)

CULTURED: It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Fulton J. Sheen

:) If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile... See if that works better than a fair trial!



PEARLS: 9/13/16



REAL: Do not forsake her[wisdom], and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. Proverbs 4:6

CULTURED: Here's the paradox. We can fully embrace God's love only when we recognize how completely unworthy of it we are. Ann Tatlock



:) A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. Jay Leno


PEARLS: 9/12/16

REAL: Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Sam. 16:7

CULTURED: The only healthy and lasting definition of beauty comes from God because He '...looks into the heart.' Anonymous

:) Couch Potatoes, Take Heart....You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.



PEARLS: 9/9/16

REAL: For the Lord reproves Him whom He loves, as a father the son in whom He delights. Prov. 3:12

CULTURED: Love is everything we can have because God is everything we have. God is love. Israelmore Ayivor

:) A Light-bulb Moment...To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant. Patrick McLellan



PEARLS: 9/7/16



REAL: The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

CULTURED: Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy, in Jesus Name, Amen. St. Francis of Assisi

:) My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it's not easier than not cooking. Maria Bamford






PEARLS: 9/6/16



REAL: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

CULTURED: Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything. George Lois

:) I have never worked out the moral to Humpty Dumpty. Is it, "Don't let horses perform medical procedures

5HR>PEARLS: 9/5/6



REAL: Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? 35 It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear." Luke 15:34-35

CULTURED: Nobody likes having salt rubbed in their wounds, even if it is the salt of the earth. Rebecca West



:) Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you'd be helping it?


PEARLS: 9/4/16



REAL: Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? 35 It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear." Luke 15:34-35

CULTURED: Nobody likes having salt rubbed in their wounds, even if it is the salt of the earth. Rebecca West



:) Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you'd be helping it?


PEARLS: 9/3/16



REAL: Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? 35 It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear." Luke 15:34-35

CULTURED: Nobody likes having salt rubbed in their wounds, even if it is the salt of the earth. Rebecca West



:) Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you'd be helping it?



PEARLS: 9/2/16



REAL: Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Prov. 31:8

CULTURED: Abortion should be listed as a weapon of mass destruction against the voiceless. E.A. Bucchianeri

:) Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



PEARLS: 9/1/16

REAL: But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you'll be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you'll be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous. Luke 14:13-14

CULTURED: The manner of giving is worth more than the gift. Pierre Corneille

:) Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...


PEARLS: 8/30/16

REAL: It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. Proverbs 25:2

CULTURED: Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. Benjamin Franklin

:) The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera.


PEARLS: 8/29/16

REAL:But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, 'Friend, move up higher.' Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. Luke 14:10

CULTURED: The soul is healed by being with children." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

:) Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx


PEARLS: 8/27/16

REAL: It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. Proverbs 25:2



CULTURED: Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. Benjamin Franklin



Smile In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.


PEARLS: 8/26/16

REAL: It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. Proverbs 25:2

CULTURED: Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. Benjamin Franklin

:) In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.


PEARLS: 8/25/16

REAL: And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

CULTURED: in the case, love doesn't seem to be working. 'Increase the dosage!' E. Stanley Jones

:) HEADLINE: KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS...

Do they taste like chicken?


PEARLS: 8/23/16

REAL: Do not, therefore, abandon that confidence of yours; it brings a great reward. Hebrews 10:35

CULTURED: Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right [thru Christ-PK]. ~Virgil

:) Where are Average Things Manufactured? The satisfactory.


PEARLS: 8/22/16

REAL: God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory' Philippians 4:19

CULTURED: Get rid of the scarcity attitude [which] is rooted in fear and shows distrust of the awesome power of God to supply all our needs according to His unlimited resources. Tim Hetzner

:) One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of 
Band-Aids and said, "You two share." Steven Wright






PEARLS: 8/18/16

REAL: And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

CULTURED: Whose riches? God's! And His ability to bless you is not limited by the job market, the stock market, or the housing market. Tim Hetzner

:) The star of Cake Boss was 
arrested for DWI. Police interrogated him for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

ps...I'm literally 'Gone Fishin' (Bing & Sachmo-Louie Armstrong) no pearls till Mon. (Lord willing)


PEARLS: 8/17/16

REAL: And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

CULTURED: Whose riches? God's! And His ability to bless you is not limited by the job market, the stock market, or the housing market. Tim Hetzner

:) The star of Cake Boss was 
arrested for DWI. Police interrogated him for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.


PEARLS: 8/16/16

REAL: But God shows undeserved kindness to everyone. That's why he appointed Christ Jesus to choose you to share in his eternal glory. . . 1 Peter 5:10

CULTURED: We don't earn God's love; we receive it. We don't work for His approval; He approves us. Dillon Burroughs

:) Some guy's looking at this old picture of me with no beard. Then he looks at me and goes, "You grow a beard?" No, I shave my photos. Sean Morey


PEARLS: 8/15/16

REAL: I have come to bring fire on the earth and I wish it were already kindled. Luke 12:49

CULTURED: To fear is to have more faith in your antagonist than in Christ. D.L. Moody & Ladies

who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes. Mae West

:) After 12 years of therapy, 
my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo Inglés."


PEARLS: 8/14/16

REAL: By faith, Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. Heb. 11:17

CULTURED: I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. C.S. Lewis

:) Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. Comedian Paul Rodriguez





PEARLS: 8/13/16

REAL: 'Let the prophet who has a dream tell his dream, but let the one who has my Word speak it faithfully...Is not my Word like a hammer?' declares the Lord" Jeremiah 23:28

CULTURED: The Greatest Treasure cherished in our hearts is The Word of GOD for His Word protects us from lies and deception etc. Errol Anthony Smythe

:) How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have 
a huge clock right in the middle of the town. Jimmy Kimmel


PEARLS: 8/12/16

REAL: Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee. Song of Solomon 1:4

CULTURED: But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us! It behooves us then to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness. Abraham Lincoln (It took a Civil War to wake us up last time. What's it going to take now?.....PK)

Smile If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

PEARLS: 8/11/16



REAL: Remember how short my time is: wherefore hast thou made all men in vain?



CULTURED: God is the Lord...We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven. We have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth and power as no other nation has ever grown. Abraham Lincoln



Smile If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


PEARLS: 8/10/16

REAL: Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses; for they have been ever of old. Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord. Psalm 25:6-7

CULTURED:'Whereas it is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God, to confess their sins and transgressions, in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history. Abraham Lincoln

:) We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper, and you get more feet. Rita Rudner



(On March 3, 1863, anguished by the ravages of civil war, Abraham Lincoln declared a Proclamation Appointing a National Fast Day: Thus, for the next few days the Cultured Pearl will be excerpts of that speech, calling us to 'remember')



PEARLS: 8/9/16

REAL: I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair...He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed' Ps. 40:1-2

CULTURED: Why is patience so important? Because it makes us pay attention[to God]. Paulo Coelho

:) I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.



PEARLS: 8/8/16

REAL: And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:15

CULTURED: When you share it with others, the best you'll get is sympathy, but when you share it with Jesus you'll get a solution. Tim Hetzner

:) New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group...How much larger do they need to be?


PEARLS: 8/7/16

REAL: Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. Psalm 145:3

CULTURED: Imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but worship is the greatest form of adoration. Jayce O'Neal

:) Do you think shaving cream really softens your beard …or is it just so you don't lose your place? Jackie Flynn


PEARLS: 8/6/16

REAL: Don't be afraid little flock for your Father has been pleased to give you the Kingdom." Luke 12:32

CULTURED: When you can't see God's hand, trust His heart. Emily Belle

:) My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. Jerry Seinfeld





PEARLS: 8/5/16

REAL: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

CULTURED:Our faith is built in the dark, in the valleys, and during the back-breaking battles in life. Dana Arcuri,

:) HOW DO YO KNOW YOU'RE FROM N. DAK. OR MN.? You know the difference between 'Green' and 'Red' farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!*


PEARLS: 8/4/16

REAL: Look up at the heavens and count the stars, if indeed you can count them. So shall your offspring be. Genesis 15:5

CULTURED: God loves you so much that he is willing to hold something from you for the perfect time! Rachel Hamilton

:) How do You Drown a Hipster? Throw him into the mainstream.


PEARLS: 8/3/16

REAL: This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14

CULTURED: Take it to the Lord in prayer. Joseph Scriven 1855 (What a Friend We Have in Jesus)

:) Miners Refuse to Work after Death...No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!





PEARLS: 8/2/16

REAL: Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3

CULTURED: God doesn't examine your past to decide your future. Tim Hetzner

:)I shave each morning in front of my car's passenger-side mirror. That way, I get a closer shave than it actually appears.


Pearls: 8/1/16

REAL: For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, And floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, And My blessing on your offspring; Isaiah 44:3

CULTURED: The Spirit of God breathes inspiration, while the carnal mind breeds vanity. Fred C. White

:) How do u know u're from N.Dak. or Mn....U can make sense of 'upnort' and 'batree'.


PEARLS: 7/31/16

REAL: To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. Philippians 4:20



CULTURED: Show me a church's songs and I'll show you their theology. Gordon D. Fee

:) No, I'm not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season.


PEARLS: 7/30/16

REAL: Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! Luke 12:24

CULTURED: Faith all grown up is trust. Adam LiVecchi

:) The Face of Deception"I have a beard." —a bald-faced liar! Myq Kaplan





PEARLS: 7/28/16

REAL: A man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge, and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who hasn't worked for it" Eccl. 2:21

CULTURED: Faithful servants never retire. You can retire from your career, but you will never retire from serving God. Rick Warren

:) My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone's throw away, in fact. Stewart Francis


PEARLS: 7/27/16

REAL: Be very careful, then, how you live." Ephesians 5:15

CULTURED: Were at our best when we allow God to direct our life in 7's & 10's! Anonymous

:) A Tough Question, by George Carlin

What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


PEARLS: 7/26/16

REAL: When men strive together and hit a pregnant woman, so that her children come out, but there is no harm, the one who hit her shall surely be fined, as the woman's husband shall impose on him, and he shall pay as the judges determine. 23 But if there is harm then you shall pay life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. Ex. 21:22-25

CULTURED: Adoption was such a positive alternative to abortion, a way to save one life and brighten two more: those of the adoptive parents. George W. Bush

:) A Tough Question, by Betsy Salkind

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?



PEARLS: 7/25/16

REAL: Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13

CULTURED: The greatest evil is not now done in those sordid "dens of crime" that Dickens loved to paint… But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed, and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voice. C. S. Lewis

:) If you've seen me impatiently standing in line, then you've seen me dancing at a concert.


PEARLS: 7/24/16

REAL: I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. Psalm 119:7

CULTURED: Intercession is truly universal work for the Christian. No place is closed to intercessory prayer. No continent - no nation - no organization - no city - no office. There is no power on earth that can keep intercession out." Richard Halverson

Smile Notice in a farmer's field: the farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.


PEARLS: 7/23/16

REAL: Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples. Luke 13:1b

CULTURED: Whenever His people gather and worship Him, God promises He will make His

presence known in their midst. On the other hand, where God's people consistently

neglect true spiritual worship, His manifest presence is rarely experienced. Ralph Mahoney

:) Enfield England: Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (another one you have to read slowly!)


PEARLS: 7/22/16

REAL: And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power Col. 2:10

CULTURED: To be loved by God is the highest relationship, the highest achievement, and the highest position in life. Henry Blackaby

:) I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.


PEARLS: 7/21/16

REAL: Then he said, "Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once. Suppose ten are found there." He answered, "For the sake of ten I will not destroy it. Gen. 18:32

CULTURED: The mystery of seeking God is that HE is the One who finds you. Kingsley Opuwari Manuel

:) Airport Insecurity: The head of the TSA resigned after about four years on the job. Here's how much of America heard the news. "John Pistol retired today. His employees toasted him with less than three ounces of champagne. They gave him a gold watch powered by the sun. Unfortunately he's moving to Bangladesh at the beginning of the monsoon season.


PEARLS: 7/20/16

REAL: You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. Song of Solomon 4:9

CULTURED: Christianity is not a religion or a philosophy, but a relationship and a lifestyle. The core of that lifestyle is thinking of others, as Jesus did, instead of ourselves. Rick Warren

:) Sign In New-Agey Woodstock, New York: "If you lived here, you'd be om by now."


PEARLS: 7/19/16

REAL: By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers 1 John 3:16

CULTURED: First John 3:16 shows that true love is climaxed by our being willing to lay down our lives for fellow believers. Theodore Epp

:)Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers....Poor JW's!


PEARLS: 7/18/16

REAL: In that day you will say: "Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted." Isaiah 12:4

CULTURED: The praises of God are simply the facts about Himself! If you want to praise the Lord Jesus Christ, tell the people about Him. Charles Haddon Spurgeon

:) Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter (read it again slowly..Why do I have to always spoon-feed the punch line to you? :)


PEARLS: 7/17/16

REAL: For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks the door will be opened." Luke 11:10

CULTURED: As is the business of tailors to make clothes and cobblers to make shoes, so it is the business of Christians to pray." Martin Luther

:) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. Come to think of it, duct tape comes in red now?



PEARLS: 7/16/16

REAL: The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:12

CULTURED: The time has come for a revival of public worship as the finest of the fine arts...While

there is a call for strong preaching there is even a greater need for uplifting worship. Andrew W. Blackwood

:) How to know if you grew up in Minnesota, North Dakota, or South Dakota.. You hear someone use the word 'oof-dah' or 'Holy Buckets' and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter.


PEARLS: 7/15/16

REAL: See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." Colossians 2:8

CULTURED: False prophets & false preachers & false teachers have been deceived by satan & are spiritually blind trying to lead the spiritually blind. Errol Anthony Smythe

:) Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge...Beware...he IS the battery charge!


PEARLS: 7/14/16

REAL: The Lord said, "The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous that I'll go down and see if what they've done is as bad as the outcry that has reached Me." Genesis 18:20-21

CULTURED: Loving the world destroys our relationship with God, it denies our faith in God, and it discounts our future with God. David Jeremiah

:) I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.


PEARLS: 7/13/16

REAL: A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. Prov. 16:9

CULTURED: God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him. Jim Elliot

:) There's no "I" in denial.



PEARLS: 7/12/16

REAL: "How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of Dawn! (Jesus words about Satan-see Luke 10:18) How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! You said in your heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high. Isa. 14:12 (satan speaking of himself)

CULTURED: We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents. Mark Twain

:) We can teach kids there's no i in team, but it's way more important 
to teach them that there's no a in definitely.


PEARLS: 7/11/16

REAL: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:3

CULTURED: Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting point to go on into a living relationship - and not as ends in themselves. Francis Schaeffer

:) How to know if you grew up in Minnesota, North Dakota, or South Dakota... You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.


PEARLS: 7/10/16

REAL: Not to us, Lord, not to us. But to Your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness. Psalm 115:1

CULTURED: How quickly we forget what it's all about. We can get so strategic that we worship so

our church will grow, not because He is worthy. But we're doing all this because God is

worthy and we want to worship Him. Tommy Walker

:) If growing up in the '80s taught me one thing, it's that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now. Liz Hackett



PEARLS: 7/9/16

REAL: "Martha, Martha, you are upset and worried about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what's better and it will not be taken from her." Luke 10:42

CULTURED: Salvation is from our side a choice, from the divine side it is a seizing upon, an apprehending, a conquest by the Most High God. Our "accepting" and "willing" are reactions rather than actions. The right of determination must always remain with God. A.W. Tozer

:) What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?


PEARLS: 7/8/16

REAL: We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. Colossians 1:28

CULTURED: If you look for perfection, you'll never be content. Leo Tolstoy (unless it's Jesus!:))

:) How to know if you grew up in Minnesota, North Dakota, or South Dakota... :) Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night, day.


PEARLS: 7/7/16

REAL: So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, 'After I am worn out and my Master is old, will I now have this pleasure?" Gen.18:12

CULTURED: If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane. Robert Frost

:) What My Girlfriend Thought, First four Dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. OK, first shirt again. 4. He's Johnny two shirts!



PEARLS: 7/6/16

REAL: This is what the LORD says -- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17

CULTURED: "Obedience to truth known, is the king's highway to that which is still beyond us." Francis Quarles

:) How to know if you grew up in Minnesota, North Dakota, or South Dakota... Cruising 'main' lasts for 3 blocks


PEARLS: 7/6/16

REAL: This is what the LORD says -- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17

CULTURED: "Obedience to truth known, is the king's highway to that which is still beyond us." Francis Quarles

:) How to know if you grew up in Minnesota, North Dakota, or South Dakota...

You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.


PEARLS: 7/5/16

REAL: Do you not remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? Matt. 16:9

CULTURED: If you pray for bread and bring no basket to carry it, you prove the doubting spirit, which may be the only hindrance to the gift you ask. D.L. Moody

:) How to know if you grew up in the Upper Midwest: Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Iowa, Wisconsin... You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means!



PEARLS: 7/4/16

REAL: Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God. Psalms 22:9-10

CULTURED: The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil. Sarah Palin

:) Drama: a word boring people use to describe fun people. Jenny Mollen


PEARLS: 7/3/16 (Hot off the press!)

REAL: Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal. 6:2

CULTURED: A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Charles Spurgeon

:) Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. Nathan Usher





PEARLS: 7/3/16

REAL: Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal. 6:2

CULTURED: A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Charles Spurgeon

:) Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. Nathan Usher

PEARLS: 7/2/16

REAL: "The one who hears you hears Me, and the one who rejects you rejects Me, and the one who rejects Me rejects Him who sent Me." Luke 10:16

CULTURED: Copy Jesus...even if it hurts! Anonymous

:) Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears, you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this, now?"KarenKilgariff



PEARLS: 7/1/16

REAL: For thus says the LORD: "Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. Isa. 66:12

CULTURED: Peace begins with a smile. Mother Teresa and.....When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. Jimi Hendrix

:) The Revenant (2015). 
An epic tale of one man's desperate journey to do whatever it takes to finally win an Oscar. Tim Siedell


PEARLS: 6/30/16

REAL: The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you. Genesis 12:1

CULTURED: Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free. Shannon L. Alder

:) A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say "bye" 300 times. DamienFahey


PEARLS: 6/29/16

REAL: For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? For you are our glory and joy. Philippians 2:19-20

CULTURED: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Dr. Seuss (I love this verse because it reminds us how much Jesus loves us (though indirectly through Paul and the Philippians:))

:) When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Comedian Dick Gregory


PEARLS: 6/28/16

REAL: If you wander off the road to the right or the left, you will hear his voice behind you saying, "Here is the road. Follow it." Isaiah 30:21

CULTURED: Each one of us must make his own path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers. The right road for one is the wrong road for another...The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness. M. Scott Peck

:) PK smashes up a dog bisquet in 8 pieces (calls it an 'eighter!') and gives it to his dog Beau who says to Otis (Carisa-PK's daughter's dog)...."What do you get when you put an 8-er in the ice box? Otis replies, "Hey! You're a talking dog!" (that's not the whole joke!) "You mean you're speaking to me?" Otis adds. "Just answer the question!" Beau shouts angrily! "I don't know!" cried the cowering Otis! ""A Refrigerator!"


PEARLS: 6/27/16

REAL: The Lord is righteous in all His ways, and holy in all His works. Psalm 145:17

CULTURED: God's love for others does not stop at the border; neither should ours. Dillon Burroughs

:) Probably the worst thing you can hear when you're wearing a bikini is "Good for you!" ElizaBayne


PEARLS: 6/26/16

REAL: Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Psalm 105:1

CULTURED: God did not love you because of your background, your intelligence, your good looks, your prayers, your ministry, your commitment, your faith, or your good life. God loves you…because He loves you. Let that lead you to worship. Colin S. Smith

:) What did the comedic Pirate say when nobody would laugh at his jokes? "I'd be great if I had a wooden eye?"


PEARLS: 6/25/16

REAL: As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." Isaiah 66:13a

CULTURED: Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes He lets you sink a little it! Anonymous

:) I'm board. I really wish something fun would come along!


PEARLS: 6/24/16

REAL: Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we shall reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal.6:9

CULTURED: One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity. Albert Schweitzer

:) So I saw this really sad film, then I walked out and burst into tears. Then a policeman came up to me. He said, "I'm fining you $10." I said, "For crying out loud!" He said, "Yes."



PEARLS: 6/23/16

REAL: For all his works are truth, and his ways are justice; and He is able to bring low those who walk in pride. Daniel 4:37

CULTURED: It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi

:) These escaped residents of an aviary got in my house and stole my soap, detergent, and my body wash! Those dirty birds!


PEARLS: 6/22/16

REAL: Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16

CULTURED: (Q-How long will prayer work?) Forever and ever, Amen. Randy Travis

:) I've gone to the new restaurant called Moon and it serves lots of Satellite dishes



PEARLS: 6/21/16

REAL: For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

CULTURED: Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. Helen Keller

:) When I was younger, I used to tell people I was going to be a comedian. They would laugh and say, "Your jokes aren't funny." Well they're not laughing now.


6/20/16 Pearls

REAL:Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Psalms 51:5

CULTURED:It seems to me as clear as daylight that abortion would be a crime. Mahatma Gandhi

:) Knock Knock Who's there? Tarzan! Tarzan who? Tarzan stripes forever


Pearls: 6/19/16

REAL: Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, forever and ever! Revelation 5:13


0CULTURED: No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God.

:) I was in a supermarket, and I saw a man and a woman wrapped in barcode. I said, "Are you 2 an item?"



Pearls: 6/18/16

REAL: And the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Gal.5:22

CULTURED: Fruit is always the miraculous, the created; it is never the result of willing, but always a growth. They who bear it know as little about it as the tree knows of its fruit. They know only the power of Him on whom their life depends. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Knock Knock! Who's there? Candice! Candice who? Candice get any better?


Pearls: 6/17/16

REAL: I'm the only one left and now they're trying to kill me too. 1 Kings 19:14b

CULTURED: God does not remove us from all harm; He uses harm to move us close to Him. Dillon Burroughs

:) People with guns asking for your money- you've got to hand it to them.



Pearls: 6/16/16

REAL: But "he who glories, let him glory in the LORD." For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends. 2 Cor. 10:17-18

CULTURED: A great man is always willing to be little. Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) Where do you go when you feel cold in a square room? The corners, they are always 90 degrees



Pearls: 6/15/16

REAL: It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Heb. 10:31

CULTURED: At these words I was utterly stupefied and terror-stricken. I thought to myself, "Who am I, that I should lift up mine eyes or raise my hands to the divine Majesty?" Martin Luther

:) Lyle: Did I here you right? I thought you said Kevin played in Triple A Baseball.

John: Not to my knowledge, maybe Double A and the 12 step program!


Pearls: 6/14/16

REAL: Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb. 4:16

CULTURED: Your choice. You can allow the enemy to push you around and make you feel guilty. But you don't have to! Anonymous

:)Knock Knock Who's there ? Holly! and Happy! and Holland! Holly, Happy and Holland who ?

Holly-days and Happy Days and Hollandaise are here again!


Pearls: 6/12/16

REAL: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

CULTURED: I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born. Ronald Reagan

:) My gun's a newsreader. It's got a bulletin


Pearls: 6/12/16

REAL: Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble. Daniel 4:37

CULTURED: When God's people begin to praise and worship Him using the Biblical methods

He gives, the Power of His presence comes among His people in an even greater measure. Graham Truscott

:) What did the Randy Jackson Dachshund say to the pooch next to him when he won first place at the dog show? I'm a real wiener, Dog!"


Pearls: 6/11/16

REAL: He shall be called John. Luke 1:60b

CULTURED: Be in a close association with your Creator whose is ever ready to direct your plans. Always ensure your convictions are divine and backed by a Godly approval. Israelmore Ayivor

:) American Airlines discriminates against people named, 'Jack!' You mention his name in one of their planes and everyone screams!


Pearls: 6/10/16

REAL: I am not he. No, but behold, after me one is coming, the sandals of whose feet I am not worthy to untie.' Acts 13:25b

CULTURED: On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom. Michel de Montaigne

Knock Knock. Who's there? Some bunny! Some bunny who? Some bunny has been eating all my carrots!



Pearls: 6/9/16

REAL: Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Isa. 40:1

CULTURED: The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

:) I tried to make an agriculture or a botanical, or a horticulture joke but it was too corny!


Pearls: 6/8/16

REAL: For they say, "His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account." 2 Cor. 10:10

CULTURED: True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. C.S. Lewis

:) A woman was about to get sentenced for shop lifting a can of pears. The Judge asked her, "How many pears were in the can?" She replied, "6!" The Judge says, 6 days in jail!" Then her husband shouts out, "And she stole a can of peas too!" Dean Bowyer


Pearls: 6/7/16

REAL: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Cor. 6:14

CULTURED: Avoid any common spiritual enterprise with an unbeliever (including things like marriage or religious ecumenism). And then secondarily, to be very careful in other areas of life (like business) if you're pulling the same yoke with an unbeliever, because it's inevitable that there will be conflict – since the standard by which you operate is inherently different. John MacArthur

:) Knock Knock Who's there? Mariah! Mariah who? Mariah me, I love you!



Pearls: 6/5/16

REAL: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Cor. 10:13

CULTURED: Are we so childish (I do not say childlike) as to think that a God who could scheme a Jesus-plan would lead poor pilgrims into situations they could not bear? Elisabeth Elliot

:) Invisible planes, I can't see them taking off.


Pearls: 6/5/16

REAL: I cried out to him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. Psalm 66:17

CULTURED: Church: if the world could see a snapshot of our worship today, would they perceive that we believe our God is worthy of praise? Matt Papa

:) I once played the back end of a wasp in a pantomime play. Everyone thought I was the bees' knees


Pearls: 6/4/16

REAL: When the Lord saw her His heart went out to her and He said, "Don't Cry!" Luke 7:11-17

CULTURED: Too much of anything is dangerous unless it's God's Love. Reign

:) It was just a yolk, I was only kitchen.


Pearls: 6/3/16

REAL: For you have heard of my previous life in Judaism...but when God set me apart from birth, and called me by grace...that I might preach Him among the Gentiles. Gal. 1:13a, 15a, 16a

CULTURED: Doing the will of God leaves me no time for disputing about His plans. George MacDonald

:) Knock Knock Who's there? A mall! A mall who? A mall shook up!


Pearls: 6/2/16

REAL: Then he stretched himself out on the boy 3 times and cried to the Lord, 'O Lord, let this boy's life return to him!' The Lord heard Elijah's cry, and the boy's life returned to him. 1 Kings 17:21-22a

CULTURED: The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen." - G.K. Chesterton

:) I feel sorry for shopping trolleys. They're always getting pushed around


Pearls: 6/1/16

REAL: Then Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah came near and struck Micaiah on the cheek and said, "Which way did the Spirit of the Lord go from me to speak to you?"2 Chron. 18:23

CULTURED: I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. Susan B. Anthony



:) (Need your help...This is an audio visual joke) The sound...'BNAG!' "Hey Judge, That bang is out of order!"


Pearls: 5/30/16

REAL: Then Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah came near and struck Micaiah on the cheek and said, "Which way did the Spirit of the Lord go from me to speak to you?"2 Chron. 18:23

CULTURED: I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. Susan B. Anthony



:) (the sound...'BNAG!') "Hey Judge, That bang out of order!"


Pearls: 5/31/16

REAL: But he said, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it. Luke 11:28

CULTURED: Resistance to tyranny is obedience to God. Susan Brownell Anthony Jacob

:) Knock Knock! Who's there? Some bunny! Some bunny who? Some bunny has been eating all my carrots!


Pearls: 5/30/16

REAL: All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. John 1:3

CULTURED: I certainly supported a woman's right to choose, but to my mind the time to choose was before, not after the fact. Ann B. Ross

:) Knock Knock Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colin the doctor, I feel ill!


Pearls: 5/29/16

REAL: It is written: 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.' Romans 14:11

CULTURED: It is in the process of being worshipped that God communicates His presence to men.

C.S. Lewis

:) If middle age pirates were still alive, they'd probably be eating at Arby's.


Pearls: 5/28/16

REAL: I tell you I have not found such great of faith even in Israel. Luke 7:9b

CULTURED: Faith, as Paul saw it, was a living, flaming thing leading to surrender and obedience to the commandments of Christ. A.W. Tozer

:) What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


Pearls: 5/26/16

REAL: I tell you I have not found such great of faith even in Israel. Luke 7:9b

CULTURED: Faith, as Paul saw it, was a living, flaming thing leading to surrender and obedience to the commandments of Christ. A.W. Tozer

Smile What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


Pearls: 5/26/16

REAL: But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned. Galatians.1:8

CULTURED: The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature. David O. McKay

:) All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.


Pearls: 5/25/16

REAL: For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Matt. 10:20

CULTURED: It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love. Billy Graham


Pearls: 5/24/16

REAL: I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

CULTURED: If you don't find God in the next person you meet, then it is a waste of time to look for Him any further. Mahatma Ghandi

:) Venison....oh deer!


Pearls: 5/23/16

REAL: your attitude should be the same as that of CHRIST JESUS." Philippians 2:5

CULTURED: We choose what attitudes we have right now. And it's a continuing choice. ~ John C. Maxwell

:) Why didn't Noah kill those two mosquitoes?


Pearls: 5/21/16



REAL: Aren't we right in saying you're...demon-possessed? John 8:49



CULTURED: Even on the cross He did not hide Himself from sight; rather, He made all creation witness to the presence of its Maker. Athanasius of Alexandria



Smile In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.


Pearls: 5/21/16

REAL: Aren't we right in saying you're...demon-possessed? John 8:49

CULTURED: Even on the cross He did not hide Himself from sight; rather, He made all creation witness to the presence of its Maker. Athanasius of Alexandria

:) In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.


Pearls: 5/20/16

REAL: Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd. Acts 2:14a

CULTURED: Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Paulo Coelho

:) Why isn't there Mouse-flavored cat food?


Pearls: 5/19/16

REAL: And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6

CULTURED: I am realistic – I expect miracles. Wayne W. Dyer

:) Why is lemon juice made With artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Pearls: 5/18/16

REAL: As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. Ecclesiastes 11:5

CULTURED: If a mother can kill her own child - what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me - there is nothing between. Mother Teresa

:) Why is the time of Day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


Pearls: 5/17/16

REAL: In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10

CULTURED: Legalism says God will love us if we change. The Gospel says God will change us because He loves us. Tullian Tchividjian

:) Only in This Wacky World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Pearls: 5/16/16

REAL: For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our lord." Romans 8:38-39

CULTURED: The sin underneath all our sins is to trust the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and must take matters into our own hands Martin Luther

:) Why don't you ever see the Headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


Pearls: 5/15/16

REAL: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

CULTURED: If there is one characteristic more than others that contemporary public worship needs

to recapture it is this awe before the surpassingly great and gracious God. Henry Sloane Coffin

:) Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?


Pearls: 5/14/16

REAL: Jesus replied, 'If anyone loves Me, he'll obey my teaching. My Father will love him and we'll come to him and make our home with him. John 14:23

CULTURED: Faith, as Paul saw it, was a living, flaming thing leading to surrender and obedience to the commandments of Christ. A. W. Tozer

:) Only in This Wacky World do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..


Pearls: 5/13/16

REAL: And all of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues. Acts 2:4

CULTURED: Destitute of the Fire of God, nothing else counts; possessing Fire, nothing else matters. Samuel Chadwick

:) Why do they sterilize the Needle for lethal injections.


Pearls: 5/12/16

REAL: The Lord came down to see the city and the tower that men were building. Genesis 11:5

CULTURED: Our strength is futile in itself; we are spiritually impotent without the assistance of a merciful God. R.C. Sproul

:) Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.


Pearls: 5/11/16

REAL: No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Rom. 8:37

CULTURED: Put your nose into the Bible every day. It is your spiritual food. And then share it. Make a vow not to be a lukewarm Christian. - Kirk Cameron

:) You know that Indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


Pearls: 5/11/16

REAL: Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Phil. 2:5-8

CULTURED: Before every course of action ask the question...WWJD? Anonymous

:) Only in This Wacky World do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in Packages of eight.


Pearls: 5/10/16

REAL: I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break. Judges 11:35

CULTURED: Put your nose into the Bible everyday. It is your spiritual food. And then share it. Make a vow not to be a lukewarm Christian. - Kirk Cameron

:) You know that Indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


Pearls: 5/8/16

REAL: For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:36

When we worship together as a community of living Christians, we do not worship alone, we worship 'with all the company of heaven. Marianne H. Micks



:) Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.


Pearls: 5/7/16

REAL: Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Isa. 55:2

CULTURED: Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas A. Edison

:) Why is the man who Invests all your money called a broker?


Pearls: 5/6/16

REAL: My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. Psalm 71:8

CULTURED: God is to be praised with the voice, and the heart should go therewith in holy

exultation. Charles H. Spurgeon

:) Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside, they closed school? Me neither.


Pearls: 5/5/16

REAL: I pray also for those who will believe in Me through their message, that all of them may be one. John 17:20b

CULTURED: Necessity unites. German Proverb

:) Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.


Pearls: 5/4/16

REAL: Yes, I am coming soon. Revelations 22:20b

CULTURED: The first time [Christ] came to slay sin in men. The second time He will come to slay men in sin. Arthur W. Pink

:) What do you call an ELF who sings?

A Wrapper!


Pearls: 5/3/16

REAL: Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Isa. 55:1

CULTURED: There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein

:)I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented.... I forgot where I was going with this.


Pearls: 5/2/16

REAL: If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or [whether] I speak of myself. John 7:17



CULTURED: Irony of life – GOD will always make you do things which you never want to. Aman Jassal

:) Read the Bible- it will scare the hell out of you!


PEARLS 5/1/16

REAL: How great you are, Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. 2 Samuel 7:22

CULTURED: Worship is our response to the overtures of love from the heart of the Father. Richard J. Foster

:) A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.


Pearls: 4/30/16

REAL: There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. 1 Samuel 2:2

CULTURED: Only through Absolution will you reach the Absolute. Toni Petrinovich

:) Only in This Wacky World.....

......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put Our useless junk in the garage.



Pearls: 4/29/16

REAL: In this world you will have trouble but take heart, I have overcome the world. John 16:33

CULTURED: all of our tomorrows are God's yesterdays. Richard Sigmund

:) Q... Why don't sheep Shrink when it rains?


Pearls: 4/28/16

REAL: Come over to Macedonia and help us. Acts 16:9b

CULTURED: There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. John Holmes

:) God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.


Pearls: 4/27/16

REAL: Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Psalm 55:22

CULTURED: He sees the perils that are in our path that we cannot see. He speaks to us in mercy and grace and He builds us up to meet the dangers and be prepared to receive the things we could not wisely use today. A.A. Conrad

:) Q... Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?


Pearls: 4/26/16

REAL: The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

CULTURED: This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes. Queen Elizabeth I

:) Senility has been a smooth transition for me.


Pearls: 4/25/16

REAL: Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you. Deuteronomy 16:17

CULTURED: I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver. Maya Angelou

:) I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.


Pearls: 4/24/16

REAL: Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

Jeremiah 29:12

CULTURED: The whole person, with all his senses, with both mind and body, needs to be

involved in genuine worship. Jerry Kerns

:) He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.


Pearls: 4/23/16

REAL: My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. John 10:27

CULTURED: Our failure to hear His voice when we want to is due to the fact that we do not in general want to hear it, that we want it only when we think we need it. Dallas Willard

:) Camping: Where you spend a small fortune so you can live like a homeless person.


Pearls: 4/22/16

REAL: Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:46-47

CULTURED: To follow God, one must be a little "out of their mind" (and "into their Spirit"). Donald L. Hicks

:) Only in This Wacky World

.....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters..





Pearls: 4/21/16

REAL: What does He mean by 'a little while'? John 16:18

CULTURED: It's always about timing. If it's too soon, no one understands. If it's too late, everyone's forgotten. Anna Wintour

:) Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. Mark Twain


Pearls: 4/20/16

REAL: Behold, I am making all things new. Rev.21:5

CULTURED: A glimpse of God will save you. To gaze at Him will sanctify you. Manley Beasley

:) I have a cousin who suffers from kleptomania; but when it gets bad he takes something for it.


Pearls: 4/20/16

REAL: Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:5-6

CULTURED: If you seek God, you will see Him. If you do not seek God, you will still see Him. T.A. Cline

:) Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpeting to change the TV channel.


Pearls: 4/18/16

REAL: Run to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, look and take note! Search her squares to see if you can find a man, one who does justice and seeks truth, that I may pardon her. Jer. 5:1

CULTURED: Listen to the murmur of water and you'll hear Mother Nature. Listen to the stillness beneath, and there you'll find God. Donald L. Hicks

:) Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

p.s. I have to apologize for a pearl last week (1 Cor. 15:42-43) that left the 'in' out in the 2nd corruption (should have been 'incorruption'). I must examine my Pearls closer. Forgive me, please.


Pearls: 4/17/16

REAL: Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Psalm 103:1

CULTURED: Worship includes living your life like you truly believe in the omni-presence of God. Anonymous

:) Only in This Wacky World....

.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


Pearls: 4/16/16

REAL: "These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb." Rev. 7:14

CULTURED: Earth is receding; heaven is approaching. This is my crowning day! D.L. Moody

:) Q-What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A...One requires tweetment the other oinkment!


Pearls: 4/15/16

REAL: It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

CULTURED: A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. Steve Maraboli

:) Doctor to patient: "What fits your busy schedule...exercising an hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day!


Pearls: 4/14/16

REAL: So also is the resurrection of the dead. The body is sown in corruption, it is raised in corruption. It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. 1 Cor. 15:42-43

CULTURED: The dust of Lazarus was dear to Jesus; He would not leave it in the rocky tomb. So is the dust of every Lazarus dear in His sight. He will not lose so much as one of them. Wherever they lie, it matters not - beneath the deep blue sea, or on some distant battlefield, or consumed in flame and smoke - the Lord Jesus will yet collect their scattered dust, sand make them like His own glorious body. Robert Murray McCheyne

:) I love being over 50. I learn something new every day....... and forget 5 others.



Pearls: 4/14/16

REAL: Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion. Psalm 95:8

CULTURED: Until you have given up yourself to Him you will not have a real self. C.S.Lewis

:) ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE


Pearls: 4/13/16

REAL: For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you. Isa. 41:13

CULTURED: Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free. Shannon L. Alder

:) I don't mean to brag, but...... I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.


Pearls: 4/11/16

REAL: For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. Romans 5:10

CULTURED: Christ took our sins and the sins of the whole world as well as the Father's wrath on his shoulders, and he has drowned them both in himself so that we are thereby reconciled to God and become completely righteous. Martin Luther

:) Never give the devil a ride- he will always want to drive.


Pearls: 4/10/16

REAL: Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go. John 21:1

CULTURED: The martyrs to vice far exceed the martyrs to virtue, both in endurance and in number. So blinded are we to our passions, that we suffer more to insure perdition than salvation.

Hannah More

:) To some, marriage is a word; to others, a sentence


Pearls: 4/9/16

REAL: The 3rd time Jesus said to him, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" John 21:16a

CULTURED: Jesus tends to his people individually. He personally sees to our needs. We all receive Jesus' touch. We experience his care. Max Lucado

:) (Older couple sitting in a diner) "Honey, do you see that fat couple at the end of the booth? That will probably be us in 10 years!" She replies, "That's a mirror!"


Pearls: 4/8/16

REAL: Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. Revelations 5:12a

CULTURED: The world tells us to find the power within ourselves. God's Word teaches otherwise. It is the Lord's power that gives the ability to overcome. Dillon Burroughs

:) If you put crouton on your Sundae instead of a cherry it counts as a salad!


Pearls: 4/7/16

REAL: This man is my chosen instrument to carry my Name...I will show him how much he must suffer. Acts 9:15a, 17

CULTURED: To learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings. George Mueller

:) Doctor to patient: "The handle of your recliner doesn't qualify it as an exercise machine!"


Pearls: 4/6/16

REAL: Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. Eccl. 9:9

CULTURED: God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S. Lewis

:) A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.


PEARLS: 4/5/16

Real: When You said, "Seek My face," My heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I will seek." Psalm 27:8

Cultured: I was moved closer and closer to a feeling for that Mystery out of which the church arose in the first place until, finally, the Mystery itself came to have a face for me...the face of Jesus Christ. Frederick Buechner

:) The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. But unfortunately you have to eat through the donut to get there!


Pearls: 4/4/16

REAL: Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 1 Cor. 13:6

CULTURED: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Chinese proverb

:) "I can't lose weight Doctor. Because I have metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen!


Pearls: 4/3/16

REAL: Put your finger here! top doubting and believe. John 20:27

CULTURED: Depend on it, my hearer, you never will go to heaven unless you are prepared to worship Jesus Christ as God. Charles Spurgeon

:) THE EARTHQUAKES : When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE


Pearls: 4/2/16

REAL: In His right hand He held 7 stars, and out of His mouth came a sharp, double-edged sword. Revelations 1:16

CULTURED: If you have understood, then what you have understood is not God. St. Augustine

:) My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology


Pearls: 4/1/16

REAL: they were highly regarded by the people....As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. Acts 5:13b, 15

CULTURED: Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

:) For plumbers, a flush beats a full house


Pearls: 3/31/16

REAL: For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Rom. 8:18

CULTURED: What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love. Fyodor Dostoyevsky

:) A DECIMAL POINT : When you rearrange the letters:

I'M A DOT IN PLACE


Pearls: 3/30/16

REAL: Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11

CULTURED: The strength of a man consists in finding out the way in which God is going, and going in that way too. Henry Ward Beecher

:) Exercise daily- walk with the Lord.


Pearls: 3/29/16

REAL: For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. Romans 6:5

CULTURED: There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. Gordon B. Hinckley

:) Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale.


Pearls: 3/28/16

REAL: He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Matt. 28:6a

CULTURED: The message of Easter is that God's new world has been unveiled in Jesus Christ and that you're now invited to belong to it. N.T. Wright

:) A plateau is a high form of flattery


Pearls: 3/27/16

REAL: I have set you an example that you should do as I have done to you. John 13:15

CULTURED: Imitating Christ is opening the door to friendship. Billy Graham

:) Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive!


Pearls: 3/26/16

REAL: Therefore, since we've confidence to enter the most holy place by the blood of Jesus...let us draw near with sincere a heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having washed our bodies with pure water. Hebrews 10:19, 22

CULTURED: Our disappointments, our defeats, our times of disillusionment, do not separate us from God Almighty. They actually draw us closer. Kemmy Nola

:) Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.


Pearls: 3/25/16

REAL: No longer will a man teach his brother saying, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know Me; from the least of them to the greatest. Jeremiah 31:34a

CULTURED: Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life's problems fall into place of their own accord. J.I. Packer

:) I tied taking some high resolution pictures of some local farmland but they turned out grainy!


Pearls: 3/24/16

REAL: Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil. 2:4

CULTURED: It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little — do what you can. Sydney Smith

:) The mechanic at the transmission shop seemed a little shifty


Pearls: 3/23/16

REAL: Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matt. 5:16

CULTURED: Let no man imagine that he has no influence. Whoever he may be, and wherever he may be place, the man who thinks becomes a light and a power. Henry George

:) My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"


Pearls: 3/22/16

REAL: Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Proverbs 3:27

CULTURED: For in self-giving, if anywhere, we touch a rhythm not only of all creation but of all being. C.S. Lewis

:) ELECTION RESULTS : When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


Pearls: 3/21/16

REAL: First of all, then, I admonish and urge that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all men. 1 Timothy 2: 1

CULTURED: We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

;) Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you


Pearls: 3/20/16

REAL: ...that at the Name of Jesus, every knee shall bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord " Phil. 2:10-1

CULTURED: A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. C. S. Lewis

:) Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face- lift.


Pearls: 3/19/16

REAL: Today, you shall be with me in paradise" Luke 23:43

CULTURED: God never made a promise that was too good to be true. D.L. Moody

:) When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart


Pearls: 3/18/16

REAL: The Lord will judge His people and have compassion on His servants.

Deut. 32:36a

CULTURED: When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me. Erma Bombeck

:) At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."


Pearls: 3/17/16

REAL: If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father who is in the heavens give good things to those that ask him? Matthew 7:11

CULTURED: Evil is real—but so is God's power and love. Billy Graham

:) SNOOZE ALARMS : When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z'S


Pearls: 3/16/16

REAL: A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. Prov. 16:9

CULTURED: Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next. Elisabeth Elliot

:) DORMITORY : When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM


Pearls: 3/15/16

REAL: But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. Psalms 59:16

Cultured: One man with God is a majority. Brother Andrew

:) SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME


Pearls: 3/14/16

REAL: Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:8

CULTURED: Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back. Anonymous

:) When sad and thinking of going to the dentist, put on music and listen through blue tooth headphones


Pearls: 3/13/16

REAL: The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone. Luke 20:17b

CULTURED: I despaired at the thought that my life might slip by without seeing God show himself mightily on our behalf. Jim Cymbala

:) On a Plumber's truck:"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.


Pearls: 3/12/16

REAL: I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:10

CULTURED: When we face impossible odds, let us not look at the size of our problem; let us look at the size of our God. Dillon Burroughs

:) DESPERATION : When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT


Pearls: 3/11/16

REAL: Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I am making a new thing. Isaiah 43:18-19a

CULTURED: It's simple to say you forgave somebody but reality is you will never forgive anybody until you let go of the anger within you. Lawrence Mudau

:) Sign on a broken perfume bottle: "Out of odor


Pearls: 3/10/16

REAL: Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues without right. Prov. 16:8

CULTURED: Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters Albert Einstein

:) Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.



Pearls: 3/9/16

REAL: In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Rom. 8:37

CULTURED: God did not love you because of your background, your intelligence, your good looks, your prayers, your ministry, your commitment, your faith, or your good life. God loves you…because He loves you. Collin Smith

:) On an Electrician's truck:"Let us remove your shorts."


Pearls: 3/8/16

REAL: I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Psalm 16:8

CULTURED: God is the burden crusher and the freedom fighter. He has the power to change lives. Tina Samples

Smile THE EYES : When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE





Pearls: 3/5/16

REAL: Filled with compassion...He threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20

CULTURED: Compassion is the basis of morality. Arthur Schopenhauer

:) In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."


Pearls: 3/4/16

REAL: God...reconciled us to Himself and gave us a ministry of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:18

CULTURED: If there is to be reconciliation, first there must be truth. Timothy B. Tyson

:) THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS


Pearls: 3/3/16

REAL: Sing to the Lord for He has done glorious things...Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion. Isaiah 12:5a, 6a

CULTURED: Even if God never did another good thing in our lives, we could spend the rest of this life praising Him for what He has already done. Dillon Burroughs

:) On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."


Pearls: 3/2/16

REAL: Who has first given to me, that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine. Job 41:11

CULTURED: I am so weak that I can hardly write, I cannot read my Bible, I cannot even pray, I can only lie still in God's arms like a little child, and trust. – Hudson Taylor

:) A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ: We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.


Pearls: 3/1/16

REAL: Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:24

CULTURED: For it is in giving that we receive. Francis of Assisi

:) At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place."


Pearls: 2/29/16


REAL: First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people. 1 Tim. 2:1


CULTURED: Prayer does not mean simply to pour out one's heart. It means rather to find the way to God and to speak with him, whether the heart is full or empty. Dietrich Bonhoeffer


Smile My father taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"


Pearls: 2/28/16


REAL: Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! Psalm 100:4


CULTURED: The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. Billy Graham


Smile Give God what's right-- not what's left.


Pearls: 2/27/16


REAL: He answered him, 'Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'" Luke 13:9-10


CULTURED: Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it. Harry Emerson Fosdick


Smile You use a lumberjack when your tree is flat


Pearls: 2/26/16


REAL: As I live, declares the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Ezek. 33:11a


CULTURED: For children are innocent and love justice, while most of us are wicked and naturally prefer mercy. G.K. Chesterton




Smile NON-WARNING: Exposure to the Son prevents burning


Pearls: 2/25/16


REAL: Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.1 Cor. 10:12


CULTURED: The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient. St. Augustine


Smile a sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises."


Pearls: 2/24/16

REAL: But man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward. Job 5:7

CULTURED: Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin

:) Plan ahead-- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.


Pearls: 2/23/16

REAL: Any other commandment, are summed up in this word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. Rom. 13:10

CULTURED: Feeling good about yourself is not the same thing as doing good. Good policy is more important than good feelings. Theodore Dalrymple

:) With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural.


Pearls: 2/22/16

REAL: O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear. Psalm 10:17

CULTURED: If we are true intercessors, we must be ready to take part in God's work on behalf of the people for whom we pray. Corrie Ten Boom

:) Have you read the book about teleportation? It's bound to get you somewhere.


Pearls: 2/21/16

REAL: Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created. Rev. 4:11

CULTURED: It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ! For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship." Patrick Henry

:) My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."


Pearls: 2/20/16

REAL: Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than others because they suffered that way? I tell you 'No!'...But unless you repent you too will perish. Luke 13:2, 5

CULTURED: No evil dooms us hopelessly except the evil we love, and desire to continue in, and make no effort to escape from. George Eliot

:) My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


Pearls: 2/18/16

REAL: God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. 1 Corinthians 10:13

CULTURED: If we desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and therefore, through trial, be strengthened." ~ George Mueller

:) My father taught me practicality: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


Pearls: 2/18/16

REAL: If a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, he will die for it, and if a wicked man turns from his wickedness and does what is just and right, he will live. Ezekiel 33:18-19

CULTURED: Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching. Jim Stovall

:) My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


Pearls: 2/17/16

REAL: He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. Prov. 6:32

CULTURED: Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them. Elisabeth Elliot

:) My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."


Pearls: 2/1616

REAL: Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. Ecclesiastes 9:10

CULTURED: This is how to grow old. Allow everything else to fall away, until those around you see only love. Paul Brand

:) My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."


Pearls: 2/1516

REAL: You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Matt. 5:14

CULTURED: Being the light of the world is about being a broken, exploding, scarred star and shining

a light of hope and inspiration to everyone around you. Ricky Maye

:) My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."


Pearls: 2/14/16

REAL: All the earth worships you and sings praises to you; they sing praises to your name." Selah Psalms 66:4

CULTURED: Fruitful and acceptable worship begins before it begins. Alexander MacLaren

:) My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it from your father when you get home!


Pearls: 2/13/16

REAL: And Jesus answered him, "It is written, You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve." Luke 4:8

CULTURED: If we cannot believe God when circumstances seem be against us, we do not believe Him at all. Charles Spurgeon

:) My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."


Pearls: 2/12/16

REAL: For it's with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it's with your mouth you confess and are saved. Romans 10:10

CULTURED: To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless. G.K. Chesterton

:) My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


Pearls: 2/11/16

REAL: My father was a wandering Aramean...But the Egyptians mistreated us and made us suffer...Then we cried out to the Lord...and the Lord heard our voice. Deuteronomy 26:5b, 6a, 7a

CULTURED: There is something within the human spirit that wants to resist the thought of weakness. Many times this is nothing more than our human pride at work. Just as weakness carries a great potential for strength, pride carries an equally great potential for defeat. Charles Stanley

:) My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"


Pearls: 2/10/16

REAL: But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled. 1 Pet. 3:14

CULTURED: Rather than complain in your suffering, 'Woe is me;' tell yourself, "It is good that I suffer as a Christian.' Anonymous

:) In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.


Pearls: 2/9/16

REAL: The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD. Prov. 21:31

CULTURED: It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood...If he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Teddy Roosevelt

:) My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


Pearls: 2/8/16

REAL: Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Psalm 85:10

CULTURED: I am learning that peace isn't something we feel; it's where we are meant to live, in union with Christ. Kim Gaines Ekert

:) Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.


Pearls: 2/7/16

REAL: Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Gal. 6:7-8

CULTURED: We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. Winston S. Churchill

:) My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."


Pearls: 2/6/16

REAL: Sat. And a voice came out of the cloud, saying, "This is my Son, my Chosen One; listen to him!" Luke 9:35

CULTURED: When humans should have become as perfect in voluntary obedience as the inanimate creation is in its lifeless obedience, then they will put on its glory, or rather that greater glory of which Nature is only the first sketch. C.S. Lewis

:) My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


Pearls: 2/5/16

REAL: But Christ is faithful over God's house as a son. And we are his house if indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope. Heb. 3:6

CULTURED: Life asks not merely what you can do; it asks how much can you endure and not be spoiled. Harry Emerson Fosdick

:) My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand.


Pearls: 2/4/16

REAL: Thur. And Joshua the son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom, for Moses had laid his hands on him. So the people of Israel obeyed him and did as the LORD had commanded Moses. Deut. 34:9

CULTURED: Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love. Augustine

:) In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays The Kid, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.


Pearls: 2/3/16

REAL: And as he was praying, the appearance of his face was altered, and his clothing became dazzling white. Luke 9:29

CULTURED: The horror of Hell is an echo of the infinite worth of God's glory. John Piper

:) My father taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."


Pearls: 2/2/16

REAL: For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses—as much more glory as the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself. (For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God.) Heb. 3:3-4

CULTURED: It is not great men who change the world, but weak men in the hands of a great God. Brother Yun

:) On a lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.


Pearls: 2/1/16

REAL: And the LORD said to him, "This is the land of which I swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, 'I will give it to your offspring.' I have let you see it with your eyes, but you shall not go over there." Deut. 34:4

CULTURED: At any moment we can demonstrate our faith by taking action that shows our belief in God's promises! Alisa Hope Wagner

:) My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."


Pearls: 1/31/16

REAL: Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Jeremiah 29:12

CULTURED: Sometimes I go to God and say, "God, if Thou dost never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship Thee as long as I live and in the ages to come for what Thou hast done already. God's already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million millenniums I couldn't pay Him for what He's done for me. A.W.Tozer

:) My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"


Pearls: 1/30/16

REAL: So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.1 Cor. 13:13

CULTURED: God is the creator of love. He demonstrated His love to you through the sacrificial

death of His Son. The closer you draw to God the more you will demonstrate your love for others by becoming a living sacrifice by putting others before yourself. DeWayne Owens

:) In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.


Pearls: 1/29/16

REAL: Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6

CULTURED: Too much of anything is dangerous unless it's God's Love. Reign

:) My father taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."


Pearls: 1/28/16

REAL: "Ha! What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God." Luke 4:34

CULTURED: Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life's problems fall into place of their own accord. J.I. Packer

:) My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"



Pearls: 1/27/16

REAL: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations. Jer. 1:5

CULTURED: God gives each of us purpose and He wants us to remember the Main Thing is to Keep The Main Thing The Main Thing. Anonymous

:) John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.


Pearls: 1/26/16

REAL: For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 2 Corinthians 2:15

CULTURED: Behave so the aroma of your actions may enhance the general sweetness of the atmosphere. Henry David Thoreau

:) Gravestones In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon him for not rising.


Pearls: 1/24/16

REAL: Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Psalm 25:16



CULTURED: Most people never realize that loneliness is a gift from God. Not only can it draw us closer to Jesus, it can teach us to cherish a long-awaited marriage relationship all the more. Eric Ludy



:) My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."




Pearls: 1/24/16

REAL: Offer to God the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and pay your vows to the Most High.

Psalm 50:14

CULTURED: The Lord's prayer contains 9 petitions. Thankfulness was purposely left out so you could make it 10...God's complete/perfect number. Anonymous

:) How long are a dwarf's legs? Long enough to reach the ground.


Pearls: 1/22/16

REAL: If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself. 2 Tim. 2:13

CULTURED: Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe. Augustine

:) My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


Pearls: 1/21/16

REAL: I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints-- but let them not return to folly. Psalm 85:8

CULTURED: Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. Victor Hugo

:) What do you call a guy who wears ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you, anyway.


Pearls: 1/20/16

REAL: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

CULTURED: Get but that "peace of God which passeth understanding," and the questions of the understanding will cease from puzzling and pedantic scruples be at rest. William James

:) What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A cookie sheet


Pearls: 1/19/16

REAL: When the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—He will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. John 14:26

CULTURED: We might be wise to follow the insight of the enraptured heart rather than the more cautious reasoning of the theological mind. A.W. Tozer

:) What does an elk do when he has an upset stomach? He takes an elk-a-seltzer.





Pearls: 1/18/16

REAL: Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Eph. 5:1-2

CULTURED: Power, no matter how well-intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. In a point of convergence on a hill called Calvary, God renounced the one for the sake of the other. Philip Yancey

:) If a dog lost its tail, where could he get a new one? Yes...At a retail store.



Pearls: 1/17/16

REAL: For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:36

CULTURED: Worship begins with recognizing there is a God and giving Him the glory that is due His majesty. Anonymous

:) What did the reindeer say before beginning his comedy routine? This will sleigh you.


Pearls: 1/16/16

REAL: ...and the star that they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. Matthew 2:9b


CULTURED: Each of us is an innkeeper who decides if there is room for Jesus! Neal A. Maxwell

:) My latest diet plan...Going to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there


Pearls: 1/15/16

REAL: Anyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

CULTURED: Anything under God's control is never out of control. Charles R. Swindoll

:) Do lobster police use rubber bands for handcuffs?


Pearls: 1/14/16

REAL: Train yourself for godliness. 1 Tim. 4:7

CULTURED: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. John Piper

:) On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Mass: Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the

body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod, Pease shelled out and went to God.



Pearls: 1/13/16

REAL: If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Cor. 13:1

CULTURED: Riches take wings, comforts vanish, hope withers away, but love stays with us. Love is God. Lew Wallace

:) To some, marriage is a word; to others, a sentence


Pearls: 1/12/16

REAL: For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light. Luke 8:17

CULTURED: The moment God is figured out with nice neat lines and definitions, we are no longer dealing with God. Rob Bell

:) When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.


Pearls: 1/11/16

REAL: Behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, "Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship Him. Matt. 2:1b-2

CULTURED: Seek a man that doesn't ask you to prove your love. Seek a man that will prove God's love. Shannon L. Alder

:) I tried to tell a pun today about rubber bands, but it was a stretch

Pearls: 1/10/16

REAL: Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34

CULTURED: We must bear in mind, true worship is a matter of the heart and of genuine devotion to God. Vivien Hibbert

:) I used to hate math but then I realized decimals have a point





Pearls: 1/9/16

REAL: His intent was now through the Church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known. Ephesians 3:10a

CULTURED: Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee. Augustine of Hippo

:) Looting a drugstore.....Pillaging


Pearls: 1/8/16

REAL: Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Isaiah 60:1

CULTURED: "Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light." ~ Helen Keller,

:) I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours


Pearls: 1/7/16

The Eternal watches everything that happens on earth so that He may strongly support those who follow Him . . . 2 Chronicles 16:9

I will follow Him. Follow Him wherever He may go. Little Peggy March



:) When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.


PEARLS: 1/6/16

REAL: I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love—how wide, how long, how high, and how deep that love is. Ephesians 3:18

CULTURED: [God says] "You are exactly who you were meant to be. You are perfectly made and a valuable gift to this world. You are a reflection, a manifestation of My love." Patience W Smith

:) When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party


PEARLS: 1/5/16

REAL: Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with everything God has for you. Ephesians 3:19

CULTURED: The sin underneath all our sins is to trust the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and must take matters into our own hands Martin Luther

:) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery


PEARLS: 1/4/16

REAL: He fills my life with good things! My youth is renewed like the eagle's! Psalm 103:5

CULTURED: The world is made of possibilities. Unknown

:) What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic


PEARLS: 1/3/16

REAL: It is written: 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me;

every tongue will acknowledge God.' Romans 14:11

CULTURED: Worship is the believer's response of all that they are...mind, emotions, will, body...to what God is and says and does. Warren Wiersbe

:) The mechanic at the transmission shop seemed a little shifty



PEARLS: 1/2/16

REAL: For everything God has created is good, and nothing is to be thrown away or refused if it is received with thanksgiving. 1 Timothy 4: 4

CULTURED: The private and personal blessings we enjoy, the blessings of immunity, safeguard, liberty and integrity, deserve the thanksgiving of a whole life. Jeremy Taylor

:) Vinyl records....groovy!


PEARLS: 1/1/16

REAL: Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 1 Pet. 4:12

CULTURED: Suffering is [now] part of the divine idea, [but wasn't at the beginning]. Henry Ward Beecher

:) What do you call chandeliers? High Lights


PEARLS: 12/31/15

REAL: Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. 1 Pet. 4:16

CULTURED: Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. C.S.Lewis

Smile Sign on a broken perfume bottle: "Out of odor"


PEARLS: 12/30/15

REAL: Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return. Luke 6:38

CULTURED: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahlil Gibran

:) For plumbers, a flush beats a full house


PEARLS: 12/29/15

REAL: Seek ye me, and ye shall live. Amos 5:4

CULTURED: Other religions are expressions of the human soul seeking God, with some beautiful spiritual insights, but also not without errors. Christianity is rather God seeking humanity. Francis Arinze

:) Mathematics teacher's retirement...the aftermath -



PEARLS: 12/28/15

REAL: At all times and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father. Ephesians 5: 20

CULTURED: We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction. Harry Ironside

:) Biking without a helmet...a no brainer


PEARLS: 12/27/15

REAL: My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. Psalm 71:8

CULTURED: Worship must be Christ centered, Holy Spirit led, a Response to the Father, about Intimacy and Service and always lead to Transformation!" Tim Hughes

:) The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault



PEARLS: 12/26/15

REAL: The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16

CULTURED: You can do more than pray after you've prayed, but you can't do more than pray until you've prayed. John Bunyan

:) Old professor's never die. They just lose their faculties.


PEARLS: 12/25/15

REAL: Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:10-11

CULTURED: Look for Christ and you will find Him. And with Him, everything else. C.S. Lewis

:) What is green, covered with tinsel and says, "Ribbit, ribbit?" mistle-toad


PEARLS: 12/24/15

REAL: And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

CULTURED: God seeks to influence humanity. This is at the heart of the Christmas story. It is the story of light coming into the darkness, of a Savior to show us the way, of light overcoming the darkness, of God's work to save the world. Adam Hamilton

:) What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!



PEARLS: 12/23/15

REAL: The righteous gives and does not hold back. Proverbs 21:26

CULTURED: The wise do at once what the fool does at last. Jewish Proverb

:) Wow, Camping. It's intense!


PEARLS: 12/22/15

REAL: Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. Deut. 15:10

CULTURED:. I promise that whenever I come within 10 feet of a customer I will look them in the eye, greet them and ask if I can help them. Sam Walton (CEO -Wal-Mart)

:) Fishermen are reel men.


PEARLS: 12/21/15

REAL: In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35

CULTURED:. It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. Mother Teresa

:) People who believe in ghosts are very ghoulable.


PEARLS: 12/20/15

REAL: Bless, give thanks, and gratefully praise God in full congregations, even the Lord, O you who are from [Jacob] the fountain of Israel. Psalm 68: 26

CULTURED:. Worship is first and foremost for His benefit, not ours, though it is marvelous to

discover that in giving Him pleasure, we ourselves enter into what can become our

richest and most wholesome experience in life. Graham Kendrick

:) All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.


PEARLS: 12/19/15

REAL: Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved. ~ Romans 10:1

CULTURED: Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire? Corrie ten Boom

:) Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft, you are in big trouble. You have my Word.


PEARLS: 12/18/15

REAL: Let God be true but every man a liar. As it is written: "That You may be justified in Your words, And may overcome when You are judged. Rom. 3:4

CULTURED: Let God be true but every man a liar" is the language of true faith. A.W. Tozer

:) I would like to make a pun about philosophy, but I Kant.


PEARLS: 12/17/15

REAL: Therefore He who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you, does He do it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Gal. 3:5

CULTURED: Miracles are not a contradiction of nature. They are only in contradiction of what we know of nature. St. Augustine

Smile: A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.


PEARLS: 12/16/15Pearls: 1/28/16

REAL: "Ha! What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God." Luke 4:34

CULTURED: Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life's problems fall into place of their own accord. J.I. Packer

:) My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"


REAL: And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Col. 3:17

CULTURED: The bottom line in the Christian life is obedience and most people don't even like the word. Charles Stanley

:) I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.


PEARLS: 12/15/15

REAL: Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Cor. 12:10

CULTURED: God is the reason why even in pain, I smile. In confusion, I understand. In betrayal, I trust. And in fear, I continue to push forward. Jarrid Wilson

:) Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


PEARLS: 12/14/15

REAL: Giving thanks to the Father, Who has qualified and made us fit to share the portion which is the inheritance of the saints in the Light Colossians 1: 12

CULTURED: Pride slays thanksgiving, but an humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. Henry Ward Beecher

:) What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus


PEARLS: 12/13/15

REAL: Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Psalm 103:1

CULTURED: Worship songs can't just be rooted in culture - they won't be deep enough. They have to be rooted in scripture. Matt Redman

:) Why do ghouls and demons hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.


PEARLS: 12/12/15

REAL: And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Gal. 6:9

CULTURED: He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. Jim Elliot

:) I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


PEARLS: 12/11/15

REAL: He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer. ~ Psalms 102:17

CULTURED: Gentlemen, If a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid? I move that prayer imploring the assistance of Heaven be held every morning before we proceed to business. Benjamin Franklin

:) I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


PEARLS: 12/10/15

REAL: Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith. Hab. 2:4

CULTURED: Faith is like radar that sees through the fog-the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see. Corrie Ten Boom

:) When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.


PEARLS: 12/9/15

REAL: I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." ~ Philippians 4:13

CULTURED: To endure the cross is not tragedy; it is the suffering which is the fruit of an exclusive allegiance to Jesus Christ. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations


PEARLS: 12/8/15

REAL: Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. Philippians 4: 6

CULTURED: There should be a parallel between our supplications and our thanksgivings. We ought not to leap in prayer, and limp in praise. Charles Haddon Spurgeon

:) Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.!!


PEARLS: 12/7/15

REAL: The hand of our God is upon all them for good that seek him. Ezra 8:22

CULTURED: I suddenly saw that all the time it was not I who had been seeking God, but God who had been seeking me. I had made myself the centre of my own existence and had my back turned to God. Bede Griffiths

:) I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.


PEARLS: 12/6/15

REAL: Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Psalm 150:6

CULTURED: Worship is an it-is-well-with-my-soul experience. Robert Webber

:) I tried to catch some fog, but I mist..


PEARLS: 12/5/15

REAL: Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor. Prov. 22:9

CULTURED: Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. Elie Wiesel

:) Venison for dinner again ? Oh deer!


PEARLS: 12/4/15

REAL: Sing praise to the Lord, all you who belong to Him. Give thanks to His holy name. Psalm 30:4

CULTURED: God is to be praised with the voice, and the heart should go therewith in holy

exultation. Charles H. Spurgeon

:) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


PEARLS: 12/3/15

REAL: Be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you. Heb. 13:5

CULTURED: It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor. Seneca

:) The person who invented the door knocker won the No-Bell Prize.


PEARLS: 12/2/15

REAL: Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

CULTURED: We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us. C.S. Lewis

:) England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


PEARLS: 12/1/15

REAL: If God be for us, who can anyone be against us? Romans 8:31

CULTURED: A glimpse of God will save you. To gaze at Him will sanctify you. Manley Beasley

:) The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."


PEARLS: 11/30/15

REAL: So then, have your minds ready for action. Keep alert and set your hope completely on the blessings which will be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:13

CULTURED: I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught. Winston Churchill

:) Even duct tape can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!


PEARLS: 11/29/15

REAL: Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. Ex. 23:25

CULTURED: The highest form or worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. The greatest form of praise is the sound of consecrated feet seeking out the lost and helpless. Billy Graham

:) I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.


PEARLS: 11/28/15

REAL: Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:22

CULTURED: I am mended by my sickness, enriched by my poverty,and strengthened by my weakness. Abraham Wright

:) The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."


PEARLS: 11/27/15

REAL: Thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Psalms 9:10

CULTURED: Those who do not hope cannot wait; but if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Charles Spurgeon

:) Old age is coming at a really bad time!


PEARLS: 11/26/15

REAL: In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thes. 5:8

CULTURED: Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude. E.P. Powell

:) Why wasn't the turkey hungry on Thanksgiving? He was already stuffed!


PEARLS: 11/25/15

REAL: Wait for the LORD and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off. Psalm 37:34

CULTURED: God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him. John Piper

:) You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.


PEARLS: 11/24/15

REAL: Then David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was wearing a linen ephod. 2 Sam. 6:14

CULTURED: The most valuable thing the Psalms do for me is to express the same delight in

God which made David dance. C.S. Lewis

:) Puns about landmine mishaps can be classified as a leg gory


PEARLS: 11/23/15

REAL: Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Heb. 13:16

CULTURED: How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. William Shakespeare-Merchant of Venice

:) Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie.


PEARLS: 11/22/15

REAL: God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. John 4:24

CULTURED: By lifting our hands we symbolically receive everything God is doing in our lives. Bob Sorge

:) Nutrition: the best vitamin for a Christian is B1!.


PEARLS: 11/20/15

REAL: When my soul fainted within me I remembered the Lord: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple. Jonah 2:7

CULTURED: I know of no better thermometer to your spiritual temperature than this, the measure of the intensity of your prayer. Charles H. Spurgeon

:) What do you call a sick eagle? Illegal.


PEARLS: 11/19/15

REAL: For the Lord searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you. 1 Chronicles 28:9

CULTURED: If one is seeking for Heaven on earth, he/she has slept through history class. Seek Jesus. Anonymous

:) You can't trust people that do acupuncture. They are back stabbers


PEARLS: 11/18/15

REAL: I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6:2

CULTURED: Unless he obeys, a man cannot believe. Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

:) What is a plumbers favorite shoes? Clogs


PEARLS: 11/17/15

REAL: Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the LORD delivers him in times of trouble. Psalms 41:1

CULTURED: I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. ~William Penn

:) Have you met my vegetarian girlfriend? No, I never met herbivore.


PEARLS: 11/17/15

REAL: And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Rom. 12:2

CULTURED: You must not do, you must not even try to do, the will of the Father unless you are prepared to 'know of the doctrine'. C.S. Lewis

:) I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.


PEARLS: 11/16/15

REAL: Christ is your life. When he appears again, you also will appear with him in heaven's glory. Colossians 3:4

CULTURED: Christ will always accept the faith the puts its trust in Him. Andrew Murray

:) What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.


PEARLS: 11/15/15

REAL: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom' Luke 6:38

CULTURED: The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. ~Benjamin Disraeli

:) I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!



PEARLS: 11/14/15

REAL: Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2

CULTURED: Our objective in Jesus is to look upon the things ''above", so we can understand that what we see and feel is not a full and accurate measurement of God's reality...people are eternal beings, and decisions that seem insignificant now, when seen in the fullness of reality, are of eternal significance. Jon Walker

:) Persuade: Soft leather used to make handbags.


. PEARLS: 11/13/15

REAL: Godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

CULTURED: If there is to be any peace it will come through being, not having. Henry Miller (being a child of God and in His care...Anon. addition)

:) Did you hear about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.



PEARLS: 11/12/15

REAL: Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Proverbs 4:7

CULTURED: He who asks is a fool for five minutes; he who doesn't ask remains a fool forever. Chinese Proverb

:) Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.


PEARLS: 11/11/15

REAL: God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

CULTURED: Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you. C.S. Lewis

:) I've never played Battleships B4. That joke's either a hit or miss.


PEARLS: 11/10/15

REAL: Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7:5

CULTURED: Without the aid of trained emotions the intellect is powerless against the animal organism. C.S. Lewis

:) I'm fed up with my landlord. He's always walking about like he owns the place.


PEARLS: 11/9/15

REAL: Seek the Lord, all you meek of the earth, Who have upheld His justice. Seek righteousness, seek humility. It may be that you will be hidden In the day of the Lord's anger. Zeph. 2:3

CULTURED: Do you wish people to think well of you? Don't speak well of yourself. Blaise Pascal

:) What happens when you can't afford to walk the dog. Walk the plank?


PEARLS: 11/8/15

REAL: One [thing] have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple. Psalm 27:4

CULTURED: We are never nearer Christ than when we find ourselves lost in a holy amazement at His unspeakable love. John Owen

:) Russia was slow to recover after WW2 because it kept Stalin around.


PEARLS: 11/7/15

REAL: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

CULTURED: Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man's power ends. George Muller

:) I was having a dream and this voice said "on your marks get set go" and I woke with a start.


PEARLS: 11/6/15

REAL: Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24



CULTURED: O, let the place of secret prayer become to me the most beloved spot on earth. Andrew Murray

:) It seems like it's always Patsy's fault


PEARLS: 11/5/15

REAL: But thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. Josh. 1:8



CULTURED: We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth, and power as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. Abraham Lincoln

:) I have a group of friends that go to restaurants to sample the food. They're my taste buds.


PEARLS: 11/4/15

REAL: So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty. Luke 17:10

CULTURED: Perfect humility dispenses with modesty. C.S. Lewis

:) The police think the murder weapon may have been a colander, but that theory doesn't hold water.


PEARLS: 11/3/15

REAL: Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8



CULTURED: Love is the greatest thing that God can give us, for himself is love; and it is the greatest thing we can give to God, for it will also give ourselves, and carry with it all that is ours. Jeremy Taylor

:) I saw my dad slumped over the lawnmower, crying his eyes out. I asked my Mom,

"What's wrong with him?" She said, "He's just going through a rough patch."


PEARLS: 11/2/15

REAL: To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is. Prov. 15:23



CULTURED: Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much; and, Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed. Blaise Pascal

:) Do you like local jokes? I do, they're right up my alley.


PEARLS: 11/1/15

REAL: All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 2 Timothy 3:16

CULTURED: The true, the genuine worship is when man, through his spirit, attains to friendship and intimacy with God. True and genuine worship is not to come to a certain place; it is not to go through a certain ritual or liturgy; it is not even to bring certain gifts. True worship is when the spirit, the immortal and invisible part of man, speaks to and meets with God, who is immortal and invisible. William Barclay

:) Lent calendars-their days are numbered.


PEARLS: 10/31/15

REAL: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Phil. 2:3

CULTURED: Don't you believe that there is in man a deep so profound as to be hidden even to him in whom it is? Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility. Augustine

:) I gave my friend a helium balloon for his birthday. That didn't go down very well.


PEARLS: 10/30/15

REAL: Faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

CULTURED: Why is Love greater than faith? Because the end is greater than the means. Henry Drummond

:) I was on a date with a girl and we went back to her place, She had a 10-foot light-switch. That was a massive turnoff!


PEARLS: 10/29/15

REAL: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

CULTURED: Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it. Without love, benevolence becomes egotism. Martin Luther King Jr.

:) Whenever I'm in an airport, I start coughing and sneezing. It's a terminal illness.


PEARLS: 10/28/15

REAL: If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Rom. 8:19

CULTURED: Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:

- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.

- I shall fear only God.

- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.

- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.

- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering."

Mahatma Gandhi

:) Glass windows are a real pane.


PEARLS: 10/27/15

REAL: Then I was beside him, like a master workman, and I was daily his delight, rejoicing before him always. Prov. 8:30

CULTURED: Creativity has been built into every one of us. Each of us lives less of the life God intended when we choose not to release the creative powers we possess. Ted Engstrom

:) Julie Andrews has bad bread. She's got supercalifragillisticextreme-halitosis!


PEARLS: 10/26/15

REAL: For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also [is] Christ. 1 Cor. 12:12

CULTURED: The coziness between church and state is good for the state and bad for the church. G.K. Chesterton

:) I've got a chicken-proof front lawn. It's impeccable!


PEARLS: 10/25/15

REAL: And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Matt. 16:18

CULTURED: The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones. Henry Ward Beecher

:) Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.


PEARLS: 10/24/15

REAL: And Job said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

CULTURED: The whole life of a Christian should be nothing but praises and thanks to God; we should neither eat nor sleep, but eat to God and sleep to God and work to God and talk to God, do all to His glory and praise. Richard Sibbes

:) My girlfriend, whose heart I broke, came up to me and said, "How come you put superglue on one of my darts?" I said, "You just can't let it go, can you?"


PEARLS: 10/23/15

REAL: Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Eph. 3:20-21

CULTURED: "The faithfulness of the Lord is so great that no mind can comprehend it, no hand can fold it, no mouth can describe it and no experience can compete with it. All that our hearts will need, His hands will provide! Israelmore Ayivor

:) My gun's a source of information. It's got a bulletin.


PEARLS: 10/22/15

REAL: Jesus stopped and said, "Call him!"So they called the blind man. "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you!" Mark 10:49

CULTURED: (regarding being called by God) God is waiting to hear you say, "I'm here, Lord. I'm Yours, thorns and all. Just set me afire! Chuck Swindoll

:) Bison-tennial...200 year celebration of the buffalo!


PEARLS: 10/21/15

REAL: Therefore He's able to save those who come to God through Him because He always lives to intercede for them. Hebrews 7:25

CULTURED: In his life Christ is an example showing us how to live in his death he is a sacrifice satisfying our sins in his resurrection a conqueror in his ascension a king in His intercession a High Priest. Martin Luther

:) I was in a supermarket, and I saw a man and a woman wrapped in barcode. I asked, "Are you 2 an item?"


PEARLS: 10/20/15

REAL: They will come with weeping,: they will pray as I bring them back. Jeremiah 31:9a

CULTURED: Prayer will make a man cease from sin, or sin will entice a man to cease from prayer. John Bunyan

:) What did the dachshund say when he won first place at the dog show? I'm a real wiener


PEARLS: 10/19/15

REAL: Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14

CULTURED: God, you have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find their rest in you. Augustine

:) Invisible planes, I can't see them taking off.


PEARLS: 10/18/15

REAL: And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Matt. 16:18

CULTURED: The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones. Henry Ward Beecher

:) Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.


PEARLS: 10/17/15

REAL: And Jesus said, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7

CULTURED: Forgiveness is the scent that the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it. John Arnott

:) People with guns asking for your money- you've got to hand it to them.


PEARLS: 10/16/15

REAL: For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 8:38-39

CULTURED: The maker of the stars would rather die for you than live without you. And that is a fact. So if you need to brag, brag about that. Max Lucado

:) I once played the back end of a wasp in a pantomime play. But I thought I was the bees' knees.


PEARLS: 10/15/15

REAL: For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation. Psalm 62:1

CULTURED: Never was a faithful prayer lost. Some prayers have a longer voyage than others, but then they return with their richer lading at last, so that the praying soul is a gainer by waiting for an answer. William Gurmall

:) Beware of alphabet grenades. If one of them goes off, it could spell disaster.


PEARLS: 10/14/15

REAL: How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God. Mark 10:23

CULTURED: If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy. Ancient Proverb

:) A guy says to me, "I've dropped my Scrabble set all over the road." I said, "What's the word on the street?"


PEARLS: 10/13/15

REAL: Let us make every effort therefore, to enter into that rest. Hebrews 4:11

CULTURED: Rest in this - it is His business to lead, command, impel, send, call or whatever you want to call it. It is your business to obey, follow, move, respond, or what have you. Jim Elliot

:) Where do you go when you feel cold in a square room? The corners, they are always 90 degrees.


PEARLS: 10/12/15

REAL: As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them. Ecclesiastes 5:11

CULTURED: He who angers you, controls you! As does uncontrolled lusts. Anonymous

:) They're selling dead batteries, free of charge.


PEARLS: 10/11/15

REAL: Except the LORD build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh [but] in vain. Psalms 127:1

CULTURED: There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, He wants me as His friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose. not merely that we know God, but that He knows us. J.J.. Packer

:) Live every day as if it were your last, because some day you'll be right



PEARLS: 10/10/15

REAL: For he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name. Acts 9:15-16

CULTURED: We all know people who have been made much meaner and more irritable and more intolerable to live with by suffering: it is not right to say that all suffering perfects. It only perfects one type of person ...... the one who accepts the call of God in Christ Jesus. Oswald Chambers

:) I tried to go see a pirate movie, but they wouldn't let me in. It was rated arrrrrr!


PEARLS: 10/9/15

REAL: Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Isaiah 55:6

CULTURED: Now wise men still seek His face as they did in days of old; to give the Lord their hearts, more precious than silver and gold. Julie Carro

:) The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.


PEARLS: 10/8/15

REAL: God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. 1 Cor. 1:9

CULTURED: Adventure, with all its requisite danger and wildness, is a deeply spiritual longing written into the soul of man. John Eldridge

:) I tried Flintstone vitamins. I didn't feel any better, but I could stop the car with my feet.


PEARLS: 10/7/15

REAL: Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

CULTURED: If we could all hear one another's prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burdens. Ashleigh Brilliant

:) I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.


PEARLS: 10/6/15

REAL: Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Tim. 4:12

CULTURED: Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens. J.R.R. Tolkien

:) How many roads must a man walk down...before he admits he is lost.


PEARLS: 10/5/15

REAL: And the rain descended and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock. Matthew 7:25

CULTURED: Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods. C.S. Lewis

:) When we went to Las Vegas, I told my wife I wanted to gamble, but she said No Dice.


PEARLS: 10/4/15

REAL: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service. Rom. 12:1

CULTURED: In worship an increased power steals its way into the heart sanctuary, an increased compassion grows in the soul. Richard J. Foster

:) You know you're getting older when happy hour is a nap.


PEARLS: 10/3/15

REAL: Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Isa. 5:20

CULTURED: The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men. George Eliot

:) He told me I could eat a 32 ounce steak. I found that hard to swallow.


PEARLS: 10/2/15

REAL: If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Pet. 4:11

CULTURED: We don't study hard to become clever, or smart, or to make a name for ourselves but so that our lives will glorify God. Libby Wild

:) How am I? If I were any better, I'd be twins.


PEARLS: 10/1/15

REAL: He who has ears, let him hear. Mark 4:9

CULTURED: We don't change the message, The message changes us. Anonymous

:) I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.


PEARLS: 9/30/15

REAL: This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Josh. 1:8

CULTURED: The soul can do without everything except the word of God, without which none at all of its wants are provided for. Martin Luther

:) It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!


PEARLS: 9/28/15

REAL: Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. Eph. 5:1

CULTURED: It is just as crazy not to be crazy about Christ as it is to be crazy about anything else. Peter Kreeft

:) I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth.


PEARLS: 9/28/15

REAL: I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him. Isaiah 8:17

CULTURED: He's [God] more concerned that you trust Him than that you feel Him. He's with you even if you don't feel Him. Tim Hetzner

:) I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.


PEARLS: 9/27/15

REAL: And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:42

CULTURED: In worship an increased power steals its way into the heart sanctuary, an increased compassion grows in the soul. To worship is to change. Richard J. Foster

:) I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


PEARLS: 9/26/15

REAL: What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ. Philippians 3:8

CULTURED: Jesus is God spelling Himself out in language that men can understand. --S.D. Gordon

:) When I was a kid, my dad used to beat me with a camera. I still have flashbacks.


PEARLS: 9/25/15

REAL: A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished. Prov. 28:20

CULTURED: Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists. Blaise Pascal

:) I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.


PEARLS: 9/24/15

REAL: Now if we are children, then we are heirs -- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17

CULTURED: Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself. C.S. Lewis and... It is the crushed grape that yields the wine. Anonymous

:) My penmanship is nothing to write home about.



PEARLS: 9/23/15

REAL: But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:4

CULTURED: Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. ~Edmund Burke

:) The survival of the fittest is going to make some guy awful lonesome some day.



PEARLS: 9/22/15

REAL: Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Philippians 2:1-2

CULTURED: Want to have the same mindset as Jesus? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you. ANONYMOUS

:) I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


PEARLS: 9/21/15

REAL: Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Heb. 12:1-2

CULTURED: If you look within, you'll feel depressed, if you look without, you'll be distressed, but if you look to Christ, you'll be at rest. Corrie Ten Boom

:) Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.


PEARLS: 9/20/15

REAL: For a day in thy courts [is] better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. Psalms 84:10

CULTURED: Saints are described as fearing the name of God; they are reverent worshippers; they stand in awe of the Lord's authority; they are afraid of offending Him; they feel their own nothingness in the sight of the Infinite One. Charles Spurgeon

:) Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.


PEARLS: 9/19/15

REAL: So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. James 2:15-17

CULTURED: If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?

:) I'm in therapy now. I used to be in denial, which is a lot cheaper.


PEARLS: 9/18/15

REAL: But, O LORD of hosts, You who judge righteously, Testing the mind and the heart; Jer. 11:20a

CULTURED: Open your heart to sympathy, but close it against despondency. The flower which opens to receive the dew shuts against the rain. James H. Aughey

:) You know what I hate? Indian givers...no wait, I take that back.


PEARLS: 9/17/15

REAL: Whoever welcomes one of these little children welcomes me. Mark 9:37a

CULTURED: Life, love, and laughter - what priceless gifts to give our children. Phylis Campbell Dryden

:) A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.



PEARLS: 9/16/15

REAL: Come near to God and He will come near to you. James 4:8

CULTURED: Here's the paradox. We can fully embrace God's love only when we recognize how completely unworthy of it we are. Ann Tatlock

:) Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'


PEARLS: 9/15/15

REAL: For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. 2 Corinthians 10:18

CULTURED: Don't measure the success of the day by what we accomplished, but by how we treated each other. Elissa Rosin

:) What's Donald Duck's favorite snack? Quackers.






PEARLS: 9/14/15

REAL: The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise. Proverbs 1130

CULTURED: Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

:) No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.



PEARLS: 9/12/15

REAL: Get wisdom! ...Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; love her, and she will keep you. Prov. 4:5a, 6

CULTURED: Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. Plato

:) My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.


PEARLS: 9/11/15

REAL: Indeed I have all and abound. I am full; Phil 4:18a

CULTURED: It is easy to want things from the Lord and yet not want the Lord Himself, as though the gift could ever be preferable to the Giver. Augustine

:) 35% of all statistics are made up.


PEARLS: 9/10/15

REAL: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

CULTURED: The punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder. Augustine of Hippo

:) I'm writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don't buy it.


PEARLS: 9/9/15

REAL: Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief. Mark 924b

CULTURED: The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us. Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) Hospitality is the art of making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were


PEARLS: 9/8/15

REAL: Therefore, I have set my face like flint. Isaiah 50:7

CULTURED: We may not always be strong enough to carry on but God is always strong enough for us. Terry Mark

:) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.


PEARLS: 9/7/15

REAL: And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. James 3:6

CULTURED: It's now what enters men's mouths that's evil. It's what comes out of their mouths that is. Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

:) So what if you can't spell Armageddon. It's not the end of the world.


PEARLS: 9/6/15

REAL: And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord. Gen. 24:26



CULTURED: Do you feel more loved when God makes much of you or do you feel more loved when God at the cost of His Son allows you to make much of Him? John Piper



:) When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.


PEARLS: 9/5/15

REAL: Blessed are those servants, whom the lord when he cometh shall find watching: Luke 12:37a

CULTURED: It is spiritual watching coupled with prayer that gives one the strength to survive temptations and difficult situations/ Don Hooser

:) I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


PEARLS: 9/4/15

REAL: For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order, and the steadfastness of your faith in Christ. Col. 2:5

CULTURED: When Moses says, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh?" God answers not by telling Moses who he is, but by telling him who God is, saying, "I will be with you. " Harold S. Kushner

:) A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.


PEARLS: 9/3/15

REAL: Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us. Psalm 2:1, 3

CULTURED: A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is...C.S. Lewis

:) A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months


PEARLS: 9/2/15

REAL: He's done everything well. Mark 7:37

CULTURED: Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. Corrie ten Boom

:) You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish


PEARLS: 9/1/15

REAL: As believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. James 2:1

CULTURED: The only way I can keep clear of force is by justice. Far from being willing to execute his enemies, a real king must be willing to execute his friends. T.H. White

:) My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


PEARLS: 8/31/15

REAL: Be strong and do not fear; your God will come...He will come to save you. Isaiah 35:4

CULTURED: Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. Mary Anne Radmacher

:) The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.


PEARLS: 8/30/15

REAL: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Heb. 10:25

CULTURED: It is one thing for the living water to descend from Christ into the heart, and another thing how--when it has descended--it moves the heart to worship. All power of worship in the soul, is the result of the waters flowing into it, and their flowing back again to God. G.V. Wigram

:) There was an earthquake in Washington DC this morning. It's obviously the government's fault.


PEARLS: 8/29/15

REAL: So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Rom. 10:17

CULTURED: Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step. Joni Erickson Tada

:) When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.


PEARLS: 8/28/15

REAL: Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Prov. 3:27

CULTURED: The willingness to share does not make one charitable; it makes one free. ~Robert Brault,

:) Stupid you say? Just because I thought an innuendo was an Italian suppository.


PEARLS: 8/27/15

REAL: This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12

CULTURED: Love' unites . . . It is like a city where every citizen shares with all the others the city's name, honor, freedom, trade, customs, usages, help, support, protection, and the like, while at the same time he shares all the dangers of fire and flood, enemies and death, losses taxes and the like. For he who would share in the profits must also share in the costs, and ever recompense love with love. Martin Luther

:) Those who get too big for their britches will be totally exposed in the end.


PEARLS: 8/26/15

REAL: Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed. Prov. 19:17

CULTURED: I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. Edward Everett Hale

:) Sarchasm is the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


PEARLS: 8/25/15

REAL: When I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me. Micah 7:8

CULTURED: We fall down, but we get up. For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up - Donnie McClurkin.

:) I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.


PEARLS: 8/24/15

REAL: Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable. Psalm 145:3

CULTURED: If we cannot comprehend we can perhaps apprehend, at least enough to adore. Dale Ralph Davis

:) I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.


PEARLS: 8/23/15

REAL: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Exodus 20:8

CULTURED: The Church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men. E.M. Bounds

:) I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights".


PEARLS: 8/22/15

REAL: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God. 2 Corinthians, 1:3

CULTURED: Encouragement is awesome. It (can) actually change the course of another person's day, week, or life. Chuck Swindoll

:) I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.



PEARLS: 8/21/15

REAL: For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. Romans 14:8

CULTURED: I am God's chosen, rescued from the dark, His, now and forever Syp

:) I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. I'm afraid my next bowel movement could spell disaster.



PEARLS: 8/20/15

REAL: Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6

CULTURED: What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. Augustine

:) Are the "good things that come to those who wait" really just leftovers from people who got there first?


PEARLS: 8/19/15

REAL: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

CULTURED: Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. C.S Lewis

:) Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.


PEARLS: 8/18/15

REAL: Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

CULTURED: The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are." ~ C.S Lewis

:) Men are from Mars. Women are from Visa. Our marriage is like a workshop. I work and my wife shops.


PEARLS: 8/17/15

REAL: O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! Psalm 8:1

CULTURED: You can't analyze God. He is too awesome, too big, too mysterious. I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You Yourself are the answer. C.S. Lewis

:) Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!


PEARLS: 8/16/15

REAL: I was glad when they said to me, "Let us go into the house of the LORD." Psalm 122:1

CULTURED: Lord, who art always the same, give that I know myself, give that I know Thee. Augustine

:) When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed they're not it.



PEARLS: 8/15/15

REAL: For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I shall see God. Job 10:25-26

CULTURED: We may speak about a place where there are no tears, no death, no fear, no night; but those are just the benefits of heaven. The beauty of heaven is seeing God. Max Lucado

:) I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!


PEARLS: 8/14/15

REAL: May the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all. 1 Thess. 3:12

CULTURED: Leave me alone", is not a good news! "Let's be together" is not a bad news. We were made to be each others keepers. Let love lead. Israelmore Ayivor

:) Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!


PEARLS: 8/13/15

REAL: I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust. Psalm 91:1

CULTURED: I am nothing but an imperfect being, who is residing on earth with a perfect God as my guidance and protection. Edmond Mbiaka

:) At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.


PEARLS: 8/12/15

REAL: For the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God. John 16:27

CULTURED: Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not. C.S. Lewis

:) The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".


PEARLS: 8/11/15

REAL: Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

CULTURED: God's friendship is a bigger comfort than that of the whole world. Martin Luther

:) Don't worry about old age. It doesn't last that long.


PEARLS: 8/10/15

REAL: However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. Acts 20:24

CULTURED: A champion is one who gets back up when he can't. Jack Dempsey

:) I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.


PEARLS: 8/9/15

REAL: For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20

CULTURED: I find that I keep offering God my service when what He wants is my fellowship. John Paul Warren

:) If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.


PEARLS: 8/8/15

REAL: Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

CULTURED: There is an obsession in the Church with sin management. People think more about their sins than about their redemption through Jesus. John Paul Warren

:) When I leave my cane at home, my wife says, "Pride comes before a fall." I never knew that Pride was another name for summer.


PEARLS: 8/7/15

REAL: Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Prov. 16:18

CULTURED: There can only be two basic loves, the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self, or the love of self unto the forgetfulness and denial of God. St. Augustine

:) What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?


PEARLS: 8/6/15

REAL: The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Prov. 29:15

CULTURED: Love is a Boy,

by Poets styl'd,

Then Spare the Rod,

and spoil the Child..... Samuel Butler

:) Thinking of taking on a new part-time job, shining mirrors. I can really see himself doing that!




WED. PEARLS: 8/5/15

REAL: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. 2 Pet. 1:20-21

CULTURED: Whatever difficulties this dogma [the Bible] may present to men of our time, as long as we claim historic continuity with the Church of all ages, our task cannot be to abolish this dogma which is based on the doctrine of Jesus and the apostles. Herman Saase

:) I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.




TUE. PEARLS: 8/4/15

REAL: When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom. Prov. 11:2

CULTURED: One of the misfortunes of our time is that in getting rid of false shame, we have killed off so much real shame as well. Louis Kronenberger

:) I'm starting to think I'll never be old enough to know better.




MON. PEARLS: 8/3/15

REAL: Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in Heaven. Matt. 6:1

The temptation of the age is to look good without being good. Brennan Manning

:) Snoring comes easily to me, in fact I can do it in my sleep.




PEARLS: 8/2/15

REAL: whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Phil. 4:8

CULTURED: Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off the relish for spiritual things then it is sin for you, however, innocent it may be in itself. --Suzanna Wesley

Smile A ship carrying a cargo of red paint collided with a ship carrying a cargo of purple paint. Both crews were maroon




PEARLS: 8/1/15

REAL: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them, then He adds, Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more. Heb. 10:16b-17

CULTURED: The reason we never enter into the deepest reality of our relationship with God is that we so seldom acknowledge our utter nothingness before him. Thomas Merton

Smile I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?




PEARLS 7/31/15

REAL: Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalms 55:22

CULTURED: Treat your temptations, worries, and cares like mosquitoes! React quick! Slap 'em! (a.k.a. 'casting them on the Lord.') Tim Hetzner (PK-revised)

Smile I once was attacked by a pack of cigarettes. And i've got the cigars to prove it.


PEARLS: 7/30/15

REAL: Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. Psalms 39:6

CULTURED: Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. Epictetus

:) To kill a circus in one blow, go for the juggler.


PEARLS: 7/29/15

REAL: It was symbolic for the present time in which both gifts and sacrifices are offered which cannot make him who performed the service perfect in regard to the conscience; concerned only with foods and drinks, various washings, and fleshly ordinances imposed until the time of reformation. Heb. 9:9-10

CULTURED: There is more stuff and substance of good in the Lord's promises than the sharpest sighted saint did or can perceive; for when we have followed the promise, to find out all the truth which is in it, we meet with a cloud of unsearchable riches. Dave Dickson

:) The police think the murder weapon may have been a colander, but that theory doesn't hold water.


PEARLS: 7/28/15

REAL: Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath, that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us. Heb. 6:17-18



CULTURED: The permanence of God's character guarantees the fulfillment of his promises. A.J. Pink

:) I remember the first time I saw a universal remote. I thought to myself, "Well, this changes everything.


PEARLS: 7/27/15

REAL: A good man sheweth favor, and lendeth: he will guide his affairs with discretion. Psalm 112:5

CULTURED: Blessed is the man who, having nothing to stay, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact." George Eliot

:) A hangman will always keep you in the loop.


PEARLS: 7/26/15

REAL: Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved. Acts 2:47



CULTURED: Organized Christianity that fails to make a disturbance is dead. G. Campbell Morgan

:) There are lots of people who are self aware. You know who you are.


PEARLS: 7/25/15

REAL: Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. James 4:8-10



CULTURED: Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity. Paulo Coelho

:) A Pastor was visiting his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..' Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'


PEARLS: 7/24/15

REAL: But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. Heb. 5:14



CULTURED: Men do not differ much about what things they call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable. G.K. Chesterton

:) A guy walks into a bar. "OUCH!"was all he said.


PEARLS: 7/23/15

REAL: He that believeth shall not make haste. Isa. 28:16b

CULTURED: Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Ernest Hemingway

:) What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees.


PEARLS: 7/22/15

REAL: Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.....Ephesians 3:20

CULTURED: We may speak about a place where there are no tears, no death, no fear, no night; but those are just the benefits of heaven. The beauty of heaven is seeing God. Max Lucado

:) When crazy glue was invented lots of people became attached to it.


PEARLS: 7/21/15

REAL: But exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Heb. 3:13

CULTURED: Nothing hath separated us from God but our own will, or rather our own will is our separation from God. William Law

:) Some river valleys are absolutely gorges.


PEARLS: 7/20/15

REAL: If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me. John 13:8

CULTURED: Unless I can truly know that it's my good He seeks…then I cannot have His companionship. Catherine Marshall

:) I never let my children listen to jazz or classical music. It is full of sax and violins.


PEARLS: 7/19/15

REAL: Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. Col. 3:16

CULTURED: For the church does not live by morals, by the knowledge and observance of God's law nor does it live by religion, by lofty experiences of the divine and an awareness of the mysteries of God. It lives solely by the forgiveness of sins. Herman Saase

:) I went looking in the shops to buy a jack in a box but none jumped out at me.


PEARLS: 7/18/15

REAL: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Matthew 6:12

CULTURED: The colder it gets outside, the more we huddle together for warmth. But the closer we get…the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills. And in the lonely night of earth's winter, eventually we begin to drift apart and wander out on our own and freeze to death in our loneliness. Arthur Schofenhauer (German philosopher comparing the human race to porcupines)

:) I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.


PEARLS: 7/17/15

REAL: For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Heb 10:26-27, 31

CULTURED: Jesus reserved his hardest words for the hidden sins of hypocrisy, pride, greed and legalism. Philip Yancey

:) Those who live beyond their means should act their wage.


PEARLS: 7/16/15

REAL: If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained. John 20:23

CULTURED: This authority (Absolution) works like a key to open heaven by forgiving sins, or to close heaven by not forgiving them. Martin Luther

:) I saw a doctor today with a great sense of humor, he left me in stitches.


PEARLS: 7/15/15

REAL: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:19

CULTURED: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening. Larry King

Smile This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop.


PEARLS: 7/14/15

REAL: Don't be afraid, only believe. Mark 5:36

CULTURED: Without faith a man can do nothing; with it all things are possible. Sir William Osler

:) Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.


PEARLS: 7/13/15

REAL: The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. Proverbs 28:1

CULTURED: Have courage for the great sorrows in life, and patience for the small ones. And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace, God is awake. Victor Hugo

:) Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.





PEARLS: 7/12/15

REAL: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb. 11:1

CULTURED: God promised to part the waters of the Jordan River so that His people could go through and enter the Promised Land. But the waters parted only after they stepped in. Tim Hetzner

:) Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted.


PEARLS: 7/11/15

REAL: The Lord is far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous. Prov. 15:29

CULTURED: To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing. Martin Luther

:) Perk Of Being Old & Over The Hill: You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.


PEARLS: 7/10/15

REAL: A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

CULTURED: A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. C.S. Lewis

:) Whiteboards are remarkable.


PEARLS: 7/9/15

REAL: Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. Psalm 6:2

CULTURED: The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, 'O God, forgive me,' or 'Help me.' Billy Graham

:) A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


PEARLS: 7/8/15

REAL: ... Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. Col. 1:28

CULTURED: The bottom line in the Christian life is obedience and most people don't even like the word. Charles Stanley

:) Baby seal walks into a club... what a tragedy!


PEARLS: 7/7/15

REAL: ...in the body of His [Jesus] flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight. Col. 1:22

CULTURED: Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that's a tough call. That's rebellion. Alice Cooper

:) A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"


PEARLS: 7/6/15

REAL: For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Eph. 2:10

CULTURED: What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. John Ruskin

:) A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."


PEARLS: 7/5/15

REAL: Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:11

CULTURED: Loose lips sinks ships. Unknown (slogan from WW.2 U. S. Navy)

:) PERK OF GROWING OLD: :) Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them anyway.


PEARLS: 7/4/15

REAL: And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32

CULTURED: In short, a man must be set free from the sin he is, which makes him do the sin he does. George MacDonald

:) What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad.


PEARLS: 7/3/15

REAL: How much less, then, will He listen when you say

that you do not see Him, that your case is before Him

and you must wait for Him. Job 35:14

CULTURED: God knows when to withhold or grant visible signs of encouragement. It's good when He sends confirmation, but we grow faster when we've trusted Him without it. Those who do, always receive the greatest visible evidence of His love. Charles Trumbell

:) Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite."


PEARLS: 7/2/15

REAL: My times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15a

CULTURED: We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. C.S. Lewis

:) What's the journalist's least favorite blood type? Type O


PEARLS: 7/1/15

REAL: If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Gal. 5:25

CULTURED: Being a Christian is so much more than saying, 'I love Jesus.' You must LIVE for Him daily. When people see you they should see Jesus, too. Unknown

:) This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"


PEARLS: 6/30/15

REAL: Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for a time as this? Esther 4:14b

CULTURED: To do even the most humbling tasks to the glory of God takes the Almighty God Incarnate working in us. Oswald Chambers

:) Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed. Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.


PEARLS: 6/29/15

REAL: Trust in the Lord forever, For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength. Isa. 26:4

CULTURED: When a man has no strength, if he leans on God, he becomes powerful. D.L. Moody

:) Perk of getting Old: In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.


PEARLS: 6/28/15

REAL: Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with clashing cymbals! Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD. PSALM 150:5-6

CULTURED: The chief purpose of life, for any of us, is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. J.R.R. Tolkien

:) This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"


PEARLS: 6/27/15

REAL: How much less man, who is a maggot, and a son of man, who is a worm? Job 25:6 (compared to God)

CULTURED: Of what did Job repent? His wonder was too small. Leighton Ogg

:) Q: How can you avoid getting wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses


PEARLS: 6/26/15

REAL: How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7

CULTURED: God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. St. Augustine

:) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


PEARLS: 6/25/15

REAL: God is in her ('mother' nature) palaces; He is known as her refuge. Psalm 48:3

CULTURED: God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars. Martin Luther

:) Definition: Husband - A person who can take out the garbage and give the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.


PEARLS: 6/24/15

REAL: I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Gal. 5:16

CULTURED: But when you are filled with the Holy Spirit, then the ministry of Jesus just flows out of you. Unknown

:) Newton's First Law of Motion: A body in motion will remain in motion. A body at rest will stay under a down comforter until forced to move.


PEARLS: 6/23/1

REAL: Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalms 55:22

CULTURED: I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess. Martin Luther

:) Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.


PEARLS: 6/22/15

REAL: My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go; my heart shall not reproach me as long as I live. Job 27:6

CULTURED: Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see. William Newton Clark

:) Perk Of Being Old & Over The Hill......Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.


PEARLS: 6/21/15

REAL: Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58

CULTURED: I will not recant. My conscience is captive to the Word of God! Martin Luther

:) Perk Of Being Old & Over The Hill...... You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.


PEARLS: 6/20/15

REAL: I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19

CULTURED The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you. Anonymous

:) A clean house is a sign of a misspent life!


PEARLS: 6/19/15

REAL: Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee. Psalm 91:9-10a

CULTURED No matter how steep the mountain, the Lord is going to climb it with you. Helen Steiner Rice

:) Perk Of Being Old & Over The Hill...... Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.


PEARLS: 6/18/15

REAL: Thanks be to God for His inexpressible gift! 2 Cor. 9:15

CULTURED: Such was God's original love for man that He was willing to stoop to any sacrifice to save him; and the gift of a Savior was the mere expression of that love. Albert Barnes

:) Perk Of Being Old & Over The Hill...... Things that you buy now won't wear out.


PEARLS: 6/17/15

REAL: So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

CULTURED: Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him. Albert Schweitzer

:) Perk Of Being Old & Over The Hill......There is nothing to learn anymore the hard way.


PEARLS: 6/16/15

REAL: And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

CULTURED: By the cross we know the gravity of sin and the greatness of God's love toward us. John Chrysotom

Smile No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.


PEARLS: 6/15/15

REAL: And Jesus said to him, "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise. Luke 23:43

CULTURED: Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. Thomas More



:) Hydrogen atom is walking down the street with a friend when he suddenly stops. The friend says, "What's wrong?" The hydrogen atom replys, "I lost my electron!" The friend says, "Are you sure?"The hydrogen atom exclaims, "Yes, I'm positive." The friend laments, "Oh, I thought you were just being negative again."


PEARLS: 6/14/15

REAL: Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. Psalm 147:1

CULTURED: I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. C.S. Lewis

:) What is the definition of "electron?" What the US did in 1980 and 1984.


PEARLS: 6/13/15

REAL: He said, "Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them." Then Elisha prayed and said, "O LORD, please open his eyes that he may see." So the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. 2 Kings 6:16-17

CULTURED: thrice fools are we, who like new-born princes weeping in the cradle, know not that there is a kingdom before them; then, let our Lord's sweet hand square us, and hammer us, and strike off the knots of pride, self-love, and world-worship, and infidelity, that He may make us stones and pillars in His Father's house. Samuel Rutherford

:) Skinny cooks can't be trusted.


PEARLS: 6/12/15

REAL: Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. 2 Cor. 7:1

CULTURED: Wash your face every morning in a bath of praise. Charles Spurgeon

:) Ingredients: 1 Small Roast Beef and 1 Large Roast Beef......Put both roasts in the oven. When the little one is burned, the big one is done. Gracie Allen


PEARLS: 6/11/15

REAL: For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 2 Cor. 6:16

CULTURED: Imagination is the voice of daring. If there is anything Godlike about God it is that. He dared to imagine everything. Henry Miller

:) If all is not lost, where is it?


PEARLS: 6/10/15

REAL: Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. 2 Cor. 5:20a

CULTURED: Thank you, Lord, for the sheer joy of wanting to get up and help the world go around. Roxie Gibson

:) VARNING: MinnySoda Compewtr Virus

Ve haf just sent you da NORVEGIAN VIRUS. Since ve do not haf any programming experience and do not know how to actually demage your computir, dis Virus verks on da honor system. Please forward dis Virus to eferyvone on your mailing list and den manually delete all of da files on your hard drive.Tank you for your cooperation, Sven and Ole


PEARLS: 6/9/15

REAL: So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Gal. 6:10

CULTURED: In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy. ~Karl Reiland

:) What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch? Fission chips.



PEARLS: 6/8/15

REAL: Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Heb. 11:23

CULTURED: My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Dr. Kurt Marquardt

:) Never trust an Atom. They make up everything.


PEARLS: 6/7/15

REAL: All Your works shall praise You, O Lord, and Your loving ones shall bless You. Psalm 145: 10

CULTURED: After learning to love God (worship), learning to love others is the second purpose of your life.

:) I've never played Battleships B4. That joke's a bit hit or miss.


PEARLS: 6/5/15

REAL: But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth. Acts 1:8

CULTURED: Having given us the package, do you think God will deny us the ribbon? Oswald Hoffman

:) Q. How many Hare Krishnas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the tambourine, chant, and sing.


PEARLS: 6/4/15

REAL: go yE therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matt. 28:19-20

CULTURED: Evangelism as the New Testament describes it is not child's play. Evangelism is work, often hard work. Yet it is not drudgery. It puts person in good humor, and makes him truly human. Oswald Hoffman

:) Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?


PEARLS: 6/3/15

REAL: humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. James 4:0

CULTURED: Humility is just as important to long term success as self-confidence. Being grateful is one of the best forms of humility--it takes nothing from you to acknowledge the people who helped you reach your goals or become your best self. One of the dangerous things about success is that can kill your interest in introspection. It takes confidence to admit that you don't have all of the right answers. Thomas Staggs, chief operating officer of the Walt Disney Co.

:) You're never too old to learn something stupid.


PEARLS: 6/2/15

REAL: O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth. Psalm 8:1a

CULTURED: He that hath slight thoughts of sin, never had great thoughts of God. John Owen

:) Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until

you hear them speak


PEARLS: 6/1/15

REAL: Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1

CULTURED: Reason is a whore, the greatest enemy that faith has; it never comes to the aid of spiritual things, but more frequently than not struggles against the divine Word, treating with contempt all that emanates from God. Martin Luther

:) We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.



PEARLS: 5/31/15

REAL: O come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker Psalm 95:6

CULTURED: God wants us to worship Him. He doesn't need us, for He couldn't be a self-sufficient God and need anything or anybody, but He wants us. When Adam sinned it was not He who cried, "God, where art Thou?" It was God who cried, "Adam, where art thou? A.W. Tozer

:) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?




PEARLS: 5/30/15

REAL: For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? 1 Thes. 2:19

CULTURED: Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God. Robert Schuller

:) If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?


PEARLS: 5/29/15

REAL: The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Pet. 3:9

CULTURED: He that can have Patience, can have what he will- Benjamin Franklin

:) Glass windows are a real pane.


PEARLS: 5/28/15

REAL: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5

CULTURED: Never trust anyone completely but God. Love people, but put your full trust only in God. Lawrence Welk

:) How is it possible to have a civil war?


PEARLS: 5/27/15

REAL: We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Rom. 15:1

CULTURED: Charity sees the need, not the cause. German Proverb

:) Black beauty, he's a dark horse.


PEARLS: 5/26/15

REAL: Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. 1 Cor. 11:1

CULTURED: What an incredible witness it is to a lost and fearful society when the Christian acts like a child of God, living under the loving sovereignty of the Heavenly Father. Henry Blackaby

:) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?


MEMORIAL DAY PEARLS: 5/25/15

REAL: He has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God. PSALM 98:3

CULTURED: He best keeps from anger who remembers that God is always looking upon him. B.C. Forbes

:) What did the dachshund say when he won first place at the dog show? I'm a real wiener.


PEARLS: 5/24/15

REAL: The secrets of his heart are laid bare; and so, falling on [his] face, he will worship God, declaring that God is among you in very truth. 1 Corinthians 14: 25

CULTURED: Let others report bad news; we'll share the good news. Woodrow Kroll

:) Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one.


PEARLS: 5/24/15

REAL: The secrets of his heart are laid bare; and so, falling on [his] face, he will worship God, declaring that God is among you in very truth. 1 Corinthians 14: 25

CULTURED: His voice leads us not into timid discipleship but into bold witness. Charles Stanley

:) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?


PEARLS: 5/23/15

REAL: This Jesus God raised up, and of that we all are witnesses. Acts 2:32

CULTURED: His voice leads us not into timid discipleship but into bold witness. Charles Stanley

:) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?


PEARLS: 5/22/15

REAL: Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do his just commands; seek righteousness; seek humility; perhaps you may be hidden on the day of the anger of the Lord. Zeph. 2:3

CULTURED: Get rid of pride; it'll only ride you to the wrong side of life. May God's words guide your faith to abide in true humility Israelmore Ayivor

:) Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? A:Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls


PEARLS: 5/21/15

REAL: We look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16

CULTURED: Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark. Rabindranath Tagore

:) How many times do you need to spin an oriental man in a circle before he becomes disoriented?



PEARLS: 5/20/15

REAL: So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16

CULTURED: The folly of not waiting for God is that we forfeit the blessing of having God work for us. The evil of not waiting on God is that we oppose God's will to exalt Himself in mercy. John Piper

:) Q. How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None. Agnostics question whether light bulbs really exist


PEARLS: 5/19/15

REAL: if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give enerously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. Romans 12:

CULTURED: Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge. Fritz Perls

:) Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"


REAL: But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. Luke 10:33

CULTURED: Being led by The Spirit starts with compassion stops you, rearranges your priorities and written-in-concrete schedule, and has you respond in love, to everything God gives you opportunity for that day. Tim Hetzner (paraphrased)

:) What was the best thing before sliced bread?


PEARLS: 5/17/15

REAL: Give to the Lord the glory due to His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness or in holy array. Psalm 29: 2

CULTURED: Strong affections for God, rooted in and shaped by the truth of Scripture - this is the bone and marrow of biblical worship. John Piper

:) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?


PEARLS: 5/16/15

REAL: You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 2 Cor. 3:2

CULTURED: He who gives when he is asked has waited too long. Sunshine Magazine

:) If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?


PEARLS: 5/15/15

REAL: These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. Heb. 13:13

CUltured: The antidote to frustration is a calm faith, not in your own cleverness, or in hard toil, but in God's guidance. Norman Vincent Peale

:) It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness.


PEARLS: 5/14/15

REAL: There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Prov. 14:12

Cultured: The moment a person thinks they know it all is a moment they don't. Anonymous

:) While talking about meditation techniques, a Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't.


PEARLS: 5/13/15

REAL: Then David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was wearing a linen ephod. 2 Sam. 6:14 ...and.... You changed my mourning into dancing. Ps 30:12

CULTURED: Dance is the hidden language of the soul. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are great because of their passion. Martha Graham

:) There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step, side-step, and turn around."


PEARLS: 5/12/15

REAL: The Lord looks down from heaven upon the children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek God. Psalm 14:2

Cultured: Never waste any moment of your life seeking approval or acceptance from people. They are not your creator. Edmond Mbiaka

:) What if there were no hypothetical questions?


PEARLS: 5/11/15

REAL: Jesus said, I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man comes to the Father except by Me.

John 14:6

CULTURED: Without the Way there is no going; without the Truth there is no knowing; without the Life there is no living. Thomas A Kempis

:) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?


PEARLS: 5/10/15

REAL: O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34: 3

CULTURED: Nothing makes God more supreme and more central in worship than when a people are utterly persuaded that nothing - not money or prestige or leisure or family or job or health or sports or toys or friends - nothing is going to bring satisfaction to their sinful, guilty, aching hearts besides God. John Piper

:) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?


PEARLS: 5/9/15

REAL: I will sing a new song to You, O God; upon a harp, an instrument of ten strings, will I offer praises to You. Psalm 144: 9

CULTURED: WE need to discover all over again that worship is natural to the Christian, as it was to the godly Israelites who wrote the psalms, and that the habit of celebrating the greatness and graciousness of God yields an endless flow of thankfulness, joy, and zeal. J.I. Packer

:) Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "S" in it?


PEARLS: 5/8/15

REAL: I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Gal. 2:29

CULTURED: The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us. C.S. Lewis

:) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?



PEARLS: 5/7/15

REAL: For I say to you, among those born of women there is not a greater prophet than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he." Luke 7:28

CULTURED: John the Baptist was supposed to point the way to the Christ. He was just the voice, not the Messiah. So everybody's calling has dignity to it and God seems to know better than we do what is in us that needs to be called forth.

James Green Somerville

:) Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?


PEARLS: 5/6/15

REAL: Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being. 1 Cor. 10:24

CULTURED: We can do no great things, only small things with great love. ~Mother Teresa

:) It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.


PEARLS: 5/5/15

REAL: [God said to Jonah] "Should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?" Jonah 4:11

CULTURED: God doesn't owe us anything-yet in His grace, He still gives us good things. Billy Graham

:) One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.


PEARLS: 5/4/15

REAL: But Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. John 6:68

CULTURED: [Having God's gift faith we] simply believe the promises of God. Trying to believe something that you want to believe is not faith. Believing what God says in His Word is faith. R.A Torrey

:) Is there another word for synonym?


PEARLS: 5/3/15

REAL: Sing to Him, sing praises to Him; meditate on and talk of all His wondrous works and devoutly praise them! 1 Chronicles 16: 9

CULTURED: Christians in revival are accordingly found living in God's presence, attending to His Word, feeling acute concern about sin and righteousness, rejoicing in the assurance of Christ's love and their own salvation, spontaneously constant in worship, and tirelessly active in witness and service, fueling these activities by praise and prayer. J.I. Packer

:) It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.



PEARLS: 5/2/15

REAL: Do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin.... For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. John 6:13a, 14

CULTURED: Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self. St. Francis of Assisi

:) Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


PEARLS: 5/1/15

REAL: You have commanded us To keep Your precepts diligently. When I look into all Your commandments. I will praise You with uprightness of heart. Psalm 119:4, 6b-7a

CULTURED: Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. ~Author Unknown

:) Would a fly without wings be called a walk?


PEARLS: 4/30/15

REAL: In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matt. 5:16

CULTURED: Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. ~Author Unknown

:) Would a fly without wings be called a walk?


PEARLS: 4/29/15

REAL: It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8

CULTURED: Pray and let God worry. Martin Luther



:) Why did the cow cross the road? .......To get to the udder side.


PEARLS: 4/28/15

REAL: My beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. James 1:19

CULTURED: The word of my Lord is the sword for the world. Toba Beta

:) Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.


PEARLS: 4/27/15

REAL: I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130:5-6

CULTURED: Those who do not hope cannot wait; but if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Charles Spurgeon

:) If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.


PEARLS: 4/26/15

Real: But as for me, I will enter Your house through the abundance of Your steadfast love and mercy; I will worship toward and at Your holy temple in reverent fear and awe of You. Psalm 5: 7

Cultured: Worship is the specific act of ascribing to God the glory, majesty, honor, and worthiness which are His. Jerry Bridges

:) The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.


PEARLS: 4/25/15

Real: The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. 2 Pet. 3:9

Cultured: Those who do not hope cannot wait; but if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Charles Spurgeon

:) Did you hear about the yogi who was having a filling put in a tooth? When the dentist asked him if he wanted Novocain, the yogi said, "No. I can transcend dental medication."


PEARLS: 4/24/15

Real: I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Cultured: God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. Anonymous

:) God loves everyone, But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'


PEARLS: 4/23/15

Real: "Weren't our hearts ablaze within us while He was talking with us...and explaining the Scriptures to us?" Luke 24:32

Cultured: The soul can do without everything except the word of God, without which none at all of its wants are provided for. Martin Luther

:) Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.


PEARLS: 4/22/15

Real: For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. James 2:26

Cultured: He who gives when he is asked has waited too long. Sunshine Magazine

:) How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb? None. Lutherans don't believe in change.




PEARLS: 4/21/15

Real: As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. John 15:9

Cultured: Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

:) Don' t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.


PEARLS: 4/20/15

Real: As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, So is a lovely woman who lacks discretion. Prov. 11:22

Cultured: Discretion is the better part of valor. & Give thy thoughts no tongue. William Shakespeare

:) Forbidden fruits create many jams.


PEARLS: 4/19/15

Real: O fear the Lord, you His saints. For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear. Psalm 34: 9

Cultured: He who seeks not the cross of Christ, seeks not the glory of Christ. John of the Cross

:) People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, and back of the church.


PEARLS: 4/18/15

Real: But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "We ought to obey God rather than men." Acts 5:29

Cultured: When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die. Dietrich Bonhoeffer,

:) God grades on the cross, not the curve.





PEARLS: 4/17/15

Real: For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13

Cultured: If we have no zeal for the glory of God our mercy must be superficial, man-centered human improvement with no eternal significance. And if our zeal for the glory of God is not a reveling in his mercy, than our so-called zeal, in spite of all its protests, is our of touch with God and hypocritical. John Piper

:) When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.




PEARLS: 4/16/15

Real: And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen. John 21:25

Cultured: Every age has its own outlook. It is specially good at seeing certain truths and specially liable to make certain mistakes. We all, therefore, need the books that will correct the characteristic mistakes of our own period. And that means the old books. C.S. Lewis


:) Emotions! Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case!


PEARLS: 4/14/15

Real: And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Gal. 5:24

Cultured: Love is the great conqueror of lust. C.S. Lewis & There is no lust in true love. Anon.

:) All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.


PEARLS: 4/13/15

Real: But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name. John 20:31

Cultured: What the world calls virtue is a name and a dream without Christ. The foundation of all human excellence must be laid deep in the blood of the Redeemer's cross and in the power of his resurrection. Frederick W. Robertson

:) If all is not lost, where is it?


PEARLS: 4/12/15

Real: Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:9-10

Cultured: He who sacrifices a whole offering shall be rewarded for a whole offering; he who offers a burnt-offering shall have the reward of a burnt-offering; but he who offers humility to God and man shall be rewarded with a reward as if he had offered all the sacrifices in the world. The Talmud

:) My son has taken up meditation - at least it's better than sitting doing nothing.


PEARLS: 4/11/15

Real: And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world. 1 John 2:2

Cultured: Be thou comforted, little dog, Thou too in the resurrection shall have a little golden tail. Martin Luther

:) Redneck's Medical Dictionary: Genital-non-Jewish.....Grippe-Suit case.....Hangnail-coat hook....High Colonic-Jewish religious holiday.....Impotent....distinguished; well known.....Intense pain-torture in a teepee


PEARLS: 4/10/15

Real: And with great power the apostles gave witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And great grace was upon them all. Acts 4:33

Cultured: Immanuel, God with us in our nature, in our sorrow, in our lifework, in our punishment, in our grave, and now with us, or rather we with Him, in resurrection, ascension, triumph, and Second Advent splendor. Charles Spurgeon

:) Redneck's Medical Dictionary: D & C-where Washington is......Diarrhea-journal of daily events....Dilate-to live long....Enema-not a friend.....Fester-quicker, and, Eddie Munster's uncle....Fibula-a small lie


PEARLS: 4/9/15

Real: For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. 2 Cor. 4:17

Cultured: Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work. – Peter Marshall

:) Redneck's Medical Dictionary: Caesarian section-a district in Rome.....Cat Scan-searching for kitty......Cauterize-made eye contact with her......Coma-punctuation mark...Colic---a sheep dog


PEARLS: 4/8/15

Real: These things [self-imposed worldly regulations] indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh. Col. 2:24

Cultured: Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

:) A few words from a Redneck Medical Dictionary.....

Artery-study of painting.........Bacteria-back door to a cafeteria...........Barium-what Doctors do when their treatment fails............Bowel-letters like A, E, I, O, U


PEARLS: 4/7/15

Real: There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. Heb. 4:13

Cultured: When you look back in your life & see all the things that God has brought you through, this trial you're facing is nothing. Sabrina Colleen

:) Tithing: Give God what's right -- not what's left.


Easter Monday PEARLS: 4/6/15

Real: Our citizenship is in heaven. Phil. 3:20a

Cultured: We are all just passing through. Ted Brautigan (Hearts in Atlantis)



Easter PEARLS: 4/5/15

Real: He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Matt. 28:6a

Cultured: Without the resurrection, Christianity would be so much wishful thinking, taking its place alongside all other human philosophy and religious speculation. John MacArthur



Advanced PEARLS: 4/4/15

Real: For Christ also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive by the Spirit, by whom also He went and preached to the spirits in prison 1 Pet. 3:18-19

Cultured: If we had more hell in the pulpit, we would have less hell in the pew. Billy Graham



Advanced PEARLS: 4/3/15

Real: And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" Matt. 19:46

Cultured: I live in the faith that there is a Presence and Power greater than I am that nurtures and supports me in ways I could not even imagine. I know that this Presence is All knowing and All Power and is Always right where I am. Ernest Holmes

Smile Nutrition: the best vitamin for a Christian is B1!


PEARLS: 4/2/15

Real: And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me." Likewise He also took the cup after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is shed for you. Luke 22:19:20

Cultured: The Christian who walks with the Lord and keeps constant communion with Him will see many reason for rejoicing and thanksgiving all day long. Warren W. Wiersbe

:) Refunds: Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will gladly take you back.


PEARLS: 4/1/15

Real: Do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide Me with more than twelve legions of angels? 54 How then could the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must happen thus?" Matt. 23:53-54

Cultured: To fear only God's power with trembling and dread without fearing (or respecting) His astonishing love is an incomplete response that diminishes our experience and enjoyment of Him. David Jeremiah

:)I've always pictured myself taking selfies.


PEARLS: 3/31/15

Real: If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. John 13:14-15

Cultured: The purpose of life is not to be happy — but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all. ~Leo Rosten

:) Seating Arrangements: Where will you be seated in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?


PEARLS: 3/30/15

Real: Then Jesus went into the temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. And He said to them, "It is written, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer,' but you have made it a den of thieves. Matt. 21:14-15

Cultured: Prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance, but laying hold of His willingness. Martin Luther.

:) Cosmetic Surgery: Come in and have your faith lifted.




PEARLS: 3/29/15

Real: And a very great multitude spread their clothes on the road; others cut down branches from the trees and spread them on the road. Then the multitudes who went before and those who followed cried out, saying: "Hosanna to the Son of David! 'Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!' Hosanna in the highest!" Matt. 21:8-9

Cultured: In almost everything that touches our everyday life on earth, God is pleased when we're pleased. He wills that we be as free as birds to soar and sing our maker's praise without anxiety. A.W. Tozer

:) Prayer :God answers knee-mail



PEARLS: 3/28/15

Real: For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Phil. 2:13

Cultured: For each one of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fulfill our own destiny, according to God's will, to be what God wants us to be. Thomas Merton

:) Insomnia Cure...If you can't sleep, try counting your blessings.


PEARLS: 3/27/15

Real: [They] brought to Him all who were sick, and begged Him that they might only touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched it were made perfectly well. Matt.14:35b-36

Cultured: We belittle God when we go through the outward motions of worship and take no pleasure in His person. John Piper

:) Come As You Are: You are not too bad to come in and you are not too good to stay out.


PEARLS: 3/26/15

Real: Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, Who seek Him with the whole heart! Psalm 119:2

Cultured: Happiness is the final and perfect fruit of obedience to the laws of life. Helen Keller

:) A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest were good friends. At a picnic one day, the priest was eating a ham sandwich. "You know," he said to his friend, "this ham sandwich is delicious. I know you're not supposed to eat ham, but I don't understand why such a good thing would be forbidden. When will you break down and try it?" To which the rabbi replied, "At your wedding."


PEARLS: 3/25/15

Real: for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God. Acts 20:27a

Cultured: Take heed of driving so hard after this world, as to hinder thyself and family from those duties towards God. John Bunyan

:) A poster read: "God is dead" - Nietzche. The graffiti underneath read: "Nietzche is dead" - God.


PEARLS: 3/24/15

Real: Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. Song of Solomon 8:7a

Cultured: I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is

sending a love letter to the world. Mother Teresa (Agnes Gonxha Bojarhiu)

:) Three people are in a lifeboat, adrift at sea. They have four cigarettes, but no matches or lighters. How can they each smoke a cigarette? Answer: throw one cigarette overboard, which will make the boat a cigarette lighter.


PEARLS: 3/23/15

Real: For in Him [Christ] dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. Col. 2:9-10

Cultured: The moment God is figured out with nice neat lines and definitions, we are no longer dealing with God. Rob Bell

:) The carnival was in town at Nottingham, so Robin Hood told the boys they could go in and have some fun. There were lots of games and at one booth, you could win a prize by hitting a ten cent silver coin with a lance thrown from twenty paces. As Friar Tuck was passing the booth, the guy running the game called out to him: "Hey, Brother, can you spear a dime?"


PEARLS: 3/22/15

Real: In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess. 5:18

Cultured: Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies, for all God's creatures-large and small, for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a handand the whispered "I love you." Jonathan Lockwood Huie

:) What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)


PEARLS: 3/21/15

Real: Pray that you will not fall. Luke 22:40

Cultured: Be ever mindful of the power of prayer (James 5:16b) and quick to pray. Anon. &... Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?" Corrie ten Boom

:) A mother bought her daughter a Ken doll that had real hair. One day the mother noticed that the hair had lice in it. She was disgusted and decided to boil the doll in a pan. As the lice died she carefully skimmed them out of the water with a ladle. Unfortunately, the stench of the dead lice caused her to sneeze and she blew the dead lice all over the stove.

Moral: "The best ladled pans of lice and Ken oft turn to spray."


PEARLS: 3/20/15

Real: A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35

Cultured: We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present. Marianne Williamson

:) Knock Knock! Who's there? Snow!Snow who? There snow business like show business!


PEARLS: 3/19/15

Real: Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. Psalm 85:6b

Cultured: He who kneels before God can stand before anything. Aaron Peters

:) What do you get when you mix an artist with a policeman? A brush with the law.-Leah



PEARLS: 3/18/15

Real: He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will." Matt. 26:39

Cultured: Carry the cross patiently, and with perfect submission; and in the end it shall carry you. Thomas a' Kempis

:) Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.


PEARLS: 3/17/15

Real: Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, 1 Thess. 5:16-17

Cultured: You can complain because roses have thorns or you can rejoice that thorns have roses. Ziggy

:) When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


Pearls: 3/16/15

Real: Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, "One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me." Mark 10:21

Cultured: All God's plans have the mark of the cross on them, and all His plans have death to self in them. E. M. Bounds

:) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


PEARLS: 3/15/15

Real: Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name. Bring an offering and come before Him; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness and in holy array. 1 Chronicles 16: 29

Cultured: The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. Billy Graham

:) A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


PEARLS: 3/14/15

Real: I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Psalm 16:14

Cultured: Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth. Tame the dragon and the gift is yours. Noela Evans

:) The police found and arrested two young people the other day. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one ... and let the other one off.


PEARLS: 3/13/15

Real: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart—These, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51:17

Cultured: By daily contrition, and habitual mortification of the flesh, man is day by day RENEWED, bearing heavenly fruits and celestial graces, of an inexplicable sweetness. Johann Arndt

:) Trying not to get mad, he often broke into song when he started his car, because he couldn't find the key.


PEARLS: 3/12/15

Real: My son, pay attention to my wisdom; lend your ear to my understanding, that you may preserve discretion, and your lips may keep knowledge. Prov. 5:1-2

Cultured: A sound discretion is not so much indicated by never making a mistake as by never repeating it." — Christian Nevell Bovee

:) When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.


PEARLS: 3/11/15

Real: But Simon answered and said to Him, "Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net." Luke 5:5

Cultured: Lord, give me firmness without hardness, steadfastness without dogmatism, love without weakness. Jim Elliot

:) Did you know that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers? Yes, it's true. But, unfortunately, all the bowling league records were destroyed in a fire, so we will never know for whom the Tells bowled.


PEARLS: 3/9/15

Real: The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them. Prov. 11:3

Cultured: Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility. Augustine

:) Did you see the movie about the cannibal that ate his mother-in-law? It was 'Gladiator.'


PEARLS: 3/9/15

Real: Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. Col. 3:2

Cultured: This earthly body is slow and heavy in all its motions, listless and soon tired with action. But our heavenly bodies shall be as fire; as active and as nimble as our thoughts are. - John Wesley


PEARLS: 3/8/15

Real: Therefore God has highly exalted him [Jesus] and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:9-11

Cultured: Worship is simply glorifying God; this means there is nothing required of us that cannot be done as an act of worship. John MacArthur

:) Customer to book store owner: I'd like to return this book on modern medical procedures.

Owner: Is there something wrong with it?

Customer: Someone removed the appendix.


PEARLS: 3/7/15

Real: We, however, will not boast beyond measure, but within the limits of the sphere which God appointed us. 2 Cor. 10:13a

Cultured: Bravado may stir the crowd, but courage needs no audience. T.F. Hodge

:) Does every sentence have to contain a vegetable? Not nece-celery.


PEARLS: 3/6/15

Real: ...He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will; Eph. 1:5

Cultured: This is one of the two great labyrinths into which human minds are drawn: the question of free will versus predestination. Neal Stephenson

:) Never trust an Atom. They make up everything.


PEARLS: 3/5/15

Real: For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Gal. 5:13

Cultured: How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. Anne Frank

:) Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.


PEARLS: 3/4/15

Real: But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 2 Cor. 4:7

Cultured: A man is powerful on his knees. Corrie Ten Boom

:) I went looking in the shops to buy a jack in a box but none jumped out at me.


PEARLS: 3/3/15

Real: For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 2 Cor. 7:10

Cultured: There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming, grief, of deep contrition, and unspeakable love. Washington Irving

:) A romantic's favorite flower: two-lips!


PEARLS: 3/2/15

Real: for we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor. 5:7

Cultured: Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. Norman B. Rice

:) I worked as a doctor for the World Health Organization. I didn't mean to, I thought I was auditioning for Doctor Who.


Pearls: 2/27/15

REAL: You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

CULTURED: We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. C.S. Lewis

:) Through no fault of his own my uncle crashed his car into a lemon tree. He is still bitter.


PEARLS: 2/26/15

REAL: But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. Rom. 14:23

CULTURED: To err is human, to forgive, divine. Alexander Pope

:) Black Beauty. Now there's a dark horse!



PEARLS: 2/25/15

REAL: For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. Rom. 14:7-8

CULTURED: If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world. C.S. Lewis

:) This guy said, "I'll let you use my ice rink for $10." I thought, "What a cheapskate!"


PEARLS: 2/24/15

REAL: For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord.1 Cor. 4:4

CULTURED: The Christian does not think God will love us because we are

good, but that God will make us good because He loves us. C.S. Lewis

:) Took my parrot to the vet because he'd stopped eating freshwater fish. Soon spotted the problem: he was off his perch.


PEARLS: 2/23/15

REAL: ,The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. Prov. 27:12

CULTURED: To abstain from sin when one can no longer sin is to be forsaken by sin, not to forsake it. St. Augustine

:) So this guy said to me "do you know Marie Osmond is about to appear in the world's worst film?" I said "Warner Brothers?" He said "I already have!"


PEARLS: 2/22/15

REAL: Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness. Psalms 29:2

CULTURED: Depend on it, my hearer, you never will go to heaven unless you are prepared to worship Jesus Christ as God. Charles Spurgeon

:) A baby sheep covered in plastic.... Lambinated!


PEARLS: 2/21/15

REAL: Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal. 6:2

CULTURED: "Lord, make me a blessing to someone today." Father Tim-At Home in Mitford

:) Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.


PEARLS: 2/20/15

REAL: Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and

keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Eccl. 12:13

CULTURED: Choices will continually be necessary and -- let us not forget -- possible. Obedience to God is always possible. It is a deadly error to fall into the notion that when feelings are extremely strong we can do nothing but act on them. Elisabeth Elliot

:) Every morning is the dawn of a new error.


PEARLS: 2/19/15

REAL: The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. Isa. 40:8

CULTURED: Acceptance...trying to maintain our strength and beauty, can be a good thing (to a degree). But there comes a day we must accept it's mortality along with what awaits us....something new and better! Anonymous

:) She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.


PEARLS: 2/18/15

REAL: If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. John 14:23

CULTURED: Having faith in Christ means...not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you. C.S. Lewis

:) What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.


PEARLS: 2/17/15

REAL: Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14

CULTURED: Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. John Ortberg


:) Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.


PEARLS: 2/16/15

REAL: [God] will render to each one according to his deeds":[ eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality; Rom. 2:6-7

CULTURED: Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can. John Wesley

:) What do you get from pampered cows? Spoiled milk.


PEARLS: 2/15/15

REAL: Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:8

CULTURED: The worship most acceptable to God comes from a thankful and cheerful heart. Plutarch

:) Me and my friend were going to a fancy dress party. My friend said, "I'm going as a small island off the coast of Italy." I said, "Don't be Sicily!"


PEARLS: 2/14/15

REAL: But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 1 John 3:17

CULTURED: There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone's life. Mary Rose McGeady

:) What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.


PEARLS: 2/13/15

REAL: Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom. Luke 12:32

CUTURED: Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free. Shannon L. Alder

:) What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons? Hose A and Hose B.


PEARLS: 2/12/15

REAL: Because I live, you will live also. At that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you. John 14:19b-20

CUTURED: There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person, and it can never be filled by any created thing....only by God. Blaise Pascal

:) A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.


PEARLS: 2/11/15

REAL: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil. 4:8

CUTURED: I have resolved from this day on, I will do all the business I can honestly, have all the fun I can reasonably, do all the good I can willingly, and save my digestion by thinking pleasantly. Robert Louis Stevenson

:) A pessimist's blood type is always B-.


PEARLS: 2/10/15

REAL: Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. Luke 12:27

CULTURED: Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia

:) What kind of tree sweats when bad weather approaches? A palm tree.




PEARLS: 2/9/15

REAL: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[? Luke 12:25

CULTURED: Having butterflies is normal. Getting them to fly in formation is the trick...and that's God's job. Anonymous

:) What is the world's most popular wine?.....Do I have to?


PEARLS: 2/8/15

REAL: O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Psalms 8:1

CULTURED: Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn't. John Piper

:) How do chickens dance? Chick to chick.


PEARLS: 2/7/15

REAL: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Eph. 4:29

CULTURED: Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~Spanish Proverb

:) I once was attacked by a pack of cigarettes, and I've got the cigars to prove it.


PEARLS: 2/6/15

REAL: I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Phil. 4:13

CULTURED: Do all things with love... keep your love in your heart. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Jackielou Camacho

:) She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.


PEARLS: 2/5/15

REAL: And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

CULTURED: Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do. Voltaire

:) Your debt will stay with you if you can't budge it.


PEARLS: 2/4/15

REAL: just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Col. 2:6-7

CULTURED: In daily life, we must see that it isn't happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us

happy. Anonymous

:) When a marathon runner had ill fitting shoes, he suffers the agony of defeat.



PEARLS: 2/3/15

REAL: Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Col. 4:2

CULTURED: Perhaps it takes a purer faith to praise God for unrealized blessings than for those we once enjoyed or those we enjoy now. A.W. Tozer

:) She broke into song when she couldn't find the key.


PEARLS: 2/2/15

REAL: All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you. John 16:15

CULTURED: In Jesus day, disciples learned not only from their Teacher's lectures, but by observing and experiencing every aspect of the Teacher's life. That's how Jesus trained His disciples. Tim Hetzner

:) What must you know to be a surveyor? Lots.


PEARLS: 2/1/15

REAL: Honor the Lord our God. Worship at his feet. He is holy. Psalm 99:5

CULTURED: A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. C. S. Lewis

:) Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole.


PEARLS: 1/31/15

REAL: But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. John 14:26

CULTURED: O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. And, you found me wanting; wanting to know everything about You. Anonymous

:) What's Irish and stays out all night? Patio Furniture.


PEARLS: 1/24/15

REAL: Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. Give a portion to seven, and also to eight; for thou knowest not what evil shall be upon the earth.

Ecc. 11:1-2

CULTURED: There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. John Holmes

:) The games at the Coliseum were scheduled to begin at three o'clock sharp, so Caesar decided to call his friend, Brutus, to see if he wanted to go. Brutus replied, "Sure! What time you want to go?" Caesar replied, "At two, Brute!"


PEARLS: 1/23/15

REAL: This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.

John 15:12

CULTURED: You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan

:) A chipmunk walked into a hardware store because he was redoing his bar. He asked the clerk where he could get one of those table tops that opens and shuts on a hinge. The clerk wasn't sure so he asked, "You mean the kind those blue jays have?" Chipmunk replies, "Yeah, those closing counters of the bird kind!"





PEARLS: 1/21/15

REAL: For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. Heb. 6:10

CULTURED: I felt rather like the little girl in Our Town who gave her address as Grover's Corner, New Hampshire, America, the Northern Hemisphere, the World, the Solar System, the Milky Way Galaxy, the Mind of God. Stephen King

:) Lady Guinevere, Sir Lancelot's girlfriend, was sad because Lance was off fighting dragons for a week and never wrote her once. So she goes down to the local tavern to drown her sorrows. She asks the bartender for a drink. He replies, "What's a knight's girl like you doing in a place like this?"


PEARLS: 1/20/15

REAL: The Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever. 1 Chron. 28:9b

CULTURED: Sovereignty is only tyrannical if it is unbounded by goodness; holiness is only terrifying if it is un-tempered by grace; omniscience is only taunting if it is unaccompanied by mercy. Ravi Zacharias

:) Gene Autry and Frankie Laine were the maitrade's at the Grammy awards banquet. The guest of honor, Sammy Cloze, was late, and Gene was very worried. At last, Sammy's taxi drove up and as he stepped out, Gene, excited, shouts: "Here comes Sammy Cloze! Here comes Sammy Cloze! Write down Sammy Cloze, Laine!"


PEARLS: 1/19/15

REAL: The sleep of a labouring man is sweet, whether he eat little or much: but the abundance of the rich will not suffer him to sleep.Ecc. 5:12

CULTURED: Nothing will work unless you do. Maya Angelou

:) A Shetland pony was giving a speech in a lecture hall. A man in the back told him to speak up because he couldn't hear. The pony replied: "You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little horse".



PEARLS: 1/17/15

REAL: Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Cor. 6:19-20

CULTURED: The greatest honor we can give Almighty God is to live gladly because of the knowledge

of His love. Blessed Julian of Norwich

:) A husband stood in front of the bathroom mirror, flossing his teeth. "Ooh!" he would sigh every once in a while. Suddenly, his wife gives him a swift kick. Bewildered, the husband demanded, "What was that for ?" She replies, "Sorry, but I just can't stand, nor do I believe in, sighing flossers!"


PEARLS: 1/16/15

REAL: Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not high-minded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; That they do good. 1 Timothy 6:17-18

CULTURED: Nothing I am sure has such a tendency to quench the fire of religion as the possession of mon J.C. Ryle

:) A man had a dog called Minton. One day it ate two shuttlecocks. When the owner found out, he said, "bad Minton!"


PEARLS: 1/15/15

REAL: Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. Prov. 12:1

CULTURED: An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. Benjamin Franklin

:) Never eat a clock? It's very time consuming.


PEARLS: 1/14/15

REAL: To those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you 1 Peter 3:20-21

CULTURED: While the Bible's account of the flood is one of judgment, it is also one of mercy and salvation. Ken Ham

:) Need an ark to save animals? I noah guy.


PEARLS: 1/13/15

REAL: For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. Romans 14:8

CULTURED: As a child of God, I am greater than anything that can happen to me. Abdul Kalam

:) When William joined the army but never got past Basic training. They blame his Drill Sergeant's command; 'fire at will'!


PEARLS: 1/12/15

REAL: Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. Psalm 34:8

CULTURED: God is not proud. He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him. &...Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not. C.S. Lewis

:) The private who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


PEARLS: 1/11/15

REAL: With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord; in the great throng of worshipers I will praise Him. Psalm 109:30



CULTURED: People who do not worship are swept into a vast restlessness, epidemic in the world, with no steady direction and no sustaining purpose. Edmund Clowney



:) I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.



PEARLS: 1/10/15

REAL: With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord; in the great throng of worshipers I will praise Him. Psalm 109:30

CULTURED: People who do not worship are swept into a vast restlessness, epidemic in the world, with no steady direction and no sustaining purpose. Edmund Clowney

:) I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.


PEARLS: 1/9/15

REAL: He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:15

CULTURED: Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble. Philip Melanchthon

:) You have to compliment the ghost for not taking sides in an argument. He was super neutral.


PEARLS: 1/8/15

REAL: Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:10

CULTURED: All cruelty springs from weakness. Lucius Annaeus Seneca

:) Twin brothers: sunsets.


PEARLS: 1/7/15

REAL: Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. James 1:27

CULTURED: As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. Henry David Thoreau

:) I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.


PEARLS: 1/6/15

REAL: Jesus Wept. John 11:35

CULTURED: Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. Billy Graham

:) She said she wasn't pregnant but contractions speak louder than words.


PEARLS: 1/5/15

REAL: Let Christ himself be your example as to what your attitude should be. Phil. 2:5

CULTURED: Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. Albert Einstein

:) Did you hear about the frog who found out his Grandma was from Warsaw? He was a tad Polish


PEARLS: 1/4/15

REAL: We have a place in heaven that cannot be shaken. So let us be glad and worship God and please him. Let us respect and fear him. Hebrews 12:28

CULTURED: Learn to worship God as the God who does wonders, who wishes to prove in you that He can do something supernatural and divine. Andrew Murray

:) People who choose cremation over traditional burial are thinking out of the box.


REAL: Not a single one of all the good promises the Lord had given�was left unfulfilled; everything He [has] spoken came true� (Joshua 21:45

CULTURED: All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.


PEARLS: 1/2/15

REAL: Because of the Lord�s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness� Lamentations 3:22-23

CULTURED: How often we trust each other, and only doubt our Lord. We take the words of mortals, yet distrust His Word; but, oh, what light and glory, would shine o�er all our days; if we always would remember, God means just what He says. A.B. Simpson

:) What did the mama tire and the papa tire name their baby girl tire? Michelle Lynn.


PEARLS: 1/1/15

REAL: Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41



CULTURED: Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines. ~Satchel Paige, 1974

:) I told my wife I dreamed that I had written Lord of the Rings. She said I'd been tolkien in my sleep.


PEARLS: 12/31/14

REAL: Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believe. John 20:29

CULTURED: Draw nigh unto God and he will draw nigh unto you. Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see. William Newton Clark

:) Mother: "Junior swallowed his watch!" Doctor: "He'll have to wait to pass the time."


PEARLS: 12/30/14

REAL: But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1Tim. 6:8



CULTURED: The great lesson is that the sacred is in the ordinary, that it is to be found in one's daily life, in one's neighbors, friends, and family, in one's backyard. Abraham Maslow

:) Constantine: the immortal adolescent!


PEARLS: 12/29/14

REAL: Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Job 13:15a

CULTURED: God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith not a life of sentimental enjoyment of His blessings. Oswald Chambers

:) As a young boy, Brutus' mother often cautioned him not to run with Caesars.


PEARLS: 12/28/14

REAL: When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up. 1 Cor. 14:26

CULTURED: The visible church may be distressingly and sorely fractured and fragmented into all different kinds of denominations and groups, but the invisible church is the true body of Christ. Everyone who is in Christ, and in whom Christ dwells, is a member of this one universal church. R.C. Sproul

:) A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched. One fish says to his friend, "Did you see that?" Those clams didn't offer us a single bite!" "What do you expect?" said the other fish. "They're two shellfish."


PEARLS: 12/27/14

REAL: This is the victory that overcomes the world, even our faith. 1 John 5:4

CULTURED: Fear knocked at the door and faith answered. No one was there. - Old English Proverb

:) The little boy replied, "So if Small babies are delivered by storks, does that mean the fat babies are delivered by cranes?"


PEARLS: 12/26/14

REAL: (Paul speaking of Paul) For his letters,� they say, �are weighty and powerful, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible.� 2 Cor. 10:10

CULTURED: Know thyself. Socrates... &...Don�t accept your dog�s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. Ann Landers

:) One day two carrots were walking down the street. Just as one stepped off the curb, a car ran him over. The unhurt carrot called an ambulance and he was rushed to the hospital. Hours later, the doctor came out and said; "I have good news, and bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".



REAL: And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

CULTURED: Christmas is built upon a beautiful and intentional paradox; that the birth of the homeless should be celebrated in every home. G.K. Chesterton

:) IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

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PEARLS: 12/24/14

REAL: And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.Luke 2:13-14

CULTURED: The greatest gift you will ever receive will never be found under a Christmas tree. It is far too valuable to be stored in any other place but in the depths of your heart. Anonymous

:) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


PEARLS: 12/23/14

REAL: And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) Luke 2:4

CULTURED: Joseph; a faithful step-father, and model to all earthly fathers. Anon.

:) What did the salad say to the plate? I'm all dressed up but there's nowhere to go.



PEARLS: 12/22/14

REAL: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

CULTURED: Let me no more my comfort draw, from my frail grasp on Thee; in this alone rejoice with awe - Thy mighty grasp of me. John Cambell Shairp (from the hymn...Let Go-Let God)

:) Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door." "Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson." Lemon entry!


PEARLS: 12/21/14

REAL: Praise God in his sanctuary; ... Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Psalm 150:1b, 6a

CULTURED: When we worship together as a community of living Christians, we do not worship alone, we worship 'with all the company of heaven.' Marianne H. Micks

:) An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Nile, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. He walks over and picks up the turtle and hurls him as far as he could into the jungle. "What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile. "That turtle bit me fifty years ago." The crocodile says, I heard you elephants have good memories, but that's amazing!" "That's not memory!" says the elephant. "It's Turtle recall."


PEARLS: 12/20/14

REAL: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, James 1:2

CULTURED: Our journey� is about progress, not perfection. We string together our efforts like so many pearls, and before long�you have a whole strand! Dick Beardsley

:) A young man had been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for several years. One day the supermarket got a new multiple juice machine. The bag boy was excited and asked the manager if he could work the juice machine. The manager "Sorry, but baggers can't be juicers."


PEARLS: 12/19/14

REAL: Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands. Deuteronomy 8:2

CULTURED: In a beautiful setting with our needs met and every resource at our fingertips�our soul shrivels� We need an occasional blast of storm or fiery trial if our faith is to mature. Joni Eareckson Tada

:) The man told the undertaker that he wanted the best for his deceased father. The bill: $30 K. It was paid without complaint. But then another bill came for $85, a month later, the same. So he called the undertaker and asked why the repeated charge. The undertaker said, �Well you told me you wanted the best for your father so I rented him a tux!�


PEARLS: 12/18/14

REAL: For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? 1 Thess. 2:19

CULTURED: It is the joy of work well done that enables us to enjoy rest, just as it is the experiences of hunger and thirst that make food and drink such pleasures. Elisabeth Elliot

:) North Dakota man went on a business trip to Louisiana. He emailed his wife- Jennifer Johnson, back home at JennJohn@world.net. Unfortunately, he mis-typed a letter and the email ended up going to JeanJohn@world.net. Jean Johnson was the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher's wife took one look at the email and promptly fainted. It read, "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!"


PEARLS: 12/17/14

REAL: Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Heb. 10:22

CULTURED: Wash your face every morning in a bath of praise. Charles Spurgeon...&... Put your confidence in God and not in man. The root of all difficulties is a lack of the sense of the presence of God. - Emmett Fox

:) The English teacher proclaims-"there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back piped up "Yeah, right!"


PEARLS: 12/16/14

REAL: Surely the LORD God will help me; who is he who will condemn me? Indeed they will all grow old like a garment; the moth will eat them up. Isaiah 50:9

CULTURED: The greatest prison that people live in is the fear of what people think. Anonymous

:) Two boll weevils from Mississippi. One became the President of the United States. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and became the lesser of two weevils.





PEARLS: 12/14/14

REAL: �Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship Him." Matt. 2:2

CULTURED: God wants us to worship Him. He doesn't need us, for He couldn't be a self-sufficient God and need anything or anybody, but He wants us. When Adam sinned it was not He who cried, "God, where art Thou?" It was God who cried, "Adam, where art thou?" A.W. Tozer

:) "This year I made my Christmas wreath out of Franklin Fir branches. They have soul!" "What?" said his bewildered friend. He replied, "Haven't you ever heard of a wreath of Franklin!"


PEARLS: 12/13/14

REAL: But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times. Micah 5:2

CULTURED: This is Christmas: not the tinsel, not the giving and receiving, not even the carols, but the humble heart that receives anew the wondrous gift, the Christ. - Frank McKibben

:)A man from Czechoslovakia went to the San Diego zoo. He accidently fell in a gorilla cage that had a male and female gorillas. The 2 Park attendants quickly cut open the female gorilla but did not find the man. So one says to the other, "The Czech is in the male!"


PEARLS: 12/12/14

REAL: He who is not with Me is against Me...

Matt. 12:30a

CULTURED: We are either in the process of resisting God's truth or in the process of being shaped and molded by his truth. Charles Stanley

:) The fractions were really happy about the new addition to their family.



Thursday 12/11/14

REAL: Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts....and the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:46a, 47b

CULTURED: Godly, Biblical church growth results from every member of the body fully using his spiritual gift(s), in submission to the Holy Spirit and in cooperation with other believers. John MacArthur

Smile Sometimes lightning needs a little straightening out. It can't conduct itself.


PEARLS: 12/10/14

REAL: Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Neither can you do good who are accustomed to doing evil. Jeremiah 13:23

CULTURED: We make our habits then our habits make us. John Dryden

:) A woman has twins and names them Amel and Juan then gives them up for adoption. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband, "I wish I had a picture of Amal, too!" He replies, "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."


PEARLS: 12/9/14

REAL: Be earnest and unwearied and steadfast in your prayer life, being both alert and intent in your praying, with thanksgiving. Colossians 4:2

CULTURED: Prayer is not a discourse. It is a form of life, the life with God. That is why it is not confined to the moment of verbal statement. Jaques Ellul

:) A guy goes to his doctor and says "I think I'm a kleptomaniac." The doc says "Are you taking anything for it?"


PEARLS: 12/8/14

REAL: Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58

CULTURED: Work is a blessing. God has so arranged the world that work is necessary, and He gives us hands and strength to do it. The enjoyment of leisure would be nothing if we had only leisure. Elisabeth Elliot

:) This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."


PEARLS: 12/7/14

REAL: Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness. Psalm 29:2

CULTURED: Worship is a meeting at the centre so that our lives are centered in God and not lived eccentrically. Edmund Clowney

:) Did you hear about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.


PEARLS: 12/6/14

REAL: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

CULTURED: The art of love... is largely the art of persistence. ~Albert Ellis & Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

:) A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies, "You're two tents!"



PEARLS: 12/5/14

REAL: The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut. 31:8



CULTURED: We never become truly spiritual by sitting down and wishing to become so. You must undertake something so great that you cannot accomplish it unaided."-Phillip Brooks

:) Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.


PEARLS: 12/4/14

REAL: Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 1 Cor. 1:7

CULTURED: Some people have a warped idea of living the Christian life. Seeing talented, successful Christians, they attempt to imitate them. For them, the grass on the other side of the fence is always greener. But when they discover that their own gifts are different or their contributions are more modest (or even invisible), they collapse in discouragement and overlook genuine opportunities that are open to them. They have forgotten that they are here to serve Christ, not themselves. Billy Graham

:) What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.



PEARLS: 12/3/14

REAL: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.

Prov. 23:13

CULTURED: If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. Theodore Roosevelt

:) IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?


PEARLS: 12/2/14

REAL: But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Heb. 3:13

CULTURED: In a living society every day is a day of judgment; and its recognition as such is not the end of all things but the beginning of a real civilization. George Bernard Shaw

:) IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?



PEARLS: 12/1/14

REAL: Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Eph. 5:15-16



CULTURED: There is only one thing for us to do, and that is to do our level best right where we are every day of our lives. To use our best judgment, and then to trust the rest to that Power which holds the forces of the universe in his hands. Orison Swett Marden

:) Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.


PEARLS: 11/30/14

REAL: Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe. Heb. 12:28

CULTURED: Worship begins in holy expectancy, it ends in holy obedience. Erwin Lutzer

:) CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?


PEARLS: 11/29/14

REAL: Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near. Matt. 3:2

CULTURED: At the Day of Judgment, we shall not be asked what we have read, but what we have done. Thomas a-Kempis

:)WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?



PEARLS: 11/27/14

REAL: I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. Psalm 69:30

CULTURED: it's Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, that is the true measure of our thanksgiving. W.T. Parker

:) Whose cruel idea was it to have an 'S' in the word 'LISP'?


PEARLS: 11/27/14

REAL: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Rom. 8:1-2

CULTURED: We are called to be free, not to sin, but to love God, to love one another, and to do good things. Innah Delos

:) If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


PEARLS: 11/26/14

REAL: If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Cor. 13:1

CULTURED: Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. Hawkeye.... from MASH

:) WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?


PEARLS: 11/25/14

REAL: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deut. 31:6

CULTURED: Courage is just fear that has said its prayers. Anonymous 'Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Mark Twain

:) WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"






PEARLS: 11/22/14

REAL: Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Cor. 11:1

CULTURED: In his life, Christ is an example, showing us how to live; in his death, he is a sacrifice, satisfying for our sins; in his resurrection, a conqueror; in his ascension, a king; in his intercession, a high priest. Martin Luther

:) IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?



PEARLS: 11/20/14

REAL: For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Timothy 6:10

CULTURED: But for money and the need of it, there would not be half the friendship in the world. It is powerful for good if divinely used. Give it plenty of air and it is sweet as the hawthorn; shut it up and it cankers and breeds worms. George Macdonald

:) Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.




PEARLS: 11/19/14

REAL: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

CULTURED: As forgiveness allows love to return to my awareness, I will see a world of peace and safety and joy. E.H. Chapin

:) Is a VEGETARIANS still a vegetarian if he EATs ANIMAL CRACKERS?


PEARLS: 11/18/14

REAL: For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 1:20

CULTURED: God never made a promise that was too good to be true. D.L. Moody

:) Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case!


PEARLS: 11/17/14

REAL: Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 1 Thess. 4:9

CULTURED: Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. Peter Ustinov

:) Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?


PEARLS: 11/16/14

REAL: Who will not fear you, Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed. Revelation 15:4

CULTURED: Worship is not a repetitious exercise of rituals and formulas. These create a veil that actually prevents us from enjoying the presence of the Lord. Worship is the heart poured out in gratitude and awe, expressing our appreciation of who He is and what He has done for us by His grace through Jesus Christ. Dave Hunt

:) If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed!


PEARLS: 11/15/14

REAL: I will give you the key0s of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Matt. 16:19


CULTURED: Forgiveness breaks the chain of causality because he who forgives you -- out of love -- takes upon himself the consequences of what you have done. Forgiveness, therefore, always entails a sacrifice. Dag Hammarskjold

:) Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?



PEARLS: 11/14/14

REAL: As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isa. 55:9

CULTURED: The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Socrates

:) Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?



PEARLS: 11/13/14

REAL: The Lord knows all human plans; He knows that they are futile. Psalm 94:11



CULTURED: Everything you've been through, including the things you didn't understand, are preparation for what God has in store for you. Tim Hetzner

:) When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?




PEARLS: 11/12/14

REAL: How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. Song of Sol. 4:1

CULTURED: As I survey the cross of Jesus Christ, the more convinced I am that nothing was ever cute about my sin, I was a monster and a slave. But His beauty is beyond words. Anonymous

:) "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest?


PEARLS: 11/11/14

REAL: Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. Luke 12:15

CULTURED: There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less and less. G. K. Chesterton

:) If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get

a Phillip's Screwdriver?


PEARLS: 11/10/14

REAL: When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future. Eccl. 7:14

CULTURED: Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Paul Boese

:) I intend to live forever - so far so good.


PEARLS: 11/9/14

REAL: God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. John 4:24



CULTURED: We must worship in truth. Worship is not just an emotional exercise but a response of the heart built on truth about God. Worship that is not based on God's Word is but an emotional encounter with oneself. Erwin Lutzer

:) When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?


PEARLS: 11/8/14

REAL: Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. Col. 3:16



CULTURED: Gratitude looks to the Past and love to the Present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead. C.S. Lewis

:) Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.


PEARLS: 11/7/14

REAL: For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:20

CULTURED: I judge all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity. John Wesley

:) IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.


PEARLS: 11/6/14

REAL: But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.... But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. Psalm 19:12, 130:4

CULTURED: Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Paul Boese

:) Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener

PEARLS: 11/5/14

REAL: LORD, I know that people's lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps. Jer. 10:23

CULTURED: Should you ask me what is the first thing in religion, I should reply that the first, second, and third thing therein is humility. Augustine

:) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.



PEARLS: 10/31/14

REAL: The Father Himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:27

CULTURED: We obey God's Law, not to be loved but because we are loved in Christ. Jerry Bridges

:) Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.


PEARLS: 10/30/14

REAL: Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Gal. 6:1

CULTURED: Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots. Frank A. Clark

:) After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?


PEARLS: 10/29/14

REAL: Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. 1 Cor. 4:5

CULTURED: But the challenge is always this: Are men and women going to allow the Word of God to sit in judgment on their puny minds, or are they going to make their puny minds the judges of the Word of God? Alistair Begg

:) It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too!


PEARLS: 10/28/14

real: Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord." 2 Cor. 10:17

CULTURED: Grant me prudence to avoid him that flattereth me, and to endure patiently him that contradicteth me. Thomas a Kempis

:) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?


PEARLS: 10/27/14

real: My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

CULTURED: In almost everything that touches our everyday life on earth, God is pleased when we're pleased. He wills that we be as free as birds to soar and sing our maker's praise without anxiety. A.W. Tozer



:) If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?


PEARLS: 10/26/14

real: Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, Hebrews 12:28

CULTURED: To worship is to quicken the conscience by the holiness of God, to feed the mind with the truth of God, to purge the imagination by the beauty of God, to open the heart to the love of God, to devote the will to the purpose of God. William Temple

:) It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere


PEARLS: 10/25/14

REAL: The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Psalm 34:7

CULTURED: The reason angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly. G.K. Chesterton


:) If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.



PEARLS: 10/24/14

REAL: ... as the secrets of their hearts are laid bare. So they will fall down and worship God, exclaiming, "God is really among you!" 1 Corinthians 14:25

CULTURED: After learning to love God, learning to love others is the second purpose of your life. Rick Warren

:) I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.


PEARLS: 10/21/14

REAL: You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. 2 Cor. 9:11

CULTURED: Generosity is impossible apart from our love of God and of His people. But with such love, generosity not only is possible but inevitable. John Macarthur

:) A lawyer asked his dentist to give him a retainer.


PEARLS: 10/20/14

REAL: I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven. Psalm 123:1



CULTURED: Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.

C S Lewis



:) I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment.



PEARLS: 10/18/14

REAL: My Spirit, who is on you, will not depart from you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will always be on your lip. Isa. 59:21

CULTURED: The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions. Also, if the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them. George Mueller

:) What did the religious owner of a pest control company tell his workers at the job site: let us spray.


PEARLS: 10/17/14

REAL: I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Phil. 3:10-11

CULTURED: God's plan makes you sing about resurrection when your hanging on a cross. Rod Parsley

:) I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.


PEARLS: 10/16/14

REAL: Beloved, I wish Above all things that you would prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers. 3 John 2

CULTURED: Wealth is something you acquire so you can share it, not keep it. LaDonna Harris

:) What happens to a frog's truck when it breaks down? It gets toad away!


PEARLS: 10/15/14

REAL: A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. Prov. 15:1

CULTURED: Speak softly but carry a big stick. Teddy Roosevelt

:) What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!


PEARLS: 10/14/14

REAL: Heaven and earth will pass away, but my Word will not pass away. Mark 13:33

CULTURED: When you read God's Word you must constantly be saying to yourself, 'it's talking to me, it's about me.' Soren Kierkegaard

:) I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing on his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there!


PEARLS: 10/13/14

REAL: For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matt. 6:21

CULTURED: It is not the size of a man that matters, but he size of his heart. Evader Holyfield

:) What is Mozart doing at this very minute? Decomposing!


PEARLS: 10/12/14

REAL: The righteous cries and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of their troubles. Psalm 34:17

CULTURED: .God help those who do not help themselves. Wilson Mizner

:) I went to the bank the other day to check my balance. The teller pushed me!


PEARLS: 10/11/14

REAL: Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Pet. 5:7

CULTURED: You are never to old to set another goal or dream another dream. C.S. Lewis

:) If you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room. Most are 90 degrees!


PEARLS: 10/10/14

REAL: I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13

CULTURED: Discipleship is a daily discipline. We follow Christ one step at a time, one day at a time. Warren Wiersbe

:) Instead of 'the John,' I call my toilet 'the Jim!' Sounds better when I say, 'I go to the Jim every morning!'


PEARLS: 10/9/14

REAL: For as many that are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. Romans 8:14

CULTURED: It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge, and my job to love. Billy Graham

:) What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand? Quattro sink-o!


PEARLS: 10/8/14

REAL: I will not leave you comfort less. I will come to you. John 14:18

CULTURED: God loves to pour out His Spirit with power on those who dare radically to align enough their purposes with His. Steve Childers

:) What did the banana say to the Doctor? I'm not peeling well!


PEARLS: 10/7/14

Pearls will be temporarily suspended for a few days until Jody and I finish moving to Wahpeton, ND (hometown). Thx for reading.....God bless, Pastor Lyle Kath (Isaiah 55:11..."My Word shall not return void until it accomplishes the purposes for which I send it")

REAL: My Spirit, who is on you, will not depart from you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will always be on your lip. Isa. 59:21

CULTURED: The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions. Also, if the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them. George Mueller

:) What did the religious owner of a pest control company tell his workers at the job site: let us spray.


PEARLS: 10/6/14

REAL: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16

CULTURED: God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede. Oswald Chambers

:) Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.


PEARLS: 10/5/14

REAL: Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Psalm 95:1

CULTURED: The best, most beautiful, and most perfect way that we have of expressing a sweet concord of mind to each other is by music. Jonathan Edwards

:) War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


PEARLS: 10/4/14

REAL: This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God's child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister. 1John 3:10

CULTURED: Of all things difficult to rule, none were more so than my will and affections. Elisabeth Elliot

:) Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE



PEARLS: 10/3/14

REAL: Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. Lam. 3:32-33

CULTURED: Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not. C.S. Lewis

:) What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can't venom all.



PEARLS: 10/2/14

REAL: Where there is no vision, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom's instruction. Prov. 29:18

CULTURED: Knowledge [of God] is love and light and vision. Helen Keller

[ ]-PK

:) Did you hear about the bear that was hit by an 18-wheeler? It was grizzly!


PEARLS: 10/1/14

REAL: Is anything too hard for the Lord? Genesis 18:14

CULTURED: Even if God never did another good thing in our lives, we could spend the rest of this life praising Him for what He has already done. Dillon Burroughs

:) Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa


PEARLS: 9/30/14

REAL: But reject profane and old wives' fables, and exercise yourself toward Godliness. 1 Tim. 4:7

CULTURED: Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy. St. Francis of Assisi

:) A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.


PEARLS: 9/29/14

REAL: Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the Name of the LORD and rely on his God. Isaiah 50:10

CULTURED: No matter how steep the mountain - the Lord is going to climb it with you. Helen Steiner Rice

:) A will is a dead giveaway.


PEARLS: 9/28/14

REAL: With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord; in the great throng of worshipers I will praise Him. Psalm 109:30

CULTURED: We may be truly said to worship God, though we lack perfection; but we cannot be said to worship Him if we lack sincerity. Stephen Charnock

:) Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed? He had low elf esteem


PEARLS: 9/27/14

REAL: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness 2 Tim. 4:7-8a

CULTURED: The power of God is a gift and not a reward at the end of a marathon. We need power at the start to run the marathon for God and win. In the name of Jesus you will win. God bless you. Anonymous

:) What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.


PEARLS: 9/26/14

REAL: Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning. Prov. 9:9

CULTURED: The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times." The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them. Paulo Coelho,

:) A man hit another on the head with a soda bottle, killing him. In court, he claimed he was influenced by the song "Let's Get Fizzy-Kill".


PEARLS: 9/25/14

REAL: They all ate the same spiritual food and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. 1 Cor. 10:3-4

CULTURED: On Christ the solid rock I stand—all other rocks are sham-rocks! an old Irish Preacher

:) Why are meteorologists always nervous? Their future is always up in the air.


PEARLS: 9/24/14

REAL: You hem me in -- behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

CULTURED: In these two things the greatness of man consists, to have God so dwelling in us as to impart his character to us, and to have him so dwelling in us that we recognize his presence, and know that we are his, and he is ours. The one is salvation: the other the assurance of it. Frederick W. Robertson

:) Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.


PEARLS: 9/23/14

REAL: By standing firm you will gain life. Luke 21:19

CULTURED: Thank you, Lord, for the sheer joy of wanting to get up and help the world go around. - Roxie Gibson

:) When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.


PEARLS: 9/22/14

REAL: Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. Heb. 2:11



CULTURED: Don't try to skip the relationship [with God] and get on with doing. God is more interested in a relationship with you than He is in what you can do for Him. Henry Blackaby

:) A father got blazing mad when he found a fire set by his boy behind their house and said 'I don't want arson doing things like that.


PEARLS: 9/21/14

REAL: Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Psalm 100:2



CULTURED: Worship is giving God the best that He has given you. Be careful what you do with the best you have. If you hoard a thing for yourself, it will turn into spiritual dry rot, as the manna did when it was hoarded. God will never let you hold a spiritual thing for yourself; it has to be given back to Him that He may make it a blessing to others. Oswald Chambers

:) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


PEARLS: 9/20/14

REAL: Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Your Spirit is good.

Lead me in the land of uprightness. Psalm 143:10

CULTURED: If you take too long to decide what to do with your life, you'll find you done it. George Bernard Shaw

:) Motto of the ghoul's convention? The morgue the merrier.


REAL: you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Cor. 6:19b-20 NKJ

CULTURED: You cannot fulfill God's purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans. Rick Warren

:)Why did the blonde throw butter out a window? She wanted to see a butterfly.


PEARLS: 9/18/14

REAL: Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands,�as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. 1 Pet. 3: 1,6a

CULTURED: The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress, is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us. A.W. Tozer

:) The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



PEARLS: 9/17/14

REAL: Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Pet. 3:7

CULTURED: Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy and chivalry. Ralph Waldo Emerson

:) What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis? A hoarse doctor.


PEARLS: 9/16/14

real: The 2nd [greatest commandment] is like it; [the 1st] Love Thy neighbor as Thyself. Mark 12:31

CULTURED: We make our friends, we make our enemies, but God makes our next door neighbor. G.K. Chesterton

:) Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.


PEARLS: 9/15/14

REAL: �The greatest commandment is this: �Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.� Mark 12:29-30

CULTURED: I will place no value on anything I have or may possess except in relation to the kingdom of Christ. David Livingstone

:) Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.



PEARLS: 9/14/14

real: Grace and peace to you, from God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Cor. 1:3 &� God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. John 4:24

CULTURED: Christ is no Moses, no exactor, no giver of laws, but a giver of grace, a Savior; he is infinite mercy and goodness, freely and bountifully given to us. Martin Luther

:) A carpenter sat on his drill and was bored to tears.






PEARLS: 9/13/14

The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more. Rom. 5:20 & I [Jesus] am the light of the world. John 8:12



CULTURED: We're all stumbling towards the light with varying degrees of grace at any given moment. Bo Lozoff



:) A countess started to think about her count-less opportunities.


REAL: 9/12/14 Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand. Jer. 18:6b

CULTURED: Humility is the proper estimate of oneself. Charles Spurgeon

:) If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay? A bagel.



PEARLS: 9/11/14

Real: The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 2 Corinthians 10:4

CULTURED: An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible. C.S. Lewis

:) A carpenter must have been here. I saw dust.




REAL: Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. Rom. 6:13



CULTURED: We often hear the phrase- �Decide for Christ.� However, it is an emphasis on something our Lord never trusted [namely us and our decisions!] He never asks us to decide for Him, but to yield to Him�a very different thing. Oswald Chambers



Who ever invented the �Knock-Knock jokes� should get a No-bell prize


PEARLS: 9/5/14

REAL: But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. Romans 8:11

CULTURED: We understand and acknowledge that the Resurrection has placed a glorious crown upon all of Christ's sufferings! A.W. Tozer

:) A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.





PEARLS: 9/4/14

REAL: Let me live so I may praise You; and may Your Laws sustain m. Ps. 119:175

CULTURED: If men will not be governed by the 10 commandments, they shall be governed by the 10,000 commandments. .K. Chesterton

:) What is the world's most popular wine? I don�t like Brussels sprouts.



PEARLS: 9/3/14

REAL: But I say unto you, swear not at all....simply let your yes be yes and your no no, anything more comes from the evil one. Matt. 5:34, 37

CULTURED: Those who are quick to promise are generally slow to perform. They promise mountains and perform molehills. Charles Spurgeon

:)What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta




PEARLS 9/2/14

REAL: Wait on The Lord. Be of good courage and He shall strengthen thy heart. Wait, I say, on The Lord. Psalm 27:14

CULTURED: I've learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that You're with me, even when you're not at my side. Paulo Coelho

:) what is green and skates? Peggy Phlegm




PEARLS 9/1/14

REAL: May all that have breath, praise the Lord. Psalm 150:6

CULTURED: Praise makes good men better and bad men worse. Thomas Fuller.

:) Why did the T.V. want to cross the road? It wanted to be a flat-screen.


PEARLS 8/31/14

REAL: ...your faith is growing more and more...2 Thes. 1:3b

CULTURED: Those in the faith are continually growing, and never graduate till The Lord calls them home. Anonymous

:) What do you say to a hitch-hiker with one leg? Hop in!


PEARLS: 8/30/14

REAL: Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. Rom. 12:1

CULTURED: Mercy has converted more souls than zeal, or eloquence, or learning, or all of them together. Soren Kierkegaard

:) SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does


PEARLS: 8/29/14

REAL: Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:13-15

CULTURED: Prosperity is full of friends. Real friendship is shown in times of trouble. Abraham Kuyper

:) RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife


PEARLS: 8/28/14

REAL: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:12

CULTURED: When two go together, at least one of them looks forward to see what's best; a man by himself, though he be careful, still has less mind in him than two, and his wits have less weight. Homer

:) RELIEF: What trees do in the spring


PEARLS: 8/27/14

REAL: For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11

CULTURED: The Christian faith has not been found and tried wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried. G.K. Chesterton

:) PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!


PEARLS: 8/26/14

REAL: For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11

CULTURED: We want to make certain that we view culture through the eyes of faith [and/or Jesus], that we don't view our faith through the eyes of culture. Stephen D. Livesday

:) Packing up and relocating to a new home can be a moving experience.


PEARLS: 8/25/14 (Back in the saddle!)

REAL: Yet not what I will, but what you will. Mark 14:36b



CULTURED: I must say my prayers today whether I feel devout or not; but that is only as I must learn my grammar if I am ever to read the poets. C.S. Lewis

:) POLARIZE: What penguins see with


Sun. PEARLS: 8/24/14

REAL: All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness; 2 Tim. 3:16...&-The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18



CULTURED: Preaching should break a hard heart and heal a broken one. John Newton



:) PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm


SAT. PEARLS: 8/23/14

REAL: Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. 1 John 2:15



CULTURED: What we need is not the old acceptance of the world as a compromise, but some way in which we can heartily hate and love it. G.K. Chesterton



:) PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower


Fri (advance post) Fri. Adv. PEARLS: 8/22/14

REAL: Let your labor shine before men that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Col. 1:10



CULTURED: Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I accomplish. Michelangelo



:) PARADOX-Two physicians!




PEARLS: 8/21/14

REAL: Love Thy Neighbor Luke 10:27b

CULTURED: Loving your neighbor is picking up his dog's do-do and you don't even tell him.

Anonymous


PEARLS: 8/19/14

REAL: Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge" Psalm 62:8

CULTURED: Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word. Never get too big for your britches. Trust in God. Have no fear; and never forget a friend. Harry S. Truman

:) MISTY: How golfers create divots


PEARLS: 8/18/14

REAL: He leadeth me beside the still waters. Psalm 23:2b

CULTURED: Live deep instead of fast. Henry Seidel Canby

:) ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living


PEARLS: 8/17/14

REAL: Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. Psalm 95:6

CULTURED: To gather with God's people in united adoration of the Father is as necessary to the Christian life as prayer. Martin Luther

:) EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist


PEARLS: 8/16/14

REAL: Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. Luke 16:10

CULTURED: I am of certain convinced that the greatest heroes are those who do their duty in the daily grind of domestic affairs whilst the world spins as a maddening dreidel. Florence Nightengale



:) COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets





PEARLS: 8/15/14

REAL: In the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Gen. 1:27b [equal but different-PK]



CULTURED: The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children. G.K. Chesterton



CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate


PEARLS: 8/7/14

REAL: For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Phil. 3:20

CULTURED: No matter what it says on your passport, your true citizenship is Heaven. Tim Hetzner

:) A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.


PEARLS: 8/6/14

REAL: Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer. Rom. 12:10-12

CULTURED: Prayer does not fit us for a greater work, prayer is the greater work. Oswald Chambers

:) Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.


PEARLS: 8/5/14

REAL: Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. 1 Thess. 5:14

CULTURED: The devil will let a Preacher prepare a sermon if it will keep him from preparing himself. Vance Havner

:) What do you call a man who drinks and falls off his horse? The wine-stoned cowboy.


PEARLS: 8/4/14

REAL: For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11

CULTURED: God never coerces us. In one mood we wish He would make us do a thing, and in another mood, we wish He'd leave us alone. Whenever God's will is in the ascendant, all compulsion is gone. When we choose deliberately to obey Him, then He will tax the remotest star, and the last grain of sand, to help us with all His mighty power. Oswald Chambers

:) A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.


PEARLS: 8/3/14

REAL: Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. Psalm 96:9

CULTURED: The church has been established by Christ to be an army. In order to be effective, it must be very sensitive in caring for their wounded... There is always a major work to be done within the church in terms of ministering to the needs of the people. R.C. Sproul

:) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car!


PEARLS: 8/2/14

REAL: I tell you the truth, unless you receive God's kingdom like a little child, you shall never enter into it.' Mark 10:15

CULTURED: It is the work God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him. Oswald Chambers

:) A city worker who campaigned for new sewer pipes finally had to go underground.


PEARLS: 8/1/14

REAL: Those who really love me are the ones who not only know my commands but also obey them. My Father will love such people, and I will love them. I will make myself known to them. John 14:21

CULTURED: How little people know who think holiness is dull-.When one meets the Real Thing, it is irresistible! C.S.Lewis

:) Four fonts walk into an Irish Pirate bar. The barman says "Ar Delaney - get out! We don't want your type in here!"


PEARLS: 7/31/14

REAL: He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:6

CULTURED: It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness. Cicero

:) A gardener who moved back to his home town rediscovered his roots.


PEARLS: 7/30/14

REAL: And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelations 21:4



CULTURED: The risen life of Jesus is the nourishment and strengthening and blessing and life of a Christian. Our daily experience ought to be that there comes, wavelet by wavelet, that silent, gentle, and yet omnipotent influx into our empty hearts, this very life of Christ Himself. Alexander MacLaren


:) Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.


Fri.(note: Out of town till July 31st. Pearls will return then. God bless Lyle) PEARLS: 7/25/14

REAL: Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Cor. 10:31



CULTURED: He has half the deed done who has made a beginning. Horace and-Whatever you would do, begin it. Boldness has courage, genius, and magic in it. Goethe

:) A bicycle can't stand alone, it's two tired.


PEARLS: 7/24/14

REAL: Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. Rom. 15:2

CULTURED: Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's successes. Oscar Wilde

:) With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


PEARLS: 7/23/14

REAL: Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. Matt. 6:1


CULTURED: Some are more concerned that they be noticed than that Christ might be seen. Father Richard B. Bass

J What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia


PEARLS: 7/22/14

REAL: Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. 1 Cor. 8:1

CULTURED: No disguise can long conceal love where it exists, or long feign where it is lacking. La Rochefoucauld

:) What did the toy store sign say? Don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed.


PEARLS: 7/21/14

REAL: Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. 1 Cor. 5:8

CULTURED: A lie can go half way "round the world till truth can get it's pants on. Winston Churchill

:) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. And what kind of lettuce? Iceberg


PEARLS: 7/20/14

REAL: All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, Lord; they will bring glory to your name. Psalm 86:9

CULTURED: For the Christian, worship is co-extensive with life. Life is already an expression of worship. Ravi Zacharias

:) When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.


PEARLS: 7/19/14

REAL: But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened. 1 Peter 3:14

CULTURED: If men will not be governed by the 10 commandments, then they will be governed by the 10,000 commandments. G.K. Chesterton

:) When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.



PEARLS: 7/18/14

REAL: Man is not to live on bread only. Man is to live by every word that comes from God. Matthew 4:4

CULTURED: Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. Martin Luther

:) Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.


PEARLS: 7/17/14

REAL: I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Eph. 1:17

CULTURED: It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things. Henry David Thoreau

:) I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. Henry Ward Beecher


PEARLS: 7/13/14

The Spiritual Sluggard

Note: Today's Pearl is unique. It is actually a devotion from Oswald Chambers devo book-"MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST'- July 10

REAL: And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25�not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Heb. 10:24-25

CULTURED: We are all capable of being spiritual sluggards. We do not want to mix the rough and tumble of life, as it is. Our one object is to secure retirement. The note struck in Hebrews 10 is that of provoking one another and of keeping together-both of which require initiative, the initiative of Christ's realization, not of self-realization. To live a remote, retired, secluded life, is the antipodes of spirituality as Jesus Christ taught it.

The test of our spirituality is when we come up against injustice, meanness, and ingratitude and turmoil, all of which have the tendencies to make us spiritual sluggards.

We want to use prayer and Bible study for the purpose of retirement. We utilize God for the purpose of getting peace and joy, that is, we do not want to realize Jesus Christ, but only our enjoyment of Him. This is the first step in the wrong direction. All these things are effects and we try to make them causes.

'I think it meet,' said Peter, 'to stir you up by putting you in remembrance.' It is a most disturbing thing to be smitten in the ribs by some provoker of God, by someone who is full of spiritual activity. Active work and spiritual activity are not the same thing. Active work may be the counterfeit of spiritual activity. The danger of spiritual sluggishness is that we do not wish to be stirred up; all we want to hear about is spiritual retirement. Jesus Christ never encourages the idea of retirement---'Go tell my Brethren-'


PEARLS: 7/12/14

REAL: The LORD gave this command to Joshua son of Nun: "Be strong and courageous, for you will bring the Israelites into the land I promised them on oath, and I myself will be with you. Joshua 10:25

CULTURED: A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. William G.T. Shedd

:) And old musicians never die either - they just go from bar to bar.


PEARLS: 7/11/14

REAL: Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. .James 4:10

CULTURED: The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient. Augustine

:) I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


PEARLS: 7/10/14

REAL: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Matthew 5:9

CULTURED: Oh, brother man, fold to thy heart thy brother; where pity dwells, the peace of God is there. John Greenleaf Whittier

:) Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties


PEARLS: 7/9/14

REAL: For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Heb. 4:12

CULTURED: We come back laden from our quest, to find that all the sages said, is in the book our mothers read. John Greenlief Whittier

:) Why you don't ever see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


PEARLS: 7/8/14

REAL: The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases Him. Prov. 15:8

CULTURED: There is nothing that makes us love someone so much as praying for them. William Law

:) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.


PEARLS: 7/7/14

REAL: But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23:10

CULTURED: The Christian faith has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried. G.K. Chesterton

:) I took a trip to summer Haiti: Then when I got home, it was over a 100 degrees. I told my wife, "Our summer is hotter than Haiti's.'


PEARLS: 7/6/14

REAL: And I bowed down and worshiped the Lord. I praised the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me on the right road. Gen. 24:48a

CULTURED: We (or at least I) shall not be able to adore God on the highest occasions (church), if we have learned no habit of doing so on the lowest. C.S. Lewis

:) A backwards poet writes inverse.


PEARLS: 7/5/14

REAL: For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph. 2:10

CULTURED: .People may doubt what you say, but they believe what you do. Anonymous

:) What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block.


PEARLS: 7/4/14

REAL: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Cor. 4:7

CULTURED: .Ring the bell that still can ring,

Forget your perfect offering

There's a crack in everything, That's how perfect Light gets in[g]! Leonard Cohen

:) What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie!


PEARLS: 7/3/14

REAL: Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits -- Psalms 103:2

CULTURED: .We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction. Harry A. Ironside

:) When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.


PEARLS: 7/2/14

REAL: God made us free from the power of darkness. And he brought us into the kingdom of his dear Son. The Son paid the price to make us free. In Him we have forgiveness of our sins. Colossians 1:13-14

CULTURED: God pardons like a mother, who kisses the

offense into everlasting forgiveness. Henry Ward Beecher

:) I tried looking for gold, but it didn't pan out.


PEARLS: 7/1/14

REAL: The LORD is my light and my salvation -- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1

CULTURED: .Weave in faith and God will find the thread. Unknown

J I used to work at Starbucks, but I got tired of the daily grind.



PEARLS: 6/30/14

REAL: In my alarm I said, 'I am cut off from your sight!' Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. Psalm 31:22

CULTURED: God never gives strength for tomorrow, or the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute. Oswald Chambers

:) Why don't sharks eat divorce lawyers? Professional courtesy.



PEARLS: 6/29/14

REAL: And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Heb. 10:24-25

CULTURED: He is your friend who pushes you nearer to God. Abraham Kuyper

:) Sea captains don't like crew cuts.


PEARLS: 6/28/14

REAL: But exhort one another daily, while it is called 'Today,' lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Heb. 3:13

CULTURED: To know that which before us lies in daily life is the prime wisdom. Milton

:) Without geometry, life is pointless


PEARLS: 6/27/14

REAL: The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich. Prov. 13:4

CULTURED: The wise does at once what the fool does at last. Baltasar Gracian

:) I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.


PEARLS: 6/26/14

REAL: -Faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

CULTURED: Faith goes up the stairs that Love built and looks out the window that hope opened. Charles Spurgeon

:) Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.


PEARLS: 6/25/14

REAL: But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world. Gal. 6:14

CULTURED: Meditate on the cross. God's children are quick to understand, there is no such thing as "cheap grace.' Anonymous

:) Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.


PEARLS: 6/24/14

REAL: Go ye therefore and teach all nations; baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Matt. 28:19

CULTURED: Mankind's sole salvation lies in everybody making everything his business. Alexander Solzhenitsyn

:) Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.


PEARLS: 6/23/14

REAL: I served the Lord with great humility and with tears, although I was severely tested - Acts 20:19

CULTURED: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. Anonymous

:) What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A brick layer!


PEARLS: 6/21/14

REAL: For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. Matthew 25:29

CULTURED: .All Christians are but God's stewards. Everything we have is on loan from the Lord, entrusted to us for a while to use in serving Him. John MacArthur

:) A beautiful female chicken was murdered yesterday crossing the road. Investigators suspect fowl play.


PEARLS: 6/20/14

REAL: Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12

CULTURED: .When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me .Erma Bombeck

:) Why did the female chicken cross the road? For the male chickens on both sides of the road. She believed she was poultry in motion.



PEARLS: 6/19/14

REAL: But with you there is forgiveness. Therefore You are feared. Psalm 130:4

CULTURED: Every saint has a past, and every sinner a future. 16th Century Poet

:) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.



PEARLS: 6/18/14

REAL: we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5b

CULTURED: EThere is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. French Proverb

:) What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel that leaks.


PEARLS: 6/17/14

REAL: Don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. Gal. 5:13

CULTURED: Do all the good you can and make as little fuss about it as possible. Charles Dickens-and-.Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. Albert Einstein

:) Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.


PEARLS: 6/16/14

REAL: His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot.' Jeremiah.20:9b

CULTURED: A cheerful spirit is one of the most valuable gifts ever bestowed upon humans by a kind Creator. It will hold in check the demons of despair, and stifle the powers of discouragement and hopelessness.' And, 'All our murmurings are like arrows shot at God himself, but they only return upon our own hearts. It is a dangerous thing to provoke a Consuming Fire.

:) Old garagemen never die, they just retire.


PEARLS: 6/15/14

REAL: All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, Lord; they will bring glory to your name. Psalm 86:9

CULTURED: Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days - when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when your out of options, when the pain is great - and you turn to God alone. Rick Warren

:) Old musicians never die, they just get played out.


PEARLS: 6/14/14

REAL: [Regarding James & John desiring greatness] -.Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, Mark 10:43

CULTURED: Humility is the secret of fellowship, and pride the secret of division. Robert C. Chapman

:) What would you get if you crossed a pigeon and a general? A military coo.


PEARLS: 6/13/14

REAL: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. Rom. 8:1

CULTURED: You do not need to work to become spiritual. You are spiritual; you need only to remember that fact. Spirit is within you. God is within you. Julia Cameron

:) Forbidden fruits create many jams.


PEARLS: 6/8/14

REAL: Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe. Heb. 12:28

CULTURED: There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, He wants me as His friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose. J.I. Packer

:) Why did the little fella sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper


PEARLS: 6/7/14

REAL: Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8

CULTURED: It is easier to do something than to trust God. That's why there is so few fellow workers with God, and so many workers for Him. Oswald Chambers

:) The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.


PEARLS: 6/6/14

REAL: -Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Phil 2:12b

CULTURED: Faith: It is not rooted in human effort. Self-confidence and intellectual acumen don't qualify. Jentezen Franklin

: It rains cats and dogs. Why doesn't it reindeer?


PEARLS: 6/5/14

REAL: For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 6:23

CULTURED: Men may flee from the sunlight to dark and musty caves of the earth, but they cannot put out the sun. So men may in any dispensation despise the grace of God, but they cannot extinguish it. A. W. Tozer

:) A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."


PEARLS: 6/4/14

REAL: That very hour the word was fulfilled concerning Nebuchadnezzar; he was driven from men and ate grass like oxen; his body was wet with the dew of heaven till his hair had grown like eagles' feathers and his nails like birds' claws. And at the end of the time. I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my understanding returned to me; and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever. Dan. 4:33-34a

CULTURED: God wins every time, even in twister; including matters of the mind, heart, soul or spirit. Anonymous

:) If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather? An umbrella.


PEARLS: 6/3/14

REAL: My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

CULTURED: We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say. Zeno of Citium

&-.Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Stephen R. Covey

:) He used to be a transplant surgeon, but quit. His heart just wasn't in it.


PEARLS: 6/2/14

REAL: Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, because He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

CULTURED: God created the world out of nothing, and so long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us. Martin Luther

:) He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.


PEARLS: 6/1/14

REAL: Exalt the Lord our God and worship at his holy mountain, for the Lord our God is holy. Psalm 99:8

CULTURED: When we really worship anything, we love not only its clearness but its obscurity. We exult in its very invisibility. G.K. Chesterton

:) A famous British wit claimed he could make a pun on any topic. He was challenged to make a pun about the queen. He looked concerned, then said brusquely, 'The Queen is certainly not a subject.'


PEARLS: 5/31/14

REAL: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

CULTURED: All God's giants have been weak men, who did great things for God because they believed that God would be with them. Hudson Taylor

:) Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.


PEARLS: 5/30/14

REAL: Should we accept only good from God and not adversity? Job 2:10

CULTURED: Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. Anonymous

:) The doughnut maker closed his shop. He got tired of the hole business!


PEARLS: 5/29/14

REAL: All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15

CULTURED: Laughter is inner jogging. Norman Cousins

:) What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.


PEARLS: 5/28/14

REAL: Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24

CULTURED: Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.

- Joni Erickson Tada

:) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.


PEARLS: 5/27/14

REAL: A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13


CULTURED: Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. Bob Newhart

:) I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.' Rodney Dangerfield


Sun. PEARLS: 5/25/14 (in advance)

REAL: With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord; in the great throng of worshipers I will praise him. Psalm 109:30



CULTURED: God's will is displayed, known, and loved in worship. Anonymous



:) A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia.


PEARLS: 5/24/14

REAL: Remember what you said to me, your servant-I hang on to these words for dear life! These words hold me up in bad times; yes, your promises rejuvenate me. Psalms 119:49-50

CULTURED: We must allow the Word of God to confront us, to disturb our security, to undermine our complacency and to overthrow our patterns of thought and behavior. John R.W. Stott

:) What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? It's time to go to sweep.


PEARLS: 5/23/14

REAL: Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matt. 5:48 & 6:33

CULTURED: Put your relationship with God first, and everything else second. This is one of the severest disciplines in the Christian life. Oswald Chambers



:) A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.


PEARLS: 5/22/14

REAL: And because you belong to Christ you are complete, having everything you need. Christ is ruler over every other power and authority. Colossians 2:10

CULTURED: God never made a promise that was too good to be true. D.L. Moody



:) A humble insurance company knows how to handle acclaim.


PEARLS: 5/21/14

REAL: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt. 6:34

CULTURED: You will never conquer your worries entirely, for worries, just like weaknesses and character flaws, draw you closer to God and keep you dependent on Him. Tim Hetzner



:) A clown decided to retire and hand over the business to his son. His son said, "I don't know dad, those are big shoes to fill'.


PEARLS: 5/20/14

REAL: Act justly, be faithful, walk humbly. Micah 6:8

CULTURED: Humility is royalty without a crown. Spencer W. Kimball

:) A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.


PEARLS: 5/19/14

REAL: Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58

CULTURED: Be not merely good. Be good for something. Henry David Thoreau

:) A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."


PEARLS: 5/18/14

REAL: Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. Psalm 96:9

CULTURED: To be used of God. Is there anything more encouraging, more fulfilling? Perhaps not, but there is something more basic: to meet with God. To linger in His presence, to shut out the noise of the city and, in quietness, give Him the praise He deserves-in His Word... in prayer... in worship. Chuck Swindoll

:) A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.


PEARLS: 5/17/14

REAL: Praise the Lord, my soul, who forgives all your sins. The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities-.as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgression from us. Psalm 1a, 3b, 8-10, 12

CULTURED: Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. Isaac Friedmann

Grace is getting something that you don't deserve; and mercy is not getting something that you do deserve. Anon.



:) In some places fog will never be mist.


PEARLS: 5/16/14

REAL: Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor. 13:5-7

CULTURED: Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. Ancient Church Liturgy on Marriage

:) What do you call a woman who stands between two soccer polls? Annette.


PEARLS: 5/14/14

REAL: In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33b


CULTURED: Life is difficult. Once we truly know and accept that, difficult no longer matters. M. Scott Peck

:) Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....


PEARLS: 5/13/14

REAL: God is Love. 1 John 4:16 & The joy of the Lord is my strength. Neh. 8:10

CULTURED: Because God promises He dwells in me and that He is Love, therefore I have both His love and joy for my strength which can conquer the most un-conquerable circumstances in my life. Anonymous



:) Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils.


PEARLS: 5/12/14

REAL: For God is not a God of disorder but of peace-as in all the congregations of the Lord's people. 1 Corinthians 14:33 NIV

CULTURED: Everything except God has some natural superior; everything except unformed matter has some natural inferior. C.S. Lewis

:) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



PEARLS: 5/11/14

REAL: Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness. Psalm 29:2

CULTURED: Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn't. John Piper

:) Chiropractor's patients crack under pressure.


PEARLS: 5/10/14

REAL: He who is generous will be blessed, For he gives some of his food to the poor. Hebrews 6:10

CULTURED: people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. John C. Maxwell

:) A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.


PEARLS: 5/9/14

REAL: For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. Rom. 6:14



CULTURED: Grace is the love that gives, that loves the unlovely and the unlovable. Oswald C. Hoffmann

:) Acupuncture; the point of it is a jab well done.


PEARLS: 5/8/14

REAL: Settle matters quickly-Matt. 5:25 & In your anger do not sin, and do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Eph. 4:26



CULTURED: Would you rather be right or happy. Anonymous



:) A boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his mom telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said, "No change yet.'


PEARLS: 5/7/14

REAL: But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

CULTURED: The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. If we practice and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless. Mahatma Gandhi

) A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.


PEARLS: 5/6/14

REAL: Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. Prov. 12:1

CULTURED: Withstand thy will at the beginning, and unlearn an evil habit, lest it lead thee little by little into worse difficulties. Oh, if thou knewest what peace to thyself thy holy life should bring,...and what joy to others, me thinketh thou wouldst be more zealous for spiritual profit. Thomas a Kempis

:) A bear walked into a bar and says, 'I'll have a beer - and some of those peanuts.' The bartender says, 'Why the big pause?'


PEARLS: 5/5/14

REAL: Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. Ephesians 3:20



CULTURED: Grace is the good pleasure of God that inclines Him to bestow benefits upon the undeserving. It is a self-existent principle inherent in the divine nature and appears to us as a self-caused propensity to pity the wretched, spare the guilty, welcome the outcast, and bring into favor those who were before under just disapprobation. Its use to us sinful men is to save us and make us sit together in heavenly places to demonstrate to the ages the exceeding riches of God's kindness to us in Christ Jesus. A. W. Tozer



:) Luna tick: a blood-sucking arachnid from the moon!


PEARLS: 5/4/14

REAL: Exalt the Lord our God and worship at his footstool; He is holy. Psalm 99:5



CULTURED: Do not let Sunday be taken from you If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan. Albert Schweitzer

:) When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.


PEARLS: 5/1/14

REAL: Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 2 Cor. 8:11

CULTURED: You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. Robert Louis Stevenson

:) You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can't keep their heads above water.,


PEARLS: 4/30/14

REAL: A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22

CULTURED: .A light heart can carry the most weight. Marty Rubin &

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln

:) CONFUCIUS (maybe) SAY-..War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.


PEARLS: 4/29/14

REAL: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

CULTURED: .Just as we cannot benefit from a wrapped gift under a Christmas tree until we open it, so is our opening the gift of God's love intended by all the small and big positive and yes, negative events of our lives. Anonymous

:) What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!


PEARLS: 4/28/14

REAL: If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it. Psalms 50:12

CULTURED: Optimism. It's rooted in God's unlimited power and unchanging Word. Tim Hetzner

:) What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.



PEARLS: 4/27/14

REAL: They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God. Neh. 9:3

CULTURED: You can see God from anywhere if your mind is set to love and obey Him. A.W. Tozer

:) A fisherman tried boxing, but he only threw hooks.


PEARLS: 4/26/14

REAL: My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Psalm 108:1

CULTURED: Music is the best consolation for the troubled person. It causes people to be tender, gentle, and act wisely. Martin Luther

:) A bar of gold walks into a bar, and silver turns around and says, 'AU, get outta here!!'


PEARLS: 4/25/14

REAL: Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

CULTURED: The difference between Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow basically comes down to the question: "Am I truly sorry for my sin (disobedience to God's Word) which hurt both God and myself?' Or-"Am I sorry I got caught?' Anonymous

:) CONFUCIUS (did not) SAY-..Man who runs in front of car gets tired... Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.


PEARLS: 4/24/14

REAL: The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

CULTURED: We all have our lists of great things God has done for us. Start counting. How many does it take before joy (inevitably) sets in? Anonymous



:) CONFUCIOUS(did not)SAY-..Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.


PEARLS: 4/23/14

REAL: With God All things are possible. Matthew 19:26

CULTURED: Attempt great things for God and expect great things from God.' Hudson Taylor

:) What would you get if you crossed an electric eel with a sponge? A shock absorber.


PEARLS: 4/22/14

REAL: What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

CULTURED: The assurance of His total forgiveness of our sins through the blood of Christ means we don't have to play defensive games anymore. We don't have to rationalize and excuse our sins. We can call sin exactly what it is, regardless of how ugly and shameful it may be, because we know that Jesus bore that sin in His body on the cross. Jerry Bridges

:) What city has the largest rodent population? Hamsterdam.


PEARLS: 4/19/14

REAL: I have been crucified with Christ. Gal. 2:20

CULTURED: All that Christ wrought for me, is wrought in me-It is no longer faith in faith, but faith which has overleapt all conscious bounds, the identical faith of the Son of God. Oswald Chambers


PEARLS: 4/18/14

REAL: (Good FRiday): My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? Psalm 22:1



CULTURED: It is to the Cross that the Christian is challenged to follow his Master: no path of redemption can make a detour around it. Hans Urs von Balthasar,